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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
March 3, 2017

Bush Talks About Presidential Impersonators On Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel asked JKL guest President George W. Bush if his dad was “maybe faking it a little” when he was hospitalized with pneumonia so he would not have to attend President Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Bush laughed, telling Kimmel’s crowd, “He’s a funny man!”

“That wasn’t a joke,” Kimmel shot back.

Kimmel noted his previous night’s guest Alec Baldwin has been playing Trump on Saturday Night Live and wondered if Bush had been bothered when that show lampooned him during his presidency.

“Not at all,” Bush said, explaining that “the best humor is when you make fun of yourself.”

“Tell that to the president. He doesn’t think so,” Kimmel said, of notoriously thin-skinned Trump.


Wow, never thought I would agree with him on anything but he's been right on a lot of things when it comes to Dolt 45.
March 3, 2017

Onion AV: Donald J. Trump State Park Is As Ugly As Its' Namesake

Donald Trump isn’t just a disaster as a president—he’s also a disaster as a state park.

Donald J. Trump State Park sits in Westchester County, New York, and encompasses 436 acres of land originally purchased by Trump in the ’90s. He intended to develop it into a golf course, but couldn’t get permits from the towns in which the property sits, and thus turned around to donate the land to the state of New York in 2006, subsequently claiming a $100 million tax write-off. The park closed due to budget cuts in 2010, though it only had a $2,500 annual budget prior to that, and now sits mostly abandoned and entirely uncared for. In 2010, there was an attempt to convert at least part of the property into a dog park, but the New York State Office Of Parks, Recreation, and Historic Preservation ran into trouble when it both had issues raising funds and discovered asbestos in at least one building on the property.

All of that decrepit shabbiness is on full display in a new series of Instagram photos from former A.V. Club Philadelphia City Editor Emily Guendelsberger, a journalist who recently snuck into a GOP retreat by posing as a congressman’s wife. Guendelsberger took a trip up to Trump State Park over the weekend and subsequently declared it an “abandoned wasteland,” posting photos of muddy fields, overgrown tennis courts, and dilapidated buildings. She also captured a picture of one of the grossest looking swimming pools known to man, and it, along with a number of Guendelsberger’s other photos, is posted below. More than anything, the pictures seem to shine a light on the fact that not everything Trump touches turns to gold.


I can't post pictures but this is definitely very interesting!
March 1, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Second Season (So Far)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Second Season

Last week there was a thread on here where someone was asking if there was an index. Here's the first season index: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

And this is all the editions that we have done so far for the second season of the Top 10 with TV episode style summaries. I'll post a complete index when the whole season is over (probably August I'm guessing).

Edition #2-1: Drain The Swamp Edition (11/16/16)

Donald Trump survives the election to become the 45th president of the United States. We add him to the list of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. We also take a look at Melania Trump’s stance on cyber bullying and the real losers of this election – Curt Schilling and Alex Jones. Plus we talk about Donald Trump’s enemies list and ask: “Who Did Taylor Swift Vote For”?
Live Musical Guest: Gogol Bordello

Edition #2-2: The Room Where It Happened Edition (11/23/16)

Mike Pence gets booed while attending a performance of Hamilton on Broadway. Donald Trump blasts the media behind closed doors, while whining once again about how Alec Baldwin is being a big meanie head. We reveal what happens when you protest against Trump, and talk about Trump supporters failing at boycotts. We also recap the incident at Adam Yauch Park and open up the Top 10 Shopping Network with suggestions from Gwenyth Paltrow’s GOOP gift guide.
Live Musical Guest: Sixx A.M.

Edition #2-3: Wheel Of Corruption (Or The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance Edition) (11/30/16)

Donald Trump celebrates Thanksgiving in the most Donald Trump way possible. We talk about Donald Trump’s latest cabinet hires and discuss his possible business conflict of interest. We also do some fact checking into memes being passed around by deplorables. We ask: The Electoral College – How Is This Still A Thing? White supremacists are going batshit crazy in lots of public places and situations over Donald Trump’s win. Plus we take a look at who’s going to be the musical guest of honor at Donald Trump’s inauguration.
Live Music al Guest: Florence & The Machine

Edition #2-4: The Art Of The No Deal Edition (1-Year Anniversary) (12/7/16)

A fake news story turns into a real problem when a gunman does some “investigating” of his own at a DC pizza parlor and it backfires on him big time. Donald Trump throws out 40 years of diplomatic relations between Taiwan and China. Breitbart declares war on big cereal after Kellogg’s pulls their advertising. Sears is going for broke. In Minneapolis, Donald Trump’s brown shirts fire back at the Mall Of America for hiring a black veteran as it’s new Santa. We talk about The Trump Effect and teach you how to talk to your relatives during the holidays.
Live Music al Guest: Puscifer

Edition #2-5: Treason Is The Reason For The Season Edition (12/14/16)

