Christ Reluctantly Enters Area Man’s Heart (The Onion)

[cbayer]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-reluctantly-enters-area-mans-heart,33848/

Sep 12, 2013


The Son of God says He is “not exactly thrilled” about bathing Moehr in His healing light.

OLATHE, KS—Despite numerous reservations and misgivings He harbored about the 33-year-old mortgage broker, Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Our Holy Savior, reportedly entered the heart of Derek Moehr on Wednesday, reluctantly illuminating the local man with His divine grace.

Christ, who described Moehr as “kind of a deadbeat” and “not a particularly great husband or father,” said that He was hesitant to fill Moehr’s soul with the Word of God, but conceded that, as the Heavenly Redeemer of Mankind, He ultimately felt He had no choice but to allow His holy spirit to dwell inside the Wells Fargo employee.

“It usually brings me great joy to share my love and forgiveness with all God’s children, but when Derek sought the holy power of my redemption, I have to admit that I really wanted no part of it,” said Christ, explaining His unease over building a spiritual communion with a man He described as “all in all, pretty annoying.” “I would have been perfectly happy with never cleansing Derek of his sins and transgressions, but, unfortunately, when a believer reaches out to me with faith in their hearts, I kind of have to reach back, even if it’s Derek.”

“But I just want to make it clear this was not my idea,” the Messiah added. “The last thing I want is to be this guy’s personal savior.”

more at link