Parenting Through Chronic Physical Pain
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/parenting-through-chronic-physical-pain/282543/
I closed the door on my wailing toddler and left her standing in her crib, reaching out for me. Her cries intensified, like the siren of an ambulance getting closer and louder until its howl drowns out everything else. I walked away and broke down crying. My daughter was sick, and I desperately wanted to soothe her. But I just couldn’t stand and rock her for one more minute to help her get to sleep. My broken body had reached its limit.
I’ve had back pain for much of my life caused by scoliosis, a curvature of the spine. And that afternoon, I felt my back would break if I cradled my daughter’s squirming 25-pound body any longer. I had to give up. My miserable best was to leave the room.
Because of my pain, I was causing my daughter additional suffering—and if recent research is right, this may be only be a harbinger of what’s to come. Experts from Kent State University in Ohio recently did a review of scientific literature examining how children are affected when their parents are in chronic pain. The results, published in the Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, are, well, painful to read. It turns out that children whose parents experience chronic pain are at increased risk for adjustment problems and behavioral issues, and are more likely to complain of pain themselves. The whole family suffers.
A close look at some of the studies on this topic rocked me to my core. In one study published this month in the Journal of Nursing Scholarship, researchers interviewed a group of 30 adolescents who grew up with parents experiencing chronic pain. In many cases, the children felt their parents were uninvolved physically and/or emotionally, and more likely to be irritable, hostile, and unpredictable. Because of this, the children often hid their true feelings and needs from their parents, lived in fear of stressing their parents out or causing their parents pain, took on a caretaking role before they were ready to do so, and questioned whether they were to blame for their parents’ suffering. The children and young adults dealt with these feelings in various ways—becoming perfectionists, retreating in silence, or turning to substance abuse. Reading these outcomes broke my heart.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Last edited Tue Jan 7, 2014, 10:46 AM - Edit history (1)
Is there some way you can work with a good physical therapist to find ways to lift and hold her in ways that don't hurt your back? Are there devices that can help you? I hope you can find ways to relieve your pain AND give your child the cuddles she needs. As she grows older and more self-sufficient, the problem should ease quite a bit.
I threw my back out lifting my first daughter, who was born weighing 9 pounds, out of her crib. With the second one, I had "back labor" which stressed my back even more. I had a lot of low back pain from a herniated disc and related problems for years and needed cortisone shots 2 or 3 times a year.
The one thing that helped me was acupuncture. After a few weeks of acupuncture about 7 years ago, I no longer need cortisone and rarely have back pain. Physical therapy taught me exercises to stretch the area if I overdo things with garden work.
Having a mother with chronic but unexplained pain was the story of my life until she died when I was in college. I think she had fibromyalgia, which was virtually unknown in the 60s and 70s. She was diagnosed with severe osteoporosis but test after test was negative for rheumatoid arthritis.
Good luck to you 
