Jemima Packington: Asparamancer

[laconicsax]

A fortune teller who uses asparagus to predict the future has revealed her top tips for 2012 - including two Royal births and British glory at the Olympics.

Mystic Jemima Packington, 56, claims to be the world’s only 'Asparamancer' and sees the future by tossing the spears into the air and interpreting how they land.

She has made dozens of accurate predictions in recent years, including the demise of Gordon Brown, the credit crunch, and Oscar glory for British film The King’s Speech.

Today she made her predictions for 2012, which include two Royal pregnancies, a change of leadership for one of the UK’s main political parties, the collapse of the Euro and the death of a high-profile British figure.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2088403/Fortune-teller-Jemima-Packington-Made-successful-Royal-predictions-using-ASPARAGUS.html

[SwissTony]

1. Why doesn't she just wait until December and make her predictions then?

Gordon Bennett!!

[DavidDvorkin]

2. I find it easy to believe that she's the world's only Asparamancer.

[ElboRuum]

3. Someone who literally casts asparagus.

You just can't make this shit up.

[Orrex]

4. I hate you for posting that

before me.

[Orrex]

5. She probably has the stinkiest wee-wee of any prognosticator in the business.

[drm604]

6. This is so freaking weird

that I have to wonder if this woman isn't doing this simply for attention and doesn't actually believe any of it.

Everyone knows that brussels sprouts are the only true prognosticating vegetable (other than swiss chard, which of course is a given).

[muriel_volestrangler]

7. So, let's look at her record:

End of 2009:

A ROYAL engagement and a hung Parliament are among the predictions of a fortune teller who uses asparagus to look into the future.

Asparamancer Jemima Packington, also forecast the demise of Gordon Brown, a British heatwave and Oscars for George Clooney and Helen Mirren in 2010.
...
Other predictions include England to go out in the first or second round of the World Cup and Susan Boyle to announce her engagement.

http://www.eveshamjournal.co.uk/news/4825418.What_does_2010_have_in_store_for_you__Ask_the_Asparamancer/

Well, she did get a royal engagement (William and Kate, announce 2010) and a hung Parliament. The hung parliament was a pretty safe prediction by then, and the engagement had been repeatedly predicted (even falsely reported, I think) - they were already living together, after all.

"The demise of Gordon Brown" - again, his end as PM was mostly expected (note that the Mail's 2012 claims she predicted Brown would "leave politics completely after his election defeat in 2010" has not come true - he's still an MP, unlike Blair, who stood down as soon as he stopped being PM). British heatwave; now we're on to things that are hard to predict. No, no notable heatwave in 2010. Neither Clooney nor Mirren won an Oscar in 2010.

England to go out in 1st or 2nd round of World Cup - well, yeah, this is not that surprising either. Went out in the 2nd.

Boyle engaged: bold prediction, didn't work out.

The Telegraph also say she predicted a royal health scare or death - no, didn't happen.

Looking at her 2012 predictions, they're mostly either good and vague ("good weather and a solid performance from the (British Olympic) athletes", "a death of a high-profile, much loved British figure which will cause the nation much sorrow&quot , or predictable ("there would not be success for the England (Euro 2012) team", babies for newly wed royal couples, Scottish devolution referendum to go ahead). A few could go wrong (eg an animal winning an Oscar already has - she meant the dog in the silent film, I suppose). All in all, it's the kind of guesses anyone could make. And next year, they'll print the ones which worked, and forget the rest.

[dimbear]

8. Surprising she doesn't bill herself as a 'stalker.' n/t