Isolation

[undergroundpanther]

it hurts to be transgender sometimes,to be genderless,because the world sees most everyone as gender,they don't know what to say when referring to a gender free person , especially out here,I feel like I'll never meet anyone who will want to know me on a deep level,who isn't being a perv for some kink crap or a fetishist,someone who isn't scared to risk a gender free partner,someone willing to share this lonely deep place with me,so it doesn't feel so cold anymore.I wish for 1 person who can share themselves with me and who want to know me too. Someone who can separate intimacy from sex, but is sexually intimate,tender,caring but that is not all they seek, they really seek the journey shared with another..The world is too fucked up to face alone, it hurts. Am I the only one who feels this way?

[DCKit]

1. I get you, but I've got a lot of reservations too.

Societal pressure sucks. Thai boys seem to think they can't just be gay boys... they need to be women to be with a man. Chop it off! I hate that.

My sister is unhappy, has done everything else, had more surgeries than I've got years, so now it's down to having a pee-pee. Her share of Mom's estate isn't enough to pay for the surgery in the U.S., so she's resorted to fraud... great call. We all know that having a dick isn't going to solve her problems, but there's nothing we can do, aside from preventing her from further taking of what doesn't belong to her.

Until our sexuality is totally and completely un-fucked, we're going to keep pushing people into making bad choices. I've known dozens of men who married young, knowing they were gay, only to disrupt their families later in live when they just couldn't take it anymore.

I admire you, have loved your posts over the years, but I don't get the need to have surgery and, possibly, lose all sexual functionality.

Nothing I love more than a power bottom with a boyish to masculine face, some to lots of body hair, and responsive. Anyone who's asking for more or asking for anyone to actually change genders is the freak.

Sorry if I'm stuck on men, but that's my thing.

Chicks with dicks is a hot market, sweet bottom boys are in demand and boys fucking is an historic fact. The surgery scares the shit out of me.

[undergroundpanther]

3. Well

I'm not going for a dick because to have one means I very well might end up pissing in a bag for the rest of my life for a penis that does not work. So, I will have ambiguous plumbing.I really don't feel female or male,I have no gender nor do I want any.

I feel I am so "out there" people tend to react to me. Seems they be freaked cause I exist.
My life has demonstrated how my being gets under people's skin.I am colorful and creative a feline soul, at peace in the deep ,who'd explode if forced into the shallows,who never felt at home on Earth.

[DCKit]

5. That's what I'm talking about... work with what you've got.

I'm terrirfied of surgeons and hospitals, and I like boys, just the way they are.

As far as being "out there", please. Furries, Freaks and Faeries. And that's just the Fs.

If you're feeling isolated, it's because you're living in a bad place, or you've isolated yourself. I live in downtown DC, and I couldn't be more isolated - crazy BF, crazy stalker... I don't answer the phone.

I just spent most of the past two years in red-county VA, and everyone there knows I'm queer. If anything, the bullies were afraid to speak to me 'cause then everyone would have thought they were trying to pick me up. I guess it works both ways. But I never had a problem there, with anyone.

[Tien1985]

8. I want you to know

That I alerted on this. They did not vote to hide--but I believe in letting you know, and why. I do not want to threadjack undergroundpanther's OP, but this cannot stand without being challenged.

What you have written is extremely offensive to transsexual people who choose to transition. It's one thing to say that you would not choose it. It's one thing to say that in some cultures, they prefer transition to someone being gay/lesbian (which is wrong and damaging since being gay/lesbian does not have anything to do with a person's gender identity).

What you wrote trivializes a frightening life changing decision down to "having a pee-pee" or "chop(ing) it off!". That is dismissive language and it is harmful. I don't know your "sister" (I do know if he wants to transition he likely prefers male pronouns), and would never condone stealing. However, I can tell you, having your family talk about you in this way is more painful then gender dysphoria for many trans* people. Your sibling is unhappy? If you talk about him this way, do you realize how nasty and cruel you are being? If you are frightened by the idea of surgery, how do you think someone considering it feels? Are you going to accept this person as your brother, or will he always be your "sister" to you? Do you know how depressing and frustrating that is? Do you know what the suicide rate for trans* people with strong feelings of body dysphoria is before physical transition?

