Initech

Initech's Journal

December 27, 2015

Donald Trump Blasts Bill Clinton's "Penchant For Sexism"

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump late Saturday blasted the announcement that former President Bill Clinton will campaign for his wife, Hillary Clinton.

The real estate mogul said the former president has a “penchant for sexism” in a tweet.

The Democratic front-runner said in an interview last week that Trump has “a penchant for sexism” after the billionaire said she “got schlonged” in losing to then-Sen. Barack Obama in 2008.

“It’s not the first time he’s demonstrated a penchant for sexism,” Hillary Clinton told the Des Moines Register. “Again, I’m not sure anybody’s surprised that he keeps pushing the envelope."

Trump later warned Clinton to "be careful as you play the war on women or women being degraded card."

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-blasts-bill-clintons-penchant-for-sexism/ar-BBnXb9Q?li=BBnb7Kz

Pot calling the kettle black?

December 26, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8: A Schlonged Time Ago Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8: A Schlonged Time Ago Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! And it seems like an eternity ago when I posted the first one doesn't it? This is the last Top 10 for 2015 and also the last biweekly edition for a while. Now don't be sad! We'll be back January 6th with a neo Nazi themed neinth edition (pun intended!

) ! But I can't wait to tell you about what we have in store for the new year and an election year at that! For starters Obama's farewell SOTU will get its' own special edition (possibly a bi-weekly one depending on how much conservative idiocy awaits us), as will the DNC and RNC conventions. The biweekly format will be revived once it gets closer to election season. And if there's a Donald Trump presidency I'll be proud to join you in the gulags. Did I say gulags again? I meant happy camps! But I'm doing this edition because conservative idiocy doesn't take a holiday and neither do we! To start with, I love this graphic that surfaced about Jeb!'s campaign going in reverse:

To start with, I called this edition that because Donald Trump (1) not only said those horrific things about Hillary Clinton, he earned a huge honor - he is Politifact's 2015 Liar Of The Year! USA! USA! USA! Jeb! (2) is finding his campaign in the toilet, and it seems there's no miracle baseball comeback to win this one. Next , we go to Madison, Wisconsin where state representative Bob Gannon (3) is actively encouraging "good guy with a gun" style vigilantism. And we all know how well that works don't we? Meanwhile, Media Matters compiles a huge list of all the sexist moments Fox News (4) had during 2015, and well, it's not pretty. While on the subject of sexism and misogyny , the Chicago Board of Education (5) hates pregnant teachers. And just when you think Donald Trump supporters couldn't be more batshit crazy, along comes Theodore Shoebat (6), who wants to usher in a new era of Christian supremacy by raiding America's "demonic" yoga studios. Yes, yoga is now associated with Satan. In science news, Bryan Fischer (7) attempts to explain science and fails hard. Things are getting worse for Pharma-Douche Martin Shkreli (8) as he is getting trolled by his lawyer and his alma matter while doing the good conservative deed of denying that he did those horrible things that we know he did. Speaking of Fox News and sexism, Eric Bolling (9) thinks that Chelsea Clinton timed her second pregnancy as a way of boosting her mom's campaign numbers (uh, no she didn't.). Finally we're going to introduce another brand new feature to the Top 10, and that's "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs". We go to Wisconsin, where an elderly woman claims to have heard a pledge of allegiance to ISIS while a couple was doing the nasty. Well, there wasn't enough information to go in in this story, so people's warped minds took to Twitter and came up with some rather interesting theories as to what the elderly woman actually heard! We'll let you fill in the rest of the blanks! Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Gee who would have guessed that it was going to be him this week? Ah... don't go! Don't install that app that removes all Donald Trump related news from your news feed because that would mean no more Idiots lists! And we can't have that can we? Ah thank you. Much better isn't it? Because you are going to want to stay around for this story.

Congratulations Donald Trump! You are 2015's Politifact "Liar Of The Year!"

How do you feel about that, Mr. Trump? "I'm not going to celebrate by going to Disneyland. No I'm going to go to Epcot Center, buy the whole building and turn it into my personal billiards room, because I'm a winner. And that is what America needs are winners. We can't have any losers here! Not on my watch! I'm going to keep winning! America is going to keep winning!"

It’s the trope on Trump: He’s authentic, a straight-talker, less scripted than traditional politicians. That’s because Donald Trump doesn’t let facts slow him down. Bending the truth or being unhampered by accuracy is a strategy he has followed for years.
"People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That's why a little hyperbole never hurts," Trump wrote in his 1987 best-seller The Art of the Deal. "People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It's an innocent form of exaggeration — and a very effective form of promotion."
That philosophy guided Trump in luxury real estate and reality television. This year he brought it to the world of presidential politics.
Trump has "perfected the outrageous untruth as a campaign tool," said Michael LaBossiere, a philosophy professor at Florida A&M University who studies theories of knowledge. "He makes a clearly false or even absurdly false claim, which draws the attention of the media. Hehttp://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2015/dec/21/2015-lie-year-donald-trump-campaign-misstatements/ then rides that wave until it comes time to call up another one."
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2015/dec/21/2015-lie-year-donald-trump-campaign-misstatements/

But in other Donald Trump news, Dër Trumpenfüror went after Hillary Clinton's campaign and made some horribly sexist and degrading comments at Mrs. Clinton's expense:

Grand Rapids, Michigan (CNN)Donald Trump attacked Hillary Clinton in vulgar terms Monday night, saying that her bathroom break during the last Democratic debate was just too "disgusting" to talk about and then stating she "got schlonged" by Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential race.

"Even a race to Obama, she was gonna beat Obama. I don't know who would be worse, I don't know, how could it be worse? But she was going to beat -- she was favored to win -- and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost," Trump said.

Earlier, Trump started to criticize Clinton for not returning to the ABC News debate stage on Saturday night in time, but then said he didn't want to talk more about it because it was "disgusting."

"I know where she went, it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it," Trump said. "No, it's too disgusting. Don't say it, it's disgusting, let's not talk, we want to be very, very straight up."

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/21/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-disgusting/index.html

"Everyone else but me is a disgusting loser." - Donald Trump

By the way if you look up schlonged in the Urban Dictionary, you'll find no less than 50 slang terms for penis in the "related" category. Use at your own risk.

[font size="8"]Jeb![/font]

So the Jeb! campaign is in serious trouble. It's a sinking ship at this point. No Jeb!, there's no miracle comeback which can catapult you past Trump at this point. But what does Jeb! himself think of this? Why he doesn't think anything of it. It's just fine and dandy!

This was Jeb! at the beginning of the campaign:

Donald Trump’s surge in the polls has been covered as terrible news for the GOP. But it’s fantastic news for one Republican — Jeb Bush.
The rise of the bombastic celebrity mogul and the saturation media coverage of his controversial comments on illegal immigrants is a godsend for the putative frontrunner, who, in every area except fundraising, has been underperforming so far.
In addition to the fact that Trump poses no threat to actually win the Republican nomination, the purported billionaire helpfully sucks up all the media oxygen so none of Bush's potentially more dangerous rivals can get any attention. Trump also presents a wonderful contrast for Bush — making him look tolerant, professional, and adult. And if Trump stays in the race and remains popular on the right, it will show that yet again, conservative voters simply can't get it together to seriously wield their influence in the presidential primaries.
http://www.vox.com/2015/7/14/8962411/donald-trump-polls-bush

And this was Jeb! in the middle of the campaign when his poll numbers dropped him from being the front runner at 17.6% to a measily 6.4%:

Jeb Bush tells Newsmax TV that he can reverse his low poll numbers and eventually win the Republican presidential nomination.

"The comeback kid is the narrative that the press would love," the former Florida governor told "Newsmax Prime" host J.D. Hayworth in an interview airing Friday. "They love to push you down and then allow you to come back up to push you down again. That's the way it seems to work.

"There's a long way to go and the early states matter," he added. "What you'll see is that I will rise first in places like Iowa, New Hampshire.

Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/jeb-bush-win-republican-nomination/2015/10/30/id/699871/#ixzz3v5CRveqM

And this is Jeb! as he currently stands at the bottom of the barrel at 4.6%:

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush "hated" being the GOP front-runner earlier this year, he says, because of the expectations it set for him and his campaign.

“I hated that," he told John Dickerson on CBS's "Face the Nation" on Sunday. "I feel much better back here.”

Bush entered the 2016 presidential contest as the presumptive Republican front-runner and the clear establishment favorite in no small part because of his ability to raise enormous sums of money. But his close ties to prominent GOP voices — once seen as a strength — has not helped him in an election year defined by “outsider” candidates who have been propelled by a strong anti-politician sentiment across the country.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/20/jeb-bush-says-he-hated-being-the-front-runner/

And this will be Jeb! and the BFEE come RNC time:

Thanks for playing the "I want to be president game", Jeb!. We have some lovely parting gifts for you when you are shown the door!

[font size="8"]Bob Gannon[/font]

Good guys with guns. It's the NRA's favorite weapon of choice in any debate on gun control and gun rights. They bring it up nearly every single time there's a gun attack. And it's the reason why humanity will end soon - there will be too many good guys with guns as you may recall in Idiots #3 that the FBI reported that the largest gun sale in American history was reported this year on Black Friday. And it's true. Gun manufacturers, gun dealers, and the NRA shouldn't be hating on Obama. They should be thanking him for having their best sales on record, of any year, ever! Because every time there's a shooting, gun nut conspiracy theorists turn out in droves to say that the Obama administration is going to take your guns away. But there's one state representative in Wisconsin who is actively encouraging "Good Guy With A Gun" style vigilantism and that's Bob Gannon.

A Wisconsin Republican state senator has been accused of inciting a “vigilante uprising” after he called on law-abiding gun owners to “clean our society of scum bags”
Rep. Bob Gannon (R) responded to a recent shooting at East Towne Mall in Madison by saying that the incident could have been stopped if more people were carrying guns. During the incident over the weekend, a teen was shot in the leg and suffered non-life threatening injuries.
“Wisconsin does not have a death penalty law, but with significant practice and careful aim, law-abiding citizens can help clean our society of these scumbags,” Gannon said in a statement on Monday. “Criminals no longer have any fear of our courts or our prisons, so it’s time that the citizens of this fine state stand up and fight back.”
Gannon argued that a “gang banger in the mall with a gun is going to think twice if there could be a law abiding (concealed carry weapon) holder standing behind them fully prepared to shoot center mass, as this is how you’re trained to eliminate the threat these creeps pose to you, your family, and all law-abiding citizens unwillingly dragged into their public crime spree.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/vigilante-uprising-gop-lawmaker-calls-on-gun-owners-to-clean-our-society-of-scum-bags/

Yes because more guns are actively the solution to America's gun woes. You don't throw a molotov cocktail into an already burning building, do you? OK bad analogy, but still...

[font size="8"]Fox News[/font]

While Donald Trump was named Politifact's "Liar Of The Year", Fox News got destroyed by Media Matters as being the most sexist network on television!

So thanks to Media Matters, I'm just going to sit back and post a few of the more cringe worthy comments made by the hosts and guests.

Eric Bolling: "I'm Just Laughing" At The Idea That "Anything A Guy Can Do, A Woman Can Do Better." On the February 25 edition of Fox News' The Five, co-host Eric Bolling dismissed his fellow co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle's statement that "anything that a guy can do, a woman can do better" by laughing and saying, "I'm just laughing at the anything a guy can do, a woman can better. I won't even get myself in trouble for answering".

Fox Guest: "The Most [Parents] Can Do Is Just Drill Into Your Daughter 'You're Vulnerable, You're Weak.'" On the March 24 edition of Fox News' Hannity, guest Gavin McInnes stated that "women are more vulnerable" than men and argued that parents should "drill into your daughter, 'you're vulnerable, you're weak'".

Keith Ablow: Gender Equality Means Men Can Hit Women. On the July 8 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends, Keith Ablow responded to a publicly-released surveillance video of a then-Florida State University quarterback punching a female student, by saying that men not being able to hit women might be an "antiquated notion" because of co-ed sports and a culture that tries to "dispense with the idea of gender differences." Ablow went on to justify his stance arguing, "listen, if you're saying that it's just fine to flip a girl onto her back in a wrestling match, and pin her to the ground and take some joy in that -- well then I guess if you're in a bar and she slaps you, you punch her in the face".

http://mediamatters.org/research/2015/12/22/fox-news-10-most-cringe-worthy-sexist-moments-o/207537

Ugh. I was just wondering - with such assholish comments like that, how is Keith Ablow still licensed to practice psychiatry? This guy is both a psychopath and a sociopath.

[font size="8"]Chicago Board Of Education [/font]

So the next time one of your conservative mouth-breathing friends stops the conversation and says "we're not doing enough to protect our children" or "we're doing it 'for the babies', please show them this story and once again smack them across the face and say "you're wrong". Because here is another sign that the higher ups in charge just don't give a fuck about babies or children.

In a lawsuit filed against the Chicago Board of Education late last year, the Department of Justice (DOJ) claimed the principal of Chicago’s Scammon Elementary School fired, threatened to fire, and evaluated poorly the performances of pregnant teachers, with the Board consenting to as many as six of the resulting firings. The Chicago Public Schools (CPS) system had previously denied charges of specific targeting of pregnant teachers, insisting the reasoning behind the women’s terminations was “legitimate, job-related and consistent with business necessity.”

However, with Wednesday’s ruling, the school board is required to not only provide monetary compensation to the women, but must also adhere to new discrimination-monitoring guidelines including submitting quarterly reports to the DOJ detailing any complaints of pregnancy discrimination, harassment and retaliation made by school employees. The board also agreed to review its non-discrimination policy and organize training sessions to educate school employees about pregnancy discrimination.

In response to the news, Feminist Majority Foundation President Eleanor Smeal said, “Pregnancy discrimination has been outlawed on the federal level for decades. It’s long overdue that Chicago administrators adhere to the law and to basic human rights standards for women.”

In a statement Wednesday, head of the DOJ’s Civil Rights Division, Vanita Gupta, lauded the court’s decision to side with the women as “an important step toward ensuring that no woman loses her job, faces discipline or endures threats because of her pregnancy.” Added Gupta, “Our settlement establishes critical measures to provide a workplace environment free from sex-based discrimination.”

http://feminist.org/blog/index.php/2015/12/18/chicago-teachers-awarded-280000-in-damages-for-pregnancy-firing/

George Carlin was right - "when you're pre born you're fine, when you're pre school, you're fucked!". I hope that $280K is per person because this kind of discrimination is criminal. Nothing further to add except...

[font size="8"]Theodore Shoebat[/font]

So we've gone over the fact that Donald Trump's supporters have ushered in a new era of white supremacy several times over. But this next entry takes Trump's idea of no Muslims in the United States and amplifies it 100 fold, this is without a doubt, batshit crazy. While we're making fun of Donald Trump, his supporters are actively fantasizing about how they can bring about the next Holocaust. And it starts with America's yoga studios, which supporter Theodore Shoebat, says are "demonic" and that we need a "Christian supremacist society". We also need to "execute Muslims who didn't convert". He is also the son of notorious "terrorism" expert Walid Shoebat who was often compared to ISIS for saying that the LGBT community and Muslims would need to be executed if they didn't convert. You really can't make this stuff up folks, and this is the type of shit we will have to put up with should Donald Trump ever see the presidency.

An anti-gay extremist who has pledged his support for Donald Trump denied that he was anything like Islamic State militants — and to prove it, he called for armed raids of yoga studios to “Christianize the land.”
Theodore Shoebat, a right-wing video blogger who appeared in an anti-LGBT film with Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee, fantasized in a recent post about the wrathful judgment he would unleash on the world’s Hindus should he somehow be declared dictator, reported Right Wing Watch.
Shoebat, the son of fraudulent “terror expert” Walid Shoebat, complained that he is often compared to ISIS because he calls for the killing of gays and others who refuse to convert to Christianity.
He wished earlier this month for a Trump administration that would execute Muslims who didn’t convert.
“We need a Christian supremacist society or else these things are going to continue to happen,” Shoebat said of a Muslim judge sworn in on the Koran instead of a Bible. “God willing, if Donald Trump wins, and I think he will win, he will put a cap on things like this.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/trump-loving-conservative-calls-for-armed-raids-of-demonic-yoga-studios-to-christianize-the-land/

Oh be afraid. Be very afraid. Imagine this guy times a hundred million if Donald Trump ever got elected president. And let's not forget that he appeared in a anti-LGBT documentary with Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee denouncing America's LGBT population. This is truly frightening shit.

[font size="8"]Bryan Fischer[/font]

This next entry has me absolutely speechless. I've heard a lot of religious people say a lot of incredibly ridiculously stupid things over the years, but this one might be an Oscar winner in the category of "Batshit Crazy Science Deniers". We go to everyone's favorite gay hating Colorado faction, the American Family Association (motto: Doing The Lord's Work Of Denying Science And Hating Gays Since 1978!). Bryan Fischer is a man who should not be attempting to explain science under any circumstances. This is an epic fail on just about every single level. Not even a thousand Ralph Wiggums or 100,000 acid trips could come up for this explanation as to how the dinosaurs lived. I mean just........ wow. I have no words. I'm no biology major, but even I know that this is scientifically impossible. I will instead let the fail speak for itself:

On his radio program today, Bryan Fisher laid out his theory about where dinosaurs came from, explaining that they were simply lizards that grew very large because they lived for 1,000 years.

As Fischer explained, prior to Noah's flood, the average human lifespan was 912 years, so logically the lifespans of animals and reptiles and the like were also much longer during this period. And since reptiles continue to grow until they die, Fischer said, it stands to reason that a lizard that lived for 1,000 years would eventually grow to be the size of a dinosaur.

Asserting that there is "no reason to doubt" the Bible when it says that Methuselah lived for 969 years, Fischer declared that if some salamanders today can live for hundreds of years and grow to be several feet in length, then obviously lizards before the flood could live for a thousand years and grow even larger.

"I'm thinking that could be the explanation for dinosaurs," he said. "They were just like reptiles that just like grew for a 1,000 years, kept growing, kept growing, kept growing."

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bryan-fischer-says-dinosaurs-were-just-giant-1000-year-old-lizards#sthash.53IPVtUM.dpuf

Standing O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[font size="8"]Martin Shkreli[/font]

So... fresh off his arrest and subsequent bail, overnight billionaire turned fraudster criminal, poster boy for American greed, and president of the Gordon Gekko Fan Club, Martin Shkreli has fallen on hard times. Cue the world's tiniest violin.