Allegations are coming fast that Donald Trump may have committed some light treason by encouraging the Russians to hack the vote during his campaign. We go through Donald Trump’s cabinet picks including Rex Tillerson, the former Exxon CEO who has way too much at stake in dealing with Russia, Steven Mnuchin, a former Goldman Sachs employee who kicked an elderly woman out of her home for 27 cents, and former Carl’s Jr. CEO Andrew Puzder. Plus we ask “The Family Research Council: How is this still a thing?” and continue our lecture series on how to talk to your conservative relatives about Trump.
Live Music al Guest: Dropkick Murphys

Edition #2-6: Wheel Of Corruption And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull Edition (12/21/16)

For our final act of the horrendous year that was 2016, we bring back the Wheel Of Corruption. Donald Trump starts a diplomatic war with China when Chinese intelligence finds a US drone in the South China Sea, and throws the US intelligence community under the bus. Bill O’Reilly accidentally reveals the secret White Supremacist agenda. Betsy DeVos profits off the Flint toxic water crisis. A planned inauguration party backfires on the organizers after they forgot to file a permit. Plus we recap all the strange and weird stories of 2016.
Live Music al Guest: Weezer

Edition #2-7: Donald Trump’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Edition (1/4/2017)

With our first edition of 2017, we find out that white supremacist website Daily Stormer has been blurring the line from white supremacist blog to full blown domestic terrorist group. The GOP Congress wants to gut the Senate Ethics Committee. Donald Trump hangs with mobsters at his New Year’s Eve bash, flirts with nuclear war, and provokes Kim Jong Un. Fox News gets caught spewing misinformation, and we are not surprised. We ask: “The War On Christmas: How Is This Still A Thing?”. We introduce you to a creepy Starbucks customer in Washington. And we continue our lecture series “How To Talk About Trump For Dummies” with Chapter 8, 9, and 10 Part 1.
Live Musical Guest: Tiger Army

Edition #2-8: Donald Trump In: Goldmember Edition (1/11/2017)

The CIA drops the big one as a dossier is uncovered that has Donald Trump in a pickle over some very perverted sex acts. Donald Trump gets in a Twitter beef with Arnold Schwarzenegger over ratings for the Celebrity Apprentice, and picks a fight with Meryl Streep over her Golden Globes acceptance speech. We recap a horrific kidnapping and torture episode in Chicago. Bo Bice hilariously claims a case of reverse racism while dining at the Popeye’s chicken at the Atlanta airport. We add Kansas governor Sam Brownback to the list of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. Alex Jones attempts to profit off a mass shooting. Plus, we go back to our ongoing lecture series “How To Talk About Trump For Dummies” and cover Chapter 10 Pt 2, Chapter 11, and Chapter 12.
Live Musical Guest: Fitz & The Tantrums

Edition #2-9: Wall Of Meat Edition (1/18/17)

With just two days to go to the inauguration, Donald Trump infuriates Georgia representative John Lewis while supposedly celebrating Martin Luther King Day. We kick Donald Trump to the curb when talking about his poll numbers, and talk about who’s in and who’s out for the inauguration festivities. We introduce you to Trump’s hall monitor security for the event. The Bathroom Police are back and more evil than ever when it comes to trans rights. The guy Trump picked to head the Health & Human Services Dept was busted for ethics violations. The San Diego Chargers move to Los Angeles, but they’re not exactly welcome. Plus we conclude our 5 part lecture series “How To Talk About Trump For Dummies” with dictator comparisons, the conclusion, and a final exam.
Live Musical Guest: Against Me

Edition #2-10: Just The Alternative Facts, Ma’am Edition (1/25/17)

Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States, but the inauguration, as well as his first day, are proving to be complete disasters. Giant protests are held across the United States and the world in support of women’s rights and against Donald Trump. Kellyanne Conway dishes out some “alternative facts” instead of real ones. Sean Spicer gets in a feud with the makers of Dippin’ Dots foods. We profile Dan Patrick and his support of an insane anti-trans bathroom bill in “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. France’s Marine La Pen channels her inner Trump. Betsy DeVos says we need guns in school to protect from bears. Dinesh D’Souza cleans up big at the Razzies. Plus we kick off our quest to find the Stupidest State and in the first round it’s Alabama vs. Arkansas in a Family Values faceoff.
Live Musical Guest: Childish Gambino

Edition #2-11: 2.5 Minutes To Midnight Edition (2/1/17)

We discuss Donald Trump’s Muslim ban heavily, while talking about the protests breaking out at our country’s airports and embassies around the world. We talk about the firing of acting attorney general Sally Yates. Meanwhile, Kellyanne Conway complains she hasn’t slept in a year and Donald Trump takes just 8 days to reach the below 50% barrier. Meanwhile, it’s revealed that Steve Bannon runs a shadow government for real, and Trump can’t stop taunting Schumer, Graham, and McCain. Plus the Insane Clown Posse plans their own march on Washington DC. And we end by taking another look at our Stupidest State contest – this time pairing regional rivals Michigan against Wisconsin in a battle for fiscal irresponsibility supremacy.
Live Musical Guest: Avenged Sevenfold

Edition #2-12: Remember The Bowling Green Massacre Edition (2/8/17)

