Conservative retelling of 'loaves and fishes' story. Saw yrs ago

[bobbieinok]

When boy brings up his lunch to jesus, Jesus holds it up and loudly praises the boy to the crowd--

'See, he prepared and planned ahead!'

Turning to boy, Jesus says 'Bless you my son, for preparing for the future and not just expecting other people to take care of you. And now go and enjoy your meal!'

And to the congregation 'Heed my words. Each of you take care of yourselves. Let your neighbors prepare take care of themselves.'

IIRC this interpretation was at blog called something like Liberals love Jesus.

It was told much better!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Except that the conservatives teach that the Bible is literally true.

Matthew 14:13-21 says Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fish. Is the Bible wrong, then?

[uriel1972]

2. veerrrry thinly sliced...nt

[forgotmylogin]

4. wafer thin! (n/t)

[uriel1972]

5. an after-dinner mint anybody?

[abqtommy]

3. And then a hungry group of people

beat the boy up, took his lunch and ate it!

[PupCamo]

6. just posted this on twitter

disgusting

[MineralMan]

7. In the Republican version,

Jesus says to the boy: "I see you have brought some food. Give it to me, and then go away. I'm famished!

[Act_of_Reparation]

8. I'm not sure why we keep doing these.

I mean, it's not like the conservatives find this line of argumentation particularly compelling. They know their Bible better than moderates, and like orthodox believers of any faith, they are well acquainted with the loopholes that allow them to weasel their way out of theologically sticky situations.

You throw the loaves and fishes in their faces, and they'll just tell you that Jesus was exhorting his followers to be personally charitable, that not once did he demand compulsory "charity" through sweeping, official social programs. And he didn't. Which is unfortunate... the Earthly manifestation of the omniscient, omipotent God should have had more foresight.