We can't be too sorry for Shkreli committing pharmaceutical fraud here. But it seems that when he fell, he fell hard. So much that he's getting trolled by his lawyer who wants to take him and his family on a 2 week paid New Year's vacation to Cancun, at Shkreli's expense:

Kind of makes you wonder if Shkreli's lawyer himself is under criminal investigation. But hey when you've got it, flaunt it, right? I know I would! Meanwhile, Shkreli's alma matter is wondering what to make of his $1 million donation of his ill-gotten gains:

The pharma bro’s old school might be giving back his drug money.

Hunter College High School is debating what to do with a $1 million donation from former student Martin Shkreli, the reviled pharmaceuticals executive who is now entangled in legal turmoil, the New York Times reported Saturday.

Shkreli, 32, gifted the giant sum to the elite Manhattan school in March, making it the biggest individual donation in its history. The eventual Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO did not even graduate from Hunter — he left early with bad grades, only to earn a diploma elsewhere — but said he still felt an affinity for the school.

“I really cleaned up in the business world. I have to give thanks,” he told the Daily News at the time.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/martin-shkreli-old-school-debates-donation-article-1.2471832

Yeah... he cleaned up by robbing people and hospitals stupid, which he denies like a good greedy conservative:

In his first interview since bailing himself out on federal fraud charges, pharmaceutical warlord Martin Shkreli told the Wall Street Journal that he was only a big dumb butthead on the internet as a grand social experiment, which given the outcome, seems like it ended up being a very bad experiment.

Further, Shkreli alleges that the feds only came after him because he became a world famous troll in almost record time. Speaking to the WSJ’s Rob Copeland:

“What do you do when you have the attention of millions of people? It seemed to me like it would be fun to experiment with,” Mr. Shkreli said in the interview. He said he was arrested “because of a social experiment and teasing people over the Internet,” adding, “that seems like a real injustice.”

“Quite frankly, it was not something I expected, and definitely not something I deserve given the facts,” he said.

Martin Shkreli saying that he was arrested not because he committed a number of extreme financial crimes but because he was instead a highly visible punchable schmuck might sound like denial of the strongest degree but in a sense he may not be that wrong.

http://gawker.com/martin-shkreli-i-was-only-pretending-to-be-horrible-1749106256

Oh I was just pretending to be horrible and rob people stupid. I was only pretending to commit pharmaceutical fraud. But I did and cleaned up. NO!!!!

[font size="8"]Eric Bolling [/font]

Allow me to mimic J.K. Simmon's drum instructing character in the Oscar nominated flick "Whiplash" for a minute. Scroll back to #4. Read the article from Media Matters about Fox News and sexism. Read it again. And again. And again. Memorize it if you have to. No that's not good enough! Read it again! And again! Louder, faster! You have to feel the sexism in this article! No not that way! Again!

Thank you! Because this next story only further proves the point that Media Matters was trying to make about Fox News and sexism. Fox & Friends. That show you watch in the morning when you want to feel smarter about your job and to argue with Janice in Accounting, because she clearly doesn't give a fuck (apologies to John Oliver). And Eric Bolling clearly isn't helping the situation with Fox News, sexism, and misogyny. And no, Eric, Chelsea Clinton did not "time her pregnancy" to coincide with her mom's campaign. That is fucking stupid. And you'd have to be a fool and an Infowars follower to believe stupid crap like this:

In case you missed it yesterday, Chelsea Clinton is having another baby next summer. Here's how Eric Bolling and Dana Perino noted it:
Perino noted that the Clinton campaign is casting its candidate as a “tough grandma,” so news that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant again helps push that narrative.
“Is that timed out?” Bolling asked. “Did they do the math?”
“I would never suggest such a thing,” Perino said, despite having just suggested that very thing.
Bolling noted that the Democratic National Committee “timed those debates for NFL weekends and ‘Star Wars,’ so who knows? They’re good at timing on the left.”
“They have that down,” Perino replied, again saying the very thing she said she would never suggest.
http://crooksandliars.com/2015/12/eric-bolling-did-chelsea-clinton-time

Hey Eric... the key to comedy is timing. And no, neither the debates or Chelsea's pregnancy were timed for the campaign or the elections or Star Wars. It's just a coincidence. Oh and as to the topic of Fox News and sexism?

[font size="8"]Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs[/font]

We are almost done for 2015. A huge thank you to everyone who reads and recommends these so far and I promise we'll come back bigger and better than ever in January. But before we go, we're going to play a new game here in the Top 10. We're calling this feature "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs". So between the mass shootings, a terrorism scare in San Bernardino (which proved to be completely false according to the FBI), an actual terrorist attack in Paris, and loads of conservative idiocy between Donald Trump, ISIS, and America's Islamic population, this is exactly what it could lead to. Let's go back to Wisconsin for this insane story.

An 82-year-old woman called Brown Deer Police Sunday night requesting police because she heard someone chanting, "ISIS is good, ISIS is great" while having sex.
The incident took place in the 4400 block of Dean Road.
Police advised the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again.
When asked about the incident, Brown Deer Police Chief Kass replied, "maybe taking see something, say something a little too far?"
http://www.cbs58.com/story/30802530/police-woman-chants-isis-is-good-isis-is-great-during-sex

While this story definitely falls under the "needs more information" category, it set off a firestorm on Twitter which people posting some interesting theories as to what the woman actually heard. I particularly like this one:

They might have been role-playing as Egyptian gods. Isis is probably *very* good!

Or:

These neighbors should scheme the things they'll shout from now on. "We're smoking weed! Living together unmarried!"

And even prompted a response from the police chief investigating this story which I firmly believe is to be the cause:

@BrownDeerWIPD @CBS58 maybe taking see something say something a little too far?

But what exactly did happen really? We may never know without enough information, but let your warped minds fill in the blanks! We'll even give you a template!

2015.12.26
Your Name
Your Favorite Blog

A(n) adjective number year old Wisconsin woman called Color Animal Name Police Department to complain about a noise coming from her neighbors' apartment.

The woman claims that she heard a adjective couple pledging allegiance to ISIS while having adjective sex. The elderly woman says that she heard her neighbors screaming Funny pledge to ISIS. The incident took place at the number block of funny street name.

Name Of Fake Government Agency was contacted by Same Color Same Animal Name Police Department but no information or confirmation was able to be gathered at this time.

Police Chief Funny Name said that the woman should contact the Same Color Same Animal Name Police Department should she hear the pledge of same funny pledge to ISIS.

Chief Funny Name can be reached at the Twitter handle Funny Twitter handle.

***COMMENTS SECTION***

Insert comments here.

And that was "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs".

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]The End Of The War On Christmas For 2015[/font]

Yes another year is over and that means another four long months of conservative idiocy surrounding the "War on Christmas" is over. That means that if Bill O'Reilly sees his shadow today, we can expect FIVE more months of War On Christmas insanity next year. And guess what? Christmas is still here! Retailers are reporting their highest profits ever, so we can keep the insanity going next August, and you know the War On Christmas is starting earlier and earlier every year as indicated by when Costco puts out their Christmas decorations. So how many conservatives actually shopped at the stores where they said "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" again? Did we kill the mood for you again? But thanks again to Non Sequitur, who nails it again. Love this comic!

That's it for Top 10 Conservative Idiots for 2015! See you next year!

December 23, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7: The Wolf Of Pharma Street Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7: The Wolf Of Pharma Street Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We'll have one more Top 10 before the new Year and then we'll be back January 6th and will be diving head first into the forthcoming election year where I'm sure there will be more conservative idiocy than one can shake a stick at! Because conservative idiocy doesn't take a holiday and neither do we. But first off it's December 23rd which means it's Festivus! And a happy Festivus to all you fine supporters of the Frank Costanza created Seinfeld holiday! Time to get the metal pole out of the crawl space! Very high strength to weight ratio! And this will be my airing of grievances! But first Human Fund cards for everybody:

To recap last week – it seems that the FBI gave “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli an early Christmas present by hauling his ass off to Supermax! They also proved that by doing this, somewhere, God might exist. Because when an asshole like this gets hauled off to prison, it really is a beautiful thing isn't it?

That's Martin Shkreli getting handed the walk of shame by the FBI. So to start with we're going to explore just how corrupt Shkreli (1) and Turing Pharmaceuticals (2) are. In other news, Magic Johnson and Rahm Emanuel (3) are, to put it succinctly, and also literally, knee deep in shit. Next, we go to Augusta, Virginia (4) where a seemingly innocent assignment about Arabic calligraphy turned into an all out shit storm involving school closures and a terrorist investigation by the FBI. Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee (5) joins the GOP's youth outreach program (spoiler alert: no handouts allowed!). Everyone's favorite sociopathic presidential candiate (6) gets a certified endorsement from a real sociopathic president. Can you say “BFF”? Meanwhile, Marcus Cinema Group (7) revises its' policy on what weapons can be allowed in theaters showing Star Wars Episode VII (spoiler alert: fake ones aren't!). Finally rounding out this edition since it's Christmas Eve Eve, we'll take a look at some Christmas idiots including a school's decision to censor A Charlie Brown Christmas (8), the PC Police (9) cancelling a San Jose elementary school's trip to Santa's workshop, and a zombie nativity scene (10) in Ohio. Finally we'll close off this edition with another trip to the TTCI video vault. There's an absolutely brilliant mash up of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" starring, yup, you guessed it - Donald Trump! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! So let's get right down to it shall we? Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]Martin Shkreli[/font]

So “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli got his ass handed to him by the FBI for committing pharmaceutical fraud. You know it's not in my nature to kick a man when he's down, but when you consider that this fucking douchebag made a fortune off the pain and suffering of others, there's always exceptions to the rule, isn't there? Fraud definitely isn't something to take lightly. And tanking a billion dollar pharmaceutical company definitely isn't either.

Turing Pharmaceuticals on Friday appointed a new interim chief executive to replace the controversial Martin Shkreli, who resigned a day after he was arrested by the FBI amid a federal investigation involving his former hedge fund and a pharmaceutical company he previously headed.

Shkreli, who is still CEO of KaloBios Pharmaceuticals, was charged Thursday in a federal indictment related to his time managing hedge fund MSMB Capital Management and as CEO of biopharmaceutical company Retrophin. The 32-year-old entrepreneur this year became a lightning rod for controversy over soaring drug prices at Turing.

Ron Tilles will take over as Turing's interim CEO, and will remain chairman of the company's board, a position he has held since its founding last year. In a statement, Turing said that leadership changes would not affect its business, and "no patient needing Daraprim" — the drug hiked to $750 a tablet from $13.50 this year — would be denied access.

On Thursday, the U.S. attorney's office in Brooklyn, New York, unsealed an indictment against Shkreli, charging him with seven counts including conspiracy to commit securities fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud. U.S. Attorney Robert Capers alleged Shkreli used Retrophin to cover personal debts.
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/12/17/turing-pharmaceuticals-ceo-shkreli-arrested-by-fbi-reuters.html

Somehow I don't think a new CEO is going to solve Turing Pharmaceuticals' problems. But I have nothing further to say except for:

By the way, if you want to read the full text of Shkreli's indictment, here ya go!

[font size="8"]Turing Pharmaceuticals[/font]

But how corrupt is Turing Pharmaceuticals? Like I said a new CEO won't cure their ills, or their ill gotten gains. So let's take a look at what Turing is doing to hospitals – where they refused to cut the price of the drug Daraprim to something that the hospitals could actually afford. It didn't affect the price of what the patients pay for the drug, but it affected hospitals – especially large ones that serve thousands of patients, like Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.

TRENTON, N.J. — After weeks of criticism from patients, doctors and other drugmakers for hiking a life-saving medicine’s price more than fifty-fold, Turing Pharmaceuticals is reneging on its pledge to cut the $750-per-pill price.

Instead, the small biotech company is reducing what it charges hospitals, by up to 50 per cent, for its parasitic infection treatment, Daraprim. Most patients’ co-payments will be capped at $10 or less a month. But insurers will be stuck with the bulk of the $750 tab. That drives up future treatment and insurance costs.

Daraprim is a 62-year-old pill whose patent expired decades ago. It’s the preferred treatment for a rare parasitic infection, toxoplasmosis, which mainly threatens people with weak immune systems, such as HIV and organ transplant patients, and pregnant women, because it can kill their baby.

http://business.financialpost.com/investing/market-moves/turing-pharmaceuticals-reneges-on-cutting-750-a-pill-drugs-price-but-rivals-new-99-cent-version-is-selling-well?__lsa=d2c7-e42d

So Daraprim's patent expired decades ago which means that it's public domain, and anyone can purchase the formula. But Martin Shkreli did. And how exactly did he become the most hated man in America? Simply put here's how:

Martin Shkreli is a 32-year-old Wall Street whiz kid who likes sunglasses, golf shirts, the hip-hop artist Eminem, a bottle of 1982 Lafite-Rothschild, and jacking up by more than 5,000 per cent the price of a pill used by people who suffer from HIV.

Shkreli became the poster child for greed and insensitivity in America this week, after news broke that his company, New York-based Turing Pharmaceuticals, had raised the price of the drug Daraprim, which has been on the market for 62 years, from US$13.50 to US$750 — for a single pill.

But even that might not have turned him into a national pariah. It was Shkreli’s reaction to the outrage over the price hike that, in the words of the Daily Beast, caused him to “unthrone the dentist who killed Cecil the Lion as the most hated man in America.”

When one reporter asked him, via Twitter, how he justified the jaw-dropping price hike, Shkreli noted, “It’s a great business decision
that also benefits all of our stakeholders. I don’t expect the likes of you to process that.” He added, “You are such a moron.”

http://business.financialpost.com/executive/the-most-hated-ceo-in-america-martin-shkreli-who-raised-price-of-a-single-daraprim-pill-to-us735?__lsa=5eae-e984

So this is what we're supposed to put up with – this douchebag who is worse than Walter Palmer, the dentist who killed Cecil The Lion. But overcharging for a drug is pretty much the poster child for American greed. And this is the picture of the douchebag on his Facebook profile:

Which I'm pretty sure is the same as the profile on Rick Ross' homepage:

[font size="8"]Rahm Emanuel and Magic Johnson[/font]

If you read these regularly, you know I am from Southern California. I live pretty close to San Bernardino. And I love the Lakers. I bleed purple and gold. I grew up with the Dream Team of Magic, Kareem, and Scott. I lived through the Shaq and Kobe Threepeat years and loved every minute of it. And I am a huge Magic Johnson fan – at least his baskeball. But when it comes to business, boy is Magic Johnson a conservative idiot. He tanked otherwise healthy restaurant chains like Fatburger and movie theater chains. He kind of sort of turned around the Dodgers but that is going to take a lot to get the smell of that stupid out of the room. And now he's invested in charter schools, and well, nobody likes cleaning bathrooms. Especially ones this disgusting at that. And a for profit school should at least have a janitorial department, or one would think.

In light of Chicago Public Schools' financial challenges, parents expect to be asked to pitch in more at their children's schools. But janitorial work usually isn’t on the list of volunteer opportunities.

On Saturday, a handful of parents of pre-kindergarten students packed yellow rubber gloves and spray bottles of vinegar and
baking soda solution and headed to Suder Montessori Elementary Magnet School, 2022 W. Washington Blvd., on the Near West Side, where they spent the morning cleaning their children's washrooms.

The parents felt they didn't have a choice: Upon entering the bathrooms, they found pools of day-old urine on the floor, feces smeared on the walls and clogged, stinking toilet bowls. In the past few weeks, the school had an E. coli outbreak, and more than half of the kindergarten students missed school because of various illnesses, including a stomach bug, diarrhea or vomiting, said Michelle Burgess, head of the school’s parent-teacher association.

"These are preschoolers. They go to the bathroom and miss. The boys play in the urinals. And sometimes can't get to the toilet fast enough. It's understandable," said Angela Morales, the parent of two children who attend the school. "But they need to clean. We can't have our kids be in this filth."
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-parents-clean-west-side-school-20151219-story.html

Gross. Simply, truly fucking gross. The only person who should be cleaning up this shit is Rahm Emanuel. Excuse me a minute...

OK I feel better. And how does Magic Johnson fit into this story? Well his company made a cool $80 million off the privatization deal.

The head of a Chicago Public Schools principals' group again condemned privatized school custodian contracts Thursday, including an $80 million deal connected to NBA Hall of Famer Earvin "Magic" Johnson, another of whose firms has since donated $250,000 to Mayor Rahm Emanuel's campaign.

"The schools are filthy, the principals have said over and over again. The management is chaotic," said Clarice Berry, president of the Chicago Principals and Administrators Association.

The comments came as Emanuel allies held a made-for-TV news conference to continue hitting the theme that Garcia hasn't provided enough specifics on city finances and Garcia headed to Southern California for campaign fundraisers.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/politics/ct-chicago-mayors-race-met-0320-20150319-story.html

Privitazation. It's a disease and it's going to kill us all. It's the circle of greed and it fucks us all!

[font size="8"]Augusta County School Board[/font]

So if you're a teacher wanting to educate your students about being multicultural, perhaps the place to *NOT* do this is in Augusta, Virginia. Earlier this week in Los Angeles, the entire LAUSD closed because of a perceived terrorist threat which turned out to be a massive hoax. Well if you want your kids to learn about all religions and cultures, perhaps don't put your kids in this district. And the school board this week committed what is an epic fail so stupid, that the kid who eats paste and frequently gets sent to timeouts in the corner, now looks smarter than the people who run the school board, because this is truly, in every sense of the term, an epic fucking fail.

(CNN)After a teacher at a Virginia school handed out a standard homework assignment on Islam, such an angry backlash flooded in that it prompted officials to close every single county school as a safety precaution.
"While there has been no specific threat of harm to students, schools and school offices will be closed Friday, December 18, 2015," Augusta County Schools said. Extracurricular activities were shut down Thursday afternoon.
And social media exploded over the school lesson -- a simple drawing assignment -- into a caustic discussion about religion and education.

When the world geography class at Riverheads High School in Staunton rolled around to the subject of major world religions, homework on Islam asked students to copy religious calligraphy.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/18/us/virginia-school-shut-islam-homework/index.html

Yes the simple act of copying religious calligraphy is now an act of terrorism. But they might as well ban anything relating to Islam or Arabic culture. Like the Arabic system that our numbers system is based on? And of course math is a terrorist subject. Why else do you think they call it Al'Gebra?

[font size="8"]Mike Huckabee[/font]

Poll after poll after poll has shown that if the GOP wants to win in 2016, they need to capture two key markets: (1) the youth vote, and the Latino vote. So far Donald Trump is doing his best to alienate Latino voters, where he is polling at a paltry -53%. That is an astonishingly low number. Trump's polling numbers among Latino voters are somewhere between Hitler, the Google Maps robo dialer, and Martin Shkreli. Seriously, crusted phlegm and smelly dog poop have higher polling numbers. And how great would that morning drive time show be? But now Mike Huckabee might be doing his best to alienate the youth vote, especially after this (I love Wonkette, by the way - they do good work) :

As we all know from his heartless reactions to Syrian refugees and the way he covered up his son’s dog-murder, Mike Huckabee is #FordTough. He ain’t got time to listen to all you liberals saying, “I would like a college education but college is too expensive for average people to afford,” or “I have cancer and medical marijuana is one of the only things that gives me pain relief.”

