Three teenagers in a very religious community hid themselves in a barn one Sunday in order to smoke.

[struggle4progress]

But someone discovered them and told them they should be whipped

One said: "I don't deserve to be punished: I just forgot that today is Sunday!"

The second said: "And I don't deserve to be punished: I just forgot that smoking on Sunday is forbidden!"

The third said: "I also just forgot!"

He was asked what he had forgotten

"I just forgot to lock the barn door"

[TlalocW]

1. My relatively non-offensive religious joke

Two Irishmen were working fixing a pothole on the streets of a neighborhood in Dublin when one spied a well-known Methodist minister trying to covertly enter in a nearby house of ill-repute.
"Ah, 'tis a shame when a man o' the cloth be actin' like that," said one.
"'Tis true, 'tis true," replied the other.
They continued work, and about an hour later, one of the few Jewish rabbis of the community came by and tried to sneak in without anyone noticing.
"Oh, is it any wonder that the world be in the shape it is when a religious man acts like that?"
"Aye. 'Tis a sad state of affairs."
Another hour of working, and the parish's Catholic priest sidles up as inconspicuously as he can and goes inside.
"Oh, what a shame that is," said one.
"Aye," replied his friend. "One of the poor dears must be dyin' and askin' for last rites."

TlalocW

[rug]

2. A man asks God, "how long is a million years?"

God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."

"God, how much is a million dollars?"

"To me, it's a penny."

"God, may I have a penny?"

"Wait a minute."

[cbayer]

3. Disclaimer - this is the first joke my husband ever told me.

One fine day, a priest, a rabbi, and a high priestess decide to all go fishing. They manage to get to the water, and off they go. One hour later, the high priestess says, "I think I forgot the food!" She steps off the boat, walks across the water, gets the picnic basket, and walks back! As they are eating, the priest thinks, "What a display. Jeez, where does she get off walkin' on the water?" Right then, the rabbi says, "Oye! I forgot the drinks." He steps right off the boat, and walks across the water to get the drinks. By this time, the priest is very frustrated! He excuses himself, and as the priest steps out of the boat, he falls in the water. The high priestess turns to the rabbi and says, "You think we should have told him about the rocks?"

[LeftishBrit]

4. There were once two little brothers who were always being naughty and getting into trouble.

Their mother decided to see if sending them to Sunday School might improve their behaviour.

When they arrived, the older boy said to the younger boy, 'I'll go in first to see if it's OK'.

So when he went in, the Sunday School teacher tried to examine his knowledge.

'Where is God?'

No answer.

'Johnny, where is God?'

No answer.

'JOHNNY, WHERE IS GOD?'

Johnny ran out of the room, grabbed his little brother by the hand, and ran away with him till they could run no more.

When the little brother got his breath back, he said, 'Why did we have to do that?'

'Well', Johnny replied, 'God's missing, and they're blaming us for it!'

[LeftishBrit]

5. And a similar, Jewish story

Little David was always in trouble at school. He was usually to blame for something. One day the Rabbi was visiting the school to give a lesson on the Torah. As usual, David was not paying attention. The Rabbi asked him, 'Who created the Heavens and the Earth?' David was lost in daydreams and didn't reply. The Rabbi repeated, sternly, "David: who created the Heavens and the Earth?' David, startled and alarmed, replied, 'It wasn't me! It wasn't me!'

[Fumesucker]

6. Jesus walks into a bar orders a glass of water, turns it into wine then sits at the end of the bar s

In walks an irishman with a clubfoot, he asks the bartender "Isn't that the son o god ?".
The bartender says "yes".
So the irishman tells the bartender to give Jesus another of whatever he's drinking.
Meanwhile, in walks a hunchback, spots Jesus at the end of the bar and asks the bartender "Isn't that Jesus the son of God?"
The bartender affirms it and the hunchback orders a drink for Jesus.
Meanwhile, in walks a redneck sees Jesus at the end of the bar and asks the bartender " Isn't that God's boy down there ?"
The bartender say it is and the redneck says "Wha hell give em a brew"
When Jesus finished he went first to the clubfoot and touching him he says "For your kindness you are healed"
He then touched the hunchback and said "For your kindness, you are healed".
As he approached the redneck with his hand extended, the redneck jumped out of the way yelling " Get the hell away from me I'm on disability!