Can a Godless Parent Be a GOOD Parent?

[cleanhippie]

Back when I was rearing my sons, I knew I wanted them to be creative and freethinking rational individuals. I didn’t think too much about the philosophical, economic, or political issues undergirding my own lack of belief in any supernatural being. Dan Arel is different. He brings everything to his parenting, and thus to his first book, Parenting Without God: How to Raise Moral, Ethical and Intelligent Children, Free From Religious Dogma (Dangerous Little Books, 2014), Foreword by Peter Boghossian.

An increasingly visible atheist and secular activist and blogger, Dan Arel holds uncompromised beliefs (science not faith, equality for all rather than the capitalism we now have in the U.S.) and isn’t afraid to share them. One of the main themes of his blogs and his new book is that religion and its myths and holy books are not only silly but can at times be downright harmful to children’s well-being.

In the Introduction, Arel explains the book’s purpose:

Most [atheist parents] believe atheism is a place you should find on your own; critical thinking, knowledge, logic and other means of rational thought lead people to reject the idea of man-made gods and consider themselves atheist. How, though, do you instill these values as an atheistic parent without force-feeding your children? This is why I wrote this book.

Parenting Without God is divided into three sections: Dealing with Religion; Sex, Death and the Meaning of Life; and Get Active, which includes several essays by other secular parents (disclosure: I wrote one of the essays).

For the practical-minded, here are a few of Arel’s suggestions to try out in your own family:

FIVE TIPS:

1. Everything about religion should be able to be talked about, with nothing left “off the table.”

2. Don’t make your kids the billboard for your beliefs or lack thereof. Recognize if they’re too young to understand the serious message on their t-shirt.

3. Teach your kids, with plenty of examples, why they ought to do the right thing for its own sake, not out of fear or for a reward.

4. Explain to your kids that their life’s meaning is to be determined by them, and that it’s fine to change their minds over time.

5. Come out as an atheist whenever you can, in order to increase the chances that people will get to know real atheists who are also good people.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creating-in-flow/201408/can-godless-parent-be-good-parent

[rug]

1. Did someone say they can't?

[Htom Sirveaux]

2. Yes, and so can a devout parent.

Also, how can nothing about religion be left off the table if children are too young to understand the serious message on their t-shirt? It would seem that that message on their t-shirt, at least, is supposed to be left off the table for lack of understanding.

[Warren Stupidity]

19. That depends on how the devout parents raise their children.

In my opinion indoctrination in religious nonsense is not a good thing to do to a child. One can of course overcome the misfortune of such indoctrination.

The tee shirt point is a difference between free and open discussion within the family vs how one interacts with society. As there is still quite a bit of anti-atheist prejudice in society, having your children refrain from broadcasting their atheism on their shirts is probably a good idea until they are old enough to deal with the negative reactions.

[elleng]

3. 'Godless?'

Sounds pejorative to this agnostic, and I don't like it.

Our 2 daughters are just fine, thanks, raising their newborn boys, and 'in spite of' our 'godlessness,' they attended parochial schools (after 3rd grade) due to inadequate public schools in our district, and the girls and the schools handled it just fine.

Morality, after all, is NOT related to religiosity.

[Warren Stupidity]

17. Obviously if you are not "godless" this doesn't apply to you.

[elleng]

23. I do not 'believe' in a 'god.'

I admire nature. I may be considered 'godless' by some.

[Warren Stupidity]

25. Like I said, if it doesn't apply to you, it actually doesn't apply to you.

So I don't quite understand your complaint.

[elleng]

26. I am not 'complaining,'

I am discussing.

[Starboard Tack]

21. Well said.

Morality, after all, is NOT related to religiosity.

[CherokeeDem]

4. I'm sorry....

Come out as an atheist whenever you can, in order to increase the chances that people will get to know real atheists who are also good people.


The fact that I or anyone should be measured by identifying ourselves as an atheist or someone who believes in religion is offensive to me. If I say I am an atheist, and I'm a good person, then I've proven all atheists are good.

Dan Arel and I may hold similar views, but his rules are common sense until the last one.

As a secular person, I choose not to identify myself with labels. I want no part of organized religion or organized secularism. I just want to be me, and I want to be judged on how I treat others and conduct myself.

[Curmudgeoness]

5. I disagree that there is any problem with coming out.

The more people realize that they do know people who are atheists, the more they will move toward accepting it. This has been true for the LGBT community, and it will be true for the atheist community.