In Tuesday night’s loser undercard debate for people who are actually less popular than Carly Fiorina (WHO EATS MILKBONES), Huckabee explained his alternative plan for all you whiny babies:
All over America I hear young people say, “Would you tell me what you’re gonna do? Would you get me free college? Would you make sure that I can have medical marijuana?”

You know what I think we oughta tell young people, “We aren’t gonna give you anything! We’re gonna give you the opportunity to get off your butt and go serve your country and secure your freedom because if you don’t, nobody else is.”
Hahaha, Mike Huckabee, you are such a gas! (And we don’t mean the kind that happens when you eat bad squirrel giblets.) Those dumb kids with their Bernie Sanders and their rap-hop music, thinking, “Oh maybe someday going to college might be possible without coming out with crippling debt,” fuck them, right? Why don’t they act like REAL MEN and serve America in one of our endless wars? Why don’t they make like a Huckabee and fight for our freedom in Vietnam or Iraq or any number of other stupid wars the United States has lost?

OH WAIT, hold on, we are getting a page from Mike Huckabee’s biographer that says his lily-white meat-farting ass did NOT actually serve in America’s military, but rather that he married his wife Janet during college, graduated and then went to drop out of seminary like a common gadabout.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/597063/mike-huckabee-youth-outreach-yelling-at-stoners-to-go-die-in-a-war#eugxgeqjbhyvx40z.99

You know Mike, if you want to be president, it'd probably be best not to piss off young voters by treating them like children who want free handouts, while you yourself enjoy all the benefits provided to you by being a rich white Christian male. It's what Ayn Rand would do, after all!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Why does this next story remind me of the "Old Spice" Best Friends commercial with Terry Crews? Donald Trump picked up a huge endorsement this week from one of the world's most notorious wannabe dictators, and shirtless horse rider Vladimir Putin? Terry Crews is awesome, he was the president in Idiocracy, and he is hilarious in Brooklyn Nine Nine, and he can go shirtless any time he pleases. Vladimir Putin, shirtless, on the other hand, looks like a shaved bear:

You're welcome for that image, by the way. And *do not* do a Google search for "Shirtless Putin" with the safe search turned off.

(CNN)Donald Trump has said that he would "get along very well" with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
The feeling is apparently mutual.

Putin offered high praise for the billionaire businessman-turned-Republican presidential front-runner on Thursday during an annual news conference with reporters.

"He is a bright and talented person without any doubt," Putin said, adding that Trump is "an outstanding and talented personality."
And in remarks closely mirroring Trump's assessment of the campaign, the Russian leader called Trump "the absolute leader of the presidential race," according to the Russian TASS news agency.

Later Thursday, Trump returned the warm words.

"It is always a great honor to be so nicely complimented by a man so highly respected within his own country and beyond," Trump said in a statement released by campaign spokeswoman Hope Hicks. "I have always felt that Russia and the United States should be able to work well with each other towards defeating terrorism and restoring world peace, not to mention trade and all of the other benefits derived from mutual respect."

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/17/politics/russia-putin-trump/

So while Bernie Sanders picked up endorsements from CWA, DFA, and MSNBC, Donald Trump picked up endorsements from America's White Supremacists, and a guy who's against free speech and pro human rights violations. Telling, isn't it?

And you could literally take this commercial, and replace the heads of Terry Crews and Isaiah Mustafa with Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, and it would be exactly the same!

[font size="8"]Marcus Cinemas[/font]

While on the subject of "perceived terrorism", let's take a look at the Marcus Cinema Group, the owners of the theater chain AMC. And if you recall your recent history, you might remember that the Aurora, Colorado shooting took place at an AMC theater showing "The Dark Knight Rises". So with the release of arguably the biggest movie of the century - Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chip (ha! fooled you again!), er, Star Wars Episode VII, there is some light being shed on AMC's policies. Particularly that of weapons. In case you haven't been following the news closely, there's been a lot of shootings lately. And I mean a lot of shootings. But when the safety of your patrons is threatened with arguably the biggest movie of the century packing cinemas left and right, what exactly *IS* the company policy regarding weapons in the theater?

This is disturbing. At the Marcus Corporation theaters (NYSE:MCS) in Nebraska people with concealed carry permits can bring their real guns into the movies anytime they want. This includes the opening night of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. However, their costume policy says you can’t bring fake weapons or props that look like real weapons into the theater. Fictional props, like light sabers, are okay.

As crazy as it sounds, the Marcus Theaters’ fake gun policy is stronger than their real gun policy! I go into details below, but for now I think that Star Wars fans in Nebraska should know what they might be walking into.
Although I just spotted AMC’s weapon and costume policy last week, (photo), the Star Wars cosplay people have known about various costume restrictions since October. Big chains even put their costume policy info on their posters. The costume policies were created in the wake of the Aurora and Kentucky theater shootings, it’s very sad, but understandable.
But since I write about politics and gun violence, as well as science fiction, I wanted to confirm and compare the various movie chains’ costume gun policies and their real gun policies.

First I checked with Starplex Theaters because the guy with the concealed carry license who shot himself in the leg did so in Starplex’s Cinema 10 theater in Salina, Kansas. It turns out that AMC just acquired Starplex so AMCs policy of not permitting real weapons applies to Starplex.
http://www.spockosbrain.com/2015/12/18/star-wars-fans-can-bring-real-guns-into-marcus-theaters/

So to extrapolate - one of the biggest movie chains in the country - a chain that had a mass shooting at their theater that resulted in 12 dead and 23 wounded, says that fake guns are not allowed. But real guns and real ammunition? Why that's just fine and dandy! To quote Darth Vader - "I sense a great disturbance in the Force". Excuse me a minute...

[font size="8"]Johnson County Schools[/font]

Hypothetical situation time. So you're an elementary school director and you're looking to put on a Christmas play to entertain the parents at Christmas time. And come on, during the holiday season, what's better than A Charlie Brown Christmas? You know the sad Charlie Brown tree, Snoopy on ice, Linus teaching the true meaning of Christmas, Schroder's somber piano music... it's pretty much been a holiday institution since it first aired way back in 1965. But what should have been a simple act of putting on a play has since become a bureaucratic nightmare for one school district in Kentucky. And you'd think in the ultra religious part of the state, that parents would be acceptable to the religious aspect of the play, especially where Linus actually reads some Bible verses. Well... once again, the PC Police strike again, and here's what happened:

When students perform the play “A Charlie Brown Christmas” at W.R. Castle Elementary School in Johnson County on Thursday, the scene in which the character Linus quotes from the Bible is set to be deleted.
Johnson County Schools Superintendent Thomas Salyer told the Herald-Leader Tuesday that Christmas programs across the district were being reviewed for possible modifications of religious references. That news had led people to protest outside school district offices for a second day Tuesday.

Principal Jeff Cochran said all references to the Bible were removed from the Christmas play after he and others in the district received a message from Salyer on Dec. 11 that said in part:

“As superintendent of Johnson County Schools, I recognize the significance of Christmas and the traditions and beliefs associated with this holiday. Over the past few days, there have been several rumors indicating that there would be no Christmas plays this year at our elementary schools. I want to clarify that all programs will go on as scheduled. In accordance with federal laws, our programs will follow appropriate regulations. The U.S. Supreme Court and the 6th Circuit are very clear that public school staff may not endorse any religion when acting in their official capacities and during school activities. However, our district is fully committed to promote the spirit of giving and concern for our fellow citizens that help define the Christmas holiday. With core values such as service, integrity, leadership, and commitment, our staff and students will continue to proudly represent our district as recently demonstrated by our many student successes.”

Read more here: http://www.kentucky.com/news/local/education/article49895325.html#storylink=cpy

I know that SCOTUS said that you can't endorse religion in a public school, and it was a boneheaded move to put on a play that endorses religion, particularly in an ultra religious area. But censoring "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? Come on... why do they hate America?

[font size="8"]The PC Police[/font]

The PC police, they live inside of my head
The PC police, they come to me in my bed
The PC police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no

Got carried away there for a minute. Speaking of poorly thought out Christmas lessons, let's go from Kentucky to San Jose. These days the PC Police are everywhere, and they were especially alarmed this holiday season. Whether they're attacking Nordstrom, Target, or even Starbucks, there's no telling where they'll strike next. Well it's pretty much a given that you can't celebrate Christmas without Santa Claus, right? And what better way to show kids a good time at Christmas, than with a trip to Santa's Workshop? Well, the PC Police won't have any of it.

A planned kindergarten field trip to sit on Santa’s lap has evolved into a name-calling, less-than-jolly brouhaha and a parent walkout in a San Jose school district.

The uproar started when a parent questioned the annual Sartorette Elementary School trip to a cafe to see Santa and drink hot chocolate.

School officials suspended the outing, according to media reports, resulting in loud complaints from other parents who said the opinion of one mom shouldn’t have superseded the wishes of others who supported the trip.

Parents on both sides of the debate spoke at a Thursday meeting of the Cambrian School District board meeting, but since the issue wasn’t on the agenda, no action was taken.

http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Halted-kindergarten-trip-to-Santa-s-lap-ignites-6708108.php

Yes it does fall under the category of "don't teach religion in public schools", but how are you going to educate kids about world culture without it in the globalization era? And come on, when in the entire Bible is Santa ever mentioned? I don't remember Jesus or any of the disciples hanging out in front of JC Penny at the mall to get their picture taken with Santa, do you? And every culture has some version of Santa Claus that they admire during the holiday season. How can you take Santa out of Christmas? That's like taking the rug off of Donald Trump's head! Come on sing it with me! "The PC police, they live inside of my head!"...

[font size="8"]Ohio Christian Protestors[/font]

Remember back in Idiots#4 when I said I had a different entry for #8 but it got bumped thanks to heartless UT Republicans? Well here it is. I love it when the majority religion in this country plays the persecution card. I love that shit. Look at AM hate radio and pick just about any host at random, and they'll play it until their vocal chords collapse, not to mention they will bring on guest after guest after guest who will go out of their way to prove their point. And it's especially entertaining when they cry to the government about how they're not being treated fairly because someone may have a different interpretation of their beliefs. Meet Ohioan Jasen Dixon. While most Ohioans are busy setting up their nativity scenes for Christmas, Jasen is setting his up with a different take, which would make Professor Farnsworth from Futurama scream "Sweet Zombie Jesus!!!!"

An Ohio man is under fire from local authorities for setting up a zombie nativity scene against town wishes, Fox 19 reports.

For the second year in a row, Jasen Dixon, who manages the “13 Rooms of Doom” haunted house, set up a manger featuring the undead honoring a zombie baby Jesus — despite being ordered to take it down last year.

According to Sycamore Township officials, Dixon needed a permit for the macabre display this year. But when he applied he was turned down, and now he faces a fine of $500 per day for every day he leaves it up.

Having gone through the same situation last year before dismantling it, Dixon began soliciting donations earlier this year to cover the expected financial sanctions.

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/war-on-christmas-zombie-nativity-scene-draws-500-a-day-fine-from-town-as-christian-protesters-descend/

While this might be one of the greatest things I've ever heard of, not playing by the rules is bad, but the fact that the city government won't give him the permit and is fining the guy $500 a day is even worse. Come on, everyone let's celebrate Zombie Christmas! I know I'm going to!

[font size="8"]And now this:[/font]
[font size="8"]The TTCI Video Vault[/font]

We can't let you get out of here without getting you in the holiday spirit, can we? Well here's an absolutely brilliant parody of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" mixed with our favorite, massive ego inducing, sociopathic presidential candidate and spokesperson for the Hair Club For Men, Donald Trump. Enjoy!

See you next week!

Ed. Note: Do you want to contribute to the Top 10? Do you have a suggestion for a conservative idiot or want to contribute to graphics, videos, & formatting? Drop me a line via PM! I welcome all suggestions, comments and hate mail!

December 22, 2015

Steve Harvey Accidentally Announces Wrong Winner At Miss Universe Pagaent

In a major live TV blunder, host Steve Harvey inadvertently announced the wrong winner of the Miss Universe pageant tonight in Las Vegas. Misreading the finalists, Harvey said Miss Colombia was the winner but she was actually the first runner-up and Miss Philippines was the real winner..

Harvey took responsibility on stage after the snafu. “Folks let me take control of this,” Harvey said, showing the card with the correct winner on camera. Still, it is unclear why the producers allowed the ceremony to continue for two minutes after the wrong name was read by Harvey, with Miss Colombia being crowned. The above video shows Harvey announcing the correction and a stunned Miss Philippines, Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach, taking her victory lap after learning that she is the new Miss Universe. The error was not edited out for the West Coast airing and, sources close to the production say, it will not be altered for broadcast in international markets where the pageant doesn’t air live. (The West Coast Fox telecast was edited slightly for time because the original broadcast ran over by two minutes due to the error but the ending aired as is.)

Miss Colombia, Ariadna Gutierrez, thought she had won but a chagrined Harvey held up the card with official results showing that Gutierrez was first runner-up. Wurtzbach, covered her mouth in shock when Harvey corrected his mistake.

http://deadline.com/2015/12/steve-harvey-wrong-miss-universe-1201670322/

Why am I reminded of those old Southwest Airlines "Wanna get away" ads?

December 19, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6: Stormtrooper Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6: Stormtrooper Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! And another special Saturday edition because once again, conservatives are literally breaking the internet. Or at least Donald Trump is trying to. To recap last edition - TTCI embraced the power of the Dark Side with the pending release of the biggest movie of arguably the century: the Tina Fey / Amy Poehler comedy Sisters. No, once again I fooled you because that joke never gets old. I'm of course referring to Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens! Which as of right now, should be siphoning $10 bills out of the wallets of every man and woman in the US, and if you haven't seen it, it will probably get you too, because... it's going to make all money. I said all! Disney probably owns their own printing press and US Mint at this point. No funny opening videos or intros this week although I will post this GIF of Darth Trump getting attacked by one of America's mascots - the majestic bald eagle:

And while last week saw TTCI explore the power of the dark side, you know what... fuck it, there is no conservative light side. The light side is us! We are the light side! That would mean Obama is Luke Skywalker, Biden is Obi Wan, Howard Dean is Chewbacca, Bernie Sanders is Yoda, Hillary Clinton is Princess Leia, and so on and so forth. So with that in mind we're going to dedicate the first slot to Stormtroopers, er, Donald Trump supporters (1) because as I've said before in past editions, going full Nazi is about to have serious consequences for Donald Trump. Everyone's favorite illegal immigrant chasing Sheriff Joe Arpaio (2) is back in the news for calling the kettle black. For the gun nut on your Christmas list, Frontier Firearms (3) has the perfect last minute Christmas gift for the victims of the horrible tragedy in Sandy Hook. Mike Huckabee (4) thinks that the San Bernardino shooting was an act of war (uh... it's not). Meanwhile the GOP (5) had their last debate of the year before we dive head first into the 2016 election season, and we will post some choice quotes from the debate. Elsewhere, Flint, Michigan is fucked thanks to what anti environment nut jobs (6) have done to the city and it's a crisis so serious that the WHO has taken notice. During this fine holiday, if you're a distressed woman with a child in Kentucky, don't worry because Emergency Christian Ministries (7) is doing exactly what Jesus would do. One thing we can all agree on - Sandy Hook Truthers are the worst people on earth, aren't they? And one such evil douche, FAU professor James Tracy (8) was fired for it. Thankfully that's the last we'll see of him, though I doubt it. Donald Trump (9) thinks that he could have been the "good guy with a gun" in the Paris attacks, though something tells me he's not the concert going type. Finally, Pharma Bro (10) might be going away for a long, long time, though part of me really wanted to see the Wu Tang Clan pull off that insane heist they were talking about. Plus we'll finish off this pre-holiday edition with a trip to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots Video Vault. How awesome is Will Ferrell? Let me count the ways! We'll let you be the judge! So let's get right down to it, shall we? Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]Stormtroopers [/font]

In the last edition I compared Donald Trump to Darth Vader. So what does that make his supporters? Storm Troopers? Trump has indeed gone full Nazi and it appears that his supporters are embracing the concept. This week at a Trump town hall meeting in ultra conservative Las Vegas, Nevada this happened.

Donald Trump's rally in Las Vegas on the eve of the next GOP debate turned chaotic on Monday as protesters shouted slogans and audience members screamed back.

Trump was interrupted several times by protesters shouting slogans supporting gun control and "Black lives matter!," prompting a furious reaction from the crowd. Some screamed, pointed, and at one point shoved a heckler as hotel security swooped in to remove them.

The first protests began after Trump invited Jamiel Shaw, a supporter, to the stage to recount how he lost his son after an undocumented immigrant gang member shot him while walking home. One protester who shouted in response that the story showed the need for gun control was promptly removed by professionals, a scene that played out repeatedly through the night.

As one man was dragged away, people in the crowd variously yelled, "Shoot him!" "Kick his ass," and "Light the motherf—-r on fire!"

A large middle aged man shouted, "Sieg heil!" — a Nazi Germany-era salute — as the protester was taken away. The man, whose motives were not clear, was far enough from the stage that it was unlikely Trump heard the remark.

The man who was removed as remarks above were shouted, Ender Austin III, told Buzzfeed News he was upset about Trump's remarks towards Muslims, a group the candidate has proposed temporarily barring from entering the country. He said he was not arrested after being taken from the venue and placed in police custody.

"He's a Muslim!" another man in a glittering black suit shouted as another protester was removed. "He's a Muslim!"

Trump took the interruptions in stride and complained that they were the only way to get media outlets to turn their cameras towards his crowds to show off their size.

http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-audience-member-yells-nazi-salute-protester-removed-las-vegas-n480056

This is what happens when you go full Nazi - your supporters start mimicking the German SS. And that is extremely terrifying to anyone who believes in protecting the sanctity of the first amendment. With possibly 3 supreme court justices on the line, is this really who you want picking their replacements?

[font size="8"]Joe Arpaio[/font]

Joe Arpaio. That guy who actually does what your crazy racist uncle only wishes that he could do. So why is Sheriff Joe back in the news? Well he surfaced again to remind Trump of his active participation in the birther movement. See, this is the shit we democrats have to put up with. We elect a black guy to the presidency, and the republicans come back saying that he wasn't born in this country. We debunk the nonsense, and they keep it going for 8 fucking years!!!

Maricopa County, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio introduced Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump Wednesday at a rally by reminding everyone that they were both vocal members of the "birther" movement that questioned President Barack Obama's birth certificate.

