Help me figure out how to tell my incel housemate to move.
Last edited Tue May 2, 2023, 09:35 AM - Edit history (1)
Hi All,
Two years ago a kid (22 year old) who'd grown up in the foster care system answered my ad for a housemate. He was articulate, biracial, and demonstrated a desire to make something of himself. I was hoping to give someone a safe place to get their act together, he seemed like a good kid, and I brought him in.
A couple small red flags began to appear. He wasn't vaxxed and refused to be so, but his employer required weekly COVID tests and was taking precautions (he works in a health care environment), so I let it roll. He started getting really interested in not only getting a gun but getting a conceal carry license. Again, I have been a control activist for my whole life, but I wanted to support a young man of color in being armed because for so many years they've been denied the same 2A rights as white guys. He has a young dog he brought in as a puppy which was fine but now he keeps her in her crate 16-20 hours a day and rarely takes her for walks outside our yard, and he refuses to get her spayed because he might breed her someday (like a puppy mill).
He has been a good roommate - clean, helpful, and cordial. His rent is on time every month. He maintains the yard.
A month ago he posted on Facebook this: "Andrew Tate has said a lot of great things, he shouldn't get slammed for saying one bad thing."
My head kind of exploded. I do not want to give this misogynist shelter any more. At the same time, he's done nothing wrong in terms of being an my housemate, and indeed, he's been better than some of my other former housemates. It's a really crappy rental market right now and even more-so if you have a dog. My son (who is also our landlord) is down with me asking the housemate to leave (housemate is on a month to month lease) for the reasons I want him gone. We have decided that telling him I want him gone because of his views isn't a good idea because it will serve to reinforce his (or Tate's) views that women and liberals are out to get them. I'm not out to get him, I just want to live with someone whose views I don't fear!
We decided it would be best for me to tell him to move because a cousin is moving here for college. I want him gone by August which would give him three months to find a new place. But here's the thing: I hate confrontation and I hate lying. I'm kind of paralyzed thinking about how to approach this. We rarely talk anyway.
Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas, either how to psyche myself up for telling a big lie, or how to start the conversation in the first place? I'm really having a hard time but I know the longer I delay the harder it will be for him to find some place else to live.
UPDATE: I just texted my son to follow the excellent advice of so many in this thread, for him to not renew the lease for legal purposes. I'll let you all know what he says.
= new reply since forum marked as read
And to be fair, he does love her, he just has no idea how to take care of a dog and isn't interested in my opinion. 
I just don't want to give him shelter any more. My son and I are going to talk with him together next Saturday (5/13) because his lease says that any changes in his residency have to be approved by me. I feel better knowing I don't have to do this alone and my son has my back. But I'll post again after it goes down. Thank you so much for caring and following up!