God is Great, and weird.

[Heddi]

So for the last 6ish months I've been having excruiating pain in my left foot, and since I was without insurance until recently, I had to rely on the differential diagnoses that my Doctor and Physician Assistant and Nurse Practitioner friends gave out (without the benefit of radiographs). I actually felt a pop back in april and have had nasty nasty pain since then.

They all thought that I had a fracture of my 5th metatarsal...the bone in the middle of your foot between your ankle and your toe bones. It's pretty common and it's right in the area it should be.

Well I finally got insurance and finally got an xray.

WHen I saw the Dr who ordered the xray, he's actually a medical resident and had the bedside manner of a fart in church and I really didn't like the guy. Before he even looked at my foot he had diagnosed me as having a painful foot because I'm fat. Okay. Whatev. Fat doesn't cause a painful rubbing sensation in your foot when you walk, shit-stain.

Finally he starts manipulating my foot, and I'm about to pass out from the pain. But he thinks I'm exaggerating my pain response :-/

yeah. I'm a nurse, btw.

Anyways. So monday I got the xray and today I got the results.

no, no fracture.

But I do have an extra bone in my foot that may be causing the pain.

So the stupid fucking dr who's like "oh yah yur fat so yur fat feet hurt, fatty" I'm just like HA! HA! THESE ARE PRESENT SINCE BIRTH ASSHOLE and I was not fat until years after I was born.

I also have an oversized sarcasm bone. I found that out when I got punched in the face once.

I have a cousin that had 6 toes on each foot.

Did God bless you with an extra anything? Toes? Head? Fingers? vestigial tail?

[PeaceNikki]

1. No, but I have a friend with a tear duct near her ear just outside the tracus. It even cries.

*that's* weird.

Hope you get the right treatment quickly for your foot!!

[Heddi]

2. I have a squeaky eyeball

that makes an audible squeak noise, like a squeaky dog toy. WHen my eyes get dry I can rub my eyes and you can hear the squeak across the room.

external tear duct is ew.

[PeaceNikki]

4. Oh, I have friends with a Yorkie who goes nuts for those toys. I would fuck with lil Leo so badly!

I'm also sorry that the doctor made you feel shitty. Doctors shouldn't do that. Though, as a nurse, I am sure you see a lot of that. You guys are angels. My sister is a PICU RN.

[Heddi]

6. My husband is a nurse too, and he was in the office with me

when I saw this nutbag.

My favourite part was when he said as he literally rolled his eyes "So what else do you have to complain about?" Um, you?

FOr the record, I went in with 2 complaints:
foot pain x 6 months
eyelid sticking to my eyeball and causing lots of pain.

He was like "yeah. so"

and asked why I waited 6 months for my foot "you know we can't probably do anything now, right"
I said "well, DOC, I didn't have insurance for 6 months" and he looked at me like I had squirrels crawling out of my ears. Like, what does not having insurance have to do with getting expensive xrays and orthopedic procedures done?????

I've been an RN longer than he's been in college. I could technically probably be his Teen Mom.

[Curmudgeoness]

3. Oh, you have a way with words.

"Bedside manner of a fart in church".

Is there anything that they can do about this? You shouldn't have to just live with the pain. I hope that they can help.

[Heddi]

5. I'm sure they can do something

I just feel vindicated that it's not pschosomatic. Knowing my luck, they'll have to do a footectomy. Maybe I could get them to put on a skate as a prosthesis

[Warpy]

7. Seeing a real podiatrist would help

Chances are they covered this stuff in how to be a doctor school and he'd be able to design an orthotic that would either pop the stupid bone back where it's supposed to be or alter your walking enough that it would no longer be a problem.

Yeah, I'm a big believer in parceling out broken body parts to specialists sooner rather than later.

[Heddi]

9. so no skate-foot, eh

I could really zoom around then

peg-leg?

[Warpy]

12. I know peg leg sounds good right now

because I fantasized about having one when I broke my navicular bone in my right foot. Most people are allowed to go through their whole lives never knowing they have one of those. Not me.

Orthotics can make you feel like you've got a golf ball in your shoe at first but they really work over time.

[Heddi]

13. :(

now I'll never be a pirate

[Curmudgeoness]

8. I know all about vindication with doctors.

I complained for 10 years about bad reflux and my doctor kept telling me that "everyone has indigestion". Well, when I started to throw up blood, I actually collected some and took it in to him to prove that I was now having serious problems. He didn't want to see it, he said that he believed me. And I said too bad, you need to know. I loved it. Well, I didn't love that I found out that I had a medical problem, but proving the doctor to be wrong was priceless.

And....again with your way with words: "looked at me like I had squirrels crawling out of my eyes". Descriptive, I can see his expression.

[frogmarch]

10. Oh, geez, Heddi! Sorry you had to endure

such excruciating pain, and for such a long time. I hope you’re feeling lots better now, and that you can think of a way to eventually put the extra foot bone to good use. If I were you, once I’d healed completely I’d ask that doctor to bend over so I could test drive my amazing super foot!

Though it’s not terribly obvious, my right leg is somewhat shorter than my left, and my arms and hands don’t quite match either. On half my head, my hair is very curly and on the other it’s straight to just sort of wavy. No one is perfectly symmetrical, so I’ve never thought much about any of it. When I had sciatica a while back and remarked to my doctor that now it was harder than ever to walk without a limp, we ended up discussing my unevenness (he’d been unaware of it), and he suggested the possibility that I might be a chimera. My reaction: “Cool!”

A friend of mine has a nipple on the ventral side of each of her upper arms.

[Heddi]

11. True nipple story from a nurse...

So this guy was a patient of mine, and he had major surgery on his neck/throat..I think he had a mass they removed. Anyways, that's not important.

The important part is they did a skin graft.

So he's my patient a day or so after surgery, and I'm getting report from the off-going nurse and she makes a comment "don't let him look at his neck under the bandages yet" and i couldnt' figure out why

well after conversation with the RN and the MD, apparently they had to take skin graft for the neck off the patient's chest, and his nipple was now on his neck

But he didn't know. His chest was all bandaged up from the skin graft, as was his neck.

I wish I could remember why they didn't use skin from his stomach or back...

man, that was a crazy day!

He ended up choking on oatmeal and dying I think a few days later

[trotsky]

14. Bonus bone! Heddi, you represent the next stage in our evolution!

The change is coming, we shall be beings of light, and you will lead the way with your foot!

[Heddi]

16. Like lambs to the shephard

my followers shall be like stink to the foot.

ARISE, STINKERS, AND FOLLOW ME TO PARADISE

[progressoid]

15. I thought God loved me because he gave me an extra tooth.

I found it in my early twenties. I had to pay to have oral surgery to have it removed. And his minion, the tooth fairy, didn't even give me anything for it!

Since then I've had three more teeth removed. WTF God!



The Lord giveth and the Dentist taketh away.

[RebelOne]

17. My grandson has an extra heart valve.

So far, it has never affected him. He is 17 and is on the basketball team in high school.

[NastyRiffraff]

18. I have a vestigial tail!

So do you, and every human. It's called a tailbone.

Seriously, Heddi, sorry you had to go through all that because of medical incompetence.

[Lordquinton]

19. God gave me a big heart

They say it's not serious, but I have to watch my blood pressure.