What's the DU consensus on being absolutely silent while a baby sleeps during the day?

[tridim]

I'm an uncle living with my brother, his wife and a 10 month old baby whom I love to death.

Lately my brother's wife has been stressing that everyone and our two dogs be absolutely, perfectly silent every minute the baby is sleeping. I don't have a problem maintaining silence (though I don't like it much because it stresses everyone out), but the dogs can't help walking on the hardwood floors, and occasionally I have to go to the bathroom. You know, normal daily stuff that tends to make a bit of a sound. Today she threatened that the dogs have to leave (because of the walking, neither of them bark at all), and I started to think about the issue in more detail, because I'm not getting rid of my dog because she walks.

It seems to me that total, absolute silence while a baby is napping could lead to serious sleeping problems. My quick research seems to confirm it. Most people say it is far better to go about your normal daily routine and not worry about making reasonable noise. Don't blast heavy metal music, but feel free to vacuum the floor, watch TV and talk at a normal level. This makes perfect sense.

I talked to my brother about it, and he kind of agreed, but he is also defending his wife's wishes. I felt bad presenting my opinion.

Any advice?

[seabeyond]

1. i am all for it. my oldest slept poorly. woke easily. was hell if he didnt get enough sleep

didnt sleep thru noise. he is still a lousy sleeper but not grumpy. i am all for absolute silence. lol. so i could have as long as a break as the baby could give me.

just

do it.

then you reduce her stress.

[tridim]

3. Do you think it would be handy if you could do housework while the baby sleeps?

People are saying that it only takes a few days to train a baby to sleep through routine noise, and it helps them sleep better for their entire life.

[seabeyond]

4. my oldest was a different baby. my youngest was way in back of house and it wasnt an issue

i say good for the father for respecting what the mom wants. that is good enough for me. regardless. i have one child that lays down and is asleep in minutes and sleeps thru night. and one that is still up in the middle of the night reading.

i have always had quiet environments for them to sleep.

i doubt my mom did anything in particular with me, two a year older each. and i cant sleep with noise and am up until late. i get little sleep.

it is the moms to figure out. truly. i probably would not listen to others on this particular issue. and i read a lot, listened a lot and valued what people said.

but this, i would leave to whoever knows the baby the best.

and if it helps mom to not be angry, then i really believe you respect what she is saying.

[tridim]

8. I respect your opinion, but completely disagree.

Deep sleep is EXTREMELY important for good health. If she keeps this up the kid will never be able to sleep without total silence (which simply doesn't exist outside of this house). The dog walking thing isn't even a loud noise, I doubt the baby can even hear it. He wakes up maybe one out of a hundred times. I'm constantly on my tippy toes.

I'm a middle child so I'm sure I slept through lots of loud noise. I've been a heavy sleeper ever since.

[seabeyond]

13. the baby is 10 months old. it is only recently that she is getting frustrated with this.

making a greater demand for quiet. something is up, somewhere. that baby is being woken before its time, or other things are frustrating her and this is where she is taking it out instead of discussing the real issue.

i perused articles. every article says quiet, cool, dark environment for sleep. yes, regular noise around the house is ok, as long as they are quiet. a flushed toilet by the room can be the one to trigger awake, but reality, we have to use the bathroom.

but something is up somewhere. i would be into finding out what is truly stressing her. or pay attention if the baby isnt getting the environment for the structured, consistent naps.

the baby sleeps at NIGHT in a QUIET house. we are not concerned that is going to screw up the ability to sleep the rest of the babies life. no one is making noise at night and it is a much longer period of sleep. so it makes absolutely no sense at all to suggest a quiet environment for naptime is unhealthy.

with consistent, adequate naps, the baby will go down easier for a long sleep at night. it is important. if a baby does not get enough sleep in the day, is overtired, is over stimulated and fussy by bedtime, it does not result in a child that conks out for the night. the opposite. the baby has a poor night of sleep.

[tridim]

15. It actually has been the norm since day one.. I just started questioning it recently.

Especially today after the get rid of the dogs thing.

He sleeps well at night.. From 8:00pm to 8:00am, waking up only once a few times a week.

[seabeyond]

18. you say he is healthy, sleeps well and is well taken care of.

obviously sleeping thru the night with total quiet, an afternoon nap of quiet isnt going to hurt him

why wouldnt you leave it alone?

