"He found Jesus in prison..."

[onager]

How many times have we heard THAT one?

Quoted from this week's episode of "American Greed" on CNBC.

Darain Atkinson found Jesus while doing prison time for making money. And what's wrong with that? He was literally making money - that is, printing his own 100-dollar bills. But he used the same 4 serial numbers over and over on the bills, so he got caught pretty quickly.

After his release for counterfeiting - and finding Jebus - Atkinson and his younger brother started US Fidelis. Their new company sold extended car warranties.

Business was so good they eventually bought a whole shopping center. One building housed a branch of the Fundiegelical Element Church. So everybody could see what good Xian businessmen they were.

Unfortunately Satan showed up, as usual, and completely ruined their business. Satan in this case being the attorneys general of 40 states, stiffed creditors, defrauded customers and the Great Satan Himself - the IRS.

Then there was another cranky abbreviation, BMW, who sued them for copyright infringement.

Darain Atkinson will be eligible for parole in 2019. And no doubt he will emerge with another come-to-Jesus story and another get-rich-quick scheme. Maybe this time he can start an investment bank that achieves "too big to fail" status.

Anyway, another episode definitely worth watching. I like "American Greed" because it always tells the stories of ordinary people who become victims of these scams. A welcome change from the financial stories where we only see the smirking fraudster and his lawyer, coming out of court with a light slap on the wrist after bankrupting their victims.

[Curmudgeoness]

1. There are no atheists in prison.

At least, that is the way it seems. If they don't find Jesus, they find Allah.

And all the Christians will be running to do business with him again, because he is a Christian. I had a boss who sold the business for a good amount of money, and invested it all with someone in his church because he was a fine upstanding Christian. Lost it all.

[awoke_in_2003]

5. if they find Jesus...

they gain a little sympathy from parole review boards.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

7. Our prisons are filled with the devout

I guess the religious DUer who said that morality can only come from gawd and religion was, predictably, a liar.

[Jokerman]

8. I hear that the Kosher menu in prison is usually better.

I could see having a sudden conversion, purely as tribute to my 1/8 Jewish ancestry.

[JoeyT]

2. It's ok guys, you can trust him now.

He found Double-Jesus in prison.

I had a cousin that was like that. Get arrested, come out all Jesusy, some family member would be dumb enough to believe it, take him in, and get a bunch of their electronics and firearms stolen for crack money. At one reunion a bunch of them were talking to each other about it while I sat completely dumbfounded nearby. Eventually I couldn't contain it anymore and said something to the effect of "How stupid did you have to be to believe it after the first ten times he did it?" The answer, of course, was "But he said he found Jesus and was turning his life around!".

TLDR: They do it because it works.

[onager]

4. JoeyT: are you from the American South?

Just asking because I am. And I've seen that same story you told happen, over and over.

One of my relatives is the (unpaid, volunteer) accountant for a church. Get her talking and I hear some real amazing stories.

[JoeyT]

6. Alabama.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy what people will overlook here if you start or end with Jesus.

[AlbertCat]

11. are you from the American South?

Well then, you should move to KS, OK or AZ or UT or maybe AK or even CA....it NEVER happens there!

[malthaussen]

3. Funny, I thought Jesus was executed.

Didn't realize he was still doing time. 2000+ years for impiety and incitement to riot? He should have just smoked some weed instead.

-- Mal

[Warren Stupidity]

9. Step one to getting the fuck out of jail:

find jesus.

[onager]

10. Or Allah!

Tourist tip - if you ever end up in a Saudi Arabian prison, you can get paroled if you memorize the Koran.

No, I'm not making that up. The Saudi Minister of the Interior once got to wondering about the membership of the matowa - a/k/a Religious Police, the government-paid busybodies who strut around harassing people for un-Islamic behavior. The RP work for the "Committee for the Preservation of Virtue and Suppression of Vice." Which was listed in the phone book, with a branch in almost every neighborhood.

So the Minister commissioned a study and found that many of the Religious Police were ex-convicts. Who had been paroled after memorizing the Koran.

I can believe that. Those guys acted like Holy Thugs. They didn't have any real police power themselves or carry guns - not even the Saudis were that stupid. But they usually brought a real cop along on their patrols. In case they needed to arrest a couple of foreigners out on a date. I'm not making that up, either...

[BOWIE]

12. Did Darain Atkinson Really "Find Jesus"?

Did Darain Atkinson Really "Find Jesus"? I suspect he joined the church just so he could appear to be trusted with his business practices. I believe he was no more a believer than the atheists and agnostics on this site but used it to his advantage and ultimately at the loss of substantial income to many of his victims. I would say his "religion" was just a act to deceive.