Jewish Group
Related: About this forumWatching Over My Grandmother
Just a touching story.
By Bari Weiss
How do the rituals of death teach us how to live more meaningful lives? As religions go, Judaism is far more concerned about what happens in this world than the world to come. But as I learned this past weekend while burying my grandmother, Jewish rituals can serve not only to sanctify the dead, but also to humanize the living.
My grandmother, Sandy Steiner, who moved in with my family from Los Angeles 25 years ago to help raise my three younger sisters and me, was 81 years old when she died at home shortly after the Sabbath began on Friday night. In Judaism, a dead body is never to be left alone between the time of death and the time of burial. Its a tradition called shmirah, or guarding, which dates to an ancient time when fear of rodents and grave-robbers was real.
Typically, the task is performed by volunteers, members of the communitys hevra kadishaholy societywho do the watching in the funeral home. But if a person dies over the Sabbath the body cannot be buried or even removed. And so my grandmothers family became her guardians: Over a 24-hour period, her body covered on her bed, we watched over her. My grandmothers younger sister kept watch over Friday night. In the early-morning hours Saturday, I sat with my younger sister. In the afternoon, my father sat with my uncle, followed by other family members who took their turns as the shomer or guard.
Traditionally, the shomer is supposed to sit quietly and recite Psalms. Our grandma was not so into the Psalms, but she could give you chapter and verse about the latest doings on E! and Bravo. And so we shared funny anecdotes about her, when we werent browsing through her copies of Vanity Fair or People. Surrounded by her books and family photos we were reminded of a full life lived as we sat beside the beautiful vessel of this woman we loved.
An hour after sundown on Saturday, which marks the end of the Sabbath, her body was taken from the house by members of the hevra kadisha. These are not strangers, but people we sit next to in synagoguemy fathers doctor, my best friends mother, volunteers all.
The members of this holy society prepare bodies for burial according to detailed rituals meant to honor the deceased and preserve their modesty. (It is for this same reason that Jews prohibit open caskets.) Men prepare the bodies of men; women prepare women. The atmosphere in the room is quiet; only prayers are spoken in Hebrew, including a final one asking for forgiveness if the dignity of the deceased has been violated in any way. First the body is washed, then there is a ritual washing before it is dressed in simple linen shrouds
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My grandmother was buried in a plain wooden box. In keeping with Jewish law, the coffin had no metaleven the sides were connected by wooden dowels. The aim is to ensure its complete disintegration, fulfilling the verse from Genesis: For you are dust, and to dust you shall return. At the burial, her family and friends filled in her grave. In shoveling the dirt, we were performing a chesed shel emeta true act of kindnessbecause it is something that cannot be repaid.
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http://www.wsj.com/articles/watching-over-my-grandmother-1458256719