hey, who's from wisconsin here?

mag mile black friday protest looks like a win from here-

i posted this as a response in another thread, disagreeing w someone about whether the protest would win any allies, or whether it was just about getting attention-

seeing video and pics from the scene.
block or so long march had michigan ave closed down.
later pics show very few shoppers and stores being shut down.
i'd call it a win. without "firing a shot"

the people that they piss off are exactly the ones who should be pissed off. they dont give 2 shits for the lives of these children. dont give them a seconds thought.
tho they will be fuming today, they will have at least heard the cries. and can ignore them no more.
have to say that we have got their (angry) attention.

win.

aahhh the holidays. whose holidays are gonna suck?

my turkey day will be better than last year, as i am going out for dim sum w some dear friends.
but the ex got the holidays in the divorce. so he is doing the turkey thing w the kids. out of the 5, 2 dont speak to me, one is far away, 1 is a pain in my ass right now.
so, my cooking a turkey wouldnt help at all.

last year ex took them all out xmas eve, had them over for dinner xmas day. by the time they straggled back after 8pm, i was curled up in a ball in bed, and they didnt bother to look for me.
this year i asked the youngest (22yo) to see if i could get a little more parity. i doubt they would exactly repeat all that anyway.

also told her that i would like to see her sister. not sure how true that even is, as i am pretty deeply wounded by the silence, and the bs that has caused it. the kid has some real issues, and imho, therapist help ingrain some delusions in her mind. her memories of her childhood are seriously screwed up. but since she barely excepts how sick she was/is, she cant seem to accept that her brain might have recorded things "wrong".
but i do miss her.

the oldest is just plain lost to me. i mostly have accepted that. the ex did her some real dirt, the true redheaded stepchild. no taking that back. i chose him over her, and the fact that i finally dumped him will not matter.
she was a hard child to raise from jump street. but in her mind she was a little angel.
c'est la vie.

wish the far away child was interested in coming home for a visit, but he is pretty content where he is. we have an itchy but loving relationship. everything i say strikes him as an attack of some sort. trying to figure that out and watch what i say. but.....
maybe next year.

anyway? anyone else care to share their tales of woe?

my mind is in the gutter today.

have a hot date tonight.
got lunch at bk.
yes, i had a whopper.

oh my.

anybody know how long nicotine stays in the system after quitting?

my quit date is dec 17, also should be my divorce date.
i need to get my own insurance after that. assuming i have 30 days. i want to be able to get non-smoker rate. i will quit. i have only been smoking for 2 years. but it is in my med records. my doc listed me as a former smoker, which she kinda had to do as i was having breathing issues related to smoking.
do i have to pass a pee test? i have an order on file for one, as i talked to a surgeon about getting my gall bladder removed, and he refuses to operate on smokers. i suppose that taking/passing that would help, as it would go on my record.

anyone have an experience w this?

well the big day is on the calendar.

dec 17th should be divorce day. still crossing the t's and dotting the i's on the agreed order, but mostly i am happy with what we have worked out.
i get to keep my farm, and get enough resources to continue to improve it.
i settled for a lower maintenance in exchange for a high property distribution. i should be able to invest enough of that into real estate to make up for the difference within a couple years. will pay off existing mortgage on the 2flat that i am getting, and should be able to buy the one next to me when it comes on the market in a year or 2.
agreed to return to the bargaining table in 5 years, when he is looking to retire early. since he should be getting a lovely parting gift when that happens, i should be able to make it through that, too.

the tax hit will be significant, as most of the cash is in a 401k now. but i truly hate the stock market, and figure that shelling out an extra 33% to invest in bricks and mortar is still a good investment.

it's also my quit smoking day, which will likely be a little tougher. lol.

Question submitted by mopinko

the impact of depression on marriages.

i got a phone call the other day from you favorite nephew telling me that his wife of 20 years had filed for divorce.
his wife has been fighting a long term battle w depression. she had bad postpartum episodes after all 3 of their kids. she has struggled to be a working mom, including grad school and then a full time job.
nephew is a creative whose work life has been a little checkered, as it usually is. lots of freelance jobs, and a pretty long stint as mr mom.

from our past conversations, i really recognize her feelings as just like mine during my long, now ended, marriage. i tried to let him know a little more about the view from her side. i know he took it to heart.
but i think that she is dealing with the feelings of being trapped, which depression does to you. and the feelings of wanting your s.o. to rescue you, which, of course, and as unrealistic as they are understandable.

he is still trying to talk her out of it. but i can say that both the ex and i are starting over w new people (still pretty new, but delicious so far), and the weight of all those years has been lifted from both our shoulders. it is a glorious thing.
i am sure he will find someone new. he is a sweet, funny guy, and still cute. it will be tough on the kids, all in their teens. thankfully i think he has been present in their life enough that they will not fall victim to whatever divide and conquer games might play out between them as they go through all this.

i know in my case there was no way to heal all those wounds. i felt trapped, and that made him feel trapped, too. every little thing carried the weight of years of struggle for control. there was no way to just give, or take, anything any more.
but understanding it doesnt make the whole fucking mess any less painful. such a fucking waste.
damn these broken brains.

small potatoes- crop rotation question

do potatoes build up the same sort of viral load as tomatoes if grown in the same spot year after year?
last year i planted a lot of fingerlings. used the straw method. since they are small to begin w, and the ones that did the best were the purples, lots of itty bitty ones got left behind.
they came up this spring, and did pretty well for me. just covered them up with a new load of straw. but again, i am sure when i dug them that i left plenty behind.

should i let them grow this spring, or should i pull them and move them somewhere else? if i can leave them, how many years can they stay in the same place?
long term i am focused on permaculture, and the idea of a self perpetuating potato patch is appealing.