My dad died Sunday.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

I appreciate the support this group offered when I posted about it a couple of months ago when he was first diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer.

He decided against chemo and was cared for by a family effort with hospice support. The pandemic and family hostilities complicated the experience, but he had constant attention by Mom and at least two additional family members. He mercifully suffered little physical pain. Ten days ago, he was moved into a hospital bed set up next to the bed he'd shared with Mom until then. He died there in the early hours of Sunday morning.


My sister and niece, an RN, who were there at the time, washed him, dressed him, and laid him out on that hospital bed. He was there for about 7 hours, allowing all 5 of his children to arrive and see him before he was taken to the funeral home for cremation.

The ongoing planning of the funeral & "celebration" is fraught with the family tensions, including disparate views on COVID safety precautions. Hopefully we can find a way to work through the conflict. One way or another, those events will occur this coming Saturday.


Now we face another family health crisis. Two weeks ago, my brother-in-law was diagnosed with B-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia--a rare form of the disease which is much more common in children. Prognosis is far worse for adults who get it. Due to his severely compromised immune system, he's had self-isolate as he waits for arrangements to be made for his admission for a four to six week stay during which the first course of treatment will be administered.

He is the brother my husband is closest to, a fellow musician, and helluva nice guy. He's a park ranger and was in good shape. Meanwhile, the lazy fast food prez bounces back from COVID and carries on.

[vercetti2021]

1. I'm sorry for your loss

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

6. Thank you.

[Tech]

2. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

7. I appreciate your reply.

[FuzzyRabbit]

3. So sorry for the loss ofyour father.

Hang in there. In time it will hurt less.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

8. Thanks very much.

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

4. May you find peace.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

25. Thank you.

[SheltieLover]

5. Deepest condolences

So sorry for your loss & your brother-in-law's illness.

Hwaling vibes on the way! 💗💗💗

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

12. Your kind words are very much appreciated.

[TEB]

9. Peace to you

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

13. And to you. And to us all.

Thank you.

[DarthDem]

10. I Am So Very Sorry

For the loss of your father. May his memory be a blessing. Best wishes to your BIL for a full and speedy recovery.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

17. Your very kind reply is much appreciated.

[Oppaloopa]

11. I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mother should have all final says and should be protected by

other family members. Just listen to your niece.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

22. My niece was very helpful. But she can't help with

the "What Dad wanted" questions regarding the funeral.

I'm not Catholic, so I'll be just a guest. It's painful, though, to see some siblings being bullied. And Mom says one thing to one person and something else to another.

Just as apparently Dad told everyone at different times that he wanted them to speak as part of the mass. But not all are allowed. I'd understood that Dad's wishes about this had been recorded. But it turns out they were not.

Anyway, I guess it will work out somehow. I hope. Thanks for your reply.

[CountMyVote4Reality]

14. I can't say anything to make this right.

I can only tell you that I am thinking of you and all of your mentioned family. I wish you all comfort, peace and celebration of the joy only you have known together. That last part is a wonderful and powerful launchpad to, "I honestly don't know what." What I can say for sure is that our memories will always stay behind.

Peace. Healing Power.

"Lawns"

is a piece that has been used to intro or launch another composition, "Healing Power."

I think I should leave you with "Lawns" and yet add my best wishes (prayers) to the collective Healing Power to you and yours.

Nevertheless:

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

20. The healing power of music is so important to us.

Thank you for that and your supportive words.

[denbot]

15. Nothing can be said to ease your family's burden, still..

Peace to you and yours.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

23. Thank you.

[CottonBear]

16. I am so sorry.

I hope that time will bring peace. May your happy memories of him keep his spirit alive in your heart.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

24. I will try to focus more on those memories.

Thank you.

[Sherman A1]

18. My condolences

On your loss.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

27. Thank you.

[MFM008]

19. So sorry

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

32. Thank you.

[polmaven]

21. Condolences

to you and your entire family.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

33. I appreciate your reply.

[BigmanPigman]

26. Man, that sucks...in fact 2020 sucks!

My little dog died recently and I am still devastated, my dad died suddenly last year and I was still grieving him.

I hope you handle it better than I have.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

30. I'm so sorry for your losses. Grief can take a lot out of a person.

2020 really does suck. I keep thinking it can't get any worse. But I keep being proven wrong.

