A Call to Action from an Openly Secular Parent
November 26, 2014 ·
by Jessica Dapson
I’m an atheist and a supporter of the secular movement here in America. I’m also a mother of two children and homemaker to a humanist household. I spend my days changing my baby’s diapers and watching Sesame Street, while trying to make time to read through the latest books as I maintain an orderly home. And when it comes to raising my children, keeping God out of the picture is key. There’s a saying synonymous with parenting that goes, “If I don’t expose my child to the lessons of God, then no one will.” That sounds good to me.
As I watch my children grow, I can’t help but think of my own childhood and how I was raised Catholic. My parents, like many other Americans, seemed to have no problem continuing religious traditions. And many look forward to passing beliefs along, but for me, the buck stops here. Thinking back to when I was about 11 years of age, I remember weekend sleepovers becoming common practice. I’d wake at friends’ homes on Sunday mornings and sometimes accompany them to church. Their parents never questioned whether or not my parents would be okay with me attending different churches–it was just assumed I guess. So, there I was, an 11-year-old girl who knew of nothing other than Catholicism, visiting Methodist and Lutheran churches. I remember sitting there, wondering why Methodists were given grape juice rather than sacramental wine and noticing how different Lutheran churches were with their bare walls. I was confused by the time I became a teen, after having become mildly familiar with various rituals and customs unlike mine, while questioning the existence of God at the same time. And my questions often went unanswered when I asked my parents about other churches, as well as my growing sense of agnosticism. I wouldn’t get answers until I was approaching the age of 30 and sought clarity on my own.
Now I’m a parent raising children and choosing to do so without indoctrination. It’s a conscious choice that I made with both confidence and my children’s best interests at heart. Neither of my two children are baptized. We do not presently belong to any church, however we’ve been known to occasionally frequent Unitarian Universalist churches every now and then. Although I do not kneel and say night-time prayers, my mother still sometimes does when my older child is overnight at her house. A practice she established when I was a child—one I remember cherishing at the time—and continues with my child. No grace is said before dinner is served in my home; however my father usually requires it as a prerequisite to family meals served for holidays in his home. We almost always fly an American flag up high, outside our home, yet I am one of those Americans who would prefer to see “under God” soon removed from our Pledge of Allegiance, so that it can be recited in its original form. There is even a Bible that is thoroughly highlighted (and filled with my hand-written notes) sitting on a shelf in our bookcase. But it’s not there as a tool to influence. It’s there, right next to books of science, magic, and fairy-tales–facts and fiction for reference purposes.
I am a good person and do good—just without God—as the American Humanist Association states. Atheist parenting does not require me to carry the devil’s trident. We non-believers don’t sit around and blaspheme all day, constantly conjuring up ways to sin and run-down proselytizers. We do, however, have in-depth discussions about issues that arise that are sociopolitical in nature. And by we, I do not just mean scientists, writers and teachers, but parents as well. I am not just a mom, baking cookies and attending PTO meetings. I consider myself an intellectual—possibly even a novice philosopher. I believe that it’s healthy to expose my children to the concepts of religious pluralism and tolerance, without pushing a deity on them. And although I am a non-believer, I don’t encourage my children to be the same. My older child claims a belief in God and I’ll be damned if I am going to be the one to cancel that notion. A child’s abilities to both think independently and explore creativity should never be stifled. I am honest about my non-belief though, and comfortable explaining why I feel the way I do. I know that although I can create a happy, healthy home where religion is void and God is absent, there will be plenty of experiences on the outside world to make up for what I choose to abstain from. My children may pass dozens of Christian churches on an afternoon’s drive, but it is the synagogue or mosque that I will be certain to point out and explain its significance. As each day passes, I become more aware of my actions and words, and try to avoid coming across as militant. I’d rather my views align with those that are considered more progressive. Unlike others whose words come across as abrasive, I feel as though it is important for me to be kind and respectful. I take pride as a parent in teaching my children to stop and take time to interpret information that is provided to them as fact, religious or otherwise. Too many of us—children and adults—believe what we hear and confuse opinions with facts. It’s time we freethinkers, secularists, and humanists all come together and move forward with reform, rather than simply continuing to pass the buck.
http://dividedundergod.com/2014/11/26/openly_secular_parent/
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