Local Church Full Of Brainwashed Idiots Feeds Town’s Poor Every Week

[rug]

News in Brief • Local • religion • charity • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 3, 2014

MACON, GA—Sources confirmed today that the brainwashed morons at First Baptist Assembly of Christ, all of whom blindly accept whatever simplistic fairy tales are fed to them, volunteer each Wednesday night to provide meals to impoverished members of the community. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in town who have fallen on hard times and are unable to afford to put food on the table, so we try to help out as best we can,” said 48-year-old Kerri Bellamy, one of the mindless sheep who adheres to a backward ideology and is incapable of thinking for herself, while spooning out homemade shepherd’s pie to a line of poor and homeless individuals. “It feels great to share our blessings with the less fortunate. Plus, it’s fun to work alongside all the members of our [corrupt institution of propaganda and lies] who come out each week.” As of press time, the brainless, unthinking lemmings had donated winter clothing they no longer wore to several needy families and still hadn’t opened their eyes to reality.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-church-full-of-brainwashed-idiots-feeds-town,34860/

[madrchsod]

1. the onion really poured it on ......!

50+word sentences is an art form.

[Liberal Jesus Freak]

2. .....

Lol..love this.

[NaturalHigh]

3. The irony will be lost on many.

I'm waiting for the usual bashers to show up.

[TreasonousBastard]

4. I get the satire, but in real time...

here's what I was doing last night...

http://northfork.patch.com/groups/around-town/p/east-end-homeless-find-shelter-from-frigid-cold?ncid=newsltuspatc00000001&evar4=picks-1-post&newsRef=true

I'm with the Southold Unitarians, and last night it got down to 4 degrees. Unitarians don't go in much for the God's will sort of thing, but we found it an interesting coincidence that we just had our furnace replaced.

[rug]

5. That short article has a lot of humanity in it.

Stay warm out on the North Fork.

[okasha]

6. They forgot the Bronze Age goatherds.

n/t

[wryter2000]

13. And imaginary friends in the sky

[struggle4progress]

18. They also forgot to mention how this enables suicide bombers

[NBachers]

7. Now where have I read these characterizations before . . .

[cbayer]

8. Ha! That's hilarious.

And perfect.

[freshwest]

9. Doesn't look like anyone is biting the hands for feeding them, either. Good vibes go both ways.

I still prefer a social safety net that is there to protect people from being so bad off they have to line up like that. It should have never gotten to this point, it's like a hundred years ago. I blame media and the GOP.

[jtuck004]

10. If you don't add in NAFTA and the Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act, you

are missing two major contributors to this condition. And if it comes to pass, the TPP will make it worse.

Those are all on Democrats that wanted votes instead of making a stronger, more secure country with less for the wealthy. And until we come to grips with that and figure out we have to teach everyone to be adults (kinda like Jimmy Carter proposed) these lines will get longer and longer.

[NJCher]

15. in a wealthy country like ours

There is no excuse for the lack of a safety net.


Cher

[freshwest]

19. And without discrimination or shaming. If one believes in equality. n/t

[Tikki]

11. The problem is when the 'mindless sheep' are surprised that non sheep, also, do this work and when..

non sheep are criticized by the head ram in the pasture for not believing in the invisible goat in the sky.

I have never known of an Atheist asking a fellow volunteer to leave because they are religious.


Tikki

[cbayer]

16. That was a really bad incident and shameful in so many ways.

But I would contend that it got so much attention because it is truly a rare occurrence.

[eomer]

25. I don't think it it rare.

My wife wanted to volunteer at a program for children at a nearby Baptist church. She is Christian but not the right flavor; she couldn't volunteer because she couldn't check all the required boxes on their application. I don't have many data points to go by but would have thought this is a pretty common practice.

[cbayer]

26. What required boxes could she not check?

I think there is a difference here. Within a congregation, I think there remains the discretion to decide who and what will be taught to children. If this were anything more than just babysitting, I think they were within their rights.

I would say the same thing about an atheist organization. If they had a program for children, they would probably want to exclude people who are going to include religion as volunteers. I don't see anything wrong with that.

But when it comes to volunteers to serve food to people, I think that kind of exclusion becomes a problem. An exception I could think of is if the volunteers wanted to proselytize in some way, whether they be believers or non-believers.

My experience working with organizations that do things like soup kitchens and food banks is that volunteers are always welcome, regardless of beliefs.

I would again maintain that exclusion, while it happens, is rare.

And until I see some data which indicates otherwise, I'm going to stick with that.

[madmom]

28. Not necessarily so...

about 2 summers ago, I believe, a local group had a canned food drive. Because some, not all, members were associated with the local occupy group, they were turned away when offering their collection. They asked why and the reason they were given.."we don't like your kind!"

edited to add...This was with a church affiliated food bank.

[cbayer]

31. That's sounds like rejection for political reasons, not religious.

FWIW, there were a lot of religious organizations involved in OWS.

[madmom]

33. You said....

"My experience working with organizations that do things like soup kitchens and food banks is that volunteers are always welcome, regardless of beliefs."

[cbayer]

35. Sorry, I was referring to religious beliefs.

That may due to this being the religion group where "beliefs" tends to have a narrower definition.

Sorry for the confusion.

[madmom]

36. NP

[eomer]

29. This program was a home for abandoned children...

not a program for children who are there because their parents choose to have them taught those Baptist beliefs.

