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Rhiannon12866's JournalTrump Says He Could Beat LeBron James in a Dunk Contest If Not for Bone Spurs
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump escalated his war of words with LeBron James on Saturday by saying that he could defeat the N.B.A. star in a dunk contest were it not for bone spurs.
“I’ve seen LeBron James on TV, and, quite frankly, I don’t think he’s very good at basketball,” Trump said. “The media is very unfairly biased in favor of him because he’s a Democrat, and I think it’s a disgrace.”
“You look at LeBron and sometimes when he shoots the ball, it doesn’t go into the basket,” he said. “If I try to drink a glass of water and miss my mouth, it’s all CNN talks about.”
Trump said that it was “very sad” that his bone spurs would keep him from showing off his slam-dunk form, which he called “poetry in motion.”
“A lot of people are saying that I’m better at dunking than that beauty LeBron,” he said. “A lot of very smart people.”
At the N.B.A. bubble, in Orlando, James responded that he understood that the President’s foot woes would prevent him from participating in a dunk contest, but said that he would be happy to face Trump in a spelling contest.
Short article, no more at link: 
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-says-he-could-beat-lebron-james-in-a-dunk-contest-if-not-for-bone-spurs
Photograph by Nick Laham / Getty
The Daily Social Distancing Show: What the Hell Happened This Week? RNC Edition
From Mike Pence’s impressive amount of bulls**t to Trump’s boring low-energy Jeb Bush-ass speech, here’s everything you need to know.
Despite Pandemic, Trump Holds Crowded NH Rally After Crowded RNC Speech - The 11th Hour - MSNBC
After hundreds gathered at the White House for Trump's norm-destroying RNC speech, the president went to New Hampshire to hold an outdoor rally in front of another large crowd. Aired on 8/28/2020.
Rep. Schiff On Trump's Disregard Of Hatch Act: 'Lawlessness Is The Point' - The Last Word - MSNBC
Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) says violations of the Hatch Act during the Republican National Convention proves Donald Trump is “proud of his lawlessness.” He talks with Katy Tur about what Congress needs to do to “curb these kind of violations of law and norm of office.” Aired on 8/28/2020.
Rep. Schiff On How Trump’s Impeachment Is Impacting The Campaign - The Last Word - MSNBC
Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) says after Donald Trump’s impeachment, his “lack of character decency… left a lasting impression on the American people.” He tells Katy Tur the actions that got Donald Trump impeached foreshadowed his “incompetence” in handling the coronavirus pandemic. Aired on 8/28/2020.
Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) - 8/28/20
Monologue: American CarnageBill returns to his studio to recap the top issues of the week, including the Republican National Convention and Jerry Falwell Jr.'s widely reported sex scandal.
Wynton Marsalis: The Ever Fonky Lowdown
Legendary jazz musician Wynton Marsalis joins Bill to discuss how his latest album, "The Ever Fonky Lowdown," addresses America's current political divide.
New Rule: #FreeUpTheMail
Bill calls on Americans to temporarily limit the amount of junk they send through the mail in order to help postal workers deliver election ballots.
This "bootleg" version includes the interview with former Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) - and the panel with journalist/author Nina Burleigh and The Lincoln Project co-founder Rick Wilson - it won't last, but this is all that's available, so far:
Trump Will 'Undermine' Our Democracy, Set Up 'Barriers' For People To Vote - Deadline - MSNBC
Karine Jean Pierre, chief of staff for Kamala Harris and Biden campaign senior advisor, lauds Senator Harris’ thorough attack on the president and argues that our country needs to get our ‘failed’ president out of the White House. Aired on 08/28/2020.
Fact Checking VP Mike Pence's 2020 RNC Speech - NowThis
VP Mike Pence’s RNC speech Wednesday was full of inaccuracies and lies — here are the facts and receipts.
Some of the Biggest Lies From the RNC 2020 - NowThis
‘That was a parade of dishonesty’ — Night 1 of the RNC racked up more lies than all 4 nights of the DNC combined, according to CNN reporter Daniel Dale.
I'm Nervous About Election Day, 'The Same Way I Was Feeling Four Years Ago' - The ReidOut - MSNBC
Asked for his thoughts on this week’s RNC speeches, Bill Maher says he’s nervous about election day, ‘the same way I was feeling four years ago.’ Aired on 08/28/2020.
Ivanka Trump Beseeches American People: "I Can't Get a Job Anywhere Else"
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an attempt to humanize her father’s reëlection campaign, an emotional Ivanka Trump used her R.N.C. speech to reveal to the American people, “I can’t get a job anywhere else.”
“The past few years have been super rough for me, ever since my shoe company went south,” she confided. “I thought the shoes were pretty, and I was really surprised when no one wanted to wear them. They’re all in storage at Mar-a-lago, and we can’t give them away.”
Speaking movingly of her father, Trump said, “He gave me a job when no one else in the world would.”
Expounding on her father’s benevolence, she added, “And, while we’re on the subject of jobs, do you honestly think that anyone else in the world would hire Jared as a senior adviser? No way.”
Capping her emotional pitch, Trump said, “I am begging you, my fellow-Americans, to please give Jared and me four more years to get our shit figured out. After that, we swear we’ll move out and look for real jobs.”
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ivanka-trump-beseeches-american-people-i-cant-get-a-job-anywhere-else
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