So...the depression seems to be getting worse,not better.

[w8liftinglady]

what do I do?
I stopped welbutrin because it made me have seizures again,and started effexor.we've gone up twice.I'm already on prozac(high dose).I feel like sitting and staring at the wall.is this common with severe depression?What has helped you all in the past?Even though I would never actually DO it,the fact that I even entertain suicidal thoughts bothers me.
Thaanks for being my "Safe place"

[justiceischeap]

1. Well, I can only speak from my experience

I seem to have battled through my severe depression, the last 5 or 6 years I've been medication free. I think I still suffer from low-level depression, always will, but I went through intensive therapy and picked up some coping skills that I was severely lacking ... and it's really helped. It also helps that I can now recognize when my depression is getting bad. I didn't used to be able to do that.

Suicide, obviously, isn't the answer. It doesn't solve the problems... besides, there really is too much to live for even if it doesn't seem that way now. The last time I attempted going that route, my best friend said something that stuck with me... she said, one of these times you're actually going to be successful and then what? You'll never know what is in store if you're dead.

I don't have any sure-fire advice on getting through, each person's depression is as unique as the individual but maybe meditation or yoga may help. Maybe setting aside a time during each day to do something special for yourself. I know that seems hokey but there was a lot of self-hatred tied into my depression and thinking I didn't deserve to enjoy life or have good things for myself. So I'd do something special for myself. At first it seemed really, kinda stupid but after a while, it made me look at myself in a more positive light. I also had a few friends I confided in and when I was down I'd tell them I needed a boost and they would get super, uber happy and silly and generally take my mind off things. That little bit of peace or silliness sometimes got me through another day.


As far as medications, maybe you need a different doctor. Can't say without specifics but it took me a long time to find a therapist I liked and it took me even longer to trust her to help me (one of the issues we worked on was trust--I've got truckloads of trust issues). When I first went on medication, that took a long time to get right too. I was a teen-ager the first time and that one dose knocked me on my ass for 72 hours--I had to literally crawl up the stairs from my bedroom and I lay on the couch until the meds worked their way out of my system. My mom had to help me to the bathroom or to sit up. It was bad and we immediately found a new doctor who prescribed a different med which worked better. I finally found one that worked for me but over time my docs had to reevaluate my dosage. After therapy, I did something really stupid, I stopped my meds (I also lost my health insurance so didn't have much choice but that is a pattern with most folks who suffer depression--we get to feeling better and think we don't need meds any more--some of us luck out, others don't), researched my diet and changed that and it seemed to help. But as I said earlier, depression is so unique to each individual what works for some may not work for others.

Mostly, just keep talking. Talking is way better than the alternative even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Good luck!

[xfundy]

6. Good advice.

Setting aside a little time for yourself is an excellent coping mechanism. Sometimes it's hard to remember to do that. Thanks for the reminder.

Getting a second or third opinion is definitely an option, and stopping the meds when you start to feel better is a trap many fall into.

So glad to hear you've made such wonderful progress and were able to get off the meds. Did cognitive therapy help?

Bestest.

[justiceischeap]

7. I don't know what kind of therapy it was

I just know it's helped. There was lots of homework (and doing something for myself was one of my assignments).

Of course, my main trigger issue revolves around relationships and I haven't been in one since I left therapy (5 yrs or so ago). So I don't know if it worked for that stuff but everything else is good.

[Neoma]

2. Maybe a bad reaction to effexor?

Dunno.

[fizzgig]

3. it may be time for another med eval and possibly a new doc

playing med roulette is one of the most agonizing things to go through. if you do stop the effexor, please do it slowly and with a doctor's supervision. when i stopped mine, i did it cold turkey and it was absolutely miserable and my doc was not pleased.

outside that, do what you can to take care of yourself. take a walk, watch the sun set, treat yourself to a nice meal. are you still making and distributing those bracelets?

and keep on talking, letting it out is better than keeping it in. we're here for you

[elleng]

4. Oh golly, SO sorry, w8.

No advice here, as after start with lexapro, effexor helped me for couple years, with one dosage adjustment. Went off of it last year, cold, after learning about 'reason' for depression, that was, being under thumb of 'stranged husb; once recognized he's sociopath, was able to let it go. VERY lucky, I know, as I'd been thinking my depression was exclusively body-chemistry based.

Thinking of you.

[xfundy]

5. Just hang on.

The meds have a long ramp-up period, at least in my case. I was on welbutrin at one point and it didn't work for me either.

Staring at the wall is one thing I did a lot of. How about if you taped a piece of paper on that spot of wall and did some drawing? Just doodles or silly cartoons like you did when you were a kid. Doesn't matter if they'd sell in a gallery! The process can be soothing if you can get away from judging it while you're doing it.

I know it may feel as though you have no energy; depression can be horribly draining. But it can and will get better.

If you can get out and walk, that can help as well. If you already have a path or route you use, try going a different way sometime. Change of scenery can be good.

Some of the stuff I tried made me have unpleasant episodes, put me to sleep, kept me awake, and worse, but I guess the way the brain biz works is they have to try everything out like a string of the old fashioned Xmas lights--the whole string went out when one bulb wasn't working, so ya had to go through them all, one by one, till you found the one that wasn't working properly, then the string would light up again.

Don't know if I told you, but I have learned so much over the last few years by reading the news items you brought to the GLBT forum; THANK YOU.

Write to me anytime if you need someone to talk with.

Best.

[EFerrari]

9. My destructive stuff went away when I stopped future tripping.

But I wasn't on anything at the time. It could be your doc needs to rethink the meds. But apart from meds, the most extreme stuff went away for me when I just felt as bad as I needed to feel for a while. It didn't get great after that but the edge was off and I was back in the realm of the manageable.

[mdmc]

10. EFerrari - what is future tripping?

[EFerrari]

12. Being mostly involved with worrying about the future

instead of handling the right now. Maybe this is another way to describe anxiety.

The obverse, being mostly involved with trying to fix the unfixable past, instead of handling the right now. And maybe that is another way to describe depression.

[mdmc]

11. Have you ever heard of mind mapping?

Mind mapping is a way to take notes. Get a notebook, open to a clean page, and in the middle of the page write a topic (lets use the topic "severe depression". Then, while you are zoning out staring at the wall, try to branch off of your topic by adding "spokes" to your original thought. Soon you will have a "wheel" of ideas.

kinda like this =



I know that writing letters to the editor is important to you, and I bet it is hard to do so when feeling depressed. Using mind maps may help you to break out of that "zoned out" feeling and help you to focus on what is important to you.

Keep mind mapping whenever you get into a funk. Seeing things in print might help your mind make a leap from inaction (depression) to action (feeling better). You can also date and time stamp each mind map and show them to your doctor. It might help foster communication and facilitate a med change.

Plus, when you are working on LTTE, you can use this system to outline your letter.

Peace and low stress..

[xfundy]

13. Never tried that

But love the idea. Will work on it tomorrow. Thanks.

[MadrasT]

14. I love this idea

I actually use mind mapping all the time professionally... I never thought about applying it to my own depression. Thanks.

[MadrasT]

15. I don't have any suggestions

Because I am stuck there myself right now.

I did want to express empathy and understanding, because it sucks hard. I don't have the energy to do much of *anything* right now.

You are not alone.