Chronic Depression

[De Leonist]

I've been dealing with depression all my life. But I've always thought that one day I would "grow out of it". But nope, I'm 29 and not only do I still have depression but it's gotten worse along my ADD and than you throw my Asperger's Syndrome on top of that along with still living at home and you've got one fine mess. I've had rough patches but things have gotten to a point where I feel truly hopeless. When I look to the future all I see is me sleeping on the streets or if I'm lucky maybe working a minimum wage job for beer money and sleeping in my truck. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't even drink that much. But lately the escape it provides is looking tempting. Sometimes I can induce a temporary state where I'm "high" from moral outrage and use that to avoid my problems. But it doesn't work like it used to. I'm going to see a psychiatrist on Dec 4 though I'm not sure how much it'll help. It's even getting to a point where I've contemplated suicide. I honestly can't remember a point in my life where I didn't have a low self-image. Is there hope? I don't honestly know?

[Adsos Letter]

1. There IS hope. I say this from personal experience.

Hang in there, and be as honest as you can with the doc.

I repeat: There is hope. I know, again from personal experience, that there can be periods of time, some lengthy, in which hope is impossible to see or feel. The possibility of getting better is still very, very real, even when you absolutely cannot feel or imagine it.

Trust me on this one.

[condoleeza]

2. A possibility?

You sound very similar to my daughter, who has recently been diagnosed with MTHFR Mutations and is now off antidepressants and most of her ADD symptoms are gone. You never know, this may be helpful. I also have chronic depression and plan to be tested. Wish you all the best. http://mthfr.net/read-this-first/2012/01/25/

[Tobin S.]

3. There is hope. A good step in the right direction is seeing that doctor.

Keep that appointment, whatever you do.

I've gone from suffering from bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms to leading a happy, symptom-free life. It didn't take too long to turn things around, either. But I need professional help to do it. It sounds like you do, too.

[Locut0s]

4. Holly shit are you sure we aren't brothers?...

I'm 31 been depressed and anxious my whole life and also living at home with my parents. Quit university 5 or 6 times to the point where it's a mess and I wonder what's the point. Worked retail jobs off and on over the years. Like you I feel semi suicidal at times, especially these past few months since I last quit school again. I also know what it's like to want to turn to the bottle, it numbs you so you don't have to think about your failures and don't have to face the darkness, but it makes the depression worse!! If you can stay away from the alcohol please do. I've seen 3 psychiatrists and been on several different meds over the years. Make sure you go see the psych, it may not help a lot or it could make all the difference in the world. You don't have much to lose by going! We are here to support you! PLEASE PM me if you ever feel the need to talk, I can VERY much relate with what you posted. I too feel like a huge failure and "what's the point to it all anymore".

[LiberalEsto]

5. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, D.L.

Depression is hell.

I had a long bout with depression that finally ended, at least to some degree, 11 months ago. At the time I was in the depression, it felt like it would be permanent.

My 27-year-old daughter has been threatening to kill herself today. At the moment she is asleep, but we are at wits' end about what to do. She has refused for years to get counseling, although she sees a worthless psychiatrist for about 10 minutes every three months for med management. She's on lexapro for panic/anxiety disorder and depression.

She recently revealed that she's bulimic and she's probably an alcoholic. She lives at home and works maybe 10 hours a week as a waitress. The rest of the time she's alone in her room or hanging out with one close friend from high school, or seeing her bf of the moment. She has very low self-esteem too and says she feels like a total failure. She's dropped out of 5 colleges. One of the factors in my own depression was not knowing what to do for my daughter. Did I mention that she is beautiful and intelligent and funny and creative?

[hunter]

6. I was served up major depression with side orders of OCD, autistic spectrum, and spicy psychosis.

Modern medicine has been very helpful.

There have been times in my past when the OCD has kept me alive.

After all, if I'm dead, how am I gonna do the things I NEED to do???

Do keep your appointments and if those don't work make it an obsession to find something that does work.

Somewhere in my past, I'm not sure when, I decided it was better to be sleeping on the streets than dead.

I've seen my very worst and it's not so bad because I still live.

[JesterCS]

7. just hang in there

I'm 31, almost 32. I was bullied in school from grade school up til the day I graduated. Because of that I now have Social Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and I have difficulties with relationships.

Ive been there as well, contemplating suicide. Granted I don't think I'd ever actually do it, but I have points where I wonder " what if? "

I still live at home with my parents, who are very understanding of my problems. I don't work. For lack of a decent job and the fear/anxiety.

I don't know myself how I make it day to day. I thank god for friends and family. Look at the bright side, there are people who have it far worse in the world.

I find music to be a nice relaxtion/release from the Depression, at least temporarily. Though what I consider relaxing music is things like KoRn, Puscifer, A Perfect Circle, etc

[De Leonist]

8. Thank you

I appreciate the support, it is rather surprising. Perhaps I should find a support group as well. People who I can vent to. In retrospect perhaps I shouldn't feel so bad about living at home right now. I've actually encountered a number of High-Functioning Autistics who still live at home well into their twenties. A.S.Ds aren't exactly helpful in regards to finding employment that one can live independently on. Also lets face it, the economy sucks right now. Before the crush of 2008 I probably could've found a semi decent paying job by now even with my limited qualifications. I'm a simple guy, I'm not honestly looking for much. I've been volunteering at the local Animal Rescue League these past few weeks. But damn it it can be so hard some days. Like so many here I have deal with people constantly invalidating my own struggle. You see I've very good at faking being normal but that requires a lot of mental focus especially this past year. Because of this people see me and think I'm not that bad. What they didn't see the years long struggle putting so much of my time and effort into practicing basic social skills that they take for granted. Despite all that though my interview skills suck. This is going to sound strange. I can't sell myself. I quite literally don't know how. What people fail to realize is that they can to some extent anticipate another person's thoughts or feelings. That ability is almost non-existent in me. Casual social encounters I can do because as long as I stay within a few very simple social parameters I can wing it. But job interviews are a whole different bag all together for me. I've read books, watched online videos and even solicited advice from friends and family who are rather successful. But damn it all I can't seem to get it down. My apologies if I'm complaining too much here but it's getting harder and harder to maintain this façade of normality.

[hunter]

9. I've well learned to "fake it" but most often I'm just tired.

I'm not in an especially good place right now and non-mental health problems are complicating things.

[De Leonist]

10. What's happening to me

Feeling really aggressive, don't know why. I want to break shit. I want to bring everything around me down and watch it burn. It's either aggression, apathy, or depression anymore. Either I hate myself in ways I can't express, I hate others to the point where I'm starting to not trust myself around people, or I just don't care. What the hell is going on? I don't have a history of violence. I had some anger problems in teenage years but not like this. When will this fucking end?