Biden Working His Way Through Scratch-Off Tickets During Obama's Swearing-In

[babylonsister]

Biden Working His Way Through Scratch-Off Tickets During Obama's Swearing-In
News in Brief • politicians • joseph biden • News • ISSUE 49•04 • Jan 21, 2013



WASHINGTON—As President Barack Obama recited the inaugural oath that will formally commence his second presidential term, onlookers confirmed Monday that Vice President Joe Biden was frantically working his way through a large pile of scratch-off lottery tickets. "Shit, no ringers yet, but once you get into that groove, Lady Luck rewards you with a hot payoff, and I'm gonna be right here when she does," said the vice president, taking an occasional swig from a brown-bagged tall boy of Keystone Ice before continuing to scrape at a long spool of scratchcards with a thumbnail. "I've got about a dozen of these Funky 5’s, and these bad boys can pay out 200 large with the bonus multiplier. I don't even bother with those lousy-ass one- and two-dollar ones. Casino Joe's hunting big game today." At press time, Obama had just concluded the swearing-in ceremony when sources reported Biden had jumped up from his seat and screamed “Fuck yeah!” before leaving the inauguration stage to redeem a "Free Ticket" win at a nearby gas station.















http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-working-his-way-through-scratchoff-tickets-d,30973/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

[robinlynne]

1. ok. you had me.

[longship]

2. The Onion is a very valuable vegetable.

[babylonsister]

3. I DIED when I read that! I'm still laughing! nt

[Hoyt]

4. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny!!

[Myrina]

5. Ya know, I bet VP Biden gets a kick outta these

[babylonsister]

6. I am positive he'd think this was hysterical, which makes it funnier! nt

[OswegoAtheist]

14. VP Biden actually reads the articles

VP tweet to "Diamond" Joe Biden He actually sent a question via twitter to The Onion while "Diamond" Joe Biden was doing an AMA on reddit.

Oswego "That sentence would have got you committed ten years ago" Atheist

[LiberalFighter]

7. He's doing his bit to draw the national debt.

[LVdem]

8. Love...The...Onion... nt

[allGoodThings]

9. gotta love the onion n/t

[nilram]

10. Biden's really the guy to have a beer with

if you have to obsess over who's most likable, rather than who would do a better job...

[babylonsister]

12. Who is obsessing about anything? It's a funny. nt

[nilram]

15. Yes, it hilarious.

Reading the comments above, where folks remark that Biden gets a hoot out of the Onion himself, I thought that I'd rather have a beer with him than other political figures -- so I guess that wasn't really in reply to the Onion bit you posted, but in reply to what others posted above.

Then I thought about that whole having-a-beer-with meme and how ridiculous it is -- it was somehow introduced, I think, in the Bush/Gore election or the Bush/Kerry election, with the implication or conclusion that people would rather have a beer with Bush. I think it's kind of a ridiculous question, which is what I wrote -- and I guess that really wasn't in reply to the Onion, either, but in reply to my own meandering thoughts. My apologies for the diversion -- yes, the Onion bit was a funny, and I think it's a hoot that Biden gets his own hoots out of it.

[blazeKing]

20. Definitely not a joint though

Or he'll stomp on your face and give you 10 years mandatory minimum sentencing. I can see through his likable fascade just like thousands of African Americans he helped steal away from their families.

[tclambert]

11. In the photo, he's obviously waiting for his bowling ball at the ball return.

"Let's see, if I can put together a few strikes, I could get to 150."

[joanbarnes]

13. Unleash the Biden! I'm watching him speak now.

[littlemissmartypants]

16. Bookmaking

I mean marking. Onions, so good for our health.

[Blue Owl]

17. He needs a new set of panty-melters for the Trans Am

[RudynJack]

18. LOL

thanks for posting this. I would have missed it otherwise.

[whistler162]

19. Nah... he is playing Angry Birds!