In a rare Top 10 move, we rescind a week off to trash Kellyanne Conway’s justification of Trump’s unconstitutional Muslim ban with a fake terrorist attack that never happened. Trump also manages to piss off most of our allies in a span of a few hours, while he hosts what could quite possibly be the worst Super Bowl party ever. We also trash professional troll Milo Yinnapolous after his recent stint at UC Berkeley with fellow professional troll Martin Shkreli results in riots. Sean Spicer is the subject of an epic Melissa McCarthy sketch on SNL. Alex Jones thinks Lady Gaga’s halftime show is part of an illuminati mind control plot. We delve into the world of food and talk about a possible bacon shortage, while Hooters debuts a bizarre new restaurant concept. Finally, we continue our Stupidest State contest and head to the Gun Nut Conference, where Arizona’s border patrol takes on Montana’s white supremacists.
Live Musical Guest: Slightly Stoopid

Edition #2-13: Your Friendly Neighborhood Nuclear Football Guy Edition (2/16/17)

Trump’s top advisor Michael Flynn may have committed some light treason. Donald Trump discusses national security measures in public while meeting with the Japanese Prime Minister at Mar-A-Lago in Florida. Trump also flip flops multiple times on things he said not even 3 weeks ago. We also talk about the Trump – Nordstrom feud. Alex Jones blows a gasket when a coup happens at the White House (not really) and Jennifer Lopez speaks out at the Grammys. Plus we also talk sports when Robert Kraft and Tom Brady of the world champion New England Patriots weigh in on who should visit the White House during their victory celebration. The New York Knicks are in a feud between a current player and a former player. Plus we head to the next round of our Stupidest State contest where juggernauts Kentucky and Texas make a run for the undisputed king of the Batshit Conference.
Live Musical Guest: A Tribe Called Quest

Edition #2-14: Wheel Of Corruption’s Home For Peculiar Children Edition (3/1/17)

Milo Yinnapolous rises high and falls completely flat on his face after he defends the one grey area conservatives and liberals can agree you don’t go there – child molestation. We recap the Conservative Political Action Conference the Idiots way! Trump rescinds Obama’s executive order on trans people being able to choose their bathroom. Louis Gohmert gives a shockingly stupid reason why he’s avoiding town halls. Jason Alexander trolls H.R. McMaster’s use of a Seinfeld clip in his acceptance speech. Donald Trump plays golf, and beats the war machine going into Iran, while at home he makes the claim for military superiority. We talk about more hate crimes being committed in Trump’s name. Plus we continue our quest to find America’s Stupidest State where last year’s Layover League champion Florida is defending their title against hot newcomer Maine.
Live Musical Guest: Dropkick Murphys

March 1, 2017

Alec Baldwin To Co-Author Book Based On SNL Trump Impression

Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump impression is moving beyond Saturday Night Live. Having played Trump on the show since the general election campaign debates, Baldwin is now taking his popular impression of the president to the printed page.

On Wednesday, Penguin Press announced that they would be publishing a book co-written by Baldwin and Kurt Anderson, a parody political memoir lampooning Trump’s first year in office called You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year as President Donald J. Trump. According to Penguin, the book will feature Trump’s “refreshingly compulsive un-PC candor” applied to what he really thinks about his family, other world leaders, and the major events of his first year, many of which, of course, have not happened yet after only 40 days in office. The book is currently set for publication on Nov. 7, almost a full year after Trump’s surprise victory over Hillary Clinton. There will also be an audiobook version, to be read by Baldwin in his Trump voice.

Anderson was one of the co-founders of Spy magazine, the publication that first called Trump a “short-fingered vulgarian” — an insult that has carried on to the present day. As a result, Anderson is something of an expert when it comes to mocking Trump.

“I didn’t think this former hobby of mine would return with this ferocity,” Anderson told the New York Times, adding that the book will be just as rooted in the real Trump as Baldwin’s parody: “I think we’ll be channeling and amplifying the real Trump … Writing for a five- or 10-minute sketch is different than writing a book, which has to be a narrative.”


I will definitely be buying this! I love how the deplorables are saying Alec Baldwin is being disrespectful of the president. Hey, you don't get to dictate to that with us after we put up with 8 years of "You lie!", obstructionism, and all the bullshit that went on during the campaign directed at Hillary. What McConnell did to SCOTUS is the textbook definition of "disrespectful".
March 1, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-14: Wheel Of Corruption's Home For Peculiar Children Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-14: Wheel Of Corruption’s Home For Peculiar Children Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Now available in single packs. Ask your doctor. We are back everybody! You know when we take a week off here, in a world where our president lives off Twitter and there’s enough craziness happening 24 hours a week, there’s a lot that we miss. And of course this being a weekly show, these things have a shelf life. But one thing I do want to talk about, one of my favorite comedians – David Cross, and his wife Amber Tamblyn welcomed their baby daughter into the world this week (yeah tough break kid – look at who the president is! ), and this was their announcement: "David and I are proud to announce the birth of our daughter, Dauphinoise Petunia Brittany Scheherazade Von Funkinstein Mustard Witch RBG Cross Tamblyn-Bey jr.,". I just want the name “Von Funkenstein”. That is hilarious! Got to love it when two smart and creative people get together like that! So enough of the intro this week. You know it’s been relatively silent in the Trump camp – maybe his staff figured out a way to keep him from pissing off our foreign dignitaries and allies this week. But first – we have to play Bill Maher’s amazing new rule from a couple of weeks ago about the “Magic R”.

