A Psychiatrist’s Letter to Young People about Fifty Shades of Grey

[Tuesday Afternoon]

February 11, 2015

There’s nothing gray about Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s all black.

Let me explain.

I help people who are broken inside. Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone’s in pain, the wounds that interest me are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That's how I discover why the person in front of me is “bleeding”.

Years of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I've learned is that young people are utterly confused about love - finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.

I don’t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I'm warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if you don't see the film, its toxic message is seeping into our culture, and could plant dangerous ideas in your head.

... snip ...

Abuse is not glamorous or cool. It is never OK, under any circumstances.

This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment. Christian enjoys hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian's looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.

more at link:
http://us5.campaign-archive1.com/?u=2eac9d6e67509082bc580a86d&id=1bd96255d8

[Kalidurga]

1. its toxic message is seeping into our culture

Wrong, this is completely wrong. It's toxic message is our culture. There is nothing at all new here. Plus the writing is horrible it is Ayn Rand horrible.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. true on all points. but, some are just now realizing it and, so to them, it is :just now:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. always interesting which threads "take off". I found this letter to be very informative, too =

Christian's emotional problems are cured by Anastasia's love.

Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn't change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.

It’s good to experiment with sexuality.

Maybe for adults in a healthy, long term, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA "marriage". Otherwise, you're at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It's wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.

The bottom line: the ideas of Fifty Shades of Grey are dangerous, and can lead to confusion and poor decisions about love. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what's healthy in a relationship? What's sick? There are so many shades of grey...I'm not sure.

Listen, it's your safety and future we're talking about here. There's no room for doubt: an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is completely unacceptable.

This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.

[ismnotwasm]

4. Here's a Catholic take on it-- blames feminists

I'm FB friends with my oldest daughters parish priest, and he posted this from a Catholic blog. Talk about missing every point that matters

There isn’t one reason, of course. For some, prior abuse or victimization will be a factor. But there is a major theme that I have observed that contributes to the tendency for many–even, apparently, a majority–of women to desire and/or submit themselves to this kind of treatment. Namely, our prevailing culture’s secular-feminist ethic makes it taboo for women to want to be vulnerable in any healthy ways. Women are told they must expect to take care of themselves. They must be strong, self-sufficient and powerful. Of course there is nothing wrong–and everything right–with being a capable, competent woman. But many women are taught that they must take this a step further. They can never allow themselves to be vulnerable. They must be competent at all things, and at all costs. They don’t let themselves need anyone, least of all a man. Even in a healthy relationship, there are many women will will not allow themselves to let their guard down, give up control, or open their hearts.

The problem is that this isn’t natural. The Theology of the Body asserts that an inherent character of femininity is receptivity. That is, the ability to be open, generous, receptive to others. Not dependent, or needy, or a victim, but intimately relational in character. The secular feminist culture pressures women to deny their basic receptivity, but nature will not be denied. The receptive, feminine impulse continues to assert itself, and if it cannot find legitimate expression in healthy relationships, it will assert itself in more insidious ways.

The Need that Will Not Be Denied
In essence, many women who have been trained to reject their natural, healthy vulnerability, can only allow their feminine impulse to be expressed by permitting themselves to be dominated. Unable to allow their feminine nature to emerge in any other way, many women either fantasize or actually place themselves positions where they are no longer given a choice in the matter. Domination is, in essence, Satan’s counterfeit of the healthy submission (as opposed to subjugation/dominance) that naturally expresses itself in subtle and psychologically affirming ways in a healthy, nurturing relationship.
Improperly formed men will seek to dominate women rather than love and serve them, and improperly formed women will seek to be dominated rather that willingly allowing themselves to be loved and served. The popularity of 50 Shades is the bad fruit of a culture that denies the healthy interdependence of men and women and rejects the natural dynamic of mutual submission that evolves when well-formed men and women boldly express their respective masculine and feminine genius in a nurturing, mutually generous relationship with one another.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithonthecouch/2015/02/tainted-love-why-is-50-shades-of-grey-so-popular/

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. awkardly worded but, between the lines and in religious context

I sincerely think he is trying to explain it as HE understands it.

I can not disagree with it in a male/female cisgender way ... which, given his religion would be the only way he can define it.

it is very badly and politically incorrect worded and that is my issue with the content.

"improperly formed" ... uhm ... okay ... dude.

[F4lconF16]

6. Ugh. Not surprised though.

Religion has been for thousands of years now and will continue to be one of the bastions of sexism in progressive culture. It is encoded into every twisted myth, every tradition, every holy text, every Abrahamic god and many others, every power structure, and every man, woman, and child that continues to practice organized religion. It can be blatant or very, very subtle, but it is there, it is insidious, and it is incredibly harmful to women across the world.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. There is a woman I work with, and when she is amazed, astounded, or just generally

bemused and confounded ... she will exclaim ;;; Father God !!

I have always wondered, in the back of my mind, if she is tongue in cheek with that phrase.

or -- Is it is just me getting the irony of it all.