Really amazing thread on "unpaid emotional labor" routinely expected of women...

[bettyellen]

both in relationships, extended family (often very extended!) and work.

I'd never considered what a wide range of activities it can encompass- from keeping up family ties, making schedules, constantly auditing - and considering - the happiness and well being of those around you. (That happiness and well being piece?- HUGE!)
And how these things are taken apart piece by piece and routinely devalued by society. How often women are pushed into the support roles at work and have their careers suffer for it. Lots I had not noticed or considered before.

There's a derail in there trying to make it all about sending Xmas cards, but it is countered with many sad stories of those unable to reach out and make connections (or sandwiches) and greatly suffering for it because they no longer have someone to do it all for them. The social costs are often great.

Really worthwhile and well moderated thread (because reading sexist derails is more bullshit work the mods there do not expect of readers- GO FABULOUS MODS!) It has given me loads to think about.

http://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor

[niyad]

1. k and r and thank you!

[ismnotwasm]

2. Holy shit that's an awesome thread!

Intelligent discussion, no MRA crap. Wow.

[bettyellen]

4. I know- the freedom from asshole trolling is pretty awesome. Meta rocks. Found it through

Captain Awkward, a brilliant advice column and well moderated space. I think you'd love her too. Great scripts, amazing commenters.

[mopinko]

3. boy howdy.

i was a full time mom for many years, a failed artist, a political volunteer.
now i am in the middle of a divorce where i have to justify having a stable retirement. to my kids as well as my ex.

the lightness of my life without all those needy people all over it every day is sort of amazing. walking on the ground instead of a 30 year build up of eggshells. peaceful.
but i still have to forgive their assholery for the last year if i want to keep them in my life. sometimes i wonder if it is worth it.

[bettyellen]

5. it is a huge eyeopener for me, because I myself did not value that kind of work as a child....

because my mom saved it all for the boys, and basically expected me to be her emotional caregiver at a ridiculously young age, and sublimate my own needs. She never really did any of the social glue stuff- except to try and make sure I stayed close with my siblings.
I never understood the bond my brothers had with her, but yeah... she did nurture them and made them feel very important. Catered to them. Till they were in their forties, I might add.
I kind of missed seeing it because I was basically (in my mind) running and screaming as fast as I could away from her kind of life.
Certainly has solidified for me many of my life's choices.

[smirkymonkey]

6. +1000