Arpaio's comment came less than a day after the real estate mogul evaded a question about whether he thought Obama was a legitimate President.

"If you recall five months ago, I introduced Donald Trump," Arpaio said, introducing Trump as the rally in Mesa, Arizona. "At that time, I said a few things, we have something in common—the birth certificate investigation, which is still going on."

Both Arpaio and Trump have been vocal members of the "birther" movement which claims Obama was born in Kenya. At one point, Arpaio set people to Hawaii to investigate whether Obama was really born in the U.S.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/joe-arpaio-trump-obama-birther

Hey Sheriff Joe, you can't do that when Bernie Sanders gets elected president. There's no "birther" movement that you can use to discredit him. But you know what? We've put up with 8 fucking years of this birther bullshit. If the republicans get to play that card, so do we. Remember that classic Maher bit where he compared Donald Trump to the offspring of an orangutan? Well it's been two years and he's never confirmed nor denied it! But let's revisit that, shall we?

Not to mention he dropped the lawsuit:

[font size="8"]Frontier Firearms [/font]

The debate on guns is a lot like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Most of the time it sucks and it has a really shitty story line, and people keep going to these which means that they keep finding new and creative ways to keep you coming back. And just like an M. Night movie, a lot of death happens between when it starts and when it ends. But the more it happens the weirder it gets. And the weirder it gets, the more you tune in to see what the scary twist at the end is. In a scary new twist to the gun debate, a Tennessee gun shop is giving new meaning to the phrase "Onward Christian Soldiers". And just in time for the anniversary of the horrific massacre at the Sandy Hook Elementary School, at that! If you're a proud carrying NRA member who wants to pack heat at all times, and you also identify proudly as being a member of the "God Squad", then this might just be the perfect Christmas gift for that type on your Christmas list!

It’s been three years since Sandy Hook, and 554 American children have been killed by guns since then. That works out to an average of one child sacrificed every other day on the altar of the Holy Second Amendment. It’s probably worth it, however, since as you have no doubt noticed, the nation has not become a Nazi dictatorship. (If we want one of those, we’ll vote one in.) But for the guarantee that armed patriots could stave off tyranny, 554 children seems a small price to pay. Really small, especially when you notice the size of the coffins. Remember, Wayne LaPierre and the NRA say more guns are the only way to go. And if you can’t trust the gun industry’s chief lobbying organization, who can you trust?

In Newtown, where the Sandy Hook Elementary child murders took place, it’s also the first time that the anniversary has fallen on a school day. The middle and high schools will hold a moment of silence to commemorate the 20 children and 6 staff murdered in 2012, but the elementary schools won’t be doing anything to call attention to the date. Instead, extra counselors will be on hand if they’re needed by kids or staff. The children who survived the shootings are now in fourth grade, and attend a school in nearby Monroe while a new elementary school is constructed on the site of Sandy Hook Elementary, which was demolished several months after the massacre.
“At the elementary and intermediate school level, staff fully understands that many children under their guidance may or may not know about the tragedy,” Superintendent Joseph V. Erardi Jr. wrote in a letter to parents about the anniversary.
“If requested by parents, school staff will provide talking points with parents to assist them in personal conversations with their child,” Erardi said.

If you want to mark the day with less of a Gloomy Gus attitude, you could also proudly proclaim that you’re a Bible-believing Christian who packs heat, with an elegant and classy “Christian Carry” pin, the brainchild of one Brant Williams, owner of Frontier Firearms in Kingston, Tennessee. Williams told Knoxville TV station WVLT how he was inspired to create the pins, which feature a number of beautiful designs:

http://wonkette.com/596940/for-third-anniversary-of-newtown-child-murders-give-classy-christian-carry-pin-to-someone-you-love#4PDjBqJbpuzOILjT.99

Yes, three beautiful designs to help you or someone you love identify as a member of the forthcoming American SS when Donald Trump takes over. Isn't fascism grand?

[font size="8"]Mike Huckabee[/font]

OK Mike - we get it. You're the red blooded American male. Just like Ted Cruz, you bleed red, white, and blue and love manly American things like guns, bacon, babes, and sharp things. And you love Jesus, and hate the terrorists. Well, by calling what happened in San Bernardino "an act of war", you might actually be drawing attention to the cause of the terrorists and what they ultimately want to accomplish. But before I get into why the Huckster is on the list, let's first consult the FBI into what's really going on in San Bernardino:

The attacks, which were previously attributed to Islamic extremism, have led to a wave of anti-Muslim hate crimes across the U.S.

San Bernardino was mentioned 19 times in the Republican presidential debate last night. The candidates invariably blamed the shooting on “radical Islamist jihadists.”

CNN host Wolf Blitzer echoed the claims, stating “Americans have witnessed terror attacks in Paris and San Bernardino. The FBI director says the country now faces the greatest terror threat since 9/11.”

Read more: http://www.salon.com/2015/12/16/fbi_on_san_bernardino_massacre_shooters_did_not_post_support_for_jihad_on_social_media/

That's the current official word from the Federal Bureau of Investigations. This is not a jihad. So why is the Huckster in this week's edition and so far near the top?

Ever since Donald Trump suggested that surveilling mosques in the United States is a necessity to keep Americans safe, the issue has been a mainstay talking point among Republican presidential candidates. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee weighed in Tuesday, arguing that surveillance of mosques does not infringe on the First Amendment rights of American Muslims -- because mosques are open to the public.

“If it’s a public place and people are invited to come, how does it violate anyone’s First Amendment rights if somebody shows up because they might just want to listen and see, is there something that is a little nefarious,” said Huckabee during CNN’s GOP presidential undercard debate in Las Vegas.

“If there is, then you take the second step of getting a search warrant and do whatever you have to do,” he added. “If Islam is as wonderful and peaceful as its adherents say, shoulding they be begging us all to come and listen and bring the FBI so we can all convert to Islam?”

http://www.ibtimes.com/american-muslims-blast-mike-huckabee-after-call-fbi-mosque-surveillance-dont-treat-us-2228904

So the Huckster wants America's mosques under 24 hour a day surveillance, despite the fact that the FBI just declared that San Bernardino wasn't a jihad, nor did they have ties to ISIS. Sometimes I feel embarassed to be breathing the same air as these people.

[font size="8"]The GOP[/font]

So how many people here saw the final GOP debate of 2015 this week? I didn't, I was too busy playing the Epsilon Program missions on GTA V. Kifflom! I was going to dedicate this issue to the GOP's last debate of 2015, but it has kind of taken a back slide because of the insanity and near riot that broke out at Trump's Vegas Rally. And by the way, wouldn't "Trump's Vegas Rally" make an awesome video game or reality series? Call me Netflix! So with that in mind, I'll just sit here quietly and post some of the more batshit crazy comments that came from each of the debate participants. You be the judge!

1) Donald Trump

“Our country is out of control. People are pouring across the southern border.”

Illegal immigration from Mexico has “come to a standstill.”

2) Chris Christie

"When I stand across from King Hussein of Jordan and I say to him, 'You have a friend again sir, who will stand with you to fight this fight,' he'll change his mind."

King Hussein of Jordan has been dead since 1999.

3) Ted Cruz

“When you are letting people in, when the FBI can't vet them, it puts American citizens at risk.”

The FBI is more than capable of vetting refugees.

“The United States can vet the refugees through a process that involves the FBI as well as the State Department, the Department of Homeland Security, the Department of Defense and other agencies. The vetting process can take up to two years, in which refugees undergo several rounds of security clearance checks.”

http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2015/12/16/1460675/-10-G-O-P-Debate-Quotes-From-Fear-Mongering-to-Simply-Bizarre

Ha, the 2016 races should be a shoo in if that's the best they got. Pass the butter.

Though I love this meme that surfaced regarding Chris Christie:

[font size="8"]Anti Environment Nut Jobs[/font]

I'd like to take some time out of making fun of conservative idiots in the news and talk about something serious for a moment. The next time somebody says "we're not doing enough to protect America's children", please show them this story and smack them across the face and say "you're wrong - there's absolutely more we could be doing, and it doesn't always involve guns". Well well well.. the tables have turned. But not for the reasons you'd think. And there's no joke, nothing you can say to paint this in a positive light, for it is absolutely horrifying. It's scarier than the last Saw and Purge sequels. It's more horrifying than being the guy in the middle of a 12 person human centipede. Let's go to Flint, Michigan, shall we? Hometown of Oscar winner Michael Moore. And now it's in the news for a totally different, and much scarier reason. And the anti environment nut jobs are oddly silent on this one. It appears that the WHO (World Health Organization) has declared Flint a disaster area.

For months, worried parents in Flint, Mich., arrived at their pediatricians’ offices in droves. Holding a toddler by the hand or an infant in their arms, they all have the same question: Are their children being poisoned?

To find out, all it takes is a prick of the finger, a small letting of blood. If tests come back positive, the potentially severe consequences are far more difficult to discern.

That’s how lead works. It leaves its mark quietly, with a virtually invisible trail. But years later, when a child shows signs of a learning disability or behavioral issues, lead’s prior presence in the bloodstream suddenly becomes inescapable.

According to the World Health Organization, “lead affects children’s brain development resulting in reduced intelligence quotient (IQ), behavioral changes such as shortening of attention span and increased antisocial behavior, and reduced educational attainment. Lead exposure also causes anemia, hypertension, renal impairment, immunotoxicity and toxicity to the reproductive organs. The neurological and behavioral effects of lead are believed to be irreversible.”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/12/15/toxic-water-soaring-lead-levels-in-childrens-blood-create-state-of-emergency-in-flint-mich/

This is a crisis. A serious one. One so insane and horrible that it should have its' own name and theme music. And no, adding the word "gate" to the end of a word, does not make it a scandal. No, it only makes it a cliché. And where are the god warriors themselves who claim they're doing it [link: http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/09/us/colorado-planned-parenthood-shooting/index.html |"for the babies"] like a certain Colorado shooter did? Anti environmentalists and so called "child warriors" should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. *crickets chirping*

[font size="8"]Emergency Christian Ministries[/font]

For those of you that celebrate Christmas and wonder when and if Jesus is ever coming back, you might want to stop wondering because this next story is yet another extremely horrible one, but between this and Frontier Firearms, is it any wonder that Jesus might not ever come back? In the previous edition, I noted that Tennesse-based Carson Newman University is fighting for the right to discriminate against anyone they damn well please. Well they might have some allies in Emergency Christian Ministries, a Wellington, Kentucky based homeless shelter that just kicked out all of its' female members with children because... sex. Jesus probably blew a gasket after reading this story because that's exactly what he would do - discriminate against everybody.

A Christian-run Kentucky homeless shelter, Emergency Christian Ministries, just wished homeless women and children a Merry Christmas by booting them back onto the streets, claiming that it decided to ban all women (and their children) in an attempt to stop the “sex problem.” The misguided effort has left dozens of women and children on the streets with nowhere to go, and the situation is bleak — as the closest shelter that is accepting women is a forty minute drive from the town where Emergency Christian Ministries is located.

Billy Woodward, the coldhearted Emergency Christian Ministries Director, defended the ban and justified it by saying it is based on teachings in the Bible. Furthermore, Woodward claims that his actions were not “biased or prejudiced whatsoever.” He reasoned that homeless women were utilizing the shelter as an impromptu dating or hookup service that he was not having any part of, “They say, ‘We’re homeless, maybe we can find somebody, a mate or something.’ They want to meet or slip in a room occasionally and we can’t have that.”

The group has set a dangerous precedent for what behaviors are allowed or scolded in spaces that provide co-ed services to the underserved. To villainize women as the “sex problem,” not only denies men’s culpability, but perpetuates damaging myths about men’s inability to control themselves in the face of physical temptation. Woodward’s statements about women utilizing the shelters as a “dating service” marginalizes the real reasons women turn to shelters—domestic abuse, deep poverty, and glass ceilings in the workplace.

http://www.occupydemocrats.com/kentucky-shelter-kicks-all-women-out-because-they-tempt-men-with-ungodly-sex-3/

$10 says Billy Woodward will be involved in a horrifying sex or child abuse scandal in 3... 2... 1...

[font size="8"]James Tracy [/font]

You know if you've been reading the last couple of editions, I have railed on Alex Jones, gun nuts, and gun nut conspiracy theorists. And the latter group deserves every bit of shit thrown at them that they get. Especially the people who are claiming that Sandy Hook and San Bernardino were false flags carried out in an effort to enact some bizarre gun control laws that haven't even been discussed in government before, if you believe that shit, there's a room with padded walls waiting for you. Nobody is going to take your guns away. They might be coming to take *YOU* away for some serious mental counseling, but that's something that if you believe that, you should definitely get some serious help. And when people like the University Of Texas who stage a mass shooting, that is stunningly ignorant. First of all, why do gun rights groups exist? Guns have more rights than people. And one thing we can all hopefully agree on this site - is that the people who think that Sandy Hook and San Bernardino were false flags are pretty much the worst people on earth right? Like this asshole James Tracy, a professor at the Florida Atlantic University, who not only drank the Alex Jones Kool-Aid, he went out of his way to even go so far as to harass the families of the victims.

BOCA RATON, Fla. - James Tracy, an associate professor at Florida Atlantic University’s School of Communication and Multimedia Studies, was served a notice of termination Wednesday by the Vice Provost for Academic Affairs at the university in Boca Raton.

As the Sun Sentinel reports , Tracy is a Sandy Hook truther who is known to produce written material that is conspiracy theorist in nature.

In early 2013, following the Sandy Hook school shooting massacre in December 2012 in which 20 first-graders and six adults were shot and killed at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., Tracy began writing on his personal blog suggesting the tragedy was staged and a complete hoax. The Sandy Hook conspiracy theory is part of a wider, underground and online movement of modern conspiracy theorists who are known as “Sandy Hook truthers.”

Truthers and other government conspiracy theorists generally agree that all or most national tragedies are orchestrated by the government for the purpose of inciting fear in order to gain or maintain control over large segments of the population in various ways. In recent years, the truther movement has grown drastically online and through social media in response to various mass shootings and tragic national massacres.

http://www.wptv.com/news/region-s-palm-beach-county/boca-raton/controversial-florida-atlantic-university-professor-issued-notice-of-termination?utm_content=buffer271e5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Hopefully that's the last we'll see of this guy, but I bet he'll have a cushy job waiting for him as an Infowars correspondant soon.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So continuing with the debates, Dër Trumpenfüror didn't just back down from his controversial plan to end free speech and close off "parts of the internet". No he doubled down on his plan to censor the internet, which means that if he's elected I'll be joining all of you in the gulags! Did I say gulags? I meant happy camps! Where we have arts and crafts and plenty of beer and wine, gourmet food buffets, and no rent! Goodbye, freedom! It was nice knowing you!

Donald Trump acknowledged at Tuesday night’s presidential debate that he would be open to "closing" down parts of the Internet in order to squelch the recruitment efforts of the Islamic State.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, one of the moderators, asked Trump if he would be open to closing parts of the Internet even if that put the U.S. in the company of China and North Korea, which censor parts of the web.

“I would certainly be open to closing areas where we are at war with somebody," Trump said. "I sure as hell don't want to let people that want to kill us and kill our nation use our internet. Yes, sir. I am."

Trump’s argument for shutting down part of the Internet is that ISIS is recruiting through social media.

“ISIS is recruiting through the internet. ISIS is using the internet better than we are using the Internet and it was our idea,” Trump said Tuesday. “What I wanted to do is I wanted to get our brilliant people from Silicon Valley and other places and figure out a way that ISIS cannot do what they're doing.”

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-open-closing-parts-internet-fight-isis/story?id=35074293

RIP First Amendment 1781 - 2016. You will be missed.

In even stranger Donald Trump news, during Trump's insane Vegas rally, this happened:

At a campaign stop in Las Vegas on Monday, Republican 2016 frontrunner and former reality TV star Donald Trump told a crowd of supporters that things would have gone differently if he’d been in Paris on the night of the terror attacks that killed 130 people last month.

Ring Wing Watch quoted the real estate mogul, who said, “If a few of those people that are now dead, if a few of those people had guns strapped to their ankles or strapped to their waists, you wouldn’t have the problem, right?”

“If I were there, I’m licensed to carry, I will tell you this, if I were there, if somebody were there, if we had some firepower in the opposite direction, those people would’ve been gone,” he said.

It’s not the first time the Republican presidential front runner has claimed he would personally stop terrorists.

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/donald-trump-tells-supporters-he-would-have-saved-paris-from-terrorists-with-his-ankle-gun/comments/#disqus

This raises a lot of questions like (1) would Donald Trump *EVER* go see the Eagles Of Death Metal in concert? (2) How could he get a concealed permit to carry in Paris because one country's gun laws definitely don't apply to another? And (3) How could he get a loaded gun with ammunition past concert security if he were in the audience? And how could he exchange fire with the gun terrorists without killing or injuring innocent bystanders? So many questions! And why do people like this guy?

[font size="8"]Martin Shkreli[/font]

I really hope that the Top 10 isn't offending any of the Christians who read this site regularly. I'm not doing this to offend anyone, except for the evil fucks who troll religion and get away with it, like the people I named in this edition. I'm not going after the average, every day Christian conservative or liberal. I'm going after people like entries #3 and #7 in this edition - the truly evil who deserve every bit of shit that's thrown at them. But this next story might prove that somewhere, out there, god really does exist. Because... the FBI nailed Pharma Bro this week for price gouging!! Hallelujah! There really is a god!!!

You might remember in volume 4, that Shkreli was the only purchaser of the Wu Tang's one off pressing of their new album "Once Upon A Time In Shaolin". It cost him a mere $2 million, and well, he got trolled and humiliated by the Wu Tang Clan extensively hard, because Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to fuck with! And well, it appears the FBI isn't anything to fuck with either because this happened:

Pharmaceutical entrepreneur Martin Shkreli was arrested by the FBI on Thursday, amid a federal investigation related to his former hedge fund and a drug company he previously headed.

The previously disclosed investigation of Shkreli, 32, who is now chief executive of Turing Pharmaceuticals, stemmed from his time as manager of hedge fund MSMB Capital Management and chief executive of biopharmaceutical company Retrophin Inc .

His arrest, witnessed by Reuters, comes amid a continuing separate controversy that has turned Shkreli into a lightning rod for growing outrage over the soaring prices of prescription drugs.

Read more: http://www.cnbc.com/2015/12/17/turing-pharmaceuticals-ceo-shkreli-arrested-by-fbi-reuters.html

Thank you Jesus! Buddha! Allah! Muhammed! Krishna! Confucius! Ghandi! Xenu! Joseph Smith! The Flying Spaghetti Monster, and just about every god you can name!! When a bad guy gets nailed for fraud, it really is indeed a beautiful thing, isn't it? Don't worry next week we'll delve deep into Shkreli, Turing Pharmaceuticals, and the rise of their ultra corrupt empire.

