Two years out.....

[Uben]

Feb. 5th will be 2 yrs since my wife died. I felt sure I would have found somebody by now and be on with a new life. Yeah, well that aint happening. I haven't even had a date in about a year. It's not because I haven't had the opportunity, it's because I just haven't had the desire.
My parent's (83 and 80) health started to deteriorate about the same time my wife died, and I have spent most of my time taking care of them. They should be in an assisted living facility because both are feeble, can't drive, and neither one is very mobile. Mom has rheumatoid arthritis (in a wheel chair) and my step dad is suffering consequences of radiation therapy for prostate cancer and diabetes. They have so many doctors it's mind boggling! But, I want them to have a little more time at home while they are both still alive. Either could go at any time, so I have spent a lot of time with them. I'm the only one they have for the support they need, so you do what ya gotta do.
Between their needs and maintaining a large house on 4 lots, there's not a lot of extra time, but it keeps me busy and my mind occupied. I count my blessings because I have it pretty good other than the time factor. It just gets frustrating at times.
I had convinced myself to take control after my wife died and make things happen rather than waiting for something to happen. Well, that's not always the best course of action, I found out. So. I am reserved to just keep on keeping on.

I know a lot of you might be in similar or worse situations, so be assured you are not alone. We do what gets us by. I am thankful we have this medium to vent our frustrations and can relate our stories to each other. It really does help.

Uben

[livetohike]

1. Hi Uben. Same situation with elderly Moms here and we live 100 miles from either Mother. We came

home to PA in retirement to help out, thought we could handle it, but are not doing so well. Both Moms are widowed and in their 80's with various levels of dementia, but still in their own homes. Just getting to either Mother and home again takes four hours out of the day.

I'm sure you will find someone when the time is right .

[Uben]

2. I can sympathize....

...most all of their docs are out of town and it usually shoots the whole day. They don't get out unless I take them, so they always have places they need to go ie. grocery store, pharmacy, etc., and they always want to eat before they go home, so...... Like I said, you do what ya gotta do. We'll be glad we did when they are gone. You're going to be making some decisions soon if they both are experiencing dementia now. I know how hard it is to deal with, went thru it with my mother in law for several years. Bless you, and hang in there.

[orleans]

3. things don't always go as planned

so often real life seems to get in the way of our plans, taking us down roads we hadn't intended on going or paths we weren't even aware existed.

it sounds like you have made their care and well being a priority in your life and that is not a bad thing. (do they have any grandkids that could help you out or pick up some of the slack?)

unfortunately we can't control everything. if we could i would be watching a movie now with my mom who would be ninety years old.

"I count my blessings because I have it pretty good..."
glad to hear it. you are fortunate.

as far as not having the desire to date it sounds understandable. there's a lot on your plate and, like i said, you've made your parents a priority. it's a very kind and loving thing for you to do. and perhaps they have become your primary relationship. when you're interested and ready to date or refocus some attention on another individual then you will.

wishing you all the best.