Judge breaks up God for antitrust violations - Onion

[cbayer]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/03/31/judge-breaks-up-god-for-antitrust-violations/

BY SASHA VOLOKH
March 31 at 12:55 pm

From The Onion — this is about a dozen years old but still good (h/t Danny Sokol’s Antitrust & Competition Policy blog):

WASHINGTON, DC—Calling the theological giant’s stranglehold on the religion industry “blatantly anti-competitive,” a U.S. district judge ruled Monday that God is in violation of anti-monopoly laws and ordered Him to be broken up into several less powerful deities.

“The evidence introduced in this trial has convinced me that the deity known as God has willfully and actively thwarted competition from other deities and demigods, promoting His worship with such unfair scare tactics as threatening non-believers with eternal damnation,” wrote District Judge Charles Elliot Schofield in his decision. “In the process, He has carved out for Himself an illegal monotheopoly.”

To comply with federal antitrust statutes, God will be required to divide Himself into a pantheon of specialized gods, each representing a force of nature or a specific human custom, occupation, or state of mind.”There will most likely be a sun god, a moon god, sea god, and rain god,” said religion-industry watcher Catherine Bailey. “Then there will be some second-tier deities, like a god of wine, a goddess of the harvest, and perhaps a few who symbolize human love and/or blacksmithing.”

Leading theologians are applauding the God breakup, saying that it will usher in a new era of greater worshipping options, increased efficiency, and more personalized service.

more at link

[Gothmog]

1. I love the Onion

[cbayer]

2. They do some really funny pieces about god.

[riqster]

3. Brilliant.