Don't mess with old folks!

[babylonsister]

Rec'd in an e-mail...


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH.
#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

[DrDan]

1. terrific - she deserves an award for (1) her creativity and (2) for keeping her temper in control

[babylonsister]

2. I would NOT have been as composed; I did like this! nt

[marylovem4]

9. best of luck..

[Tunkamerica]

3. Bank managers get to pick what's published in the New York Times? Sounds about right.

[babylonsister]

4. Perhaps he just submitted it to the NYT and they liked it enough to print it. nt

[Tunkamerica]

5. if it sounds made up

there's a good chance it is.

[ConcernedCanuk]

6. "We don't like being old in the first place,"

.
.
.

" so it doesn't take much to piss us off."

wow

did I laugh or what!!

I read the other posts,

even if it was made up

it's beauty

but hey,

ponder it - when we get older,

we have TIME to do that sort of thing, especially if your partner is gone . .

don't piss off the old folks

- they got more brain cells firing than you may think . . .

CC

[Mira]

7. Old Age may not be for sissies

but it is not for Dummies either.
Brilliant!

[ConcernedCanuk]

8. Sadly, you are correct

.
.
.

but we get old (if were lucky?) no matter what . . .

as the old saying goes

we have to play with the cards we are dealt . .

unfortunately

some dealers deal from the bottom of the deck

[oldandhappy]

10. Like this a bunch

Hope she changed to a credit union.