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The Onion: Nate Silver Gunned Down Attempting To Cross Mexican Border With All 2016 Polling Data
Authorities say Silver’s body was found facedown still clutching onto several dozen Marist College surveys.
EL PASO, TX—Saying they were forced to use lethal force after the statistician and FiveThirtyEight founder attempted to breach a secure checkpoint, United States Border Patrol agents confirmed Friday that Nate Silver was gunned down while trying to cross into Mexico with all the polling data from the 2016 general election.
A government spokesperson stated that the 38-year-old political blogger, who presented a patrolman at the border crossing with a doctored U.S. passport listing his name as Rafael Ignacio Salvador, reportedly appeared agitated and nervous when responding to simple questions, resulting in his being flagged for further screening and apparently prompting his decision to flee. Silver is said to have rammed his vehicle into a patrol car during his attempt to evade authorities before trying to escape on foot with as many national and state-level opinion polls as he could carry, at which time he was shot repeatedly by multiple officers.
Silver was pronounced dead at the scene shortly thereafter.
“Upon initial contact, border agents found Mr. Silver to be acting erratically and noticed what appeared to be a large quantity of materials concealed under a blanket in his backseat,” said Division Chief David Stefans. “When instructed to pull his vehicle to the side for further inspection, Silver abruptly accelerated forward and crashed through a barrier, leaving agents with no choice but to discharge their weapons. A subsequent search of the scene yielded over 20 months’ worth of surveys of likely voters, election models, and long-term electoral forecasts concealed in numerous places throughout the vehicle.”
“We can verify at this time that Mr. Silver was in possession of every piece of U.S. polling information dating back to last spring when he attempted to flee the country,” Stefans added.
EL PASO, TX—Saying they were forced to use lethal force after the statistician and FiveThirtyEight founder attempted to breach a secure checkpoint, United States Border Patrol agents confirmed Friday that Nate Silver was gunned down while trying to cross into Mexico with all the polling data from the 2016 general election.
A government spokesperson stated that the 38-year-old political blogger, who presented a patrolman at the border crossing with a doctored U.S. passport listing his name as Rafael Ignacio Salvador, reportedly appeared agitated and nervous when responding to simple questions, resulting in his being flagged for further screening and apparently prompting his decision to flee. Silver is said to have rammed his vehicle into a patrol car during his attempt to evade authorities before trying to escape on foot with as many national and state-level opinion polls as he could carry, at which time he was shot repeatedly by multiple officers.
Silver was pronounced dead at the scene shortly thereafter.
“Upon initial contact, border agents found Mr. Silver to be acting erratically and noticed what appeared to be a large quantity of materials concealed under a blanket in his backseat,” said Division Chief David Stefans. “When instructed to pull his vehicle to the side for further inspection, Silver abruptly accelerated forward and crashed through a barrier, leaving agents with no choice but to discharge their weapons. A subsequent search of the scene yielded over 20 months’ worth of surveys of likely voters, election models, and long-term electoral forecasts concealed in numerous places throughout the vehicle.”
“We can verify at this time that Mr. Silver was in possession of every piece of U.S. polling information dating back to last spring when he attempted to flee the country,” Stefans added.
http://www.theonion.com/article/nate-silver-gunned-down-attempting-cross-mexican-b-54595
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