That was beautiful! So where do we begin this week? The Wheel Of Corruption is back everybody! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!! The kids, the kids love the wheel don’t they? Yes it’s been dormant for a while but we’re digging it out from where it was buried next to the Arc Of The Covenant. To start with we have a newcomer to the top slot – Milo Yinnapolous (1). We missed his rise and fall by being off last week so we have to talk about it. At slot number 2, we’re going to recap all the wackiness happening at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). And whew, holy crap. Conservatives, keep doing what you’re doing. At number 3 is Louis Gohmert (3). One of the people who we covered in “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. He’s got a jaw-dropping reason as to why he’s avoiding facing his constituents in town hall meetings! Taking the 4th, 5th, and 6th slots is of course our 45th president Donald J. Trump. In the 4th slot, we’re going to talk about Mr. Alternate Facts once again getting it wrong when it comes to how much time he has spent golfing since he took office. At number 5, is Donald Trump again. And this time there’s more hate crimes being committed in Trump’s name and he’s once again not doing anything about it. This is what we call “The Trump Effect”. At number 6, we're going to talk about some random happenings in the Donald Trump (6) camp including a bizarre piece of merchandise available for the people with more money than brains crowd. In the seventh slot, is the return of the Bathroom Police (7). So Trump went through with his campaign promise to take trans rights back to the stone ages, and it’s called the ire of just about everybody you can think of, and actual trans people are speaking out. At the number 8 slot, we’ve got a Twitter beef for you ladies and gentlemen. This time it’s between former Seinfeld star Jason Alexander and Trump’s new Homeland Security Advisor General H.R. McMaster. And if there’s one thing you don’t do, you don’t fuck with George Costanza. The man is a god damn national treasure. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, we’re going to talk about the Trump effect again because there was a lot of it last week. Finally, this week we’re continuing the next round of our Stupidest State contest. We’re going back to the Batshit Conference where this time it’s a heavily favored state to win the whole thing – Florida and they’re taking on extremely hot newcomer Maine! Plus we have some more new live music for you! This time, our friends the Dropkick Murphys will be returning to play from their great new album “11 Short Stories Of Pain And Glory”. If you don’t have this, you’re missing out. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!

The wheel is back everybody! It’s been dormant for a while but we’re bringing it back! Mainly because we ran out of terrible sequel titles, so we’re resorting to semi-popular movies now. And there’s quite a few new items on it. And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:

- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Thanksgiving
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Voter Fraud
- Nazis
- Booze
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Seinfeld
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Guns
- Stupidest State Contest
- VR Headset
- Twitter
- Whammy
- Remix
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Talk Shows
- Golf
- Twitter
- 15,000
- Hate Crimes
- A Random Tweet
- Conspiracy Theories
- Russia
- Something random in the news
- VR Headset
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

So spin that shit! And it lands on… wait for it… The ??? Mystery Item! Ladies and gentlemen, I’m being told we have a new #1 conservative idiot this week. Just let me open this envelope here… and it’s Donald J. Trump! Oh shit, Donald Trump is the number one conservative idiot for the 14th week in a row! Take a bow, well done! So last week Donald Trump tweeted this:


So there were Pro Trump rallies held on Monday. Yes, they were big, ladies and gentlemen! Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge! Can we show what they looked like?


There’s tens of… people here. Yes, tens! There are dozens of us! Like this photo that surfaced from a one-person rally in my home town of Brea, CA!

You could replace Donald Trump with the cardboard cutout of him, and the cutout would have more personality. Which begs the question – if one person holds a rally, did it really happen? Oh wait, what? My producer is telling me that I have the wrong envelope. I have the wrong envelope? Oh shit!!! Really? Ladies and gentlemen, we have an upset here! The number one idiot this week is actually Milo Yiannopolous! Take a bow!

[font size="8"]Milo Yiannopolous[/font]

Let’s get it going! Spin that shit! Come on, no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Talk shows! And one in specific here, one of our favorites here at the Top 10 home office. I’m of course talking about Real Time With Bill Maher. Let’s roll the tape first.


The first guest on this Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher will be alt-right troll and Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos, according to a press release from HBO. The appearance comes on the heels of a massive protest that blocked Yiannopoulos from delivering a scheduled speech on the University of Calfornia, Berkeley campus. Late last year, Simon & Schuster came under fire for giving Yiannopoulos a $250,000 book deal that many would believed would be used to spread "hate speech." Maher, who has long been a defender of free speech at all costs, will interview Yiannopoulos one-on-one at the top of his show before bringing on a panel that will include former Rep. Jack Kingston (R-GA), journalist Jeremy Scahill, and comedian Larry Wilmore.

