An Evening in May--October is domestic violence awareness month
An Evening in May
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The Ms. Blog will be publishing a series of posts detailing the impact of domestic violence, including personal essays and more, throughout the month.
In the midst of an argument, I see the glass fly through the air at 24 frames a second. While sitting on our bed, my vision slows, and I calmly watch the violence escalate. He wraps his hand around the glass, the grooves smooth around his fingers, the grip of a hall-of-fame pitcher. As he winds up, I can see the muscles of his shoulder flex, the shadows produced in pockets below his collarbone, lapping like waves against his rotator cuff, gathering heat and energy.
. . . .
He turns with his finger pointed, ready to verbally flog me within an inch of my life. I’m still caught in a slow-motion movie, not ready to look away but still internalizing the entire process. My ears are stopped up and I look through him rather than at him, his eyes are too hateful. I see his mouth moving, but my brain is calm, the receptors have shut down and I can only make out the movement of his mouth.
. . .
I’m not afraid. My anger has dissipated into something sadder. I see his stiff stance and can hear his vertebrate cracking as he looms over me, hurtling his words to the sky. I want to take his face in my hands and touch his mouth; it has got to be so sore from the stress. I can already feel the heat from his lips and the way they would feel against my palms. I can feel his sweat, his spit, his body shaking, and I want nothing more than to open my arms and absorb him like an amoeba, slowly moving over his body until his anger separates from his frame and he is quiet once again.
. . . .
And eventually, I did. It was the most frightening thing I have done thus far. For a year I felt as though I was moving through quicksand, struggling to make it through the door. But it took me that long to realize it wasn’t my fault.
. . .
http://msmagazine.com/blog/2015/10/12/an-evening-in-may/