took my husband for an intake meeting at the county mh office today
the intake specialist is one i've met with before, crusty older woman I FUCKING LOVE. afterwards i told him i'm glad we got her but he said he didn't like her and, of course, got pissed when i asked him why. he said he doesn't have to explain himself to me, but i know it's because she asked him questions and challenged him, which is a cardinal sin to him.
nevermind that, though, he's trying.
we go back next week so they can tell us we make too much money to qualify for any type of assistance. we'll find someone with a sliding scale, the money is not the issue for me, i want my husband to be healthy. i am pretty pissed, though, that we fall through the cracks. why gross income - rather than net with rent/mortgage, utilities, student loan payments, etc, factored in - is the deciding factor is beyond me. i should just be happy that there are some meager resources available to us, right?
couple's counselling will come a few months down the road. my insurance will cover too few visits at too high a cost, but i'll make it happen.
i wound up drinking more than was necessary tonight, not a great coping mechanism, but one i could manage. i'm pruney from crying in the shower and walking to the liquor store let me blow off some energy.
tomorrow brings my therapist and then dinner and the theatre with my family and assorted other people. my husband was supposed to come, but he told me today he doesn't want to come. part of me says fuck it, let the crabs stay home. the other part hurts.
one day at a time, yes?
edit: a song that reminds me of my safe place. i'd be lost without weezer.
= new reply since forum marked as read
You've made huge progress.
DH and i have been through a lot this last year and a half, nearly ending up divorced. we spent several months living in the same house, but considering the marriage over.
we got to just be who we were for a while. i didn't care if he didn't like dogs sleeping in the bed, it was my bed. i moved my parrots out of the laundry room, and into my office. he stopped for a beer on his way home from work if he wanted. we just detangled ourselves.
then some things came along that we had planned before, and we did them anyway, and it was fun because we didn't care whether the other was having fun. we were our own persons.
i didn't have what you are dealing with exactly, but what i did have was a person full of fear. mostly fear of abandonment, from childhood, and fear that our choices together were all mistakes. but above all, fear that i did not really like him.
somehow, we let the air out of that fear, and everything changed. we didn't need to jockey for position any more. we didn't need to hide feelings, or worry about what was hidden. out of that came trust. real trust.
he sounds terrified to me. you can't make him do anything, but maybe you can hold his hand in his fear. help make it safe for him to come out of where he is.
tell him i said to stop suffering needlessly. he can't possibly have done anything to make him deserve this.
and you do what you have to do. get out of the house. do new things. do things you wanted to do, that he didn't.
... seemed to be dancing to weezer.
I think I've spent my entire life falling through the cracks. Too much money to qualify for assistance, not quite enough to pay for what I need. I do get what I need, but I don't always pay on time... thus my very low credit score.
i need to do some more research on what resources might be available that i'm not aware of. i've navigated this system enough times to know i'm probably not missing anything, but don't know until i look