On Preventing My Son From Becoming A Rapist

[ismnotwasm]

(this one is for Seabeyond, cause I get the impression she does these things for her sons--not the sports thing maybe but seriously I read his and thought of our feisty, intelligent, funny, incredible feminist)

It is inside this context that my son is learning to negotiate his own gender and sexuality. And it is my job, as his parent, to instill within him the consciousness that ensures he would never consider non-consensual behaviour as an option. It is my job as his mother to teach him that no real masculinity includes space for rape culture behaviours.

As a parent, this needs to be more than a philosophy. It needs to be lived behaviours in the work we do every. single. day. with our male children. Here is a list of my actions to help my son work against the social invitation to become a part of the future rape culture.

I will continue to teach him that his body choices are valid. I will continue to honour his choices about his body. Through this he will develop the awareness that all bodies sacred and only through our conscious decision can anyone access them.
I will demonstrate my own body autonomy at all times.
I will not make excuses or hide the shitty behaviour of people around us. Rape jokes, jokes about people from minority groups, jokes about people being oppressed – these are all a part of the continuum that instills and pushes the notion that women are objects where words and actions can fall upon without consideration or recourse.
I will not let him push other kids around, because, fuck you – it isn’t ‘just kids figuring shit out’. It is mean and aggressive. Equally, I will not let your kid push my son around.
I, sure as hell, will talk about masculinities. I will talk about what it is and what it isn’t. I will burst through the false platitudes that tiredly suggest a narrative where ‘real’ men are aggressive; I will point out the weakness of the masculine trope, where ‘strength’ comes from physical and mental force. I will point out the fallacies around domination as a source of power. I will bust holes in the patriarchal systems that infect our everyday life.

http://ourfeministplayschool.ca/preventing-son-rapist/

[JDPriestly]

1. Thanks. Someone is doing a good job.

These boys' future wives will be very grateful. A mother-in-law to love. What a gift to give to your sons and grand- and great-grandchildren -- a model for loving relationships.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. DU Rec

[Niceguy1]

3. All of that can be summed up quite easily

e=Teach him to be a gentleman.

It is as simple as that. And it works.

[seabeyond]

5. not really. nt

[seabeyond]

4. and when son is 2, 3, 4, 5, and beyond i will tell people, he is not a man, but a boy. lol

i would get that so much. even now as teens, no you are not a man. you are boys, still. but, at 2 years old, other men would talka bout what a "man" they are. no. they are not a "man". they are boys.

you never hear anyone calling a little girl a woman. look at that, she is all woman.

i think that is just the beginning of the bro code of false male masculinity.

sports is a tough one. i prefer individual sports for boys. and there is something wonderful a kid gains if he reaches the hurdle of putting in effort and is successful and gains reward. i think team sport is what creates more of the issue. but, i think sports can give a person a lot they need. i think it uses the time well, and keeps them out of trouble also. WITH parental monitoring.

but, yes. it is all about the deconstructing of what society tries to make them as. and allowing them to find the masculinity that is comfortable, authentic to them.

thanks.