And studies show a clear link between lack of health care coverage and the high suicide rates. In a 2006 Dutch study, for instance, suicide rates dropped from 29.3 percent to 5.1 percent when there was access to transition-related treatment, including surgery. A meta-analysis of 28 studies showed that 78 percent of transgender people had improved psychological functioning after such treatment. See De Cuypere, G. E. (2006). Sexologies, 15, 126␣133.

http://jimcollinsfoundation.org/why-is-the-jim-collins-foundation-needed/

Physical transition, which types and how much, are up to the individual person and their doctor. Trivializing those choices is cruel, limiting and creates the social stigma that is the fodder for suicidal feelings. Suicide rate for trans*people in the US was up to almost 41% a few years ago. Please stop fanning the flames.

What you wrote furthers the idea of transpeople as the target of fetishes. "Nothing I love more than a power bottom with a boyish to masculine face, some to lots of body hair, and responsive." What you love is not relevant to what a transperson decides is in their best interest. Our bodies do not need your approval. Some choose physical transition. Some do not. Some make some physical changes, and choose not to make others. All of those choices are valid. All of their bodies are okay. All of those people can and DO find love and intimacy with caring partners. "Chicks with dicks is a hot market, sweet bottom boys are in demand and boys fucking is an historic fact." The fact that transpeople are a "MARKET" is disgusting. It puts trans-feminine people in a box, where if they have physically transitioned (in some way) they are no longer desirable, or if they haven't they are a concept and an object to be used. It ignores trans-masculine, bi-gender and no-gender people entirely. As if they don't really exist or matter.

Sexuality is NOT gender identity. People being trans* does not set up a scorecard between the lesbian/gay community and the trans* community. Someone choosing to physically transition does NOT take a gay or lesbian person away. There are many transpeople in different states of transition who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual or who have a fluid orientation. Who they have sex with, how they have sex, the roles they enjoy in sex are varied and complex, and again, NOT for your particular enjoyment or approval.

I will call this transphobic language out EVERY TIME that I see it. I will alert on it EVERY TIME. I am letting you know, this is NOT okay.


Here are the jury results:

REASON FOR ALERT:

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)

YOUR COMMENTS:

This is extremely offense to people who are transsexual and choose to transition. It's one thing to say that it isn't an option you'd choose, it's entire different to claim it's a fucked up choice and a bad decision for EVERYONE to make. This is transpobic and I am very upset to see it here.

JURY RESULTS

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this alert at Sun May 26, 2013, 07:02 AM, and voted 1-5 to LEAVE IT ALONE.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: No explanation given
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT and said: transpobic
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: The OP is simply expressing a personal decision/opinion, here, and frames it up that way upfront.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: No explanation given
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: I get the impression that the poster was speaking about the choice as it pertains to him/her self. Not a blanket statement that applies to everyone who chooses to transition.

Thank you.

[Tien1985]

10. People transitioning for

Another person is just as wrong as people NOT transitioning because some people find it confusing/gross.

Transition is a personal choice that should be accepted. Because that is what an inclusive community does. It accepts people's choices about their bodies and identities.

We agree about societal pressure. Where I vehemently disagree is the way you use disparaging language to describe people who do choose transition. Which, from your description of it, you aren't very knowledgable of.

Your being attracted to men doesn't come into this. I am part of my local gay community, I also know men who married due to societal pressure to be attracted to women. Yeah, it's terrible for all involved. But gender identity is something you experience whether you have a partner or not. Many people who are trans aren't GLB. And not everyone who chooses to physically transition wants to "become" another gender. They want their body to match how they feel it should be, regardless of what society thinks they should be or look like.

Not understanding physical transition doesn't make you a hater. Refusing to use preferred pronouns, calling people who choose to physically transition mutilated and saying that people don't deserve acceptance is transphobic.

[Zorra]

11. Fortunately, our group has alternatives to the jury system for dealing with bigots. nt

[dsc]

12. thank you for taking care of that

[The Philosopher]

13. Thanks!

[Behind the Aegis]

14. +1

[Call Me Wesley]

16. Thank you!

[Tien1985]

17. +1

[Fearless]

19. AGREED!

Let me also be clear: Transphobia is NOT acceptable in this group.

[Starry Messenger]

23. Thank you.

[Marrah_G]

18. applause!

[undergroundpanther]

24. thank you

some of those comments from the poster alerted about bugged me,i didn't know what it had to do with what I posted.In truth if a ftm could get a penis that functioned like any guys does and the risk was less and I could get it done,I'd do it.I am both and neither gender.

