For me personally, I see that at least since 5-years-old, I was gay. From Barbies, to other boys

[closeupready]

my age, whatever it is, I was never ever ever drawn in a general sexual sense to the opposite sex.

In isolated instances, there have been women who I felt were attractive and who made me curious.

But we're talking, 1 out of 1000.

For those of you who are bisexual and have been attracted to the opposite sex from time to time, you are not experiencing life as I personally experienced it. There was NEVER at ANY TIME a period when I seriously thought to myself that I would ever ever ever be a traditional husband to a woman.

As a disclaimer, plenty of bisexuals here on the board have demonstrated that they are very capable of understanding my point of view. But it does seem like other bisexuals seem to struggle with the concept that in a population of over 6,000,000,000 individuals, there will be a wide variety of experiences, some of which are going to completely challenge your life assumptions.

Just a nota bene.

[William769]

1. All I can do at this time is recored your thread closeupready.

But I will say this, I find you a honorable & compassionate man.

"A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails."

[closeupready]

3. Cheers to you, Bill!

[libodem]

2. Bless your heart

I had a gay guy friend when I was 18. He gave me a lot of understanding. He told me he knew from age 3 he was attracted to guys. He cross-dressed and presented as the cutest girl ever. He had the greatest stories.

[closeupready]

4. Yes, I hear you.

My stories are not that interesting, however.

Sadly.

[stillwaiting]

5. I would agree with you closeupready.

I knew when I was 5 that I liked other guys and found them cute, interesting, and when everyone was being silly and "kissing" each other I wanted to kiss some of the other boys in class.

I never did like playing with Barbies though, and of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with boys liking to play with Barbies growing up.

I played sports growing up and did identify as friends with the guys I was surrounded by growing up very much. I had very close friendships with both guys and girls. People from literally all walks of life were my friends, and I was seemingly very popular. Everyone did like me. Except myself. I was miserable in school, and truly hated myself due to my Southern Baptist upbringing. It was very, very difficult for me to even keep friends from my past as I came to terms with being gay, and I'm quite sure that many of my close friends just never could understand. I needed to go through what I went through (as tragic as it was) for me to become comfortable with who I am and to begin feeling like building a happy life was even possible.

I know my story happens often in this country. I will say that as I went through university and everyone was figuring out their path in life, I was trapped by my fear and anxiety surrounding being gay. It literally stunted any self examination or self growth for some time.

I really hope and pray that one day people don't have to go through what I did because finding yourself in life is hard enough without dealing with the complete isolation, fear, and anxiety I had to conquer in coming to terms with my sexuality. Lots of drama along the way unfortunately...

We are all unique, sexuality is a spectrum, and everyone's current sexuality (I say current because I do believe that sexuality just might be fluid for a tiny group of people) should be fully respected as a valid orientation.

Edited to clarify a sentence
Edited again for glaring punctuation error -

[closeupready]

6. Thank you for this.

[Zenlitened]

8. "...finding yourself in life is hard enough..."

Exactly.

...trapped by my fear and anxiety... It literally stunted any self examination or self growth for some time.

I really hope and pray that one day people don't have to go through what I did because finding yourself in life is hard enough without dealing with the complete isolation, fear, and anxiety I had to conquer in coming to terms with my sexuality.

Exactly.

[Zenlitened]

7. So, so true:

...there will be a wide variety of experiences, some of which are going to completely challenge your life assumptions.

True for everyone, I think, no matter where on the spectrum we happen to be.

[Vanje]

9. I love this thread. nt

[closeupready]

20. So share, if you dare.

[Vanje]

21. I was around 8

when I saw the Sound of Music, and fell in love with Julie Andrews, and developed an obsession with nuns.

[closeupready]

22. !!!!! Well, I'm shocked! Shocked and appalled! You hear me?

[Creideiki]

24. Star Wars came out when I was 7

It seemed odd that all my friends were talking about Princess Leia being so pretty (all I wondered was what bakery she went to for that hairdo). I was always moving back and forth on the relative merits of Han and Luke. (I preferred Luke then, but now he's way too whiny.)

[dickthegrouch]

10. I too knew at a very early age

I can remember at age 6 sending my sister out of the room to kiss Paul McCartney's image on the TV. I knew I had to hide it, but didn't understand why.
A few years later in 1967 when homosexuality was decriminalized in the UK, my mother showed me a newspaper report of someone being gay bashed and asked if I understood. My answer was yes, but she didn't realize until much later what I had understood from it. I.e that I needed to hide more successfully than I was at the time (I was 10 in 1967).