[seabeyond]

6. i was also home alone with him most of his nap time. i got things done, without making noise that

reached his room. took my showers during his nap time. i still did work.

[cyberswede]

2. Babies need to get used to noise

Not a brass band or anything, but kids should learn to sleep despite regular household noises, imo.

I got this theory from my mother - she had 8 kids - impossible to keep everyone quiet all the time.

On edit: I probably would avoid vacuuming, though.

[Scuba]

5. "DU consensus".... Bwwwwaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[seabeyond]

7. no? not gonna happen?

lol.

[leftyohiolib]

11. i just got that made me laugh

[leftyohiolib]

9. unrealistic request this must be her first, baby that is

but she'll get her way so unless you want to live in the garage probably should let yourbrother handle it or you can spend the rest of life catering to all her ridiculous requests. the baby will adapt and get used to the noise in the day it will also encourage the baby to get off the nocturnal schedule their born with and sleep more at night.

[tridim]

10. Yep, first kid..

And when I talked to my brother I made it clear that it's only MY opinion and that it's not anything near an ultimatum. I'm not stupid.

[Tumbulu]

20. not all babies adapt- mine never did, each is different

do what mom says. If the baby does not get it's sleep, it becomes a nightmare for the mom. The baby is only 10 months old, it is still very young. And all babies cannot be forced to sleep through noise. Some can some can't.

I do not think disparaging a mom is at all helpful. Mom's need to be supported.

[mzteris]

12. oh dear

what a problem she's fomenting.

Has anyone asked her WHY she thinks this is necessary? Has anyone given her a copy of Dr. Spock?

[tridim]

14. My brother said she gets upset when he wakes up and cries, which I assume is motherly instinct.

When I babysit and put him to sleep sometimes he'll wake up and cry for a minute or two, then do some baby talk for awhile and fall back asleep. I have no parental instincts.

I should note that she is a recent immigrant from Vietnam, which might be a factor culturally. She is stubborn and set in her ways, and tends to get angry when given friendly advice (that's why I talked to my brother). I wish that wasn't the case, but it just is.

I suggested that my brother re-read his baby book's section on sleep, since the Internet is pretty much unanimous on the subject. I have no idea if or how he'll manage to relay the information to his wife.

[mzteris]

16. a few more questions

1. How is this baby?
2. How old is the mother?
3. How much help is she getting with the baby? What's her "support system" like? (Not just for child care, but HER care. . . as in
4. does she have friends?)
5. How well does she speak English?
6. Does her husband speak her language?
7. Could it be her excuse to "not do anything" while the baby is sleeping. Telling her it's more than OK to take a nap when the baby does might help her.

Sorry - I get all know-it-all-and preachy sometimes. I don't mean to, though. I'm really just trying to help. (I think it's that Motherly instinct! )

[tridim]

17. .

1. How is this baby?

Perfect, IMO. Happy. Smiles a lot. She obviously loves him.

2. How old is the mother?

Mid 20's. Pretty young.

3. How much help is she getting with the baby? What's her "support system" like? (Not just for child care, but HER care. . . as in

Plenty. No day care, lots of baby sitters available. 99% of the time at least one parent is home. IMO she should quit her part time job, but that's not my call.

4. does she have friends?)

One friend. Also with a newborn.

5. How well does she speak English?

Well enough to understand everything she says.

6. Does her husband speak her language?

No.

7. Could it be her excuse to "not do anything" while the baby is sleeping. Telling her it's more than OK to take a nap when the baby does might help her.

Good point. I wouldn't doubt it. She seems to only clean/cook when the baby is up. She usually hits the couch while he's sleeping.

She's definitely a tough nut to crack. VERY sensitive.

[Tumbulu]

22. when the baby sleeps, mom is supposed to be sleeping too and that means naps.

Being a mom is huge and mom's need rest. Period.

What do you mean "no day care" does that mean that she is caring for the baby herself all day? Then she needs a break and naptime is her time to rest, too.

Of course she is only going to do noisy things like cleaning when the baby is up- she should not be disturbing it either.

Listen, lots of people think that it should be very quiet during naptime. Can go somewhere else- take the dogs for a walk?

