Gosh, guys, I just wish I was less perfect...

[Heddi]

Less beautiful and thin. I wish I was more mundane, less adventurous. I think about the international trips I've taken and I just think sometimes "what's it all worth?"

You folks have no earthly idea what it's like to be the most intelligent person not just in the room but in the entire frigging HOUSE. I try so many times to talk with people who are less driven than I am, who have achieved less in their lives and...I dunno. It's really hard to impress upon them how AWESEOME I am. They really have no frame of reference as to my awesome perfection, and the conversation goes nowhere. They want to talk about DOGS or JOBS or TRAFFIC and I mean, HEY WHERE'S THE TALK ABOUT ME?

I also noticed that most of the world is made up of people who are less beautiful and more fat than I am. That's a real downer too. When I try to talk with people about my amazing physique and how I don't have to watch what I eat they just look at me and don't seem interested. I don't get it. How can someone not be interested in someone as perfect as me?

I dunno. I just wish I wasn't so self-aware at my awesomeness. I wish I didn't KNOW how great and perfect I was. Sometimes, I fantasize about what it would be like to live in a hovel or a trailer or a house that's less than 18,000 sqft in size, and I think about what it must be like to have to go to a job for 20 hours a month. What a drag it is. I don't understand people who say they're "Married to their job" or "If I get fired I"m fucked because my house will be in foreclosure." It just seems a really stupid way to live. Why can't people be more smart, like I am? Look at me---I live in Paradise BUT IT'S REALLY HARD GUYS. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to not have to work 12 hours a day, and to not have to worry where the house payment is coming from or to not be saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills. IT IS SO TOUGH when you don't have to worry about your adult-aged children comign to live with you. Heck, I don't even know what it's like to have a bill collector come after me, or to lose everything I own in a foreclosure.

This life is tough, guys. It's really tough to be perfect.

So why don't more of y'all try to do it?

Oh, and fuck richard dawkins.

[Ron Obvious]

1. I just wish I were rich

instead of so incredibly good-looking.

[Heddi]

2. Have I mentioned how wealthy I am?

Because I am. Wealthy, that is. And beautiful. And perfect.

I can't express what a horrible burden it is. To be wealthy. And beautiful. And perfect.

Alas, you'd understand this conundrum of life if you were as perfect (and beautiful and wealthy) as I am.

But you're not.

sucks to be you.

[Ron Obvious]

4. It's a burden I'll have to live with.

Last edited Wed Apr 30, 2014, 07:31 PM - Edit history (1)

You'd have to have a heart of stone to read about your plight and not laugh.

[Heddi]

5. it is a burden

and laughing is only for people more mundane than I. I haven't laughed for years. I had a professor tell me that laughter is a manifestation of imperfection. Since then, not a smile has crossed my face

[JoeyT]

3. You have to get the right amount of perfection.

My perfection is perfectly calculated that everyone around me realizes how perfect I am and comments on it constantly.

I have no idea what your OP is about, but it was funny.

[Brainstormy]

6. Clearly my reading comprehension skills

are going. Or gone.

[trotsky]

7. ...

[Warren Stupidity]

8. +1

[bravenak]

9. I have no idea what this is, but you ARE pretty damn Awesome.

I am glad you realize this.

[Heddi]

10. Oh god! Oh Jesus Christ

http://m.

[bravenak]

11. Now my 4 year old is screaming it over and over.

Thank you. She wont stop for a while now.

[Heddi]

13. Glad I could help

http://vimeo.com/m/65040858

Maybe use this as a lullabye?

[skepticscott]

12. Thank Sagan for perfection!

I expect to be joining you there soon. I just need a shower after everything I've read today.

[Curmudgeoness]

14. Did you say

that you fucked Richard Dawkins? Whoa.

I am sorry that life is so hard for you, but I wouldn't trade my short, lumpy, body and my mundane little life for your magnificence. But I am impressed that you fucked Dawkins.

[onager]

15. But are you the most intelligent person...

...on the boat?

Or is your OP referencing some other perfect person?

[Heddi]

16. I am the captain

Of a ship of fools, my dear whatever your name is

[AtheistCrusader]

17. I have to admit, when I finally found the post of origin of this meme, I laughed so hard

my nuts hurt.

I have not laughed that fucking hard in years.

I may have broken something.

[onager]

19. How about a hint?

I just waded thru a bunch of mega-threads in The Other Group trying to find the origin. In the process I think I made myself stupider, if that's even possible.

e.g., I learned that the current Pope is really liberal toward LGBT people but can't show it because he has no power. (Insert your own "WTF?" meme here.)

And in future the Pope may want to marry a bicycle, or something.

But nothing about the "perfection" jazz. HELP!

[smartphone]

20. I did the same thing, and had the same reaction.

Pity that poor Pope, enslaved by his religion from expressing his non-bigoted views on gay unions, gays as parents, gays adopting children. If only the poor Pope could be free, he would be like all the other Christians who post on that "other forum".


