Lady Driver, Brilliant!

[Crewleader]

A mature lady gets pulls over for speeding


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.



Older Woman: Oh, I see.




Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?



Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.



Traffic Cop: Don't have one?



Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.



Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.



Older Woman: I can't do that.



Traffic Cop: Why not?



Older Woman: I stole this car.



Traffic Cop: Stole it?



Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.


Traffic Cop: You what!?




Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.



The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.



Older woman: Is there a problem sir?



Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.



Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!



Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.



The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.



Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?



Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned.



Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.



The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.



The officer examines the license quizzically.



Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!



Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.



Don't Mess With Mature Ladies



If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

I just did!

[elleng]

1. HAHAHAHA!

[No Vested Interest]

2. Complaints Received by Thomas Cook Vacations from Dissatisfied Customers:

1. I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams and ginger nuts.

2. It's lazy of the shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta time" -- this should be banned.

3.On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food.

4. We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits. We assumed it would be included in the price.

5.The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.

6.We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.

7. They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very disturbing for my husband who just wanted to relax.

8 .No-one told us there would be fush in the water. The children were scared.

9. Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.

10. We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.

11. The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.

12. It took us nine hours to fly ome from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.

13. I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.

14. We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.

15. It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.

16. I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitos.

17. My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.

[Crewleader]

3. LOL!

Share the Fun

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Towards 2015 -- Remember:



1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.



4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.



6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes, Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.



8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.



10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment ... for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel ... because those that matter... don't mind... and those that mind ...don't matter!

And As You Slide Down that Banister of Life You Should Pray That All The Splinters Are Pointed The Other Way...

[No Vested Interest]

4. I love Maxine!

Crewleader -It seems you've got a file of funnies the size of Jack Benny's file!
Bring it!

[Crewleader]

5. Unfortunately lost many on old computers No Vested Interset

but these two of late are from my e-mail buddy.

You said it...makes you smile...Bring it!

And.... to share the laughter friend!

[Crewleader]

6. Got this one today

They're Finally Together



Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children.

Then Ted died of Heart Disease.

She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Again Judy remarried, and this time

She & John had 5 more children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,

"Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret :

"Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband? ?"

Margaret replied: "No, I think he means her legs, Ethel..."

[No Vested Interest]

7. Wow! You caught me on that one!

Crewleader - One lucky woman to have a friend who brightens your day almost every day.

Me - I have Crewleader to bring the chuckles. Lucky me!

[Crewleader]

8. No Vested Interest...:)

[Crewleader]

9. Another e-mail surprise my friend

Last edited Fri Nov 21, 2014, 09:45 PM - Edit history (1)

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