My brother passed away last week. His penchant for not taking care
Last edited Wed May 5, 2021, 04:08 AM - Edit history (4)
of his health, and living in a world of ideas and knowledge instead, did him in. He had huge anxiety with the covid pandemic and teaching at 3 separate universities online with 3 different platforms. He was not a computer person. This year of covid, and living away from his partner, was especially tough. There were so many paths he could have taken to better health over the years. We go over what could have happened to save him - to no avail. He was getting things in order but he ran out of time. He died from an GI bleed. He had the best partner a man could have. They were intellectual equivalents. They were very kind to each other. She adored him for the 8 happy years they were together, as did he - her. His life changed when he met her. You could just tell. They traveled the world. She is beyond devastated. He had friends who he partied/debated with who will miss him terribly too. They loved the philosopher in him. We all did. My family is coping by planning and reminiscing, with visits in the village green with cousins, all of us in our covid bubbles: one bubble talking to another and then moving on like some sad square dance. Everything is being done online, be it the slideshow for the obituary or the 100+ Zoom meeting his friends had in Japan. Of course there will be no funerals this year. I am terrified of what it will feel like when there are not so many things to do or people reaching out. I help myself by helping others and i will not know what to do with the gaping hole in my life when things return to 'normal' and others don't need me so much. He always needed me. I only saw my brother for a few weeks every year but spoke online or by email every week. He was my big brother. He wasn't always easy for family to deal with because he was so bright and eccentric but found a life where he belonged and he had a bright future in front of him on several fronts. Please send vibes and prayers to my dad, my other brother and sister and, his friends in Kyoto, Japan and around the world, and his lovely partner. He was 59 years old. We love you!
This is my 100,000 post. The cosmos is ****ed.
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family and to all who knew and loved your brother. May every good memory comfort you 
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But it your seems your loved your brother and he was loved.
Please find comfort in your love.
Hugs and prayers.
Your words illuminate what a special and unique soul your brother was, as well as what a loving and kind soul you are. Sending much love and healing thoughts at this very sad time.
And congrats.
I am dealing with some of the same questions about how it will feel when life is a little less crazy. Many of us lost someone this past 14? months and are pondering the same thing; What will it feel like when there are less things filling our days and we have time to remember those we've lost.
To have someone pass while so far away. Anyway, that's what we have to deal with in a pandemic.
My 59 year old big brother died of a heart attack in 2017. He too had neglected his health for some time but had been really working on it in the months before his death. I still get sad thinking about it.
indeed.
A good family friend was ironing and crying while on the phone with me. I told her she certaily didn't need to spray water on her clothes.
Sending good vibes to your family and friends. You have love, loved ones and memories and philosophy to carry with you in times ahead, and you will be at peace one day.
Healing vibes on the way, Apple. Please take good care of yourself.
I hate to suggest Facebook, but a friendly site of that nature, on which all of your brother's friends could contribute photos and memories. It would be a great way to maintain contact with distant friends/family and share things to keep his memory alive.
Is anyone in your group able to take on a project like that? After the initial setup, it wouldn't require a lot of attention or time. I'm sorry for your loss AppleGrove, and I understand the feeling of helplessness that this Covid curse creates in all of us. It won't be like this forever, but that's small comfort to you right now.
Your brother was so young
Sometimes we get lucky in life with our family and loved ones.
Thank you for sharing your luck with us.
Losing a sibling is tough. And, of course, blessings to you and your family.
Your brother, by what your post indicates, touched and was loved by many. His memory will last in their hearts and minds, including yours. Thanks to your 100,000 post we appreciate who he was, too.
Your post has a very loving and tender feeling. I'm sure he feels your love and that will be one of the things that allows him to rest in peace....
I know the feeling of losing a brother
Losing a sibling is so difficult. Even harder for your dad. Sending comfort and hugs to you and your family.
We are not going to remind him. He snapped out of his nursing home personna when we told him and became our father again for two sentences. Told us he was glad we could all be together in this time of grief. Had not seen that guy for a while.
My 4 brothers are gone, for a long time now, so I've had time to come to terms with those losses. In spite of how you feel right now, you and your family, his partner and his friends will get to the other side of your loss. Some of the relationships you have will endure, but they might change. Stay in touch with people. They might not 'want to bother you'. Or you might not 'want to bother them'. Stay in touch anyway.
I spent a lot of time trying to find a reason, some way I could accept losses. One thing that helped me get here is finally understanding that some things are unacceptable. Everyone grieves differently and you should be nice to yourself as you get used to the empty place.
I don't think you will stop being helpful to others. Maybe not as you were to your brother, but you'll see needs and offer what you can. There is a Jewish myth that there are 13 good men on Earth at any time. You can be one of those good men whenever you want. Take care 
Your description of him makes me feel he was a very special guy, in addition to being your brother. He walked his own path and strove to live that path well. And folks *saw* him, which is beautiful.
Wishing you comfort, dear applegrove.
I am so sorry for your loss. your brother sounds like such an interesting person, what a shame to lose him so young. peace and comfort to you, your family, and all who knew and cared for him.
Last edited Wed May 5, 2021, 04:31 AM - Edit history (1)
about his intellect but I like this one:
"one of Kyoto's great characters! Passionate, engaged and with a kind heart"
Our worlds will never be the same.