And so that happened. So what happened after was pretty much the downfall of Milo Yinnapolous – and it was quite the downward spiral after that. Because this happened:

Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos appeared to speak tolerantly of pedophilia in video clips shared ahead of his speaking engagement at next week's Conservative Political Action Conference.

The right-wing provocateur recalled his own sexual abuse as a teen and did not appear to outright condemn similar relationships between children and men on a 2016 episode of "The Drunken Peasants" podcast.

He flippantly said young boys "discover who they are" through such relationships, later implying that those relationships can be sexual in nature, and can "give them security and safety and provide them with love and a reliable rock where they can't speak to their parents.”

A host with the popular podcast fired back at Yiannopoulos and said, "Sounds like Catholic priest molestation to me."

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/video-shows-milo-yiannopoulos-speaking-fondly-pedophilia-article-1.2977071

I like that one! And so what happened after that? So that video linked. We wont show it here, because we don’t want to encourage this kind of thing. But you can find it yourself and trust me, it’s a gem. And you might be thinking “Gee! I know, what about that $250K book deal that Milo signed?” Well, it got canceled.

Simon & Schuster has canceled Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos’ book deal after video surfaced of Yiannopoulos defending sex with minors. Publishers Weekly reported the news in a tweet, and Yiannopoulos confirmed it in a Facebook post that read merely “They canceled my book.”

Yiannopoulos’ book, titled Dangerous, was described as covering issues of free speech. He received a $250,000 advance from Simon & Schuster’s Threshold imprint, which has also released books by Glenn Beck and Donald Trump. At the time, Simon & Schuster defended the decision, saying it published a “wide range of authors with greatly varying, and frequently controversial opinions ... While we are cognizant that many disagree vehemently with the books we publish we note that the opinions expressed therein belong to our authors, and do not reflect either a corporate viewpoint or the views of our employees.” At least one author, feminist writer Roxane Gay, pulled their work from Simon & Schuster in response.

And then as if things couldn’t get any worse… Bill Maher was taking credit for his fall.

After taking flak for inviting incendiary alt-right personality Milo Yiannopoulos onto his show Real Time, Bill Maher is now claiming credit for the pundit’s downfall. “What I think people saw was an emotionally needy Ann Coulter wannabe, trying to make a buck off of the left’s propensity for outrage,” Maher said. “And by the end of the weekend, by dinnertime Monday, he’s dropped as a speaker at CPAC. Then he’s dropped by Breitbart, and his book deal falls through. As I say, sunlight is the best disinfectant. You’re welcome.” Maher still distanced himself from the idea that Yiannopoulos’s ideas could do any real harm. “Can he do damage? I suppose he can. To a degree. Not a great degree, I don’t think,” Maher said. “It just rubs me the wrong way when somebody says, ‘I don’t like what this person is saying—he should go away.’” Most of the criticism faced by Maher in the wake of the program centered on the fact that he didn’t correct Yiannopoulos when he misspoke or said something offensive. He responded, “It’s not my job to hold him accountable to everything he’s ever said or done. I had eight minutes with him, on the show itself.” He added, “You know what he is? He’s the little impish, bratty kid brother. And the liberals are his older teenager sisters who are having a sleepover and he puts a spider in their sleeping bag so he can watch them scream.”


[font size="8"]CPAC[/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on…. Wait for it…. Chance! I’ll just draw from the pile of Chance cards in front of me.

Nice. I get a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card. I’ll just put that away for later. Spin it again! And it lands on… CPAC. The conference that makes you go “How come there’s no LPAC”? Because the CPAC is conservative stupidity and ignorance put up on a pedestal. It’s the conservative equivalent of a science fiction convention. You know there’s not going to be any differing opinions. But you do know that there’s going to be a lot of like-minded individuals. And there’s going to be a lot of in-fighting among true fans of the movement. Although unlike a Star Trek convention, I’m not even going to point out how CPAC attendees behaved so horribly that it was a cause for alarm from the Gaylord Hotel that it was being hosted at. Because you probably already knew that. For instance – this was an actual panel at CPAC.

The Conservative Political Action Conference is being ridiculed online for promoting a Saturday panel where the weighty topic of “Why Heaven can have a wall” to keep out undesirables and the U.S. can’t.

CPAC, which is scheduled to begin on Thursday, has already had a bad week after having to dump star attraction Milo Yiannopoulos as a keynote speaker after it was revealed that he appeared to condone and excuse child sex abuse. After a messy start to the week , the directors of the annual conservative meeting in D.C. had hoped to move forward with serious discussions about public policy.

That wasn’t to be the case after a schedule of panels was released showing a seminar combining President Donald Trump’s plans to build a border wall with Christian theology, reports the Christian Post.

According to the CPAC schedule, GOP Congressman Bob Beauprez will moderate the Saturday panel, entitled: “If Heaven Has a Gate, A Wall, and Extreme Vetting, Why Can’t America?”


That doesn't sound like heaven. That sounds more like hell. Conservatives, keep doing what you're doing.