Elsewhere, Shkreli threatened a kid on Twitter - which we don't endorse Twitter trolling here at TTCI, but we also don't endorse this kind of behavior:

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO and corporate greed mascot Martin Shkreli is a busy guy. Earlier today he was arrested for securities fraud. But before the 32-year-old CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals got fingered by the long arm of the law, he kept up a busy livestreaming schedule on YouTube.

Mostly, the livestreams aren’t very interesting; in general, Shkreli seemed to spend a lot of time playing video games. But on Monday, his livestream included a 90-minute conversation with a 17-year-old, female high school student who attends his alma mater, Hunter College High School.

... Commenters on the live chat remarked on how unseemly Shkreli’s participation in the video chat looked. “BRUH SHE’S IN HIGH SCHOOL HANG UP,” a commenter wrote. ... “how old is she?” another commenters asked. “NOT OLD ENOUGH” Shkreli replied. But he kept talking.

... Shkreli then offered an alternate ass-whooping scenario, inviting a teenager into his home. “You can come over to my fucking apartment right now, I will fuck you up... I don’t care how old you are,” he told the teen.

Read more: http://gawker.com/here-s-a-video-of-pharma-creep-martin-shkreli-flirting-1748338016

I'm normally not one to kick a man when he's down, but there are exceptions to the rule, and no one deserves it more than Shkreli. Enjoy prison! I'm sure you will make a lot of nice friends there!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]The TTCI Video Vault[/font]

Finally this week, I'm treating you to an early Christmas present because I love you, the readers and people who like and recommend these oh so much! Saturday Night Live - that show that most people miss the night before because they were out getting drunk at the bar, but when they wake up the next morning they're like "how did I miss that?". Will Ferrell's George W. Bush impression is the stuff of legend - easily one of the best presidential impersonators since SNL's existence. So we'll close out this edition by bringing back Will's legendary Bush impression - which he revived on last week's SNL.

Standing O!!!!!

See you next week!

Ed note: Do you want to contribute to the Top 10? Got a suggestion for a conservative idiot or want to contribute in the graphics department? Drop me a line via PM!

December 16, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5: Power Of The Dark Side Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5: Power Of The Dark Side Edition

Welcome back to the top 10 Conservative Idiots! To recap last week – it was a very Trump heavy edition. But that doesn't matter because the biggest movie of arguably this or any decade is just hours from being released to the theaters. Alvin & The Chipmunks: Road Chip. I kid, I kid. I'm of course talking about Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!). Yes the movie is finally here and to celebrate TTCI is going full Dark Side, and on Saturday we'll counter balance with a Light Side edition (or not, this group might prove that there is no conservative light side). Just in case this gets too dark for ya! Before we begin I'd like to start with this Star Wars – Donald Trump mashup that hit Youtube last week and it very perfectly captures the madness that is the Donald Trump campaign:

So where do we begin this week? Let's start with ~~Emperor Palpatine~~, er SCOTUS justice Antonin Scalia (1), got caught saying some unbelivably racist stuff on camera about which students should go to which universities. Meanwhile the Montgomery County Sheriff's Department (2) also got caught delivering a dose of some good old fashioned white supremacy. In a hilarious twist, Darth Trump (3) is completely banned from Scotland because, racism. Bill Cosby (4) makes his first appearance in the top 10 and well, it's not going to end well. Ted Cruz (5) knows exactly who to turn to when it comes to producing relevant news about the environment. Stormtrooper breeding ground Liberty University (6) voted to allow guns in dorm rooms after Jerry Falwell Jr.'s insane pro gun rant (see Idiots #3) because, protection. Speaking of batshit crazy religious schools, if you're seeking a degree in Hate-Filled Wing Nuttery, Carson Newman University (7) might have the tax exempt degree you're looking for. From the “What Would Ayn Rand Do?” file, comes Florida city councilman Wayne Rosen (8), who literally took money from the poor and gave it to the rich because, greed. Elizabeth Hasslebeck (9) is the last person on earth who you want explaining life or death situations to your kids. Finally rounding out the list, we are introducing a brand new feature to the Top 10: “Astonishing Tales Of Good Guys With Guns” (10). These are ordinary people who make the news by using their second amendment right to shoot at anything that moves. Because you know, the NRA only wishes it were legal. This week we introduce you to a Michigan gun nut who was attempting to foil a robbery of a grocery store with incredibly poor aim. Frank Drebin would be proud. So let's get right down to it, shall we? Enjoy! And as always don't forge the key!

[font size="8"]Emperor Palpatine[/font]

To kick things off on this Dark Side edition, can I get some Imperial March? Can I get a taste of that?

So to begin with, the GOP's very own version of Emperor Palpatine, Antonin Scalia was caught with his racist pants, er, robe down. In the last edition, I reported that thanks to Donald Trump, white spremacism has been enjoying an unprecedented surge in popularity. So much that even our supreme court justices – the very people who get lifetime appointments to judge the supreme laws of the land – aren't even trying to hide their racism anymore.

"There are those who contend that it does not benefit African Americans to get them into the University of Texas where they do not do well, as opposed to having them go to a less-advanced school, a slower-track school where they do well.

One of the briefs pointed out that most of the black scientists in this country don't come from schools like the University of Texas.
They come from lesser schools where they do not feel that they're being pushed ahead in classes that are too fast for them."

He went on to say, "I'm just not impressed by the fact the University of Texas may have fewer . Maybe it ought to have fewer. I don't think it stands to reason that it's a good thing for the University of Texas to admit as many blacks as possible."

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/12/justice-scalia-suggests-blacks-belong-slower-colleges-fisher-university-texas

Yes, that is Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia making the case against affirmative action by saying some incredibly racist shit.

[font size="8"]Montgomery Sheriff's Department[/font]

Montgomery, Ohio – it's a suburb of Cincinatti, and adjacent to Covington, where a large, life size replica of Noah's Ark is being constructed. Yes, someone is actually making a life size replica of Noah's fucking Ark. There was a hilarious bit on Reno 911, where the cops are called to the scene of a hate crime reported by the KKK. But in this case, there's a not so hilarious twist – the cops are the fucking KKK (warning: incredibly offensive language in this story).

The Montgomery County Sheriff’s Department revealed this week that five deputies were under investigation for allegedly sending racist text messages while on duty.
In a statement on Tuesday, Sheriff Phil Plummer said that two of the five deputies — Sheriff’s Capt. Thomas J. Flanders and Detective Michael J. Sollenberger — had been placed on indefinite paid administrative leave starting on Dec. 1.
According to WDTN, Flanders is in charge of the Montgomery County Jail, and Sollenberger works with the internal affairs unit and is a member of the SWAT team. The three other deputies had not been identified by name, and had not been suspended.
Sheriff Plummer said that the deputies sent racial messages on their personal phones between November 2011 and January 2013. Some messages were sent while the men were on duty, and some messages were directed at African-American deputies, he said.
http://www.rawstory.com/2014/12/i-hate-nggers-that-is-all-5-ohio-deputies-probed-for-years-of-racist-text-messages/

So that's the Sheriff's Department with a long list of racist text messages that go all the way back to 2011. When they get fired they had better have backup plans or they might find some nice company behind bars.

[font size="8"]Darth Trump[/font]

Last edition was the all Trump edition, but I'll save you the pain of another one with this hilarious twist of fate. It appears that the Donald has been completely banned from Scotland. This is not a joke.

LONDON -- An unrepentant Donald Trump responded Thursday to the backlash in the U.K. over his controversial statements on Muslims by saying that British politicians should be grateful that he has stated “what needed to be said.”
Writing in the Press and Journal, one of Scotland’s oldest newspapers, the leading U.S. Republican presidential candidate accused them of pandering to political correctness when instead they “should be thanking me.”
Trump has faced widespread outrage in the U.K. -- and indeed around the world -- over his calls for a complete ban on Muslims entering the United States. But while Trump has only doubled down since first making his incendiary remarks, he did appear to be put off by the reaction from Scotland.
On Wednesday, First Minister Nicola Sturgeon dropped him as a business ambassador, revoking his membership in the GlobalScot business network. The Robert Gordon University (RGU) in Aberdeen also stripped the billionaire developer of his honorary degree for statements it said were “wholly incompatible” with the values of the university.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2015/12/10/scotland-cuts-ties-with-donald-trump-he-says-it-should-be-thanking-me-instead/

I'll say this in the best Trump impression that I can: “Scotland are a bunch of stupid losers. I buy and sell countries like this before I have my first cup of coffee in the morning. And that's because I am very smart and very rich. The beauty of me is that I'm very rich.”

I love this graphic that just surfaced though of Donald Trump getting attacked by America's bird - the bald eagle. I could watch this all day!

And in even stranger Donald news, he revealed the secret to his hair - water regulations are for losers!

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump says water regulations are making it difficult for him to keep his famed mane clean.

Asked about the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) “Waters of the United States” rule at a campaign event in Aiken, S.C., on Saturday, Trump said it significantly impairs his ability to rinse, lather and repeat.

“I’ll give you one regulation,” Trump said. “So I build, and I build a lot of stuff. And I go into areas where they have tremendous water. … And you have sinks where the water doesn’t come out.

“You have showers where I can’t wash my hair properly,” he added. “It’s a disaster.

“It’s true. They have restrictors put in. The problem is you stay under the shower for five times as long."

http://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/263048-trump-i-cant-wash-my-hair-properly-because-of-water-regs

Although I do have to give a shout out to the Philadelphia Daily News, who nails it:

Meanwhile, CBS President Les Moonves wants all Trump, all the time because... money. And a Nazi salute at a Trump rally in Vegas nearly starts a riot (I'll delve more into that in Saturday's edition). And that's how America ended.

[font size="8"]Bill Cosby[/font]

Wow, I get to use just about every icon there is for this one don't I? Well there's a reason for that is ~~former multiple Emmy winner and professional comedian~~, er, disgusting pig and alleged professional rapist Bill "Reality Is The Situation" Cosby just won't seem to go away. And the more he tries to justify his disgusting crimes, the more he fails (and when you're already in a hole, stop digging!

). It's truly disgusting what happened and it feels like an eternity since Hannibal Buress posted the original message on his Twitter feed that sparked all the outrage way back when. There's now been over 45 women who have accused Cosby of rape. And that's a lot of fucking accusations. And a lot of fucking accusations (different emphasis...

). I kid, I kid. But there's no joke as to the seriousness of what Cosby is facing. And what's a frustrated Cosby to do? Well you sue seven of the women who are your accusers.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2015/12/14/bill-cosby-countersues-accusers-in-massachusetts/77298438/

Bill Cosby is claiming defamation in a lawsuit filed Monday against seven of his accusers.

"Mr. Cosby states plainly that he neither drugged no sexually assaulted the defendants and that each defendant has maliciously and knowingly published multiple false statements and accusations from Fall 2014 through the current day in an effort to cause damage to Mr. Cosby's reputation and to extract financial gains," Cosby's attorney, Monique Pressley, tells USA TODAY in a statement.

The suit, filed in federal court, is aimed at Massachusetts accusers Tamara Green, Therese Serignese, Linda Traitz, Louisa Moritz, Barbara Bowman, Joan Tarshis and Angela Leslie. The lawyer's statement adds that the "false...opportunistic" allegations have caused Cosby to suffer loss of jobs and "mortification."

Cosby's defamation suit against the seven women comes after a federal judge in Massachusetts refused to throw out their suit against him in October.

"This was expected," says attorney Joseph Cammarata, who represents the seven women named in the Massachusetts suit. "It’s a page out of a defense lawyer’s playbook. It’s curious to me how there can be scores of other ladies who have come out, and yet Mr. Cosby has singled out seven of them to bring a claim against. It’s seems a bit retaliatory to me.”

You know I'm no Vegas statistician, but I would be willing to bet some extremely good odds that this won't end well. There will be plenty of Jello pudding pops for Mr. Cosby to eat during his forthcoming tenure in prison.

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz[/font]

When one thinks of the best ways to save the environment, consulting an AM hate radio host probably is not the best way to go about doing things. And that's exactly what Ted Cruz did. During a recent climate change summit at Capitol Hill, Ted Cruz invited author Mark Steyn to testify on behalf of anti-climate change "science". Here, he went on an absolutely insane two minute rant where he called "low laying islands" like the island nation of Maldives irrelevant, and saying that everyone who lives in the Maldives should "move to that town in Belgium that produced the Paris terrorists." Because you know, all the practitioners of the religion of Sunni Muslim will blow the shit out of you. You cannot make this stuff up no matter how hard you try, and believe me, I have. Yes, these are the types of things I think about when I'm home alone and the power goes out.

Steyn did not embellish on why the religion of Maldive Islanders — who are predominantly Sunni Muslim — was relevant, but it is worth nothing that the United States is currently undergoing a significant rise in Islamophobia, following the Parisian attack by ISIS and a mass shooting in Southern California by a reportedly self-radicalized Muslim couple. Cruz’s fellow Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, has called for a complete ban on Muslims entering the United States. (Cruz commended Trump for bringing the issue up.)

The rise of the Islamic State has been tied to a drought in Syria thought to be related to climate change. And national security professionals have repeatedly said that climate change poses a significant threat. A Pentagon report specifically tied rising seas and increased extreme weather to security.
. . . . .

Steyn, who does not have any national security experience or qualifications, took the complete opposite position at the Senate Subcommittee on Space, Science, and Competitiveness hearing Tuesday, calling climate change a “cloud-cuckoo, fantasy-land, saving-the-planet type” concern. “I can’t tell you how absurd it is to be talking about the security threat ,” Steyn said. He then went on to talk about how the growing population of West Africa was a greater threat to international stability. “All those people are just going to get on a boat and walk into Italy, Greece, Spain, Portugal, and the idea that climate change is that is absolutely trivial to the remorselessness of those numbers.”

http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2015/12/09/3729959/mark-steyn-said-some-weird-things-at-this-hearing/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=tptop3&utm_term=1&utm_content=1&elq=f1cc95bf2d0549cfa5ecc31835759c01&elqCampaignId=4585&elqaid=28450&elqat=1&elqTrackId=cb8950fbb3164c6ea768734ff04649db

So we shouldn't study climate change in the Maldives because they are the same as the Belgian terrorists who blow shit up. That kind of hatred is jaw droppingly ignorant and it's a damn shame that Ted Cruz brought that kind of ignorance and nonsense to the Capitol. Really how is this guy still running? And how is he gaining in the polls?

[font size="8"]Liberty University[/font]

In Idiots #3, you may recall that after the terror attacks in San Bernardino, Colorado Springs, and the Bataclan in Paris, Jerry Falwell Jr. went on an absolutely insane pro gun rant during a mandatory assembly that they call "convocation" that urged students to sign up for the benefits provided by the campus concealed carry program. Because you know, you want to be the good guy with a gun in this situation. Well guess what - Liberty University just created a campus where you're more likely to get shot at any time because the board of directors, which includes Falwell, voted to allow guns on campus. Because... protection.

Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. said Wednesday the university will overturn its policy prohibiting concealed firearms in residence halls.

The school’s current weapons policy allows students, faculty and staff with concealed-carry permits and approval from the Liberty University Police Department to carry concealed guns on campus, except in dorms.

The decision to eliminate these “weapon-free” zones came after Falwell urged eligible students to get their concealed-carry permits during Friday’s convocation.

The school’s executive board supports the decision unanimously, Falwell said in a phone interview, though it hasn't voted on it.

This has been a breaking news update.

Read more: http://www.newsadvance.com/news/local/falwell-liberty-university-to-allow-guns-in-dorms/article_6e29bcd6-9eb3-11e5-b613-d32e81240352.html

Yes the solution to America's gun crisis is to throw more guns at the problem. It's like saying that the solution to your weight loss lies at a five plate binge session at the Golden Corral. Go on, look for it it's there. Meanwhile an SF Gate columnist posted this damning piece on America's gun problem:

Guns are America’s greatest shame. A numb, unquestioned fetish for ultra-violence combined with a warped conviction that gun ownership somehow equals freedom, or safety, or that it represents a desirable, even honorable form of God-sanctioned patriotism (it is none of those) – this is our greatest sickness.

I’m not saying anything new. You have but to witness, once again, the numbing wave of moral desolation and powerlessness that sweeps over the land as we’re confronted, day in and day out, with evermore murderous, devastating headlines too savage, too inhuman to contemplate – roomfuls of dead schoolchildren, rows of massacred churchgoers, butchered holiday partygoers, dead moviegoers and bloodied college students, countless women (wives and girlfriends and mothers) shot to death by countless wrathful, contorted males.

Still, we panic. Still we conflate safety with violence, peace with paranoia. America enjoyed record gun sales on this past Black Friday; the FBI recorded the single highest number of newly registered firearms, more than 185,000, since records have been kept. There will soon be a 24-hour home shopping TV channel, Gun TV, dedicated solely to direct sales of firearms to Americans. In the days following the massacre of schoolchildren at Sandy Hook Elementary, sales of bullets in America skyrocketed. The fire is raging, and everyone is buying more gasoline.

Meanwhile, the facts keep ripping us apart, numbing us to the core: 2015 has seen more mass shootings (defined, unofficially, as four or more people shot in any kind of scenario) than we’ve had calendar days. Not good enough? How about this: More people have been killed by guns in America (nearly 1.4 million) than all our wars since 1776, combined
.
http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2015/12/04/can-anything-stop-americas-savage-gun-epidemic/

Yes once again throw guns at everything. Good idea!

[font size="8"]Carson Newman University[/font]

So this next story raises a lot of questions. Like mainly "Who the fuck is Carson Newman University"? In the universe of bat shit crazy religious schools like Regent, and Bob Jones, and Liberty, well they're an uber religious Title II school based in Knoxville, Tennessee. And they're not only fighting for Title XI tax exemption - the same enjoyed by religious institutions all over the United States, they're also fighting for their right to legally discriminate against LGBT citizens and well, anyone they damn well please. Which is exactly what Christ would do.

