What if God had a wife?

[Cartoonist]

Would She have made Him take out the trash and clean the Cosmos? Would He have to do His creating in the garage or basement?

Would Their marriage be a happy one? Could marital bliss have kept God from committing atrocities like the Flood or plagues?

What do They do when all those dead souls show up at the Gate? Who answers the phone when people start praying in the middle of the night?

Does Their Son ever call Them? And when is He ever going to get married and give Them Grandchildren?

[marylandblue]

1. According to ancient inscriptions, God did have a wife

Last edited Sat May 19, 2018, 07:17 PM - Edit history (1)

They refer to "Yahweh and his Ashera." Apperently later generations did not like Asherah and suppressed her worship. But if the Bible had a divine Mom and Dad instead of just a divine father, would we have less sexism in history?

[Cartoonist]

23. She-Ra

[underpants]

2. I thought it was Mother Nature

No, the boy never calls but....well it's complicated.

Uncle Holy Spirit, oh yeah he calls. Always a few days before payday ifyouknowwhatimean.

[AJT]

3. Why would God have any sex organs? Why would God need a penis or vagina?

[MineralMan]

5. Well, the Holy Spirit must have had something in the way of genitals.

I mean...

[Mariana]

6. If God made man in his image and likeness ... nt.

[MineralMan]

4. Who says God is a male?

Here's my favorite depiction of that deity:

[samnsara]

8. exactly!;)

[Act_of_Reparation]

24. Religious people, mostly.

Personally, I'm of the opinion imaginary friends needn't be gendered.

[MineralMan]

25. Well, since they're figments of the imagination,

they can be anything people want, I guess.

[samnsara]

7. is the holy spirit different that god? and who fathered jesus? im confused.

[Mariana]

10. In the first chapter of Luke (NIV), we are told

that an angel visited Mary and explained to her how this would come about.

"You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God."

So, according to the story, the Holy Spirit came on Mary and Jesus was conceived.

[Major Nikon]

12. The authors of the bible had to solve a number of problems

First and foremost was establishing the messianic claim of Jesus.

The authors of the Synoptic Gospels had no interest in deifying Jesus, but rather in establishing him as the messiah. Without a messianic claim, early Christians would have had no street cred, and Christianity would never have been a thing. One of the messianic requirements was establishing a line of succession from King David. We see this attempt in two different gospels, which ironically contradict each other. Christians have a number of different ways to deal with this contradiction, which are all quite comical. At any rate, during the time of Jesus the line of succession to David had already been broken and most well educated Jews knew this. In order to hedge their bets and head off any knowledgeable skeptics, they decided to short circuit the line of succession and claim a holy poltergeist knocked up Mary. So why not claim god himself did so? The reason is because Jewish scripture specifies god is not a man numerous times so any suggestion god did the job himself would have been instantly rejected.

[Cartoonist]

16. The Holy Surrogate?

God: You've got one job . . .

[Major Nikon]

17. Someone had to bear the holy load

[marylandblue]

19. There are lot of other explanations, and nobody knows the real reasons.

Holy Spirit in Hebrew is Ruach HaKodesh, which is understood to be a manifestation of God himself, so it didn't solve their Jewish problem. Most Jews did not accept Jesus. It's more likely they made him the Son of God because the Greeks and Romans were used to their heros being sons of gods. Also Emperors in the ancient world were sometimes referred to as sons of gods, so the title would have been understood to mean that Jesus was the real ruler of world.

[Major Nikon]

21. The authors of the Synoptic Gospels were decidedly Jewish

...and they were writing for a Jewish audience. It was later when they further twisted the story to play to an audience of gentiles. It's pretty much a given they were heavily influenced by Roman and Greek mythology and philosophy, but I don't think the Greeks and Romans were their customers at the time of authorship.

[marylandblue]

22. Who they were writing for is not clear

Authors probably Jewish but not a certainty. They wrote in Greek, not Aramaic, so they were looking for either Hellenized Jews or non-Jews. They dropped circumcision and kosher laws early on, something that would have made no sense to a Jewish audience but made the religion more attractive to non-Jews. Many Hellenized Jews were more familiar with Greek literature than Jewish anyway. Paul evangelized mainly to Greeks in Turkey, and it is likely Greeks outnumbered Jews in the Church almost from the beginning. Also Peter moved to Rome before 64, another move aimed at a non-Jewish audience.

[Iggo]

13. Ew.

[MineralMan]

15. You have to love the NIV translation.

Very descriptive, indeed, and in language that uses common terms.

[Major Nikon]

18. What is it called when a member of management orders you to sleep with the boss?

[Voltaire2]

9. Some of the Greek gods were married

Domestic strife among the gods was a recurring theme.

[Major Nikon]

20. With so much incest going on, there was bound to be problems

[no_hypocrisy]

11. What about Mrs. God?

[Cartoonist]

14. What about god's Mom?

[RKP5637]

26. Maybe he doesn't have time to screw around?

[forgotmylogin]

27. Potential evidence God *might* be a man...

Genesis 2:2-3 New King James Version (NKJV)
2 And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.

"No, hon, really. I've been moving Heaven and Earth all week and I just want to put my feet up and watch the game. Really. Oh, who do I think I am I to say I need a break?"

3 Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.

"There. It is finished. Now put down that mop and let's cuddle on the couch. We'll switch to Oprah during the commercials."

(With all due respect. )