And then this happened. You know republicans just don’t get humor. They really don’t. If humor is a sign of intelligence, then what is their lack of humor? Remember 10 years ago when conservatives mocked John Kerry at CPAC when they gave themselves Purple Hearts? Which not only showed how heartless they were, but it really put their ignorance of what our active military really goes through?

Flash forward to 2017. I give you the Donald Trump era equivalent

Staffers at CPAC quickly scrambled to confiscate Russian flags with the word “TRUMP” written on the front that were being waved by attendees during President Donald Trump’s speech on Friday.

The trouble began when some attendees took out pro-Trump flags to wave during the president’s speech that also happened to have the same white-blue-and-red striped pattern as Russia’s official flag.

Reporter Peter Hamby notes that CPAC staffers quickly realized that its attendees were waving Russian flags, and moved to confiscate them.

In addition to the attendees waving Russian flags, journalist Sarah Posner reports at least one attendee was spotted wearing a “Make Russia Great Again” t-shirt.

Yeah so that happened. I really want to see the “Make Russia Great Again” t-shirt. I mean really, how stupid do you have to be to put that on? In fact Trump took to CPAC to bash his favorite punching bag – the mainstream media. Can we roll the tape on that?

President Donald Trump excoriated the "fake news media"—a category he has previously used to describe such outlets as the New York Times, CNN, and the Washington Post—during a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday for reporting stories that portray his increasingly tumultuous administration in a negative light.

"I called the fake news the enemy of the people, and they are," Trump said. "There are some terrible dishonest people and they do a tremendous disservice to our country."

He specifically railed against reporters' use of anonymous sources and demanded that people who leak information to the press instead criticize him to his "face."

"I'm against the people that make up stories and make up sources," he said. "They shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. Let their name be put out there."

And Trump loves him some ratings doesn’t he? I mean man this guy is *OBSESSED* with ratings. “I have the best ratings, OK? Nobody has better ratings than I do! I get seven stars out of 5 stars on Yelp, that’s how good I am!”

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD. — President Trump falsely claimed during his speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Friday that lines to get in stretched back “six blocks.”

It was a statement at odds with the quiet scene outside the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center where CPAC is taking place.

There were no lines getting into the Gaylord within the hour before Trump began speaking Friday morning.

"There are lines that go back six blocks. I tell you that because you won’t read about it," Trump said during his address.

He doubled down on calling the media "the enemy of the people," to cheers from the crowd.

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/320988-trump-falsely-claims-lines-go-back-6-blocks-for-cpac-speech

[font size="8"]Louis Gohmert[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… Infowars! This guy is a presidential advisor. I will repeat that: this guy is a presidential advisor.

Spin it again! Guns. Specifically a gun-nut batshit insane congressmen from Texas, Louis Gohmert. If you haven’t seen where we covered Louis Gohmert in “People Who Somehow Got Elected”, I highly suggest you check out Idiots #29 if you haven’t done so already! But what did he do this week? Well…

Washington (CNN)A Texas Republican lawmaker invoked the shooting of former Rep. Gabby Giffords to explain why he is not hosting in-person town halls.
"Unfortunately, at this time there are groups from the more violent strains of the leftist ideology, some even being paid, who are preying on public town halls to wreak havoc and threaten public safety. Threats are nothing new to me and I have gotten my share as a felony judge," Rep. Louie Gohmert told constituents in a letter Tuesday.
"However, the House Sergeant at Arms advised us after former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot at a public appearance, that civilian attendees at congressional public events stand the most chance of being harmed or killed -- just as happened there," he wrote.

Giffords, a former Arizona Democrat, was shot in the head in January 2011 at a "Congress on Your Corner" event near a Tucson grocery store.

And how did Giffords herself stand up to Gohmert? Well this happened.

Former Rep. Gabby Giffords is not going to put up with a cowardly Republican using her shooting to justify hiding from his constituents. The Republican in question is Rep. Louie Gohmert, of Texas, who tried to play tough by explaining that while he personally wasn’t afraid of his constituents, he worried about public safety should he appear in public and take questions.

“Threats are nothing new to me and I have gotten my share as a felony judge,” he wrote. “However, the House Sergeant at Arms advised us after former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot at a public appearance, that civilian attendees at Congressional public events stand the most chance of being harmed or killed—just as happened there.” Giffords issued a response that shows just how dishonest an excuse this is from Gohmert:

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Let’s give the wheel a nice strong spin, shall we? Ooh that felt good. What does it land on? Conspiracy theories!

I just can’t get over this. That guy is now a presidential advisor. No matter how many times I say that it sounds weird. I wish I were making this up! And by the way – if you can get through this bizarre report from Der Spiegel about Alex Jones and not want to puke, you good sir / madam have a much stronger stomach than I do!. You’ll never look at a BBQ sausage the same way ever again. Spin it again! Golf. Specifically, presidents golfing.

So Donald Trump spent so much time the last two years talking shit about how much time Obama spent golfing, when he should have been, oh, I don’t know… presidenting. Let’s throw a couple of Tweets up there, shall we?