JEFFERSON CITY (WATE) – Carson-Newman University has received a waiver from the federal government, exempting the university from some sex discrimination rules. The university applied for Title IX exemption in May. Title IX states no one can be discriminated against in the U.S. on the basis of sex under any education program receiving federal aid and is probably best known for expanding women’s sports in the 1970s.
In a letter Carson-Newman President Dr. J Randall O’Brien sent to the U.S. Department of Education, he asked for the exemption because Title IX isn’t consistent with the school’s religious principles.
There is concern that the exemption technically allows the university to discriminate based on sexual orientation, gender identity (including transgender status), sex outside of marriage, pregnancy and abortion. Dr. O’Brien said, though, that while those are listed in his letter, the letter was actually just a template from the university’s legal counsel, Jim Guenther, which was also given to several other universities that also filed for exemption.
http://wate.com/2015/12/11/carson-newman-university-gets-title-ix-exemption/

Yes. Be afraid, my fair LGBT DUers. Be very very afraid. The Title XI exemption applies to every school and religious institute in the country - and there are no exemptions to this rule currently. What CNU is planning to do is fight for the write to overwrite that exemption which will allow discrimination against anybody that they damn well please, and they especially targeted the transgender community. And this could have some exceptionally damning consequences should this case make it all the way to SCOTUS.

A Tennessee university has been granted the right by the federal government to ban students who go against their interpretation of Christianity.

Carson-Newman University President Dr. Randall O’Brien told WVLT that he had filed for a Title IX exemption from the federal government because his attorney recommended it.

The waiver allows the school to ban pregnant students, women who have had an abortion, single mothers, LGBT students and anyone else who does not fit their religious ideology.

http://www.alternet.org/education/tenn-school-wins-right-ban-gays-and-women-whove-had-sex-who-we-are

Yes this is who they are - disgusting religious bigots. And Dr. O'Brien said that he applied for Title IX because "his lawyer told him to". How is this not the shadiest fucking school in the country and how have they not been investigated by the IRS? And what self respecting student would go there after this?

[font size="8"]Wayne Rosen [/font]

The Democrats' mantra is a simple one: "give and get back". The republican's mantra might as well be that of Chris Pratt's Star Lord character from "Guardians Of The Galaxy" and that is "steal from everybody". So we're five issues into the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots. And no mention of the queen of conservative greed (and extremely dull, uninteresting long monologues about American capitalism), Ayn Rand, has surfaced yet. Well here ya go. From the "What Would Ayn Rand Do?" file, we go to Homestead Florida. And yes only in Florida could they produce the greediest of the greedy, because as Tracy Jordan called the state "America's penis". And well, here's a move that will make you absolutely cringe because this is a colossal dick move.

HOMESTEAD GIVES $3.5 MILLION IN ANTI-POVERTY FUNDS TO GOLF COURSE DEVELOPER

Wayne Rosen does not fit the bill of a low-income individual living in a blighted community. In fact, he's the wealthy owner of Shores Development, one of the biggest homebuilders in southwest Dade. Rosen himself lives in a $3 million Coral Gables mansion and enjoys showering political allies with donations and even — in one case that spurred an ethics investigation that went nowhere — a Mercedes sold at a discount rate.

So Rosen is an odd candidate to receive millions of dollars in federal funds meant to help distressed communities. Especially when you consider what he plans to do with that cash: Namely, to renovate a golf course in the middle of a neighborhood he helped to build.

Yet Homestead city commissioners decided that was the perfect use for $3.5 million in federal funds from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. They voted 4-2 last night to hand the money to Rosen — who just happens to be a major campaign funder for most of the politicians on the panel.

Of course, the feds will still have to sign off on the plan, which may be a tougher sell outside of a city commission where the developer and his companies dropped $45,000 on four sitting politicians in the last election cycle. (One of whom, Jon Burgess, voted against the plan last night, in fairness).

http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/homestead-gives-35-million-in-anti-poverty-funds-to-golf-course-developer-8102862

So... give a $45,000 donation, get $3.5 million assigned to help distressed communities in return. Nice return on investment, but it's a colossal dick move. It's the circle of greed and it fucks us all!

[font size="8"]Elizabeth Hasslebeck [/font]

"Your child has been shot" is probably the absolute worst sentence in the world for any parent to hear. And it's a sad reality in America that this happens on a daily basis. No child's death by gun shot is acceptable whether it's intentional or accidental, and there's a lot of both. But thankfully we can prepare children to handle life or death situations. And while you can't stop a guy with a gun in any situation, you can still survive a terror attack or a mass shootiing. But as Michael Weston said in Burn Notice: "No matter what the situation, a guy with a gun is a guy with a gun.". And that rings true in most situations. But there's one person in the entire world who should not be teaching gun survival class, and that's Elizabeth Hasslebeck. Wonkette explains:

Did we not just finish yelling at Elisabeth “Shouldn’t You Be Leaving Now?” Hasselbeck for doing something stupid on the “Fox & Friends” television program? Yes, yes we did. But apparently she wasn’t done, because during that same broadcast, Captain Brain Squad invited krav maga instructors on to show kids how to run headlong into gunfire and beat up active shooters who have, you know, big guns.

Because really, kids, you wanna get made fun of in gym class for being a pussy who hides? Hasselbeck notes, “In an active shooter situation, five seconds can mean the difference between life and death. But there are some things that you can do, and your children can do, to make a difference.”

1:30: Young krav maga children explain they have drills at school where they learn how to hide and protect themselves, which, as Media Matters sexplains, is what you are SUPPOSED to do:
The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has specific guidelines on how to act when one’s life is threatened in a shooting situation. The first objective is to evacuate, and if you cannot evacuate, objective two is to find a hiding place: “If evacuation is not possible, find a place to hide where the active shooter is less likely to find you.”

Sounds like that’s based on tried and true facts, so it’s probably a liberal conspiracy.
2:00: Fuck that noise, Hasselbeck wants a lesson in Bum-rushing Shooters, For Kids!
2:30: Completely serious demonstration of how a child can just come up behind a shooter and disarm him (OR HER, as we are A Ally) in two seconds.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/596794/fox-news-teaches-kids-how-to-run-toward-gunfire-what-could-go-wrong#0TI0m8SFdOq6m8YW.99

Yes teach your children to run toward gunfire and take the gun out of the shooter's hand, Jackie Chan style. That's like saying "Oh yes ignore the "do not attempt" warnings at the bottom of advertisements featuring extreme sports and jump a car off a ramp onto a high speed train. Go on, try it." God damn it.

[font size="8"]Good Guys With Guns[/font]

Gather around, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers (don't want to forget anybody!) ! Let me tell you a tale of what happens when a "Good Guy With A Gun" takes matters into their own hands. The National Rifle Association. Making death and destruction fun and profitable since 1871. After the shooting in Sandy Hook and Aurora, Colorado, you may recall that Wayne La Pierre stated at the NRA convention that year that "good guys with guns" should always be present in the event a bad guy with a gun starts killing anything that moves. That's where this new feature comes in. Every time that the National Rifle Association tries to justify a mass shooting, I'll come back with a story about what happens when a "good guy with a gun" takes matters into their own hands. Because... go fuck yourselves with a rusty spoon, NRA! So with that in mind, we go to Michigan. Meet Tatiana Duva Rodriguez, who was merely exercising her second amendment right and opened fire on two men who were attempting to rob a grocery store. And this is my favorite part - she says "I was only trying to help!" That is the last phrase you want to utter after discharging live ammunition!

A Michigan woman complained after her sentencing that she was only trying to help when she opened fire at a pair of fleeing shoplifting suspects.
Tatiana Duva-Rodriguez pleaded no contest shortly after the October shooting to reckless discharge of a firearm, and she was sentenced Wednesday to 18 months of probation.
Her concealed carry permit was also revoked until 2023.
The 46-year-old Duva-Rodriguez said she opened fire on the getaway car in a Home Depot parking lot in Auburn Hills after she heard a scream and feared the incident was worse than a theft.
“I made a decision in a split second,” she told the sentencing judge. “Maybe it was not the right one, but I was trying to help.”
Neither shoplifting suspect was wounded, although a gunshot flattened one of their tires, and both men were later arrested.
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/michigan-woman-pouts-after-losing-gun-permit-for-shooting-at-shoplifters-i-will-never-help-anybody-again/

So to recap gun nut logic - everyone must have a gun. There must always be good guys with guns in every situation because you don't know when a bad guy with a gun will start killing anything that moves. But when a good guy (or woman in this case) with a gun tries to use the weapon for its' intended purpose, you get arrested and get your permit revoked for ten fucking years. Isn't it great? USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

See you next week!

December 12, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4: Trumpland Uber Alles Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4: Trumpland Uber Alles Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots - and a special Saturday edition for all you lovely, lovely people who come back every time! And there is a Saturday edition because there is so much idiocy right now that waiting a week to report on it, that they are literally breaking the internet. Yes, the stupid caused from Donald Trump is creating a black hole that is spreading so far and wide across the internet that I'm devoting this edition to covering all things Trump, as well as a few other crazies. To recap last edition, the NRA was torn a new asshole, but now it seems that now that the dust has settled on the San Bernardino terrorist attack, Donald Trump has indeed gone full Nazi. Before we dive head first into this Saturday edition of TTCI, I would like to begin by giving a shout out to Twitter user @mamasnark, who very brilliantly and perfectly captures the Trump madness in one short Tweet:

Ooh boy - where do we begin this edition? As I just said Donald Trump (1, 2, 3) has gone full Nazi. So much that it's making nearly everyone he has interviewed become extremely uncomfortable to the point where he's had his mic cut several times and even Fox & Friends (see Idiots #2 ) was rendered speechless by the things he's proposing to America's Islamic population. And are you sick of hearing news about Meanwhile, Alex Jones (4) is stirring up his crazy followers in an effort to overthrow the Obama administration, while Michele Fiore (5) one-ups Donald Trump to be the most Islamophobic person in America. In anti environment news, everyone's favorite climate change denying senator James Inhofe (6) stirs up the crazies while ExxonMobil releases news that could indeed spell Armageddon. Elsewhere a new TV network (7) is hoping to launch 24/7 selling guns directly to America's homes. And in even more insane gun nut news, University Of Texas Campus Republicans (8) are planning what could quite possibly be the worst play performed in a park, ever. ESPN commentator Danny Kannell (9), is blaming the "liberal media" for the "war on football" with the release of the new movie Concussion (despite that the NFL is having its' most profitable season ever!). Finally, everyone's (least) favorite Pharma Bro (10) is back, and gets trolled extensively hard by the Wu Tang Clan. Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Yes, that's Donald Trump signing a supporter's boobs. That is how this Saturday edition is going to start. I love using the "Loser" icon in posts relating to Donald Trump. Because he calls everyone else a loser. The man is fucking scary. I keep saying that he's gone full Hitler, but that's only half the story. In the wake of the terror attacks in Paris, Colorado Springs, and most recently San Bernardino (see Idiots #3), Donald Trump is going out on the offensive to make sure that everyone knows that he's the anti-Islam candidate of choice for crazy racist uncles across the United States. Glenn Beck made a living comparing everything Obama does to what Hitler did. Well let me tell you something Glenn Beck - do you even know anything about Nazi Germany? Because electing Donald Trump 1would take us there in half a second. He's proposing [link: http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/trackers/2015-12-07/trump-says-u- s-should-stop-muslims-from-immigrating-to-u-s- |a complete and total ban on US travel if you identify as Muslim.] Everyone has been slamming Trump for this policy, particularly Lindsay Graham:

Washington (CNN)Sen. Lindsey Graham said it's time for Republicans to rebuke presidential hopeful Donald Trump, urging his party to tell Trump to "go to hell."
"You know how you make America great again? Tell Donald Trump to go to hell," Graham said on CNN's "New Day" on Tuesday, picking up on the GOP front-runner's famous slogan, "make America great again."
The South Carolina Republican was responding to Trump's statement released Monday calling for the U.S. to ban all Muslims from entering the country.
"He's a race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot," Graham told Alisyn Camerota. "He doesn't represent my party. He doesn't represents the values that the men and women who wear the uniform are fighting for. ... He's the ISIL man of the year."
http://edition.cnn.com/2015/12/08/politics/lindsey-graham-donald-trump-go-to-hell-ted-cruz/index.html?sr=fbCNN120815lindsey-graham-donald-trump-go-to-hell-ted-cruz0203PMVODtopLink&linkId=19406390

But let's fact check Lindsay Graham and see how accurate this statement is:

Oh no, Mr. Graham. He represents your party very well. In fact he picked up a ringing endorsement from one group of admirers:

That's what Andrew Anglin, publisher of the neo-Nazi website Daily Stormer, had to say in response to Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump's call for a "total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States."

"Finally: someone speaks sense," Anglin wrote, pasting Trump's new proposal under the headline "Glorious Leader Calls For Complete Ban on All Moslems."

"Make America White Again!" his post concludes.

Anglin is not new to the white supremacy scene. In 2012, he launched a website called Total Fascism, where he also wrote about racist concepts, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center's Hatewatch blog.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-neo-nazi-support_56660b92e4b079b2818fcd36

Yes that's America's neo Nazi population calling Donald Trump their "savior". In fact thanks to Der Trumpenfeurher, white supremacism is actually enjoying a surge in popularity. Excuse me a minute...

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So when our presidential candidates get asked about their favorite movie presidents, that's a sure sign of a campaign going on way longer than it should. But it did result in a hilarious exchange with Harrison Ford where said "Mmmmmgfgmfmdonaldtrumpit'sjustamoviemgfrgrm." In Idiots #2 , I reported that Il Douche called into Fox & Friends and they were so speechless after his phone call, that they had to cut his mic. Even former Vice President Dick Cheney (R - Zombie) is tired of Trump's shenanigans:

Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R) on Monday denounced real estate mogul Donald Trump's plan to restrict all Muslims from immigrating to the U.S., pointing out that the U.S. has always welcomed people of all religions.
"I think this whole notion that somehow we can just say no more Muslims, just ban a whole religion, goes against everything we stand for and believe in," he told conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt. "I mean, religious freedom has been a very important part of our history and where we came from. A lot of people, my ancestors got here, because they were Puritans."
Although Cheney called the Syrian refugee crisis "a serious problem," he argued the U.S. should be concerned some refugees could be affiliated with the self-described Islamic State or other militant groups. Like many in his party, he said he supports more stringent screening of refugees coming into the U.S.
"It's a serious problem to make certain that the people coming in don't represent ISIS," he said. "You've got to set up a vetting process, and that's crucial, but I think the way you've got to begin to deal with that problem is to go back and look at why they're here, and they're here because of what's going on in the Middle East."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dick-cheney-donald-trump-muslims_5666345ae4b079b2818fe17c

That's Dick Cheney - the man arguably responsible for the creation of ISIS, saying that Donald Trump is posing a huge threat to national security. Yes, again Dick Cheney is saying that Donald Trump is a threat to national security. No matter how many times I say it it's still weird. And not only would Donald Trump consider overwriting the Constitution's guarantee of freedom of religion, he'd overwrite freedom of speech as well:

Donald Trump has called for the internet to be turned off so that children can no longer use it.

The presidential hopeful said that "We've got to maybe do something with the internet," because it was being used to radicalize people. He said that he would "see Bill Gates" so that he could look into "closing it up".

Speaking at the same event where he called for a "complete shutdown" on Muslims entering the US, Trump laid out a rough plan for stopping the influence of Isis.

Children in America are "watching the internet and they want to be masterminds", Trump said in a speech.

"We're losing a lot of people because of the internet," Trump said. "We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening.

"We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some ways. Somebody will say, 'Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.' These are foolish people."

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/Donald-Trump-wants-to-ban-the-internet-will-ask-Bill-Gates-to-close-it-up/articleshow/50093748.cms

Yes people who believe in freedom of speech are foolish. Lewis Black is right - Donald Trump really is a 3rd world dictator!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So while campaigning in North Carolina, Donald Trump insulted who could arguably be his two biggest supporters on the internet:

Unfortunately that's not satire. And unfortunately this happened:

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/12/06/trump-treats-two-black-supporters-like-circus-performers-asks-them-to-do-a-little-routine-video/
It can easily be said that Donald Trump isn’t exactly the most friendly to any people other than white people who agree perfectly with his views. You can tell this by the ‘white power’ crowd that, literally, shows up to his events. You can also tell this by using your eyes and seeing who attends his rallies. It’s a who’s who of Racist White America. So, when Donald Trump found out about two female African-American supporters, he made sure they got some stage time at an event in North Carolina.

The two women, Lynette Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson, have a website called “Diamonds and Silk” and they are apparently very outspoken supporters of Donald Trump. The reason for this is still unknown. Well, at the rally, Trump introduces the duo as an “online sensation” and asked them to “do a little routine” up on stage in front of his almost all white crowd. They were apparently very happy to do so, not really realizing Trump was, quite literally, pointing and laughing at them, and treating them like circus performers....

He might as well have said, “look at how entertaining these gals are, folks! See, I have black supporters! I’m not racist in the slightest!” He used them as props for his campaign, and these ladies were, unfortunately, none the wiser.

Yes, that is Donald Trump gloating about how he has "black supporters". Ha ha ha ha ha! Racism is dead in America, don't you get it? And now there's an app that exists to block all Trump related news from your news feed! But don't block it yet because it will remove the Top 10 as well! We can't have that can we?

But It's not all doom and gloom for Dër Trumpenfeürher though. Even though he is bringing the crazy extra hard, don't forget that the Donald Trump butt plug exists and that would make a great last minute gift for the Trump supporter in your family. Also this happened:

Mayor Rick Kriseman bars Donald Trump from St. Petersburg
Tampa Bay Times, Bay Buzz, 12/7/15
St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman had a strong response to Donald Trump's proposal to prevent Muslims from entering the United States.

Mayor Kriseman tweeted Monday night, "I am hereby barring Donald Trump from entering St. Petersburg until we fully understand the dangerous threat posed by all Trumps."

http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/baybuzz/mayor-rick-kriseman-bars-donald-trump-from-st-petersburg/2256877

Mayor Kriseman is my new hero!

[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]

Ah Infowars. That site you go to when your favorite site just doesn't have enough batshit crazy conspiracy theories for you. Alex Jones, though, claims he's not a conspiracy theorist but he repeatedly makes claims that you need to filter out your water, because the government puts flouride in the water supply as a form of mind control. He even goes so far as to sell ridiculously expensive water filtration systems that retail for $200+, because... money. You can get the same results with a pan and a stove. Last week, Ted Nugent called the Alex Jones show to talk about how the Obama administration doesn't represent the views of the republican party. No fucking shit he doesn't! And that's a good thing because after living through the George W Bush administration twice, I've had all the GOP I can stand for the rest of my life! But back to Infowars - they're like Rush Limbaugh only they think every story that comes along in the news is someone who is literally coming to take your guns away. And perhaps some people should have their guns taken away. Like this guest Steve Pieczenik, who offered a theory that Obama staged the San Bernardino attacks, and that, oh he must be overthrown.

Conspiracy theorist radio host Alex Jones doubled down today on his claim that the San Bernardino shooting was a false flag attack, speaking with fellow conspiracy theorist Steve Pieczenik about why they believe the tragedy was an Obama administration plot to push gun control.