[Betsy Ross]

2. You are not the only one who feels this way.

Many, if not all, of us feel the same isolation but each for their own reason. Sex versus intimacy is a tough one for many and more troublesome as we age.
I do not mean to deny your pain but to empathize. So many have read your post without a response. I thought you should know that you have friends here who want only the best for you.

[undergroundpanther]

4. Thanks Betsy

for your kindness. I guess I'll go to sleep,meds still haven't kicked in,and I'm up at 3:21 .Sigh,at least I won't feel bad while unconscious.If I do,feel bad while asleep, I'm not aware of it. Umm I thought I made sense there..geez. G'night.

[In_The_Wind]

6. I agree that this world is fucked up.

You are not alone.

[Tien1985]

7. Hey Undergroundpanther

I'm sorry you're hurting

You are certainly not alone, many, many transpeople of all different orientations and identities feel isolated and lonely. I'm not a huge fan of the the "It gets better" campaign, so I'll say this differently. There is hope out there, there are people who will love you for you. Not just share themselves with you as type to be collected, but who will celebrate you and cherish you for the things that make you YOU.

I know people all over the spectrum. I've seen us struggling through lonely and depressed times and I have seen many people find real love, friendship and intimacy. Hang in there. And please, PM me if you want to talk.

You don't have to be alone.

[Zorra]

15. You are not alone, undergroundpanther. Almost everyone within the LGBT spectrum

has had to deal with their own collective and individual form of loneliness, isolation and alienation, be they gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, intersex, or other. Coming to terms with our culturally designated uniqueness is almost always a challenge of some magnitude.

And even many straight folks face isolation, alienation, and loneliness.

I wish that I could give you some advice that would make your life totally awesome, but I can't. I can only offer you my support and understanding as another LGBT person, as a human being, and hope that your wishes come true.

That is what we are here for, and we are here for you.


You asked this question: "Am I the only one who feels this way?"

Of course you are not. I felt that way at one time, long ago. I don't feel that way anymore. It is possible that I am now the happiest person in the world. I love life, I love the world, and I'm never lonely anymore. I'm LGBT and I'm proud and I'm totally out and I don't give a rat's ass about what other people think of me. I don't need anyone else to make me happy, there is no one else that can make me happy, because the only person that can make me happy is me.

I'm running with that.

Things can get better. Things do get better. Things got better for me. Way better than I ever dreamed possible.

I hope things get better for you like they did for me. I highly recommend not giving up.

[Fearless]

20. +1

[uriel1972]

21. I hear you and feel it too...

It hurts like hell not to be able to talk to anyone about how I feel, or even that I'm not the gender I appear to be.

[closeupready]

22. Holidays can be very hard for those who are alone.

Just know this, that plenty of people here appreciate your e-presence here, undergroundpanther. It can't replace flesh-and-blood relationships, but if you need to bend someone's ear, there will likely always be someone here on DU in GLBT that you can commiserate with.

If it helps mitigate your pain, I also go through this from time to time. It sucks.

I exercise regularly, and I find that this helps lift my moods, and also helps me to feel good about myself and my health.

Peace.

[HillWilliam]

25. While we may not be able to feel each other's kind of pain exactly

We can hold hands and be friends through it.

My heart hurts at your pain. I'm coming to a different understanding of being alone, myself. My beloved of 17 years suddenly passed the 28th of February, three months ago today. It's so strange to be alone after all these years and I realize how very, very fortunate I have been to have had A One, a "once in a lifetime" love. I can only imagine the "lost" feeling you're going through, being rather "lost" myself. My challenge now is still nothing compared to yours. But I can still be a friend.

[Call Me Wesley]

26. Isolation is torture.

We never had much interaction here, but I do read your posts, and I've taken some beatings by some defenders of the creep who sent you some abusive PMs.

I wish the world would be this mature by now, but it isn't. For now, there's always this awkward 'Oh,' when you meet people and start to speak, or simply appear. Why that is, I don't know. But I know that it is referring to them, and not to you - it's how they feel approaching, and you're just being a given set in their minds. It is sad, and most of them never try to overturn the given mindset but rather be comfortable to live within its comfy enclosures.

I wish you will find this partner. Someone who might just start with 'hey, this weather sucks.'