Holy shit, that’s a lot of tweets about Obama golfing. And there was a recent study of how much time Trump has spent on various issues since he took office.

The president spent a little under three-quarters of his time in and around Washington during his first month in office. A little less than half of that was time during which he was officially working — as measured by the time between when the media was told to show up in the morning (known as “call time”) until the media was dismissed in the evening (known as “the lid”). This is an imprecise measure of when a president is working, of course; he might take meetings after hours or review documents that are pertinent to his job. That difference is impossible to measure, though, so, in our calculus it blends together with obvious downtime, like when the president is asleep. Or when he’s watching TV, which is also impossible to measure.


Holy shit! He spent more time not working than when he actually did any real work! But how hypocritical is Trump’s stance on golf? Let’s explore this further:

West Palm Beach (CNN)President Donald Trump has made visiting his Florida golf courses a near every-weekend habit in the first month of his administration, and his aides are trying to obscure whether Trump is actually golfing during the visits.
One possible reason: Trump was a frequent and vocal critic of President Barack Obama's golf habit, regularly slamming the former president for playing golf with many pressing issues before the country. Trump even suggested during a 2016 event in Virginia, in a knock on Obama, that if elected he was "not going to have time to go play golf."
"I'm going to be working for you, I'm not going to have time to go play golf," Trump said at the time.

And in fact even Hillary Clinton herself got in on Trump’s hypocrisy:

Donald Trump never missed a chance to taunt his predecessor with tweets about his love of the fairways. On Wednesday, No. 45 took heat from an increasingly Twitter-happy critic for his own golf hobby — an avocation that takes him to the course pretty often.

Hillary Clinton, who lost the electoral vote to Trump, retweeted a Washington Post chart that showed the 45th POTUS spent 25 of his first 744 hours in the Oval on the golf course.

The Post estimated that Trump was at his his Mar-a-Lago resort for about a quarter of his first month in office, including a full day’s worth of golf.


I like that one!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on………………….. Clip without context!

Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump! I am having a lot of fun at Alex Jones’ expense this week! And I mean what good is it when you live in a world without freedom of the press? I mean we live in a world where this happened:


It’s been a “lot of fun”? What the fuck? Did you see his Super Bowl “party”? I mean yeah they look like they’re having a lot of fun here!

And he left his own party early. But here’s one of the craziest things this week in regards to Donald J. Trump’s policies.

Ten days ago, reality as we knew it seemed to disappear with Donald Trump’s inauguration, and the bleak, insular, threatening speech at its heart, which bore all the hallmarks of the miserable white supremacist world view of his most trusted advisor, Steve Bannon, a man who needs constantly exposing as the genuinely malevolent force behind Trump’s throne.

I was in New York City at the time of the inauguration, staying in a house in Brooklyn. My hosts had gone out to work, and I was alone as the realization that no last minute miracle had spared us from Trump truly sank in. I was chilled, and spent the day in a fog of anxiety, as did tens of millions of other Americans.

The following day, the Women’s March played a hugely important role in establishing the resistance to Trump. Millions of women (and supportive men), inspired by opposition to Trump’s misogyny, marched in Washington, D.C., in New York and in other cities across the US and around the world. I wrote about the inspiring New York event here, and my photos are here.

That evening, I returned to the UK, but what was apparent to me from my two weeks in the US (from Jan. 9-21, scheduled in particular to coincide with the 15th anniversary of the opening of Guantánamo) was how a figure as divisive as Trump ought, at the very least, to be capable of inspiring a huge new people’s movement against him, uniting all those opposed to his bigotry, his misogyny, his corrupt business dealings — the list could go on and on.

I love that cartoon by the way! So by now you should be made aware that Trump’s travel ban is having a dramatic effect on America – and not in a good way! But oh no my friends, Trump is promising a military buildup the likes of which America has never seen. And you know who the last guy who promised that was? I can’t quite put my finger on it…

During remarks to the nation’s governors, President Donald Trump promised substantial increases in military and national security spending while simultaneously bemoaning trillions of dollars in military spending in the Middle East, which he said had gotten the United States “less than nowhere.”

Trump described his upcoming budget proposal as “a public safety and national security budget" Monday morning. He claimed it would include a “historic increase” in defense spending and said that funding for domestic law enforcement would be “substantially increased.”

Still, in comments that were surprisingly blunt, Trump denounced the United States' 21st century militarism in the Middle East and said he would not fight wars that “we don’t fight to win.”

“We don't fight to win. We don't fight to win. So we either have to win or don't fight it at all,” he said. “But where we are, 17 years, almost 17 years of fighting in the Middle East, we're up – I saw a chart the other day as of about a month ago, $6 trillion we've spent in the Middle East, $6 trillion. And I want to tell you that's just unacceptable.”

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-military-spending-domestic-law-enforcement-budget

Despite the fact that the DHS is finding that the seven countries named in Donald Trump’s illegal, immoral, and wrong travel ban – aren’t the threat that Donald Trump claims they are. I mean these guys really do live on another planet don’t they?