Pieczenik said it was “absolutely impossible” for shooter Tashfeen Malik to have carried out the attack, claiming that the attack, like the Sandy Hook school shooting, was staged in order to advance “gun control for Obama.”

Pieczenik went on to say that the shooting was designed to deflect attention from the controversy surrounding the delayed release of the Laquan McDonald shooting video, claiming that Obama takes orders from Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel.

“What we need to do is to initiate a referendum where we will ask the president to step down,” he said. “I do not want an assassination, what I want is a referendum where the people say we can no longer wait for a year, we do not want anyone else and we will want to nominate, by choice, Trump. Either we have the elections now or we don’t have the elections, we do not have one more year.”

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/san-bernardino-truthers-blame-obama-conspiracy-we-do-not-have-one-year-left-live-out-adminis

Really? Do you guys even read the news? How was this "absolutely impossible"? Let's not forget that Farook planned this as far back as 2013. And took out a $28,000 loan , and had planned a prior attack. This wasn't a mere incident, this guy knew what he was doing, so how is it "impossible", exactly? Excuse me a minute...

I don't know what these guys are smoking, but man it must be particularly strong and particularly shitty to warp your brain into believing something that batshit crazy. Did I mention these guys are completely batshit crazy?

[font size="8"]Michele Fiore[/font]

In Wednesday's edition, I introduced you to Michele Fiore (R-Smith & Wesson), a Nevada representative who treated us to her annual holiday Christmas card, which is her family holding a lot of fucking guns.

I particularly like that comment from Georgia Grivois, which reads "All I want for Christmas is #GunSenseLaws, and this is why! I've never seen such an example of inbreeding and ignorance in my life! You are despicable". And the "despicable" part doesn't end there. This week, the Nevada representative said this:

http://www.occupydemocrats.com/republican-threatens-refugees-ill-shoot-them-myself-to-end-their-miserable-lives/
The Nevada Republican who sent out a Christmas card featuring armed toddlers has put her proverbial foot in her mouth once again – this time in a much more offensive fashion. Michele Fiore, Assemblywoman of the Fourth District, when asked by a Las Vegas radio show about why she refused to sign a statement by Republicans opposing the resettlement of Syrian refugees, indicated it didn’t go far enough for her:

“What–are you kidding me? I’m about to fly to Paris and shoot ‘em in the head myself! I am not OK with Syrian refugees. I’m not OK with terrorists. I’m OK with putting them down, blacking them out, just put a piece of brass in their ocular cavity and end their miserable life. I’m good with that.”

Where to start with this outrageously offensive and dangerously delusional statement? The automatic equivocation of Syrian refugees and the terrorists that they are fleeing from is a very dangerous sign, not to mention her apparent willingness to commit extrajudicial murders without any evidence. The enthusiasm for said killings is also very upsetting. Despite being a mother herself, she shows no compassion or empathy for the families fleeing horrific violence and looking for safety and stability. It just goes to show how the virulent Islamophobic rhetoric that is circulating the right-wing echo chamber truly poisons minds and dictates atrocious narratives. If this is the kind of trash that the right-wing casually endorses, then they do not deserve a voice in the rational governance of a multicultural and multigendered nation.

Yes, she would literally shoot to kill all Syrian refugees, even those that live outside the United States. I have no words except for: What. The. Fuck.

[font size="8"]James Inhofe[/font]

Everyone's favorite climate-change denying senator James Inhofe (R-ExxonMobil) is back, just as Exxon posted some incredibly alarming environment news. Which is funny because Exxon is the direct cause of global warming and has destroyed just about everything in its' path to get their hands on that precious, precious oil. But this time around, Inhofe is provoking the religious anti environment nut jobs who might also be Trump supporters. So with that in mind, Inhofe here, provokes the crazy religious nutjobs:

Senator James Inhofe told a room of climate change deniers they’re “doing the Lord’s work.”The chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee is best known for his insistence that global warming is a hoax, and he offered a pep talk on Monday to a group that hasn’t exactly seen things go its way of late.

“As COP21 continues this week, I look forward to hearing what kind of cover-up deal emerges from this international climate conference,” Inhofe said in a prerecorded message broadcast during an unofficial side event to the Paris climate conference. “And you guys here in this room, as you always have, just keep it up. Our progress would not have happened without you. You’re doing the Lord’s work, and we’re going to win this thing together.”

His seven-minute rant, which summarized every conservative argument you might hear against a global climate agreement, was part of the Paris counter-programming planned by a few prominent denier groups, including the oil-funded think tank Heartland Institute.

https://newrepublic.com/minutes/125206/senator-james-inhofe-told-room-climate-change-deniers-theyre-doing-lords-work

Yes, climate change deniers are doing the Lord's work. Sponsored by the Heartland Institute. And that's funny - I've read the Bible, and there's *ZERO* mention of the words "climate change" or "global warming" anywhere in that book! Meanwhile, Exxon released this incredibly alarming news, which Inhofe didn't read or have on his Google alert page:

It’s a Through-The-Looking-Glass world. The Washington Post reports Sunday that ExxonMobil has a far saner view of global warming than the national Republican party.

Fred Hiatt, the paper’s centrist editorial page editor, drops this bombshell: With no government action, Exxon experts told us during a visit to The Post last week, average temperatures are likely to rise by a catastrophic (my word, not theirs) 5 degrees Celsius, with rises of 6, 7 or even more quite possible.

This is indeed basic climate science.

Of course, thanks to excellent reporting by InsideClimate News, we now know ExxonMobil had been told by its own scientists in the 1970s and 1980s that climate change was human-caused and would reach catastrophic levels without reductions in carbon emissions. Yes, this is same ExxonMobil that then became the largest funder of disinformation on climate science and attacks on climate scientists until they were surpassed by the Koch Brothers in recent years — but that is a different (tragic) story.

http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2015/12/07/3728921/exxonmobil-warns-catastrophic-global-warming/

In short, we're fucked.

[font size="8"]Gun TV [/font]

In what could be one of the douchiest concepts to come along since Guy Fieri sang Limp Bizkit and Nickelback at karaoke that one night, a new channel is coming along that will eliminate the middle man and sell guns direct from the warehouse to the consumer. This is in incredibly poor taste considering the fact that, um, we had 3 mass shootings in 3 weeks!!! And all 3 are bonafied terror attacks!! What are these producers thinking??? How is this possibly going to attract an audience? Maybe Infowars fans? What the fuck?

For decades, Americans have had the leisurely option to purchase items from the comfort of their home after seeing them on television. Networks like QVC and the Home Shopping Network often display and discuss products like jewelry, home décor, and even kitchen odds and ends for at home customers to call in and buy.

However, this January, a new sort of home shopping channel with no sense of timing at all will launch in the United States: Gun TV.

Besides the firearms themselves, Gun TV will offer ammunition, clothing, and concealed-carry holsters, presented by gun experts onscreen. The network promises that anyone from ex-Olympic marksmen to former military sharpshooters will provide demonstrations.

All buyers need to do to order a weapon is keep an eye out for a gun that fits their price range, and then call the number on television (or order online, which is another dangerously easy option). The gun or other items will then be shipped from the wholesale retailer to the buyer's closest federally licensed gun seller. A mandatory background check into the customer's criminal and mental health records will need to be completed (you can learn more about that here) before the customer can take home the firearm.

http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Gun-TV-a-home-shopping-network-for-guns-is-6673214.php

Just.... Ah fuck it, let Donald Trump run the country. If this makes it to air, we're doomed anyways.

[font size="8"]University Of Texas Republicans[/font]

Well, gee thanks University Of Texas. I had another, much funnier entry that I was going to reserve for this spot, but oh well. You forced me to move what I originally had planned to the Christmas edition. But this is something that is so low, so poor taste, that I cannot accurately describe how I feel about this event, because my words would be, as Neidermayer from Animal House would say "so profound and disgusting that the decorum prohibits me from listing them here.". So with that in mind I'll let Bill Maher say how I feel (can't embed because HBO took the original video down) :

http://crooksandliars.com/cltv/2014/06/bill-maher-slams-nitwits-open-carry

OK I feel better. But what are they planning to do? Something that is incredibly low and very poorly timed:

Multiple gun rights groups will be joining together this weekend for a mock mass shooting on the University of Texas campus, an event complete with cardboard guns, crisis actors, and fake blood. Now, what could this possibly accomplish?, a reasonable person might be wondering. But as one of the protestors told Statesman.com: “We love freedom, and we’re trying to make more freedom.”
The “crisis performance event” itself will involve actors being “shot” with mock guns, just over a week after the San Bernardino mass shooting took 14 individual lives. From Statesman.com:
“It’s a fake mass shooting, and we’ll use fake blood,” he said. He said gun noises will be blared from bullhorns. Other people will then play the role of rescuers, also armed with cardboard weapons.
... Asked if he was worried the demonstration, which will be preceded by a walk through Austin with loaded weapons might appear in bad taste following the mass shootings in San Bernardino and Paris, Short said: “Not at all. People were able to be murdered people because no one was armed.”
Fortunately, weapons are currently banned from UT’s campus, or else someone probably would get shot this weekend. That might not be the case for long, however. On August 1, Texas’ new “campus carry” law goes into effect, which will allow concealed handguns in classrooms, dorms, and “other buildings” at both public and private colleges.
http://gawker.com/gun-rights-groups-to-hold-fake-mass-shooting-at-ut-this-1747134121

And I thought that GunTV was a new low for the gun nuts. This just.............. AHHH!!!! I can't believe that the campus is allowing them to go through with this! Ahh!! These heartless assholes only care about their guns and nothing else. They want to be able to bring their precious on campus and... I just can't... I want to... ah... THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS PEOPLE!!!

[font size="8"]Danny Kanell[/font]

While I will never use the Top 10 for plugs of any kind, there's a movie coming out on Christmas that, as any good democrat or football fan, you owe it to yourself to watch. It's called Concussion. The movie details the life of Dr. Bennett Omalu (Will Smith), the man who uncovered the horrifying truth about football, the disease of concussion, and the league's efforts to cover it up. But there's one guy who won't be having any of it. Enter Danny Kannell, who posted this about a recent NY Times Op Ed about the dangers of football.

The New York Times published an editorial on Monday that questioned whether parents should allow kids to play football, given increased awareness about the long-term dangers the sport may pose to the brain.
To former NFL quarterback Danny Kanell, who now works as an analyst for ESPN, that editorial represents an effort by the "liberal media" to wage a "war on football."
The author of the editorial, however, was not a member of the so-called "liberal media," but rather Dr. Bennet Omalu, the forensic pathologist who first discovered the degenerative brain known as disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, in the brain of former NFL star Mike Webster.
Omalu, the subject of the upcoming movie "Concussion" starring Will Smith, has continued studying CTE -- as have other researchers, like those at Boston University who have found the disease in the brains of 87 of the 91 deceased former NFL players they have studied. There are important caveats about sample size and selection in that research, as the scientists themselves have warned, but it has helped paint a clearer picture about the risks that football may pose.
Further studies have highlighted the potential risk of repeated hits to the head to young players or those who began playing football at younger ages. Increased attention to the number of high school students killed while playing football, which has remained constant for 35 years, has raised further questions, too.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/danny-kanell-liberal-media-war-on-football_5666f604e4b079b281900679?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067

Don't worry, Danny. There is no war on football - the NFL has been enjoying profits the likes of which have never been seen before!

[font size="8"]Martin Shkreli [/font]

Finally, after another incredibly frustrating week of conservative lunacy, it will be nice to end it on a positive note, won't it? Because for a weekend edition to leave it on a negative note, what kind of host would that make me? Not a very good one if you ask me! You remember "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli right? The man who became the most hated man in America , and arguably, the world by buying the rights to life saving drug Darapin, which originally retailed for $13.50 a pill, and started charging $750 for it. Now he's back in the news. You might remember when the Wu Tang Clan announced that its' new album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin was going to be pressed in a one off, single pressing that was going be sold for a couple of million, right? And what do these two things have in common, you might ask? This week it was revealed that Pharma-Douche Martin Shkreli is the buyer, who bought the only copy of the album for $2 million of his ill gotten gains. Well, thank every God you can name for the Wu Tang Clan, because Wu Tang won't have any of it, as the Seattle PI reports:

The Wu-Tang Clan are donating proceeds from the sale of their one-off album “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin” to charity after the buyer was unveiled as a controversial tycoon Martin Shkreli.
Last month it emerged the hip-hop stars had agreed a deal to sell off the only copy of the record for an “undisclosed figure in the millions.”
The identity of the buyer was kept private at the time of the sale, which was agreed earlier in the year, but he has now been identified as Shkreli, a pharmaceutical entrepreneur who was widely condemned for raising the price of AIDS medication from $13.50 to $750 per pill.
Wu-Tang Clan member RZA has now confirmed the rappers agreed to donate a portion of the sale to a good cause after the revelations about the buyer came to light.
“The sale of ‘Once Upon a Time in Shaolin’ was agreed upon in May, well before Martin Skhreli’s business practices came to light,” RZA writes in an email to Bloomberg Businessweek magazine. “We decided to give a significant portion of the proceeds to charity.”
http://blog.seattlepi.com/people/2015/12/09/wu-tang-clan-donate-album-sale-money-to-charity-after-discovering-buyers-identity/

But oh my fair DUers of all races, genders, and orientations, it gets better. So much better. The Independent explains a very interesting clause in their contract:

This Once Upon A Time In Shaolin story is only getting weirder.
First we learned that the single copy of the Wu-Tang Clan album was bought by a pharmaceuticals CEO once described as “the most hated man in America” (reportedly for $2 million), then the buyer - Martin Shkreli - started a YouTube live stream, teasing that he might play the album for viewers, and now we learn of an amazing stipulation in the album’s contract.
According to Twitter user Rob Wesley, who might have invented the clause, though a lot of people on Twitter are taking it to be real, it states:
‘The buying party also agrees that at any time during the stipulated 88 year period, the seller may legally plan and attempt to execute one (1) heist or caper to steal back Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, which, if successful, would return all ownership rights to the seller.’
Then comes the best bit:
‘Said heist or caper can only be undertaken by currently active members of the Wu-Tang Clan and/or actor Bill Murray, with no legal repercussions.’
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/that-wu-tang-clan-martin-shkreli-2m-album-deal-has-an-amazing-caveat-a6767546.html

Yes, the Wu Tang Clan has a clause in the sale contract that says that they - and / or Bill Murray can steal back the copy of their album by pulling off a heist. This is the greatest thing I've ever heard of. Wu Tang Clan just became my favorite group for this. Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to fuck with! Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to fuck with! Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to fuck with!

See you next week!

Ed. Note: Starting with next Wednesday's edition, I will be posting the TTCI in the Good Reads section so it can hopefully stay near the top for a while. Stay tuned!

December 10, 2015

White Supremacists Credit Trump With "Surging Interest"

And no, this isn't from the Onion.

As the Republican Party grows more and more concerned about Donald Trump, at least one group is loving his rise to prominence: white supremacists. Politico reports that the white supremacist website Stormfront has had to upgrade its servers to handle all the new traffic coming their way since Trump took off in the polls; the Ku Klux Klan confirms that Trump has served as a major talking point for feeling out recruits.

"He's made it okay to talk about these incredible concerns of European Americans today," former KKK grand wizard and onetime Louisiana representative David Duke said.

Hate group monitors at the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) and the Anti-Defamation League warn that Trump's statements about banning Muslims and rounding up Mexicans have "energized" racist intellectuals and neo-Nazis. "When well-known public figures make these kind of statements in the public square, they are taken as a permission-giving by criminal elements who go out and act on their words," SPLC's Mark Potak told Politico.

But some white supremacists remain skeptical of Trump's plans. "Do we honestly believe that he's going to block all the Muslims and deport all the illegals? I think he's doing a lot of this just to signal to people that he's on their side," Brad Griffin of the white nationalist blog Occidental Dissent said.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/white-supremacist-groups-credit-surging-interest-to-donald-trump-hes-certainly-creating-a-movement/ar-AAgfgss?li=BBnb4R7&ocid=spartandhp

Be afraid. Be very very very very afraid.

December 10, 2015

Wu Tang Clan Donates Sale Of $2 Million Album To Charity After Discovirng Buyer Is Martin Shkreli

Source: Seattle PI

The Wu-Tang Clan are donating proceeds from the sale of their one-off album “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin” to charity after the buyer was unveiled as a controversial tycoon Martin Shkreli.

Last month it emerged the hip-hop stars had agreed a deal to sell off the only copy of the record for an “undisclosed figure in the millions.”

The identity of the buyer was kept private at the time of the sale, which was agreed earlier in the year, but he has now been identified as Shkreli, a pharmaceutical entrepreneur who was widely condemned for raising the price of AIDS medication from $13.50 to $750 per pill.

Wu-Tang Clan member RZA has now confirmed the rappers agreed to donate a portion of the sale to a good cause after the revelations about the buyer came to light.

“The sale of ‘Once Upon a Time in Shaolin’ was agreed upon in May, well before Martin Skhreli’s business practices came to light,” RZA writes in an email to Bloomberg Businessweek magazine. “We decided to give a significant portion of the proceeds to charity.”

Shkreli, who revealed himself as the buyer to the publication, feared the band would have axed the deal if it hadn’t been finalized by the time his story hit headlines.

Read more: http://blog.seattlepi.com/people/2015/12/09/wu-tang-clan-donate-album-sale-money-to-charity-after-discovering-buyers-identity/

This is awesome. Fuck you, Shkreli.

December 9, 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3: The Biz Vs. The Nuge Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3: The Biz Vs. The Nuge Edition

Ed. Note: In the wake of last week's terror attack in San Bernardino, the profanity will be flying this week, so fair warning for you NSFW'ers.

Welcome back to the new and improved Top 10 Conservative Idiots! To recap last week, this week is the issue where I said I would tear the NRA a new asshole, but the NY Daily News pretty much did it for me ( Ed Note: Hey, I'm not complaining!). There's now been 3 mass shootings in 3 weeks, and there's no answers. No one in the United States government is even going to address that this has become an epidemic, except for President Obama, who did an awesome job with his pre Sunday night football address. And now that it's hit foreign shores with the attack at the Bataclan, it's even worse. And there has been a lot of lunacy this week after the FBI revealed that San Bernardino is indeed a terror attack, with ties to ISIS. There is so much conservative lunacy coming fast and fierce, that I had to name this edition after a Beastie Boys song, because my original title of “Go Fuck Yourselves With A Rusty Spoon, NRA” would get this list blocked from a lot of content filters.

