Do you need to be sexually attracted to friends?

[Prism]

This is a topic that has come up in my social group - mainly in the context of online communications. But there's definitely a strain in gay male society where friendships don't form unless there's at least the potential of sexual chemistry.

When making same-sex platonic friendships, gay or straight, do you find your sexual attraction a factor in pursuing them? I'm just curious how others fall on this topic.

I find, yeah, I kind of do pursue platonic same-sex friendships based on cuteness. And I'm pretty sure that makes me kind of horrible. Not that it's a set in stone thing. People with great personalities that click with mine always work, but when making surface decisions on who I'm interested in talking with on a platonic level, the physical attractiveness factor is getting mixed in there.

What say you? Is the gay male (or female) same-sex platonic world simmering with subsurface sexual energy?

[dballance]

1. No, you don't have to be sexually attracted.

I'm a gay male and have plenty of friends I made through volunteer work and other mutual friendships. Sure, I'm attracted to some of the other guys. Just like some straight people would be attracted to each other meeting the same way. But the primary reason for making them friends has nothing to do with sexual attraction.

It has more to do with our volunteer work, the fact we like to bike and kayak and go to the farmer's market and dog parks. Of course there is also that visit to bars and a good micro-brew. The bars are where we cheer each other on if we do find someone interesting.

You're not horrible. Just try to start looking beyond the looks. You'll find some really great people. Probably even the ones you already know.

[mitchtv]

2. cute until you decide you're sisters

does that make you attracted to each other?I think I am attracted to peers, and being old and ugly(now),I look for philosophical peers. We all like cute(attractive ) people, so yes, it's in the mix, but they need to be like you in some way

[beyurslf]

3. No.

My best friend and I have been friends for going on 20 years. We have never dated or wanted to date. We are not interested sexually in each other. It drives us crazy that many of our friends think we should just give in and get married. We are FRIENDS.

[closeupready]

4. That's basically how it's always worked, from my experience.

Even if you aren't attracted to the friends you have, if your friends are objectively beautiful in a physical way, it will draw other potential partners to your social circle if your friends are pretty.

While I appreciate you raising this topic, as it's interesting to talk about, I don't think it's really all that mysterious. Your friends should be kind of on your level. Cheers.

For what it's worth, most of my gay friends are either former boyfriends or else people with whom I haven't yet hooked up, but would like to. Not all, but most.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

6. Can I ask how old you are?

Because I used to feel a lot like you. Heck, most of my friends were old hook-ups. A few years ago my gay co-worker commented, at one of my parties, about how cute my friends were. I told him they were hand-picked from the finnest bar stock!

Now I'm a little older and my gay friends tease me because I hang out with my married straight friends.

My roommate, who just turned 40 but is single, was commenting on the "age" the dinner crowd where we were eating last Saturday at 8 O'clock. I was like, hey dummy, all the young hotties are taking their disco naps so they can go out at 11:30. I would have been just waking up, working out and drinking a pot of coffee, No dinner....... if it wasn't for that meddling boyfriend!!!...... and cuddly dog..... and 40 years.

[closeupready]

7. You can, but I won't tell you.

We're roughly peers, let's put it that way.

I've slowed WAY down, I'll say that much.

[Fearless]

5. Nope.

There are very few men that I am friends with that I would consider sexually attractive-- either when I was single or now. Attractive in a platonic sense perhaps... as in they're good listeners, supportive, we share the same interests, etc. But no, not sexually attractive. Although I would say that a vast majority of my male friends are also straight; I work in a very social atmosphere and tend to draw friends from that. Sexual attraction is not what I look for when I look for friends. I'd rather have platonic gay male friends, whom I share interests with, than a guy that is attracted to me or whom I'm attracted to. It just leads to drama. And in terms of many of my interests, sports, poker, and so on, the population to draw friends from tends to be slightly less mainstream gay than average, stereotypes aside-- just my experiences.

[MNBrewer]

8. I wouldn't say "need to be", but that's usually the way it's happened.

Sex, followed by friendship.

[Rowdyboy]

9. Before I settled down, most of my closest guy friends were straight and I was very attracted

to many of them, sometimes with very interesting consequences. Occasionally I felt too much and got hurt, and once or twice I made an ass of myself. Sometimes we connected. But, yes, there was a lot of subliminal sexual energy-there always is around young people who are trying to figure things out.

I had other friends that I wasn't attracted to, but over time most of my male friends were charismatic guys, outgoing anf full of themselves. I guess I found that personality trait appealing at the time-its really interesting to view it all in retrospect 30 years later.