Questions on Compassionate Friends & Hospice grief counseling
Last edited Tue Jan 19, 2021, 07:49 PM - Edit history (1)
Does anyone have experience with or direct knowledge of the Compassionate Friends group for bereaved parents?
Not sure she would use it, but I'm wondering whether to recommend it to my mother. (As I've posted about before) my brother died tragically in an accident the day after Christmas, just two months after my father died of pancreatic cancer.
Also, DUer SheltieLover mentioned that Hospice organizations offer grief counseling free if charge. Two questions:
I know hospice s a business, so I can't imagine they could offer free support to just anyone. So, would I, say, need to use the Hospice organization that provided my Dad's care? (That one isn't near me, though I assume it wouldn't be in person during pandemic.)
Would they be appropriate for someone not receptive to religion-based counseling?
I'd appreciate help with any of these questions. 💜
On edit: I should say that ages ago when I was in college I did house-cleaning for a family who had lost their 5yo daughter in a fire caused by a toy. Tragic. That was where I first heard about Compassionate Friends.
At least, I think so. I misremembered that this woman had started the group, but my recent research told me that was wrong. So, I had to question my memory that it was instrumental in helping that family through their grief. Also, even if true, I'm curious if the group has changed, for better or for worse.
= new reply since forum marked as read
And I'm so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy. 
I honestly can't imagine anything will help with my grief. And when I told my mom about Hospice grief counseling, she was dismissive, saying she already knew about that, and anyway was getting too much advice on the subject. I took that to mean, in part, that she feels nothing will be helpful.
But we can't just give up.
I think posting this is partly an attempt to pressure myself to follow through on seeking professional help.
Unless the person is a trump humper.
That aspect should be set forth in a document called "Informed Consent," which should be provided & reviewed with you before therapy begins.
That said, sorry, no knowledge of Compassionate Friends group.
Hospice orgs make tons of $ on palliative & hospice medical care & social work services. To the best of my knowledge, they do not charge for bereavement therapy. It is a courtesy to bereaved loved ones.
I would contact your dad's hospice & inquire about bereavement counseling. If not in the same state, they might be able to refer you to a hospice in your state. (Most mental health professionals do not have inter state reciprocity & must be licensed in the state they are practicing in as well as the state any client is physically in.)
I hope that helps. 
Please let me know if you have other questions or just want to chat.
So sorry to hear you are struggling.
These are really difficult times for sure!
Imho, everyone in our country is suffering with dump-related PTSD.
Have you ever started a gratitude journal? Each night, just before bed, list 3 things you are grateful for. Then re-read list, again, just before bed.
The bedtime component is important because as we are falling asleep, our brains are reviewing information & enciding memories into storage.
This is a great way to jump-start a positive energy flow!
I'm glad to hear you have started projects, even if you are flitting between them like a butterfly.
Have you tried guided
visualization meditations? I'm sure there are some good ones online for free.
Btw, items on gratitude journal list should be numbered - just for visual impact. And items you are grateful for can be anything! Sunshine, a new pair of shoelaces, whatever.
I'm glad your hubby is so supportive! A strong social support network is very important & a dynamic many of us are lacking, especially during this pandemic!
I know that writing things down is beneficial to me in various ways. Even the act of physically putting pen to paper is helpful, though writing things digitally is good, too.
For the past few years, I have left my dated journals almost completely empty. Another decline in self care that's part of this vicious circle I've been caught in, where not doing something adds to my overall decline in ability to do everything.
I have two dated journals for this year. One meant to help me plan my days and one to record them. I've known about the benefits of gratitude tracking for years and have intended to incorporate it. (Thanks for the reminder & the specifics!)
Last night I sat with my husband, who actually does write, at least briefly, the key happenings of each day and my Google Maps Timeline, and filled in this year's journal, to date.
Tonight (OK, I've been getting to sleep between 7am and 11am lately, but we'll call that "tonight"
) before sleep, I will negotiate with my OCD as to which journal, where on the page, what color ink, etc, and begin the gratitude exercises. This is something I believe I can do, so thank you for that suggestion!
And, it is so true that everyone is struggling, thanks in part to having Pissolini in power. The poorly managed pandemic has definitely made everything worse.
Social support network? My husband and I have barely gone anywhere or seen anyone. And, we're musicians and have always had at least one gig a month for years and years (small time local affairs, bars, festivals, private parties, etc.) and that has evaporated. Neither of us has picked up an instrument since March! Something we haven't even realized we're grieving. Hopefully, that's not a permanent loss.
Well, obviously I miss talking to people! if you've read this far, you're a mensch! (Not the first evidence.)
I'm so glad you felt resonance with writing!!! 
Have you ever read Dr. James Pennebaker's work on journaling? 
There is a valuable physical process thatt occurs when we put pen to paper which is not realized on a keyboard! Not to discourage you from writing on computer. I apologize, I've forgotten which part of brain benefits. (Blush)
Cool you are both musicians! What do you play? Could you do zoom performances?
Could you jam together in your home?
Not much of a social network here, either. Tbh, covid isolation is only slightly different than the norm for me. I live in a burb of Memphis, where violent crime is exceptionally high.
Smart people take an extra person - even to the grocery store! - just to babysit car from vandalism. I'm neither paranoid nor delusional. Just a fact of life here, sadly. (I had no idea when I moved here!)
This is just not normal in any sense... but here we are.
Regarding your negotiations with ocd... what would happen if you set journals / paper & pens on a table, closed your eyes, asked hubby to mix them up & you chose by feel, spontaneously, fully committed to write with & on what you chose by feel? Maybe a way to help you work through that issue?
Hugs to you, Dark!
inadequate, ill-timed sleep, but no sleep at all. I replied at length (natch) to this few hours ago. But it seems, instead of posting it, I ghosted it.
And now I'm shocked it's so late and worried about what happened in my husband's appt with the urologist and wondering why he isn't home yet. So, I'm going to get back to you later, hopefully in a better frame of mind.
It doesn't hurt though, that we finally have a new, non-swamp-dwelling POTUS!
You have my sympathy ,and empathy, for your loss & the painful grief. I'm happy for you and encouraged to hear you were able to find support that was helpful.
I am glad you were able to find relief from your pain.
Healing vibes on the way to you. 💗💗💗
Ty for info on Compassionate Friends!
7 years for me. 
We'll have an occasion of joy in a few hours and our burdens will be lightened!
I'm very much looking forward to investigations, hearings, trials & max sentences, starting with dump!