about the name...

my daughter had her at her apartment for a few days before she brought her over on christmas eve and wasn't crazy about the names given to her by the rescue family (marshmallow and fluffy) so my kid started calling the dog lola.

but she was only "lola" for a few days so my daughter said i should name her whatever i wanted (she was only marshmallow & fluffy for two weeks). so....

we did a brainstorming session and came up with a lot of hysterical crap

my daughter got lola from the kinks song ("l-o-l-a, lola&quot and i had to point out that the lola in that song was a guy! (my daughter isn't that familiar with the song apparently) but when i heard "lola" i thought of the Copacabana song ("she was a showgirl&quot

so after they went home i thought of a few names: "christmas," "christmas eve," "noel," and maybe "aspen" but none seemed to work or seemed right. she was very shy & easily spooked so i considered spooky. she's light as a feather so i considered feather & wispy (but they both just sound too funny/stupid--they'll make perfect nicknames for her though). i considered ivy & winter

then i posted this thread

the next morning she kinda freaked out when i tried to put her harness on to go outside--looking at me all wild-eyed, & hopping backwards, wondering who the fu*k i was.....so wylie coyote came to mind. she reminds me of an artic fox (so, of course, "foxy" came to mind)

i like a lot of the names on this thread. creamsicle & eggnog made me lol! so did "privilege." i liked willow because, like i said, she's wispy.

but in all my indecision i realized i was calling her "hey you" & thought that's not good; she'll get used to that. so i fell back on the name my daughter called her-- lola...dun dun dun...("she was a showgirl" and according to the descriptions of this type of dog they were frequently used as show dogs or circus performing dogs, so in a weird way, the name is fitting.)

my kid wanted me to give her a "person" name rather than an "object" or "thing" name. so...i appreciate all the posts & suggestions; they are still under consideration for her MIDDLE name! lol!

my daughter & her boyfriend are coming for dinner tomorrow night

and i'm going to their apartment for christmas dinner

but this is the first year *of my life* i will be going to sleep xmas eve, waking up on xmas morning, and going to sleep xmas night all alone in the house.

"not a creature was stirring"
i don't even have any pets anymore.

and i think that is depressing as hell

i'm sorry to hear about your mom

sometimes it seems the universe overwhelms us with too much loss too soon (i'm referring to the loss of your dad four years ago).

and i'm sorry about your friend. i had a somewhat similar thing happen to me and it was a hard pill to swallow. (it was rather incredible, actually, and not in a good way)

the firsts are always hard without a loved one (as i'm sure you know. and the seconds can be just as bad--at least they were for me. i'm about to have my sixth christmas without my mom--and i've finally reached a level that leaves me feeling numb and indifferent rather than devastated although i suspect i'll have several bouts of crying before the year is up)

i've come across people who feel that it's best to keep busy, occupied, preoccupied, not to think about the loved one that has gone, avoid thinking about them at all costs & just move on. apparently that type of behavior works for them. when engaged in this type of conversation i have only said that i was grieving or still grieving for my mom a few times. what i usually say is that i'm just so damn sad because i miss her so very much. (i put it in terms of how i feel & how i miss her. they can't really argue with that. maybe that would help your spouse be a bit more understanding rather than thinking your grief is morbid. after all, how is missing someone you loved being morbid?)

wishing you peace and comfort.

i'm so sorry for what you're going through

the only suggestions i can think of to add is maybe your town offers some sort of special mental health/bereavement services or they would be able to point you in the right direction.

also--years ago, when my dad passed away his church offered bereavement counseling for the families. my mom & i were not members of the church but i decided to try it anyway. there was no fee and i thought i really needed help. and it did help. it was a group session for a couple months once or twice a week (if i remember correctly). my mom didn't want anything to do with it or the church. she didn't go.

i really hope you are able to find what you need that will help you through this. when my mom passed away i desperately needed some help but due to a number of personal circumstances i have not gone for any counseling--and it's been a horribly rough five years. (pretty unimaginable, actually.)

it wouldn't be heaven without them. n/t

across a few years my daughter, as a college student & beyond, had seven pet mice

they were adorable

unfortunately their lifespan isn't long

it was a tragedy and heartbreak each time one died.

she had moved back home after college and the mice came with her. they would visit on weekends from school.

she started with two. one died. she got two more. the second mouse died. so she had two. one died. she got three more. then she had four together. and one by one, they died.

it was so devastating that when we got down to the last two i told her "you can't do this again. we can't keep going through this."

each was given a private cremation and she has their ashes in little urns.

it was so fascinating to me how these little creatures could be so loved and cherished and bring such sadness at their parting. it's almost like i never would have believed it if it hadn't happened to me.

20 years---!

this autumn it was five years for me without her

i never imagined i could survive without her
it's been the toughest, worst years of my life

the reality of her no longer in my day-to-day is almost absurd!
even now--after five years

i know time helps us -- we begin adapting to a different way of life (but it can take soooooo painfully long for us to acclimate to the new "normal&quot

she was my best friend & soulmate & neither of us were emotionally prepared for this parting, however brief it may be.

and yet...how wonderful and amazing to have been loved so very much
and how wonderful and amazing to know that i have loved someone so deeply

i miss her everyday

"the finest years i ever knew
were all the years i had with you"

"i would give everything i own just to have you back again"


omg-- so true about the way i feel about my mom

i miss her everyday

my mom would say: "oh well. what the hell?"

meaning--no big deal

how i miss her sage wisdom and advice!

paper roses,

i'm so very sorry you're feeling this way--yet i understand so well

this will be the sixth christmas without my mom--and we lived together all my life. this past year my daughter has moved out. her and her partner will probably come over for awhile on xmas eve and i'll probably go to their apartment on xmas day. but at night? and in the morning? it will be the first time *in my life* that i am alone in an empty house on xmas eve night and christmas morning. i am absolutely dreading this!

i keep thinking: maybe if i don't focus too much on it, or think about it too much, i can coast through it. we'll have to see. it's early in the month and already i'm thinking about it, anticipating it, ...dreading it.

and i go through some of the motions for the holiday season. and i go through them very half-assed. there is no real incentive for me to do otherwise.

i wanted to play the video you put up, but there is a problem with it.

can you please tell me the name of the song so i can try and find another video of it?

take care, my friend. i know those who have gone before us and whose love remains with us would want only good things for us. and i know they understand our sorrow and would take it away if they could, and make our life joyful and complete if they could. just like they always did before.