It's made worse because I've lost all of the things I used to do that helped me deal with stress and sadness. I have to find a way to get back to yoga, aerobic workouts, walks, meditation, playing my bass, gardening (lots to do, even in the fall & winter), etc.

I hope you can find coping strategies that work for you.

[BigmanPigman]

39. I'm finding it very difficult to do anything

since everything reminds me of the ones I have lost...the holidays will suck due to this and Covid. No fun.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

40. I know what you mean. COVID is making everything harder.

As I mentioned, it's causing a major problem in my family at this already difficult time. Thanks Drumpf!

Please take care of yourself the best you can. I know it's hard, but I hope you have friends or family you can rely on for some emotional support.

[BigmanPigman]

41. Thank you. I wish the same for you and your family.

[Frustratedlady]

28. They say God gives you no more than you can handle, but at times, it's a real struggle.

I lost my mother due to pancreatic cancer, so I can identify with the load you all carried. May the good memories carry you through the grieving process. Give special love to your mother, as I'm sure she is exhausted and has lost a part of herself.

Deepest wishes for a successful recovery for your brother-in-law and his battle ahead. The medical field constantly makes significant progress in all kinds of diseases and let's hope this is one of those.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

31. Thank you. And I'm so sorry you lost your mom in that way.

I guess there isn't an easy way to lose a loved one, but some ways take more strength.

Neither my brother-in-law, my husband, nor I are believers, so we can't turn to God. We have to look to medical science and to one another for support.

Jim would turn to mother nature. Being unable to enjoy the great outdoors would weigh heavily on him, even if he weren't facing such a difficult battle.

[Frustratedlady]

35. Neither am I, mainly because of how religion is used by so many to take advantage of others.

I know too many who claim to be Christians, but obviously don't have a clue what a Christian is.

However, He's always there for you. I've always leaned more toward God helps those who help themselves. I don't use Him, but I occasionally lean on Him when things become too heavy.

My parents died six weeks apart to the day. It was a comfort to believe they were together, as Mom was afraid if she was alone.

Take this miserable period one day at a time and the load won't be unbearable.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

36. I'm glad you & your parents were comforted by faith.

But one of the things that is in my Cons column about religion is that, days before she died, my super religious, bible-quoting grandmother was not comforted. She was very fearful that she hadn't passed God's test and would go to Hell.

My religious sister and I did our best to comfort her and assure her she was going to Heaven. It made me angry that her religion put that idea in her head .

I mean, she was from a family that had been in Virginia since the 1600s. Racism was in her DNA. But I know she didn't see that as a problem in her God's eyes.

[sinkingfeeling]

29. Deepest condolences

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

34. Much appreciated.

[Wawannabe]

37. So sorry

My dad passed in 2012. Still hard.
Hugs, peace and comfort to you.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

38. I'm very sorry about your dad.

Thanks for the hugs, peace and comfort. Right back at ya.



For your dad~
For my dad~
For all the other dads~

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

43. Wow. Sorry you've had so much difficulty. I think I know something of your worries

about health, especially about cancer. Some days I'm overwhelmed with the conviction that my body is just a super-incubator for all manner of disease ready to explode at any moment.

After my father's pancreatic cancer diagnosis, my husband Kenny’s brother, Jim, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. And soon after, my mother’s only sister died unexpectedly.

After my father died in October, on December 26th, my brother, died in a tragic accident, falling to his death, witnessed by his two young adult sons.

The following Spring, my dear, sweet husband was diagnosed with a highly aggressive case of prostate cancer. He has had surgery, radiation, and is now enduring multitrack ADT.

This February, one of my mom's two surviving brothers died (the third brother, my young uncle, died at age 14 bone cancer. I was 12--Mom was very Young when she had me soon after her own mom had a late-in-life baby boy), and my best friend's sister, age 55, dropped dead of a stroke.

I'm more stressed than I have ever been in my entire life, and I was never exactly zen-like. People say take things one day at a time. Around here, all we can manage is one minute at a time.

Trying to wind this up somewhat gracefully, but to no avail. It's after 9 a.m. and I haven't slept yet, so please excuse my self-centered reply and abrupt departure...

[jfz9580m]

44. I am very sorry to hear about your husband..

Do take care and I hope he turns a corner soon. Cancer is a foul beast.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

45. Thank you. And yes, cancer truly is a foul beast.

Excellent descriptive phrase for it.

[jfz9580m]

46. Do try to keep your spirits up

I hope he gets better soon .