I am glad that your brother is standing up for her. It is not unreasonable and it is fairly customary for mom's to want total silence while babies and even toddlers nap. In fact I know of no one who does not demand total quiet once they finally get the baby to sleep.

[mzteris]

24. yeah, but you're setting yourself up

and the baby - if you "demand total silence"... get'em used to noise noise noise.

Easy to say when you're not so damn sleep deprived that you'd do anything JUST TO GET THEM TO SLEEEP!!!!!!!!!! BUT - take it from moms who know - babies need to learn to live - and sleeep - in the world around them.

[Tumbulu]

25. I'm a mom to a auditory sensitive 10 yr old

everything used to wake her up- and it was too much when I had just gotten her to sleep and then some stupid loud noise would awaken her and then hours of crying and then she would get so overwrought that she could not get to sleep at night.....

The trait comes from me- I am undone by loud sounds....grew up in the suburbs and became a farmer- I just cannot handle town and city noises very often. I was exposed to lots of sounds, second to youngest in a very loud big happy family- but that did not ever accustom me to them. I had to find a way as an adult to survive and thrive with my traits.

Children do become capable of adaptation, but it is completely normal for a mom of a baby of that age to want the baby to not get waked up. Especially in many traditional cultures. My own grandmother- mother to 10 from Europe- insisted on no alarm clocks and no sounds to wake up any of her children- ever. She said that when the baby and or child sleeps its brain grows. This is actually true- neuroscientists say.

My daughter has been playing at a friend's house with a 4 yr old younger brother who still naps and EVERYONE has to talk in whispers or go outside. Simply no noise in the house still, the doorbell gets turned off, etc.

[mzteris]

26. Ok - there are ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS

to every rule.

Believe me, I know about overly sensitive kids - in one spectrum or another . . .

Overall all though, generally speaking, DO NOT TIPTOE OR WHISPER... let 'em learn to sleep through a freaking earthquake. You - and they - will be much happier through out a lifetime.

[seabeyond]

29. the baby sleeps in total quiet at night. we arent concerned about that. nt

[chloes1]

28. Pleased to meet you! /snark

I had too help my son learn to sleep through ordinary noises. Such as toilets flushing, the dishwasher going, the clothes washer etc... That is because he was turning into a real tyrant! He would wake up with less and less noise and refuse to lay back down.

Sooo, I started introducing "quiet time" the house would get quieter but NOT silent. It worked, but it was HORRID for about a week.

But then, every child is different. But expecting the world to stop 'cuz your child is napping is a recipe for a breakdown. The world just doesn't stop because your baby is napping...

[HopeHoops]

19. Screw that. They sleep on your shoulder in malls. The "total silence" thing raises light sleepers.

Ours can pass out in a war zone.

[Tumbulu]

21. you are lucky that you got such a sleeper

not all babies are like this.

[HopeHoops]

23. The middle one is 18 and still passed out - not so sure about the "lucky" thing anymore.

Oh, and "just a minute" apparently translates into "about an hour from now".

[YellowRubberDuckie]

27. My parents were alcoholics.

They'd put us to bed, then blare the console record player in the living room. We just slept away the entire time. While I don't like their choices they made while I was a kid, I do agree that kids should get used to sleeping with noise.
Of course, my mom drank beer, smoked and breast fed me at the same time, so there was a good reason I was sleeping...
Duckie

[Robb]

30. I'm late to this one. But the answer is easy.

Whatever mom wants.

Seriously, the baby will either sleep through noise or not. There's no real "training" except they get older and change one way or another anyhow.

In the meantime, mom stresses out at the notion of spending another half-hour trying to get the baby back to sleep -- to say nothing of another half-hour-plus she doesn't get to sleep. Rested parents are better parents.

Nutshell: do whatever it takes to keep mom happy. If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

[alphafemale]

31. I think you should be able to carry on reasonably normal activities.

But if your living in their house I doubt your opinion counts for much.

The second or any later children certainly won't have a silent house during nap time. That's pretty much a given.

My first was a bit of a light sleeper at first. I found that some white noise like a radio set off station or a fan helped. She eventually learned to settle back down to sleep even if she did wake up.

I think she's hindering the kids future sleep abilities. And most environments are not silent. Not even at night.