20% of married fathers with children younger than five years old were the primary caregiver

[seabeyond]

At 6' 1”, 200 pounds and with facial hair that could be described as “in the Magnum P.I. tradition,” it is often (correctly) assumed that I must be a pretty tough guy. When I meet people for the first time, it's not unusual to immediately get questions about what sort of job a Manly Man like myself has. Lumberjack? Prison guard? Crab fisherman? Ultimate Fighting Champion? I've heard them all. I merely chuckle lightly and tell them those are mere child's play compared to my actual profession: I'm a stay-at-home dad. That's right, in 2006 when my wife was pregnant with our first child, we realized it made much more sense for me to give up my high school teaching job to stay home with the children, given that her salary was more than double what I was earning. This was perfectly okay with me. I was burnt out on teaching anyway, and staying home with our son seemed like a ton of fun.

Then we had another kid. And another. Now it's a lot less like hanging out with kids all day and a lot more like wrangling feral cats. Even though it made perfect sense for us -- just as it does for many families -- I'm still met with surprise whenever I tell people I'm a stay-at-home dad. Any time someone calls us to discuss our kids, whether it's the doctor's office, ballet class, or pre-school, my wife's the one who gets the call. Many people also assume that I somehow can't quite hack it, bumbling my way through each day, feeding the kids chocolate cake for lunch and vacuuming the drapes like Michael Keaton's "Mr. Mom." I may not clean the drapes very often (or ever), but I do know how to cook a decent meal.

But the misconceptions are all right with me, because staying at home gives me time to focus on my true passion: Laundry. Oh laundry, how I long to sort and fold you! There are some days where I'm lucky enough to wash and fold upwards of four baskets -- though it often feels like even more because folding children's clothes is quite deceptive. See, while that pile may seem the same size as a comparable one of adult clothes, each piece is like 1/8th as large. This means that at some point you start to feel like you're trapped in some sort of twisted domestic nightmare, where you continue to fold laundry but the pile gets no smaller, forever. Some days I just let the kids run around naked in an attempt to lessen the laundry burden, but I learned the hard way that you shouldn't do this with the ones that aren't potty trained yet.

Consider it one of the little perks of my chosen profession. Honestly there many others too. Being a stay-at-home dad is a blast. The hours are the pits and the pay stinks, but it's hard to complain about getting to spend time with your kids every day. Between drawing and coloring, Legos, playing outside, and yes, a little television, the days do fly by. Plus, I'm usually lucky enough to at least get one or two of the kids to take a nap, which provides a few moments of precious downtime when being active in social media gives me a little adult interaction -- and keeps my brain from turning into a puddle of goo. It all does require a certain amount of patience, but as long as I mix it up with a variety of activities things usually go pretty smoothly.

http://www.hlntv.com/article/2012/05/14/stay-home-dad-cory-byrom?hpt=hp_t2
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i am a fan of SAH... and i love hearing this. i have a couple men in my life that were more suited to this role than the women they married. one chose to be the primary parent and his wife climbed the corporate ladder. the other fought what was natural. the first is still married 50 yrs later. the second divorced, both single and wishing they had done things differently.

[mactime]

1. that's what we did

My wife had a career, I had a job. I stayed home with my son and daughter until they went to kindergarten. I was the exception at the pool, park or library at 10am but there where a few other dads. My interest in IT also lend itself to take on part-time work that I could work on during nap time and in the evening. We didn't get invited to as many play dates as I hoped which I assume was do to me being a man but we always had a great time. It was tough on my wife for a while because I was the go-to parent for my children.

[seabeyond]

4. you are right on with all you say. i have recognized.

they say 20% but i have to wonder. picking up my kids over the eyars i have seen way more men than 20%. i wonder if it is off hour jobs, or jobs based from home, independent owners so more flexible time, but at least 50% of the pickups are from the fathers. maybe not SAH, but active in the lives of the kids.

and ya, .... the go to role is fun. lol. i like. it is also tiring. hey.... go ask your dad. doesnt always have to be me.

but i do love my job

and i really do love seeing more and more work flexibly instead of a rigid conditioned role.

[JustAnotherGen]

2. If my husband and I are

lucky enough to have one - he's going to move his business into our 'home'. I.E. We are looking at remote, much older homes, where we can built a workshop for his iron works and a studio for his artistic endeavors. We will still most likely have in home care (part-time) but he likes the idea of a mobile over his desk!

Great article seabeyond!

[seabeyond]

5. that really is the ideal

when kids are little though, without outside help, i would not even try. lol. i didnt read books or try to watch a tv show either. the frustration would be to great.

i stopped the forward flow and went at babies spread and direction. much healthier for all of us.

that is ideal jag

[iverglas]

3. the 20% figure is from 2010

And the souce cited for it says:

Not only has it become more necessary for men to pitch in at home, but fathers have also become more available to do so. "It's a combination of mothers going to work and fathers being out of work as a result of the recession," said Lynda Laughlin, a family demographer at the Census Bureau.

Men were particularly hard hit by the steep job losses during that time, losing 4 million jobs since 2007, while women lost just over 2 million during the same time period, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

While men have since gained back a majority of those jobs during the recovery, their unemployment rate -- at 8.3% in March -- is still above the national average of 8.2%.

It would be interesting to know how that "combination" actually broke down, and whether the figures for male primary caregivers hold steady as the economy improves and job gains are made.

It would also be interesting to know how many men are staying at home full-time once there are no children under 5, and later.

And in the upper income ranges, it would be interesting to know how many of those men are actually working from home at outside jobs -- freelance workers, home business operators, etc. -- as compared to the proportion of women in the home who do that.

Are we really seeing men drop out of the labour market for 15 or 20 years, or permanently?

[seabeyond]

6. agreed. nt