Confronting religion as an agnostic
By Emily Lau on February 20, 2014
My relationship with religion can best be described as on-and-off. I was not raised as a church-goer, and for much of my life I have identified myself as an agnostic theist — that is, someone who believes in a religious deity, but acknowledges the existence of that deity as unknowable. That has pretty much been my way out of dealing with religion and faith in general, and out of having to choose between the polar camps of theists and atheists. However, I have recently started to confront a lot of mixed feelings about religion and become more curious about how and why people choose between the two.
I feel like atheism is a fairly popular way to go at Swat, at least in my social circles. In my four years here, I have met all manner of atheists — atheists who are atheist just because they feel it makes sense, atheists who are just so adamantly atheist, atheists who are 0.1percent theist, Jewish atheists … you name it. Sometimes atheism is an intellectual decision, but also an emotional one. “Religion has caused so much bad in the world,” said one of my friends. “Religious people like to talk about all the good that religion has done for the world but really, it’s done more good than bad.” When she said this, I thought of my extended family in Hong Kong, deeply indebted to the charity of the Catholic Church for sustenance and education after the Second World War, but I said nothing.
There is no doubt that many atrocities are perpetuated in the name of religious faith. Women and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and transgender people are oppressed and genocide is encouraged under religious banners. I have been turned off from religion in the past because of a very common amalgamation of religious faith with political rhetoric. While interning in DC this summer, I went to a Baptist church with my friend and officemate. I distinctly remember one service when the pastor said, “Based on the range of ages and races here, I will guess that 40 percent of this congregation was almost aborted. Be thankful to your parents.”
I also do not deny that absolute faith can be a hard thing to muster. This is especially so in an environment like Swat, where we are encouraged to scrutinize, question and dissect everything placed in front of us. For instance, this past summer, I joined an intern Bible study group. “All these intellectuals talk a lot about post-modernism and other ideas and propose these new ways of looking at faith, but it’s all false!” said one group member, in a discussion. “There is only one truth.” I recall being incredulous and maybe a little impressed that you could have faith that strong without ever intellectually questioning it.
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