Michelle Obama To DNC: ‘After This Election You Dipshits Are On Your Own’

[iandhr]

WASHINGTON—Reminding party officials she wasn’t sticking around past November 8 and that they could all “kiss [her] ass” after that, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly informed the Democratic National Committee today that they would be completely on their own once the election was over. “You dipshits better get someone else lined up to make your little speeches about the power of unity and compassion, because in a couple weeks I’m done with this bullshit,” said Obama, who noted that, come Election Day, the Democratic Party would no longer be able to trot her out whenever they needed an uplifting and intensely personal message that could win over crucial voters. “I can’t keep bailing your asses out every time you fuck this up, so don’t get used to it. I’ve got my own shit to deal with, and I’m not just going to drop everything because one of you dumbfucks screwed the pooch again. You little pricks need to learn to handle this on your own. You got that?” The first lady added that if any of those DNC fuckers ever tried to get Sasha or Malia to be in some bullshit campaign ad, she would slit their throats.

http://www.theonion.com/article/michelle-obama-dnc-after-election-you-dipshits-are-54234

[Gothmog]

1. I love the Onion

[Thinkingabout]

2. She has her mission, she can run by herself.

[emulatorloo]

6. It is satire. From the Onion

[MADem]

3. The Onion is fun, but some people do not understand SATIRE.

This thread was alerted on. I didn't vote to hide it. I'd recommend putting SATIRE somewhere in your posts when you put up stuff from The Onion or that other one that isn't very funny or very good, because people think it's right wing invective when it's not.

[LuvLoogie]

7. I wonder sometimes if the Onion gets satire anymore.

That language just sounds like a bad photoshop job. Kind crowbared into her voice.

[MADem]

10. This is so much the opposite of FLOTUS's attitude; that's what makes it funny.

Her speech the other day was one for the ages--it was as invigorating as the "Secretary of Explaining Things" schtick that Bill Clinton trotted out to revive Obama's campaign, with an extra special hot sauce on it because it touched on the whole women/sexism/misogyny business in a very plainspoken, straightforward way.

This "Fuck it/mic drop/I'm out" thing the Onion is crafting amuses because it's so very much the opposite of her POV. The person who got angry at the post may not know what The Onion is and may not have seen the FLOTUS speech either.

[GulfCoast66]

15. That is why it is satire

All Onion readers know Michelle dies not speak in that manner.

Have a nice evening.

[greatauntoftriplets]

18. Donald Trump for one.

[MADem]

19. LOL!!!!!!! nt

[Tarheel_Dem]

5. Shouldn't satire at least be funny? Not funny in the least. The Onion dropped a turd this time. nt

[Kaleva]

8. Satires aren't necessarily funny. Satires make people think.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

11. This satires makes me think it's bad satires,

but at least it's not necessarily funny.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

9. Thank you. So much "satire,"

often including the Onion, are ham-handed a-wince-is-good-as-a-laugh clunkers.

[CentralMass]

12. :-)

[LeftRant]

13. Way too overplayed with all the curses. I guess that's what they author imagined was funny about it?

[tavernier]

14. Leave the satire to Borowitz, please.

This was as enjoyable as a TV dinner meatloaf.

[LAS14]

16. With all of the leaks afoot, I found I had read the whole thing...

... before I discovered The Onion source. Sad times...

[floppyboo]

17. The Onion has been far too clever by a half

since they sold out. This is what happens to guarded humour. It's not very funny.
Trying too hard to be controversial to prove they are still relevant. I see they have taken the comment section off. Slammed by their base and subscribers haven't received updates since summer (July?)
Hard to be 'clever' these days with social media and the satire that abounds with instant karma

[A-Schwarzenegger]

20. "Trying too hard to be controversial to prove they are still relevant."

Sounds about right.