Heck, maybe the Pope is posting there even now as we speak, maybe one of those people's screen names there is actually the Pope!

But back to my confusion, as a new person here, although I enjoyed the satire here, I was unable to find the exact thread "over there" which corresponds to this fun little satire.

Could we have a hint? Or is it more about certain people over there, and what they are always apt to say about themselves?

[nil desperandum]

21. Pope

Hey don't be quoting stuff he said four years ago cuz that's like ancient history...the pope is cool now and doesn't believe all the catholic doctrine crap he's forced to spew about how gays ruin a kids life and work against nature...he never meant that stuff from way back those four years ago and all....


I read that tripe and posted a response, but I suspect it will have no meaning to that OP because that OP wants everyone to believe the pope is not really the head of the church or the face of catholic doctrine...geez...

[smartphone]

22. A different kind of cognitive dissonance over at "the other forum"

I have to admit, I watch a few of them trip themselves up as the walk stuff that they previously posted backwards. Watch them trip and fall. Not Okay to be against interracial marriage, but other kinds of marriage, like two gay persons.. .it's "evolving" in the Pope's mind as fast as it evolved in Obama's mind. Believe them, they have it on faith.

And I want to thank two people on this forum for their personal messages to me to help me understand and properly appreciate references, and thank them for having me gain insight into other human beings who post somewhere on DU.

[defacto7]

18. I'd better not ask you

to carry me then.

[onager]

23. HAHA! Found it!

Thanks to another DUer contacting me on the Sooper-Secret Atheist Group Backchannel. (For lurking spies, don't get your Magic Underwear/cassock in a twist - that just means DU Mail.)

Oh man, I'm still laughing. And I couldn't believe the complaints about another poster being "condescending." That's like Lee Harvey Oswald complaining about Jack Ruby's marksmanship.

And the "we allowed the Religious Right to gain too much power, but now the pendulum is swinging the other way." On what fucking planet? Planet Kumbaya? Planet Hasn't Read A Newspaper Since 1964?

Anyway, in the spirit of inclusion, liberal tolerance and all that crap, I'm posting a video tribute to the most non-mediocre, fascinating and absolutely byootiful poster on DU..."I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=RgHtBxOs4qw

[Rob H.]

24. I love the comments about religions/religious people becoming more moderate

without a single shred of evidence offered to support such a claim. If anything (and unlike other people I admit my experience is my own and therefore anecdotal) down here in the American South, conservative religious people seem to be getting even crazier. As non-anecdotal evidence I would offer Tennessee's 'Don't Say Gay' Bill (which failed), the 'Monkey Bill' (which was allowed to become law without the governor's signature), and the Religious Viewpoints Anti-Discrimination Act, unironically referred to as the 'Religious Freedom' bill.

Opponents of the measure argue that students’ right to religious expression is already protected, and that this measure will encourage proselytizing in the classroom and open the door to rampant anti-LGBTQ discrimination.

The measure “encourages religious coercion,” notes the American Civil Liberties Union. If passed into law, it would “allow those students to express their beliefs about religion in a variety of inappropriate settings, from the classroom to school-day assemblies and school events. Should this pass, students with a range of religious beliefs, as well as non-believers, would likely routinely be required to listen to religious messages or participate in religious exercises that conflict with their own beliefs.”

As Salon has previously reported, this isn’t the first time Tennessee lawmakers have tried to enshrine anti-LGBTQ discrimination into state law.

...

Interestingly, the Religious Viewpoints Anti-Discrimination Act is framed as a measure to protect the speech and expression of students, a basic right that state Republicans do not seem interested in extending to LGBTQ students.

But what do I know? I'm just surrounded by it every day.

[onager]

25. Yep. Just ask for evidence of that.

*crickets*

I'd also like some evidence of this mighty, unstoppable groundswell of support for mainstream liberal Protestant denominations. Because everything I've read, from authors religious, secular, Left and Right says just the opposite. Those denominations peaked decades ago, in terms of membership, financial support and political power. The Fundie denominations and megachurches have been kicking their butts for years, especially in politics.

The repeated denial of those facts is just amazing.

"Down here in the American South." Yep, where most of my family still is and where I visit now and then. We have a bunch of preachers, missionaries, etc. in my family, mostly SoBs (Southern Baptists). So whenever I go back there I'm "surrounded by it every day" too.

I've heard some of the preachers complain mightily about the stranglehold the Fundies have on politics just within the Southern Baptist Convention (their governing body). That started with Jerry Falwell in the early 1980's moving to control the SBC, and has only gotten worse over time. Fundies control all the major committees in that organization and people who disagree with them get sidelined/ignored very quickly.

But like you say - what could we possibly know about it? Obviously we're just atheist dumbasses.