[CherokeeDem]

8. I fully understand...

that it is perfectly fine to for people to know if someone is an atheist. I have no issue with anyone knowing I am, and I don't think that 'coming out' is applicable to this situation. Coming out of what? However, your argument that it will assist the atheist community is exactly my point. What atheist community? I have lost no rights by not embracing religion. I can live where I want, marry who I choose, take a job, go the grocery, you get the point. Being an atheist, if you choose to classify me as such, doesn't impact my life. I think the Pope would even speak to me. Being an atheist is a choice... being LGBT is not and to equate the two is not a valid argument.

My point is... I am not a member of a community. If someone who embraces a secular philosophy has to belong to an organized group for support, then how is it different from religion? If some highly religious person wants to think I am a lesser human and choses not to accept my choice... how can they hurt me? Being anti-gay can hurt many people, being anti-atheist cannot, unless I and others who are secular allow it, too. And I chose not to let it.

[Curmudgeoness]

9. Is it is choice to be an atheist?

I am not saying that it is the same as being LGBT, but I am saying that if you do not believe in a god, it is not really a choice. I cannot make myself believe. But that was not the point of the comparison. The point was that as more people found that they knew people who were LGBT, they became more accepting.

You are very lucky that it does not have any impact on your life to be atheist. That is not always the case. There are people who could lose a job over it. There are atheists who been ostracized by their family because of it.

Atheists are not accepted everywhere, and are not tolerated in some places. I see it as a community, not like a church, but like-minded people. I also believe that the hiking group that I belong to is a community. Maybe we just see the definition differently.

[JNelson6563]

14. Well said.

I dont have a choice n atheism. I d nt believe and can' just will mysel to do so. And I have lost a job due to atheism. The good Christians I worked with found an opinion different from theirs to be too scary.

Julie

[rock]

6. How can they not?

[Walk away]

7. I come from a multi generational Atheistic family...

We attended Ethical Culture classes in addition to our regular grammar school and ethics and morals were a common subject at the dinner table.

When children learn from actual studies of anthropology like The Golden Bough, it is easy for them to understand were the world religions come from. They learn to be better people for the sake of society, their families and themselves instead of responding to the threat of godly punishment or the lure of a heavenly reward.

I think it is important for people who believe in reason and science, to be up front with their children about religion/mythology. Pretending that religious beliefs are somehow beneficial to young and questioning minds when you know that they are all based upon primitive or ancient stories, would be irresponsible.

[DrewFlorida]

10. The question you ask is insulting, arrogant, and not deserving of an answer!

[cleanhippie]

11. To be clear, "I" didn't ask anything. It's an article in Psychology Today.

[hrmjustin]

15. He didn't mean it as an insult but to further discussion.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

16. Just curious as to why you find it insulting and arrogant

Seriously, I'm curious.

[Prophet 451]

12. Obviously they can

Come to think of it, the worst parents I ever knew tended to be the most "christian" (i.e. made a big deal of how ostentatiously pious they were). My Grimmer, who devoted her entire life to caring for disabled and disturbed kids, was someone you'd never have known was Christian unless you asked her.

Back when I was thinking I might have kids someday, I always said that, when they got to asking about religion, I'd just explain what I believe, explain what mum believes and then present them with a copy of Bullfinch's "Mythology" and the Oxford Encycloapaedia of World Religions and tell them that they can pick any one they like. Or none. Or make up your own. And all of them are fine and none of them are any better than any other.

[on point]

13. Of course yes. Better question can religious delusional nut cases be trusted?

[Warren Stupidity]

18. Well as long as their nonsense is given the religious privilege pass by society

the question is generally not even asked.

[Starboard Tack]

20. Can a Godless Parent Be a GOOD Parent? Yes, of course.

The first 4 tips are excellent. I grew up with them and used them as a parent.

This leaves tip #5

Come out as an atheist whenever you can, in order to increase the chances that people will get to know real atheists who are also good people.

I would not teach kids this for the simple reason that it negates the other tips, in particular Tip #4.

My advice, in place of #5, would be
"Come out as whatever you truly are, regardless of parental pressure or peer pressure, and by doing so, you will give people the chance to get to know someone who thinks for him/her self."

[mr blur]

22. Of course they can. They can also be BAD parents.

Same with believers.

[LeftishBrit]

29. True enough

[intaglio]

24. Yup, next question n/t

[pinto]

27. Sure.

I like #'s 2 & 4, especially. And 3.

(disclaimer) I'm not a parent, but mine would recognize those points, in my experience.

[LeftishBrit]

28. Of course. Strange to doubt it.

My parents were Godless and Great!

[FiveGoodMen]

30. I think it's extremely good NOT to tell your children they deserve to burn forever

(but they can get out of it with the "right" answers to some questions)

[Iggo]

31. 100%.