Another example we've recently come across is a different home for children that we've been told will only allow adoption of "their" children by Christian married straight couples.

One of the boxes my wife couldn't check was abstention from alcohol. Another was that she was Baptist. I think it's pretty likely this program is taking in children from outside and teaching them to be Baptists. This is common among programs like this isn't it?

A third example I have direct knowledge of is a prison visitation program of the Catholic archdiocese in our city. My wife and I attended their day-long training with both us and the deacon in charge knowing we couldn't be volunteers because we're not Catholic. The entire day of training was to drill home that volunteers were to only minister to prisoners about religion and not to minister on their human needs and condition. The secular visitation program we've launched is the exact opposite, no religion unless the prisoner specifically asks and then no proselytizing; instead we're there to treat them as friends and human beings who are in difficult conditions.

[cbayer]

34. That sounds really complex and there may even be some legal violations in there.

The whole prison thing sounds bizarre. The documents I have read from the prison chaplain's associations stand in pretty stark contrast to what you experienced, including the American Catholic Correctional Chaplains Association. Perhaps there is a difference between what employed chaplains can do as opposed to volunteers?

And there appears to be a significant rise in "interfaith" programs that include people from many different faiths as well as non-believers. This gives me hope.

Your program sounds really good. There is a need for religious and non-religious chaplains, as well as visitation programs.

[freshwest]

17. The focus needs to be on the work done, whoever's doing it. Criticism from either group is ego, not

serving the needy. I'm a secularist and think in terms of prevention. By government providing housing, employment, money to live on if unable to work or get a job and healthcare and delivering without shaming or discrimination. People deserve equal treatment under law

That's unconditional love and respect. I know believers, pagans and atheists who do this, and it's their focus. It's a waste for people to use their energy to attack each other when there is so much work that needs to be done.

Obama was quoted in a meeting with community activists years ago as he commended those in public and private service for the poor. He said there was 'a spirit of love' in blue states. Helping people, doing unto others as you would have done unto you, the Golden Rule.

Not arguing your experience. We don't need to be offended or give offense. Life is too short for that.

[Tikki]

20. Actually, I agree with you on everything...

The Golden Rule is flawless….


Tikki

[freshwest]

21. Thanks. It applies to everything as a universal value. n/t

[jtuck004]

12. I grew up in a small Southern Baptist Church. My mom had it so bad that she sent notes

to my freakin' school disallowing me from the dancing they were doing in class (public schools actually teaching people how to live life - imagine).

Regardless, the preacher was amazing. When the church got more political, and decided money was more important than their mission, he quit.

He wound up in Texas running a "Hotsy" hot dog stand. One day he saw one of the employees handing a #10(?) can of pickles out the window to someone, and they kid (Mexican) explained that there were 12 of them in the house, and that was what they were going to eat for dinner.

He quit, came back to Oklahoma City, and took a position at a rundown church in downtown OKC, ministering to the low-income folks, running the soup/food kitchen for people who could just walk in a get something. Though some of the reformed folks tried to make them listen to their sermons, such (mild, perhaps) coercion wasn't a priority for him. He visited jails and hospitals every week, bringing what relief he could to people's minds. I can remember him walking in on a big, big Native American, drunk, beating his wife, and taking her out of harm's way. He was all of 5' 5", and not that well-built, about 50ish by then.

He died a few years back, dementia, in a nursing home. He was one of the few church folks I ever respected. He helped hundreds, if not thousands of people, and never, ever let his religion become the most important thing, though he would drop to a knee and pray in a New York minute.

The big church he left got big, lots of money, then got blown away in a tornado a few years ago. I went back to visit them once, realized why he left. What a marked difference in viewpoints.

[cbayer]

14. He sounds like a great man.

My father is a lot like him and that's the kind of religion I grew up with.

[edhopper]

22. Okay

what if this group were also ardent creationist, worked tirelessly to stop Gay marriage and stores provisions for the Rapture the knew was coming soon. But also operated a soup kitchen.
Would you consider the headline correct or not?

[cleanhippie]

23. If they were creationists, it would be ok to call them "dumbasses"

And ridicule them for their silly beliefs.

[cbayer]

24. C'mon, ed. It's funny.

When people stereotype others, satirizing their stereotypes and presenting it as humor can be effective. And this piece hits the nail on the head for a lot of people.

If the group were ardent creationists trying to change school curricula and worked tireless against GLBT rights, of course the vast majority of DUers would have issues with them. As for storing provisions, I could care less.

But it's not about that. It's about broad brush attacks on believers in general using what are becoming increasingly trite stereotypes.

To criticize or even attack a group for specific things they might be doing that impinge on the rights of others has always been ok here.

[edhopper]

27. It is funny.

And I thought so when I first saw it in GD.
But this was a later thought about it. Just because someone does something good, doesn't mean they can't be brainwashed dumbasses.
I have met a few very nice people who belong to cults, they can be both.

[cbayer]

30. Of it doesn't mean that they can't be brainwashed dumbasses.

But because they are religious doesn't mean that they are by default brainwashed dumbasses. That's the point.

I hope you are not equating all religions to cults, because that would just be reinforcing the point the onion is trying to make.

[edhopper]

32. Not at all

that's why I specifically did the "what if" and listed things that would make people dumbasses.

[Brettongarcia]

37. I'd say they are probably silly, confused people - who for once did something good, however

Thank you to those who feed the poor, for that act of kindness.

Now, on the subject of "miracles"? And Creationism?