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tishaLA

(14,176 posts)
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 01:24 PM Oct 2015

The Caucasian's Guide To Black Churches

<...> The first time I visited a Presbyterian church, I was floored. Even the most well-dressed worshippers wore wrinkled Dockers and boat shoes. I felt like it was so disrespectful to Jesus, but you know what they say: “White folks will wear Umbros to Easter Service.”

At Black churches, one must dress impeccably in CHURCH clothes. (Black children are taught at an early age the four classes of clothes: School Clothes, Play Clothes, Work Clothes, and Church Clothes.) Men’s church suits have twice as many buttons as business suits and don’t come in colors as much they come in flavors: There’s Skittles Green, Peach Faygo Pink, Grape Jolly Rancher Purple. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look no further than mustachioed comedian, game-show host, and bullshit-spreader Steve Harvey, who has managed to milk a fortune from his line of church suits. You can sometimes spot an out-of-habitat church suit at formal events, too, like when NFL players become commentators, or when deacons have court dates.

Women’s church dresses are simultaneously demure and racy. They are tailored to show less cleavage than usual and fall below the knee, but still highlight the roundness of the female buttocks. You see, once a woman attends church for 22 consecutive Sundays, her booty begins to get rounder, and her dress will show it. After about 20 years of Sundays, these women become church mothers, and all their dresses are then required to have sequins or rhinestones on them. I’m pretty sure there’s a bible verse about that. Sister Wilma showed it to me one time, but I forget where. <...> Deadspin

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irisblue

(32,929 posts)
3. I do now. It's reserved for me @ the local library.
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 02:31 PM
Oct 2015

The reviews @ Amazon are so intriguing. Thanks for the rec.

JustAnotherGen

(31,780 posts)
4. There are no lies told here!
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 02:42 PM
Oct 2015


And yes - I now have UU service clothes . . . think J Jill pure jill.

But growing up in the Baptist Church? You bet I had a 'sunday hair ribbons' and dresses. Like my mom would go to this high end fabric store and buy specialty 'ribbon' by the half yard for my bows.

Chitown Kev

(2,197 posts)
5. A note on "the crowns..."
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 02:58 PM
Oct 2015

that's actually more of a "Protestant thing" than simply a black church lady thing; even many Southern white church ladies where hats to church (even though southern church white lady chapeaus are usually quite tired compared to black church ladies).

And remember, Aretha's inauguration hat was a bigger hit in England than here (outside of the black community).

Number23

(24,544 posts)
6. This is beyond awesome. We only go to church at Christmas (and sometimes not even then)
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 07:13 PM
Oct 2015

and last year went to a majority white church. The folks were wearing some of everything. T-shirts, flip flops, wrinkled khakis.

None of that would have EVER done in my old Presbyterian church back home. Dress to the nines or stay home.

kwassa

(23,340 posts)
7. We are in a diverse church with diverse dress standards.
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 10:15 PM
Oct 2015

Some dress up, some don't. Most come in nice casual clothing, but the ushers all suit up.

My favorite dress-ups are the African ladies in the full and very colorful dresses and headwraps.

onpatrol98

(1,989 posts)
8. Okay...this articles does bring back memories...of like last Sunday.
Wed Oct 7, 2015, 11:58 PM
Oct 2015

But, I did find it funny to realize that apparently "steppin" hadn't changed in twenty years. I have been away from a SWAC university since 1992 and I was sitting here thinking...hey, ain't that the same routine...oh well. LOL.

There are few things in life more entertaining than watching an old Greek step (cue Rickey Smiley, the Que.) I love it that he just can't resist joining right in.



As a matter of fact, this story reminds me a little bit of his band shtick...



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