DC's Legends of Tomorrow. What a stinker!
Damn.
Against my initial expectations, I really enjoy the Arrowverse. The key is accepting it on its own terms, with the ugliest cast member being more beautiful than anyone you've ever met, and a consistent dedication to not taking itself too seriously. Supergirl is the crown jewel, thanks in large part to Melissa Benoist's steadily excellent performance.
But Legends of Tomorrow? Yikes!
Not a terrible concept, I grant, but am I to believe that somebody came up with the name "Time Masters" on purpose, and that someone else approved it? Seriously? And that's just the beginning.
Rip Hunter, the Time Master, can't seem to figure out what his mission is or how to execute it, and he spends his time reciting vague platitudes about preserving/protecting history despite specifically trying to damage history. And his six-gun laser pistol? Seems to make things explode when he shoots them, unless he shoots a person, who is nudged gently aside.
Captain Cold & Heat Wave each carries a handheld weapon of mass destruction, and when they zap someone with it, the victim is gently lifted and swept back a few feet. WTF?
Atom wears a cheap Iron Man knockoff, and he never uses the one power that makes him distinctive. Instead, he flies around and gently punches bad guys.
Firestorm can transmute matter and survive in the vacuum of space, so he creates a lot of flashy fireworks displays. And when he does blast someone with nuclear fire, that person is gently pushed a little.
Hawkgirl is an immortal demigoddess with 4000 years of spotty memories and counting, and the only one who can actually kill the villain. So she splits her time between being a helpless victim and being the victim of her teammates' attempts to hit on her.
Black Canary might be the bright spot, relatively speaking, because she actually does kick ass from time to time, and she doesn't have a pointless energy weapon to fall back on.
What's the mission? To kill Vandal Savage, a millennia-old genocidal megalomaniac. Why? Because he killed Rip Hunter's family.
How do they undertake this mission? By travelling to the most boring (and cheapest to simulate) time periods, the 70s and 80s. Six episodes of season one are wasted on this, and they never get within 100 miles of actually stopping Savage. Instead, they have to repair the "Timerider," or recover a piece of Atom's suit, or unfuck something that some member of the team has fucked up.
And Hunter can't possibly be worried about causing huge time/space problems, because he's shown trying to kill Savage way back in ancient Egypt, after Savage had already acquired his power and immortality. Clearly he doesn't mind creating a 4000-year hiccup in the continuum, so why not take the Timerider back a few years farther and kill Savage when he was a snotty and powerless teenager?
God, this show is awful. I've made four separate attempts to get through season 1 on Netflix, and I don't think I can do it. And that's coming from someone who's survived both Howard the Duck and Return of Swamp Thing in the theater!
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