What is "Consolation," exactly?
When people refer to "consolation," it's not always clear what is meant. That leads to misunderstandings in discussions. So, what does it mean, exactly? It means whatever the person using the word thinks it means, and whatever the person in need of it thinks it means.
For many, "consolation" only means "the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection into eternal life," an expression intended to console the mourners at many funerals. That's not a Biblical phrase, but comes from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer. It's used a lot by many people officiating at funerals. For me, the word "hope" is a contradiction to both "sure" and "certain." For people in the last stages of dying, consolation is often thought of as some sort of promise of the same thing, to ease the passage for the dying person. Both of these types of consolation only apply if you are a believer in a religion that has some sort of afterlife in its doctrine, and often provide precious little reassurance and comfort, regardless of belief.
Well, I've been a death's door myself, once. The best consolation I received was "Don't worry...this will make you more comfortable." and "You seem to be making some progress since I saw you yesterday." The promise of more comfort and the hope that this would end well were far more consoling than the chaplain offering to pray with me. I told the chaplain that I was an atheist, and told the nurse, "thank you."
If you believe that the only consolation is a promise that death is not the end of existence, then nothing else will do, in the minds of people who believe that. If you think that such a promise is consoling to the loved ones of the dying person, then that is what you define as consolation, as well. A "sure and certain hope." Well, I surely and certainly hope nobody says that at my funeral. I'd prefer that people were consoled by their fond memories of my life, not some "sure and certain hope" of something I've never thought made any sense.
For the person who is doing the dying, such promises are cold comfort to the dying person, in many cases, and not much consolation for the loved ones gathered at the bedside. A calming voice, help in reducing pain or anxiety, and having one's loved ones nearby is most often the "consolation" that is needed. It all depends, really, on the beliefs of all involved.
Consolation comes in many forms, and only consoles if it matches the beliefs of the people being consoled. I suspect more families of a dying person are better consoled by efforts to ease discomfort and make the inevitable passage as painless as possible than are consoled by the hedged promise of a resurrection and eternal life. I've certainly seen that with the deaths I've witnessed. The folks at Hospice understand. They truly do. We all die, and our deaths should be made as non-traumatic as possible. That's consolation with a real meaning for many people, including myself.
= new reply since forum marked as read