Thankfully I was never particularly successful at hiding, but conversely I was too far out for my own good, no-one would come near me. Even at college I was the only out gay student. It wasn't until I found the local Campaign for Homosexual Equality group that I was really able to start enjoying life. By the time I got to CHE I had given up all hope of finding cute guys who were gay like me. The first night there completely blew my mind.

I had danced with girls when I was in High School, but I couldn't bring myself to invite them to a dance because I was so certain that I wanted to date the guys I saw there, and my own integrity would not let me lie to them.

Thankfully all that is a long time ago, but I agree with closeupready, I have rarely been attracted to women, and the ones I have been mildly attracted to usually looked like guys.

[closeupready]

14. "looked like guys" - lol, yup, me, too.

I really love that look on women.

[Neoma]

11. It took longer to find out my bisexuality than that.

There were hints to myself I suppose you could say. Beautiful baby sitter that I was smitten with. Wanting to be a lot closer to my best friend. But guys were there too, and I guess since everyone considers it so normal and since I dig guys as well, the fact got hidden. Then puberty hit, I learned that there was such a thing as being bisexual I was surprised, I thought about it, and then I just knew.

The crush on Gwyneth Paltrow finalized it.

[closeupready]

15. Paltrow has a somewhat androgenous look to her, I've always thought.

In a David Bowie way, no?

[Neoma]

16. I've never seen that.

If she can be comparable to men, then it's to men that can pass off to be women.

I've seen men dress up in drag for a beauty show. They forced the jocks to participate. A majority of them could do it. The teachers could not. Though one had an Abe Lincoln beard so...

[Jamastiene]

12. GI Joe, Tonka trucks, toy soldiers, toy guns, BB guns, and baseball and basketball....

From the time I was old enough that my mother felt the need to put all sorts of feminine type clothes and hair torturing devices (berets? I can't remember what they are called, but they pin girls' hair up and clip onto the hair), all I can remember is hating all the stuff she was putting on me and hating Barbie dolls and other girl toys. I just squirmed and wiggled and wanted to go catch frogs and lizards and snakes and play baseball with the guys in the neighborhood. She would yank me back and hold me by my hair to try to keep me still. It never worked. I always eventually escaped and she always had to clean the grass stains and dirt off whatever feminine clothes she tried to dress me in. Eventually, she gave up, but it took years of torturous "dress up" sessions before she realized it was never going to stick.

All I wanted to do was play with toys that were marketed to boys. The closest I had to a doll was a Stretch Armstrong action figure. He was fun to stretch and play with until my cousin put his fingernail into the skin and made the maple syrup type stuff inside run out. I got punished after that happened, though, because I got in a fight with my cousin over it and won, lol.

My first crush on another girl was when I was 6 years old. The girl was older and she beat me up a few times. And the really strange thing about it, was that I met the same girl once I became an adult and fell for her all over again. AND I got my heart broken again by the same girl. It wasn't until we were comparing notes about going to school at that same school that we realized she was the one who beat me up and the one I had had my first crush on. She was nicer the second time around though and didn't beat me up. We just were right for each other, generally speaking. I'm glad she turned out to be bi and pro-gay rights though. That was nice to see. Too bad her family was so hard on her. They really tortured her for a long time about it.

I've met some people who are bisexual who understand that there are a range of experiences between all the different sexual orientations, but I see what you are saying about some people. I have met some people who firmly believe that everyone is bisexual and that there is some degree of straightness to gayness or something like that. For some of us, that has just never been the case. Some of us have known from the time we can remember that we are gay or lesbian.

[closeupready]

13. That was both sad to read, but fun, too. Thanks, Jamastienne!

[RKP5637]

17. 4th grade here. I always knew I did not fit with expected roles, but finally figured it out

my first year of college.

[closeupready]

18. Also took me that long to sort of find my own way.

[RKP5637]

19. I think kids are luckier these days. It's not hidden, there are role models and there

are the good parts about the Internet. ... at least information is available than digging in medical books under perversions and abnormal psychology books.

[mitchtv]

23. I liked boys from the very beginning

Last edited Sun Feb 26, 2012, 06:14 PM - Edit history (2)

I was in love with Guy Madison(Wild Bill Hickok) and could NOT catch or hit a stickball to save my life. I liked hanging with the girls and playing house, tho I did not like dolls. I'm suprised I didn't get the designer gene. also loved Buster Crabbe , and Richard Denning