So with that in mind, the National Rifle Association (1,2) takes up both of the top spots this week with some truly epic lunacy – and some help from Congress. Not to mention gun nuts had their best Black Friday ever (should we start calling it “Red Friday”?). Wayne La Pierre (3) gets torn a new asshole by the New York Daily News. NRA board member Ted Nugent (4) knows how to crank at least one thing past 11: the bat shit crazy (Ed note: expect lots of Spinal Tap references in future Idiots lists!). Erick Erickson (5) goes out of his way to prove the point that the NY Times was making about gun control. Jerry Falwell Jr. (6) thinks that all Liberty University students should arm themselves or go home. Bryan Fischer (7) blames the Colorado shootings on – wait for it – legalized pot! In non gun related news, Ben Carson (8) hates trans people, not to mention he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. The Pentagon (9) once again favors greed, death and destruction over peace. And finally rounding out the list this week, our favorite unpaid professional hall monitor George Zimmerman (10) is back, and the reason this time is completely unrelated to him committing murder and getting away with it. And to top it off, we once again have a bonus idiot for your enjoyment. Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]The National Rifle Association[/font]

So 3 mass shootings in 3 weeks. 3 major terror attacks in 3 weeks. If you thought that the last three weeks have been absolutely terrifying with the revelations about the San Bernardino terror attacks having ties to ISIS, it's about to get much, much scarier. And the one group that just about everyone seems to be pointing their fingers at is only making the situations worse. And that's the National Rifle Association. Thanks to the NRA's obstruction, Congress didn't even wait a fucking day to make sure death and destruction once again reigns supreme.

The Senate on Thursday voted down two gun control proposals put forward by Democrats in response to this week’s deadly shooting in San Bernardino, Calif., in a series of votes that highlighted the intractable party divide over how to respond to gun violence.

The Senate rejected a measure from Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) to expand background checks for guns purchased online and at gun shows on a 48 to 50 vote and an amendment from Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) to prevent individuals on the terror watch list from purchasing firearms on a 45 to 54 vote. The amendments were offered to an Obamacare repeal package currently being debated in the Senate and they needed 60 votes to be adopted.

Feinstein’s amendment was identical to legislation she previously filed on the same topic, while the expansion of background checks for gun purchases mirrored language championed by Sens. Manchin and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) in 2013, following the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School three years ago this month.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2015/12/03/senate-democrats-to-force-gun-control-votes-in-the-wake-of-the-san-bernardino-shooting/?hpid=hp_regional-hp-cards_no-name%3Ahomepage%2Fcard

There you have it. The Senate republicans officially voted to allow people who are already on terror watch list to purchase fucking guns. Oh and let's not forget that the GOP voted to defund Planned Parenthood and repeal Obamacare. Again. Meanwhile some surprisingly good news was released about Obamacare and how many patients it's saved per year..There's only one proper response to this type of insanity:

So to recap - Planned Parenthood, bad. Obamacare, bad. Guns in the hands of people on the FBI's terrorist watch list - good. I will repeat my original title of this week's issue - go fuck yourself with a rusty spoon, NRA!

[font size="8"]The National Rifle Association[/font]

One picture that came out last week explains American gun nut logic in a nutshell:

That was posted after a man shot his friend at a Phoenix gun show, shortly after buying a gun. You can't make this shit up sometimes folks. And that brings us to yet another frightening statistic. Black Friday - the closest thing that America has to Spain's "Running Of The Bulls" event. Although unlike the Running Of The Bulls, on Black Friday, you're actually far more likely to get trampled trying to buy a $400 TV for $199. And while you don't want your Black Friday purchases monitored by the FBI, this was absolutely staggering, and it seems nothing will be done either:

The FBI conducted a record number of background checks driven by firearms sales for the month of November, indicating that gun sales were at an all time high for the seventh month in a row.

The Bureau processed 2,243,030 checks through the National Instant Criminal Background Check System in November, an increase of 236,111 checks over the previous record set in 2012. Background checks have continually set monthly records since May.

The numbers were fueled in part by record sales performed on Black Friday. The FBI did 175,754 checks no that day alone, the Trace reports.

http://freebeacon.com/issues/gun-sales-set-another-monthly-record/

Yes – gun stores across the country saw record sales the likes of which have never been seen before in American history. And along with that - surging numbers of background checks. Thanks NRA!!!

[font size="8"]Wayne La Pierre[/font]

So the NRA's king supreme has had a rough month, and is going to have a rough year ahead. Thank the NY Daily News for this one, which I will leave here without comment:

On second thought, I will leave a comment. But not mine - that from the late great George Carlin, who trashed Wayne La Pierre and gun nuts on his 2001 album "Complaints and Grievances". It was true then, it is true even more to this day:

[font size="8"]Ted Nugent[/font]

InfoWars - the program for people who don't think Rush Limbaugh has enough batshit crazy conspiracy theories. This week they had guest Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent – professional Obama hater and flag waver, friend of the Sean Hannity program, and unofficial adult diaper spokesman resurfaced last week in the wake of the San Bernardino terror attacks to fling his feces blaming who else? Obama and the “evil leftists” for allowing these types of terror attacks to happen.

Nugent said he simply gives a voice to those who know the truth “about this criminal empire in the government of the United States of America” and “this freedom-hating, America-hating punk president.”

“They now recognize the curse, the self-inflicted curse that is Barack Obama and the liberal Democrats who hate freedom, who hate the Constitution, who hate the Bill of Rights,” he said. “They don’t believe in self-defense, they don’t believe in independence, they don’t believe in being the best that you can be, they are intentionally on a runaway freight train to weaken America and to reward the bloodsuckers while they punish the producers.”

Jones managed to use even more colorful terms to portray America’s current political climate: “The Democrat leadership and their constituents now, more and more, literally hate America and have a death score to settle and want to mount our head on the wall like a trophy when this country and our forbearers gave these spoiled ass bitches everything they’ve got.”

Nugent lamented that military service members feel conflicted because they know “that their commander-in-chief is the enemy,” and began pleading with listeners that “if we don’t vote Republican in 2016, we will become Barack Obama’s dream and that is a suburb of Indonesia where individuality, independence and freedom is gone like a Dodo bird.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/ted-nugent-says-he-would-make-great-president-would-have-launched-jewish-rebellion-against-h

The day Ted “Poopy Pants” Nugent is the spokesperson for the military that he abandoned when they needed him in Vietnam is a very sad day for America. Ted Nugent says he would make a great president. Ted fucking Nugent. This guy:

I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin' and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin' kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
http://gawker.com/5983634/patriotic-american-ted-nugent-shit-his-pants-to-avoid-the-draft

But then again the republicans have Ben Carson running.

[font size="8"]Erick Erickson[/font]

Three mass shootings in three weeks. Gun news is inescapable right now. The New York Times even posted this front-page Op Ed about the “gun control epidemic” in America. When you're a frustrated gun lover, and your favorite toy is being attacked everywhere, what's a frustrated ammosexual to do? Well if you're occasional Fox pundit Erick Erickson, you shoot the fucking front page of the New York Times.

Erick Erickson is a hyperbolic, homophobic, hate-filled Fox News contributor who, through his extremist rantings and role as editor-in-chief of the far right wing site RedState, has managed to be named "arguably the most powerful conservative in America today."

Of course, that label, bestowed upon him from a far-too-generous Atlantic writer, does, however, demonstrate just how extreme the GOP has become.
Erickson himself today offered the perfect example.

As 2015 quickly draws to a close, it's become sadly clear that there have been more mass shootings in America than there have been days in the year. Wednesday the nation mourned as 14 people were shot to death by now what appears to be an act of terrorism in the name of ISIS/ISIL.

In response, the New York Daily News on Thursday and Friday ran provocative page one covers denouncing lawmakers' lack of action on gun control and labeling the head of the NRA a terrorist.

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/_screw_the_ny_times_fox_news_contributor_literally_shoots_up_call_for_end_to_gun_epidemic

Congratulations, Erick Erickson! You successfully proved the point that the New York Times was trying to make!

[font size="8"]Jerry Falwell Jr.[/font]

In case you missed Jerry Falwell's greatest hits like "Tinky Winky is gay" and "There is no separation of church and state" (do your best Jedi mind trick here), and "radical feminists just need a man in the house", Jerry Falwell Jr. is alive and well, and filling the bat shit crazy void that his dad left behind. In a recent address to students at Liberty University, where he is still the president, he basically thinks that all students had better be the “good guy with a gun” in the event a deranged guy with a gun should attack a Liberty University classroom:

5 p.m. Saturday update: While Friday’s convocation may have ended, the applause and criticism that came after Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. urged students to get permits to carry concealed weapons has not.

The Washington Post, CNN, NBC, Esquire, Politico and several other news sources from around the country have picked up the story this weekend after Falwell’s remarks starting trending.

In a 2½-minute address before dismissing the students, Falwell urged students to take advantage of the university’s free class for concealed-carry permits as a way to counter attacks similar to the bloodshed in San Bernardino, California, on Wednesday.

“Let’s teach them a lesson if they ever show up here,” Falwell told the students.

http://www.newsadvance.com/news/local/liberty-convocation-remarks-draw-applause-and-criticism/article_beb5db52-8efb-55fe-8320-7a69710c6dff.html

Congratulations, Jerry – by advocating that all students take advantage of concealed carry programs on campus, you're not only playing into the NRA's fear and paranoia game, you're also creating a campus where everyone can get shot at just about any time. Bravo! And in case you missed it, Hillary Clinton denounced these comments made by Falwell as aiding ISIS.

[font size="8"]Bryan Fischer[/font]

Speaking of things that Jesus would probably find ridiculous - Bryan Fischer – executive for lunatic fringe right wing religious lobbying group the American Family Association, AM hate radio host and the frequent answer to the question “Why isn't Jesus coming back?”. Because he most likely heard the American Family Association's hate radio programs and said "fuck it, I'm not coming back! Dad, these people just don't get me!". So this week Fischer on his radio program he addressed why the shooting at the Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado Springs happened. It also appears he has not heard any new slang terms for drug use since the 1940's. Here, he had this to say:

On his radio program today, the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer floated his own theory as to why Robert Lewis Dear killed three people and injured nine more during a shooting at a Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado last week: Maybe he was "just tanked up on pot."

Insisting that there is no reliable evidence as to what motivated Dear to carry out the attack, Fischer suggested that perhaps the legality of marijuana in the state played a role because "we do know that since he moved to Colorado, was a pot-smoking nutcase."

Fischer said that "we have seen one story after another" of people "getting doped up or tanked up or high on pot and going off a doing brutal things," especially after ingesting marijuana edibles. So obviously "there is no question that the kind of pot that is available in Colorado today can drive you into psychotic episodes," he stated.

"I'm going to be interested to see what he had in his system," Fischer said, "and if maybe this was a guy that was just tanked up on pot."

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/fischer-planned-parenthood-shooter-may-have-been-tanked-pot#sthash.xi4cFO1y.dpuf

No, Mr. Fischer. The Colorado shooter was not “tanked up on pot”. He was tanked up on fear, religious wing nuttery, and lots and lots of misinformation and fearmongering coming from republican presidential candidates, notably Carly Fiorina (see Idiots #1 ). And by the way, who uses the phrase “tanked up” anymore? Did Fischer get into a kerfluffle at the speakeasy with his “va va voom” girlfriend? So many questions! And yes let's blame the shootings on legalized pot. These people.

[font size="8"]Ben Carson[/font]

Enough gun talk this week. Ben Carson's campaign is shaping up to be one of the biggest train wrecks in American history. You don't want to stare, but you can't look away. Ben Carson has had completely insane theories on just about everything from the Egyptian Pyramids being grain silos to the dollar bill. He's your crazy redneck uncle with an added dose of tin foil hat conspiracy theories and thinks that the Nicholas Cage movie "National Treasure" had some truth to it.

Not to mention he doesn't know the Middle East terrorist group Hamas from a class of Middle Eastern cuisine. Oh and let's not forget what he said about what he recently said about trans people serving in the military.

Republican presidential hopeful Ben Carson spoke at the Republican Jewish Coalition forum yesterday and raised a few eyebrows with his bizarre delivery, effectively reading a history of Israel for reasons no one could explain. He also kept pronouncing “Hamas” as “hummus,” making it seem as if Carson had very serious concerns about the influence of ground chickpeas in the Middle East.

But for my money, the really notable part about Carson’s strange appearance was his thoughts on, of all things, the $1 bill. ABC News reported:
Addressing the Republican Jewish Coalition today, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson told a story about how the Star of David came to be on the U.S. dollar bill.

Only one problem: There’s no Star of David on the dollar bill.

Apparently, Carson believes that if you look at the back of a dollar bill – on the right, just above the eagle – you’ll see stars in a shape resembling the Star of David. The presidential hopeful told his audience yesterday about a wealthy Jewish merchant, Haym Salomon, who is believed to have helped finance George Washington’s army during the Revolutionary War.

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/ben-carson-adds-the-1-bill-his-list-the-wall-theories

No Dr. Carson. You see - hummus is good. Especially that of the spicy red pepper and garlic varieties. Hamas isn't. Huge difference. Ben Carson doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He thinks the pyramids are filled with grain, and now this. And he's qualified to be president how, exactly?

[font size="8"]The Pentagon[/font]

The Pentagon - the answer to the biggest question in life, which is "why can't we have nice things"? Answer - it's because the Pentagon overinflates budgets, and then goes and blows the shit out of everything. I can't remember where I heard this quote but it went something like "America is the only country in the entire world that has rockets and bombs in their national anthem". And that rings true. As George Carlin said we are a war like people. We love war, and we can't get enough of it. Apparently the Pentagon and military contractors can't get enough of it either, as their $150 million Afghanistani vacation dictates:

The Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction (SIGAR) is asking why a small Department of Defense task force charged with developing the Afghan economy spent nearly $150 million on private villas, security guards and luxury meals while operating in the country between 2010 and 2014.

In a letter to Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter made public Thursday, SIGAR chief John Sopko wrote that members of the Defense Department’s Task Force for Business and Stability Operations (TFBSO) could have used accommodations available on local military bases and other U.S. government facilities, adding that it was “unclear what benefit the U.S. received as the result of TFBSO’s decision.”

From 2009 until it was disbanded this year, TFBSO was entrusted with rebuilding post-war Afghanistan’s business infrastructure, receiving roughly $766 million from Congress to do so.

Amazingly, former TFBSO employees told SIGAR investigators that the $150 million spent on accommodations in Afghanistan — fully 20 percent of the task force’s total budget — supported “no more than 5 to 10” employees.

https://theintercept.com/2015/12/03/pentagon-task-force-spent-nearly-150m-on-villas-and-3-star-meals-in-afghanistan/

They spent like kings and lived like kings. Hey Republicans, you want to know why your tax dollars are so high? Look no further! Elsewhere in other Pentagon news this happened:

At a Credit Suisse conference in West Palm Beach this week, representatives from major defense contractors spoke to their investors about how well business was going in these times of global war. Representatives from top firms like Raytheon, Oshkosh, and Lockheed Martin were in attendance, in somewhat of a celebration of the escalating conflict in the middle east and Africa.

Lockheed Martin Executive Vice President Bruce Tanner gave a speech openly praising the “indirect” benefits that defense contractors would see as a result of the war in Syria. A portion of his speech was captured on audio by someone inside and shared widely on the internet hours after the conference.

In the audio that was captured, Tanner discussed the many recent troubles in the Middle East, with an escalation of conflict in Syria and Turkey. He pointed out how these conflicts would lead to increased sales for their company.

Tanner said that the increased conflict would cause “an intangible lift because of the dynamics of that environment and our products in theater.”

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/us-defense-contractors-caught-celebrating-the-financial-benefits-of-isis-and-war-in-the-middle-east/

There you have it. That's defense contractors bragging about how the never ending war in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria is going to mean never ending profits for them. We officially live in the Matrix.

[font size="8"]George Zimmerman[/font]

George Zimmerman – the only conservative idiot in this room who's a bigger walking, talking pile of human excrement not named Ted Nugent. This is his first, and hopefully the last time we will ever see this guy on the Top 10 list, and it's not for him murdering unarmed black teenagers. No, George Zimmerman instead got his Twitter account suspended by violating Florida's revenge porn laws. Yes, Florida has actually done something right there. And how did Zimmerman violate Florida's revenge porn laws? By tweeting naked pics of his ex girlfriend. Yes, someone dated George Zimmerman. I'll let you wrap your head around that one.

George Zimmerman’s Twitter account was suspended Thursday after his social media rants turned into what looked like revenge porn.

The Florida man acquitted in the fatal 2012 shooting of black teen Trayvon Martin posted nude pictures and contact information of a woman he called “Heather” who he claimed had stolen from him and cheated on him with “a dirty Muslim.”

Zimmerman, who lists his hometown as Casselberry in the Orlando area, lives in a state that is one of 26 with laws against revenge porn, according to the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative.

“This is Heather,” the first of two tweets about her read. “She cheated on me with a dirty Muslim.” He added a phone number and told his 15,500 followers, “She’ll sleep with anyone.”

Minutes later, he continued, “Did I go to far? I won't even mention that she stole a gun and cash from me.”
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-twitter-account-suspended-article-1.2454338

George Zimmerman went too far by still existing on this planet and refusing to go away from the spotlight. Hey George, here's the world's tiniest violin playing just for you:

[font size="8"]Bonus Idiot: Michele Fiore[/font]

And finally this week, like I said we have an additional idiot (don't worry, I won't spare you the pain of an all Trump issue this Wednesday, Saturday the gloves come off!

) this week because there was so much lunacy regarding the San Bernardino terror attacks. From the "you're not helping" file comes Michele Fiore (R - NRA Payroll), between her and Erick Erickson, it's incredibly difficult to distinguish who is making the more powerful statement for the pro gun control argument than the New York Times opinion piece about the subject. I will delve more into this woman's insane gun nuttery in Saturday's edition.

For Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore's (R) 2015 family Christmas card, which she posted on Facebook on Monday, her family was each outfitted with a gun. If it wasn't immediately obvious, Fiore is a staunch defender of Second Amendment rights.

"It's up to Americans to protect America. We're just your ordinary American family. -With love & liberty, Michele," her message read.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/michele-fiore-gun-christmas-card

We wish you a merry Christmas and Happy New Year, now praise the lord and pass the ammo!

Hey Michele Fiore:

See you next week!

Ed Note: I know last week I said I was going to try Fridays for TTCI, but there's so much lunacy coming so fast that it's almost impossible to keep up! So until the end of the year I'm splitting the TTCI into a Wed. edition and a Saturday edition. Then after New Year's expect the lists to be posted each week at noon on Fridays (PST). And then expect for next week a special Light Side / Dark Side edition to coincide with Star Wars: The Force Awakens! And also because conservative idiocy doesn't take a holiday, neither do we here at TTCI! There will be Christmas and New Year's editions so stay tuned!

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