Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!
(the rest of the article is even funnier, and the comments are hilarious)
Fuckabee if you're nasty
Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!
image: 
Gonna teach you bitches some manners!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS.
In a nice video before Huckabee’s speech, his wife Janet, in a very heartfelt, sincere way, gave her husband ALL the credit for not leaving her when she had cancer. So, Huckabee advances past John Edwards in the Good Guy department, we guess! Mrs. Huckabee also asked the country’s most pressing question: “Is the unborn protected?” Wonkette would also like to ask: Is our unborn learning? But we’re not here to make fun of Janet Huckabee, she’s fairly likable.
Huckabee finally took the stage, at which point he read Bill Clinton’s campaign announcement speech, THE REMIX, which included a bunch of extra shit about how, unlike Clinton, he learned how to pray facing Nazareth five times a day. He also said he learned as a child in Hope how to shoot a gun, but that he “never thought about using a firearm to murder someone.” Wow, combined with the fact that he didn’t leave his wife when she had cancer, we don’t know if we want to marry, fuck or elect him! For the record, Huckabee really hates the death penalty, but only because he had to kill so many people as Arkansas’s governor. We bet Death Penalty Day was such a drag for him!
Huckabee said we can REALLY fix healthcare if, instead of doing Obamacare to everyone’s grandmother, we were “focusing on cures instead of treatment.” Which is funny, because part of the whole point of Obamacare is to get people insured so that they can actually go to the doctor for preventative care! But you know, details.
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Read more at http://wonkette.com/584693/mike-huckabee-will-be-president-of-making-all-the-ladies-stop-saying-gay-cusses#6FtKvpQ6spk53RYY.99
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