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Sun Apr 13, 2014, 10:00 PM

"Being a Female Misogynist"

Powerful testimonial of a woman who confronted her own internalized misogyny.



I kept thinking about women.

Not of women I knew, but women as a concept.

What an uncomfortable concept.

They seemed so vulnerable. And caring. It felt like they did all of the work for none of the credit. Cleaned up everyone else’s mess.

Historically, they held no power. Historically, there was childbirth and labor, rape and abuse. . .

They killed themselves to look attractive, and once that was gone, seemed so discarded. Left to live vicariously through others, disrespected by their own children.

More pain.

From menarche to menopause. Pain, mortality, ephemerality, insignificance, sorrow.
. . .

All this time, I had thought the challenge was in the outside world. That I had to prove to everyone else how awesome women are, and rid the world of misogyny.

But no. Because the battle was internal. Because although I fancied myself a warrior for women’s empowerment, deep down, I was the misogynist.

I had a deep, rooted, unquestionable hatred for women.



https://medium.com/p/1ba7e62c12f4

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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply "Being a Female Misogynist" (Original post)
BainsBane Apr 2014 OP
ismnotwasm Apr 2014 #1
BainsBane Apr 2014 #2
ismnotwasm Apr 2014 #3
seabeyond Apr 2014 #6
intaglio Apr 2014 #4
seabeyond Apr 2014 #5
CrispyQ Apr 2014 #8
seabeyond Apr 2014 #9
CrispyQ Apr 2014 #7
seabeyond Apr 2014 #10

Response to BainsBane (Original post)

Sun Apr 13, 2014, 10:37 PM

1. That's great

In general, I'm not over fond of people-- but I used to say things like "I get along better with guys" women seemed weak, spent too much time agonizing over looks and relationships-- or worse getting beat up or abused. I didn't understand it. I knew if a motherfucker hit me I'd go crazy on his ass (which is exactly true) I did the make up and all that right along side of them--I simply stayed uninvolved emotionally. (and yes of course there's more to the story)

It took strong women-- stronger than I, to show me just how full of shit I was. It wasn't women, it was the human condition that irritated me. And what exactly was it, about the human condition that irritated me so? The system of patriarchy, that holds back human society.

I'm still no social butterfly-- and I never will be, but I have far more insight once I started looking at root causes of behavior.

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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #1)

Sun Apr 13, 2014, 10:51 PM

2. I'm pretty girly

I wear make up, prefer my hair fixed nicely, and I love handbags and jewelry, but I have never been one of those women who dislikes other women or feels compelled to attack other women to garner male attention. Certainly I confront internalized sexism and misogyny. We all do, but I'm aware of it.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #2)

Sun Apr 13, 2014, 11:04 PM

3. Nothing wrong with that

I can't be doing with uncomfortable clothes-- but I also don't like heavy materials. I like dresses. Light things that my body moves easily in. I really don't need much make up so I don't bother to much. My hair is curly so I let it do what it wants. I get compliments for bed hair!

I am very intrigued by the steampunk look though, not as far as corsets of course, but sweeping skirts, lighter velvets, pleated skirts, with matching jackets. Frilly peaks of lace. And hats!

With the accompanying weird gadgets.

I haven't really gotten farther than reading the genre and listening to a band or two, (Abney Park is awesome) though. I'm in a anti-fashion fashion phase right now. My kids say I'm a hipster or Sometimes a hippy I told them bullshit I'm too young for one and too old for the other.

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Response to ismnotwasm (Reply #1)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 08:21 AM

6. you and i. madrast too, i believe. "I get along better with guys"

 

i have two nieces the same. i was able to share and discuss. it was good for them to hear so young. realize so young. but then, maybe... maybe that has something to do with the last two years of awesome growth in feminism and empowerment too. i hadnt thought of that.

as i said yesterday somewhere. one niece, no way was she into feminism or even knowledge. and the other was apathetic. today, they are awesome, strong voices. too much fun

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Response to BainsBane (Original post)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 12:56 AM

4. A healing pain

Fixing a dislocated sense of identity. Thanks for posting

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Response to BainsBane (Original post)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 08:09 AM

5. interesting. i can remember another story in this forum, where a woman felt basically

 

the same. i did too. i can remember looking at my mom and saying i am not going to be that. and it was not cause of who she was. she was a wonderful person i loved and respected and truly trusted like no other. it was because as woman, she was less. i spent my younger days being the woman to my male buddies that "was not like the other women".

this is very good. we have been talking about mra of late. i have been thinking a lot .... where does the massive hate toward women come from. you do not have the same hate toward men, and a lot of us women have actually been abused by men, yet that hate is not there. men thru out history has certainly done a lot of things to be a recipient of hate, yet they are respected, valued, more important. is hate for women coming from some mommy syndrome?

then there was a thread how forever we teach our children, how we condition ourselves, women are liars.

since being in hof, the new du, this is what the new du has given me. i think our group is even more informative and interactive, supportive, insightful than du2. i have learned and recognized so much. i have been like.... decontaminated by this group. all those invisible strings that control our thinking cause society has given it to us from the beginning.

i have been hanging with women. i have been doing this, without these invisible little whatevers. i am .... loving it. i did not have many girls and women in my lives. it has been basically all men and boys, always. this whole woman thing is such a blast for me.

interesting article. glad i read. lots to think about in different directions


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Response to seabeyond (Reply #5)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 10:27 AM

8. I was surrounded by strong women in my life.

My step-father's family was mostly women. Two of my new aunts were real hard chargers, go-getters. They, along with my mother, became the family painting crew. If anyone moved to a new house, my mom & two aunts would go paint the entire interior first. Can I tell you how much I loved paint days? I didn't get donuts very often but there were always donuts on paint day. I still love the smell of paint.

So many great memories of those days, including the day I found a box of Playboy magazines in some basement. My 8 year old brain about imploded. I had no idea girls would take their clothes off & pose like that. Then one of my aunts found me & said, "Oh that's not for young ladies," or something like that & when I checked back later - like you know a kid would - the mags were gone.

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Response to CrispyQ (Reply #8)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 10:31 AM

9. isnt it odd. some go thru life in a world of male, some female. one

 

side has all girls. one side all boys. lol

it really would be two different lives.

to be the only girl AND... the youngest. wooosh. what a position to walk life.

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Response to BainsBane (Original post)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 10:14 AM

7. I've always preferred working for women over men.

I remember 20+ years ago, a temp agency sent me to admin for a woman CFO who was "very difficult to work for." The agency gave you a three month assignment & if you worked out, the company would hire you. I was told she had gone through six admins already & the company was offering a substantial salary for anyone who could survive the 12 week period & work with her. Well six weeks into it, she went to the CEO & told him, "Hire Crispy & pay her whatever she wants." I didn't know she had done or said this, but I got a call from HR & they offered me the job & asked what my salary requirement was. I asked for $20k more than I had made at my previous job & they didn't bat an eye. Much later, the recruiter told me they would have gone $15k higher. Oh well, a $20k raise in one year put a huge smile on my face.

She & I worked together for six years before I changed fields. In fact, she was the one who said, "You'd be a good programmer," & here I am. We're still friends.

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Response to CrispyQ (Reply #7)

Mon Apr 14, 2014, 10:34 AM

10. i have had women bosses. i have been lucky. i worked well with all my bosses.

 

i cannot recall a single time i really had issues with a boss. reason takes us a long way.

fun story crispy.

it is stories like these, and what i was initially talking about. that made me realize how we women needlessly sabotage one another. i never even thought about it. but, i have had conversation with both nieces, for awareness sake, we do not have to be like this.

support our sisters. ripples become waves.

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