Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

bif

(22,697 posts)
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:45 AM Aug 2021

Need to make a big decision this week.

Our family has gone camping every year for ages. It's a big gathering of my wife's family. We used to go to Canada but because of Covid, we have to camp in the States. I went 2 years ago and it was the first one I attended sober. I've told everyone I hate camping and drinking was the only thing that made it tolerable. So now that I don't drink, I REALLY hate it. I had a miserable time the last time I went. It's not that her family drinks a lot, but just about everything involves drinking. Playing bocci, dinners, sitting around the campfire.

So I told her I'm probably not going this year. My wife and kids are okay with it. It's close enough so that I can go for the day if I want. But I think I'll skip the whole thing. It's Thursday through Sunday. It'll actually be sort of nice to be home alone. My wife has been working from home so there's a whole lot of togetherness. In years past, it would be a great excuse to do a whole lot of drinking--but not this year. I think i can make it through sober, just fine.

18 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies

Ocelot II

(115,681 posts)
1. I hear you. Camping makes me want to drink even though I usually don't.
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:48 AM
Aug 2021

Although I enjoy being out in the woods, I want to be able to sleep in a place where there's a bed and a bathroom and a shower. Best not to be in a situation that makes you want to drink.

3Hotdogs

(12,374 posts)
4. You didn't mention how you feel about the people. Is their behavior alcohol fueled?
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:51 AM
Aug 2021

Insults, vailed as jokes?

Or do you like them, other than camping?

bif

(22,697 posts)
13. No, my wife's family is great!
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 12:27 PM
Aug 2021

Been married into the family for 40 years. Super bunch of folks. (kind, caring people and nary a Republican among them!). And truth be told, I was the champion drinker. They're all featherweights.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,849 posts)
5. Don't go. If camping makes you miserable, stay home.
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:52 AM
Aug 2021

If the others love doing it, great for them.

We don't have to force ourselves to do things we don't enjoy. For instance, I simply don't like opera. I just don't get it, and have turned down more than one chance to go to the Santa Fe opera here. It's apparently one of the best such venues out there. Okay, so an opera would only be a few hours of my life, rather than several days or however long your family goes camping. Still.

It may be that other family members aren't as fond of the camping as they're pretending.

keithsw

(436 posts)
6. Do what you want,
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:52 AM
Aug 2021

And if you feel like going there for a day, do it. Life is to short to do things you hate doing

wyn borkins

(1,109 posts)
7. I'm With You - And For You
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:53 AM
Aug 2021

Also, alone time is necessary for each of us!
And as I close in on triple digits, I need my own time and space!

IbogaProject

(2,811 posts)
9. You will make a good choice
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 11:56 AM
Aug 2021

Air mattress?

Get a big tent that has space to sit?

Maybe only stay for only part, one night?

Finally, I've come to love non alcoholic beer (other than O'Douls), quenches the thurst with out the rest.

Trust your instincts. Take needed alone time. You're still early in your recovery, especially since the last 16 month's wasn't normal times.

enough

(13,256 posts)
10. If your wife and kids are fine with it, this is an easy decision and a wise one.
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 12:00 PM
Aug 2021

Congratulations!

Phoenix61

(17,003 posts)
12. Maybe offer to bring breakfast one day?
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 12:04 PM
Aug 2021

Get some FaceTime in with the in-laws. Have something “super important that has to be done that afternoon so you can cruise right after.

ShazamIam

(2,570 posts)
15. I believe it is ok to, drop out, I began doing so about 10 years ago, and the only reason was that I
Mon Aug 2, 2021, 12:49 PM
Aug 2021

wasn't comfortable with my huge family gatherings, and I had never been able to sort out who was on the ins and or outs with whom so always ended up saying the wrong thing to the wrong person or asking the wrong person the wrong question.

That isn't the reason i gave. I had developed a few medical issues and used them and don't regret it.

I actually liked seeing everyone both the older people with the family history stories and the children both young and near adult.
I didn't like all the times I felt very awkward and wrong and it just wasn't fun.

You aren't dropping out because you don't like them, but because you don't enjoy it. I think that is fine.


*edit for clarity.

Rhiannon12866

(205,237 posts)
16. Good for you, it's best to take care of yourself and avoid triggers especially if you won't enjoy it
Tue Aug 3, 2021, 05:47 AM
Aug 2021

I've gotten together several times with the girls I went to summer camp with - we've known each other since we were kids and have been through a lot together. The first time I went after I got sober, I had about 2 1/2 years and my friend (also in the program) asked me what I'd do if there was alcohol. And I told her there was never alcohol at camp - but then I realize now that we're not 12 anymore.

This first time was a big reunion and I stayed with those who had been my counselors when I was a camper - and I'd driven by myself for the first time and I'd gotten terribly lost, so I was a wreck by the time I got there. And as soon as I walked in, they offered me a glass of wine. Needless to say, I passed on the wine, but I realized I'd have to be careful.

But my friends from childhood now know my story, one of them had a husband in AA so she understands. There are times we've gone to dinner and they'll ask me if I mind if one or more of them have a glass of wine with dinner. They can have just one. These days, I usually stay with the one friend who now lives there in Vermont and she doesn't drink.

And they have been incredibly supportive, as friends can be. I've showed them my latest coin and they're proud of me, though they didn't know me when I drank. We missed last summer because of the pandemic, not sure if we'll meet this fall either. One other thing I'm grateful for is that we've all grown up to be liberal Democrats, though we mostly come from different states now - so we're kindred spirits on that, as well.

bif

(22,697 posts)
18. So I decided to skip the camping trip
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 04:36 PM
Aug 2021

My wife left yesterday afternoon. It's going great so far! Keeping busy.It's kind of nice to be alone for a couple days.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Addiction & Recovery»Need to make a big decisi...