The White House is dismissing a Department of Homeland Security (DHS) intelligence report rebuffing President Trump’s claims that citizens from seven predominantly Muslim countries pose an increased terror threat, the Wall Street Journal reported late Friday.

“The president asked for an intelligence assessment,” a senior administration official told the Journal. “This is not the intelligence assessment the president asked for.”

Trump administration officials claim that the report failed to include available evidence that supports the president’s Jan. 27 order barring citizens from Syria, Iraq, Iraq, Libya, Yemen, Sudan and Somalia from entering the U.S.

Link: http://thehill.com/policy/national-security/321165-white-house-rebuffs-dhs-report-finding-little-evidence-to-support

Shit! Really, Donald? I mean even the former director of the CIA is saying you’re not helping!

Former CIA Director John Brennan said Sunday that President Donald Trump’s proposed order temporarily banning travel from several predominantly Muslim countries is not going to help fight terrorism in “any significant way.”

“I don't think the travel ban is going to help in any significant way,” Brennan told CBS’ John Dickerson on “Face the Nation.”

Brennan suggested that it’s more important to focus on terrorist recruitment activity online. “What they need to do is to, again, take into account all the various means that terrorist groups use to try to carry out attacks here in the homeland,” he said. “And the cyber domain is the area where most of the terrorist groups now are operating in a very freewheeling fashion.”

By the way, I have to mention Slow Trump. I couldn’t love this more!


[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on…………………. Wait for it…………. Guns! So this happened at CPAC this weekend:

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! We are not violent, the people infiltrating the protests – most likely paid by Breitbart, are. Go fuck yourself, Wayne! Oh and by the way, Wayne, we liberals pack heat too! Hey, I know what country I live in!

Spin it again! And it lands on………….. Donald Trump! One last thing about CPAC before we dive head first into more Donald Trump insanity. So you know that whole thing we mentioned earlier about conservatives waving Russian flags with Trump on them? Turns out…. They got punked!

CNNs Peter Hamby was at National Harbor to watch President Donald Trumps speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday, and he saw audience members waving tiny Russian flags emblazoned with the name TRUMP. Staffers seem to have swiftly realized this was a bad look for a president who is under suspicion of a variety of shady ties with Russia, and confiscated them.

At the same time, the speech itself really only deepened the questions around Trump and Russia. He denounced the Washington Post reporting that led to National Security Adviser Michael Flynns firing, for example, as having been based on fake sources. But if the sources were fake, then why did he fire Flynn? Then he specifically denounced the whole idea of stories based on anonymous sources. But just hours ago, the Trump White House held an anonymous briefing with senior White House officials to deny reports that Chief of Staff Reince Priebus had made improper contact with the FBI regarding the investigation.

And in case you’re wondering if Trump fans couldn’t be any more classless, I give you the Make America Great Again rings! Yes for the low, low price of $2,500, you too can own your own Trump championship rings! What? Do you want your own net to cut down while “One Shining Moment” plays? I’ll give you that!

The people have spoken! Show your support for our country and our new President, Donald Trump, by proudly wearing the MAGA men’s ring as together we Make America Great Again!

#45 Our Nations New Lucky Number

This handsomely crafted ring commemorates President Trump’s inauguration as well as a historic turning point in American politics. Be a part of the rally for revolutionary change!

I have many questions. First off, I love that they use past-tense “Made America Great Again”. And second, what the fuck? And third – seriously? And fourth – I mean no really, seriously? This is for people with more money than brains. Oh how I wish I had that problem! But getting back to more Trump madness. Like I said in the previous entry, Trump wants a Hitler-esque military buildup the likes of which has never been seen before. And the DHS shot down the idea of a threat. So what else has Trump’s travel ban done?

America, the not-so great.

Following President Donald Trump's controversial executive order on immigration in late January, tourism interest to America has plummeted. Paris-based flight comparison site liligo reported an 11.6% decline in European searches to the United States in the weeks following the so-called travel ban.

“Historically, it should be a peak period,” said Eric Urbain, liligo’s U.S. Marketing Director. “We do see a very clear negative trend line.”

Using data from the UK, Italy, Spain, France and Germany, the study looked at searches from January 1 – February 8, comparing them with data from the previous year. Italy reported the greatest decline, with a 17% decrease in search following the ban. Interest from Germany dropped 14%. The site receives over half a million searches a day.

In addition to suspending the United States' refugee program, the immigration order targeted nationals from Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria and Yemen, temporarily barring them from entry into the United States. These countries were chosen as high-risk for terrorist threats, despite the fact that between 1975 and 2015, foreign nationals from these seven Muslim-majority countries have killed zero Americans on US soil, according to the Cato Institute.

And what else has Trump’s travel ban done to America? I don’t know what their end game is, but it seems like America’s isolation and the rise of a totalitarian religious theocratic state is their ultimate goal here. And with President Steve Bannon at the helm, they might just do that. And they just don’t get what they’re doing is bad. I mean this is a megalomaniac who must be stopped!

As President Donald Trump rolls out more details of a plan that could deport millions of undocumented U.S. immigrants, the true cost of such an undertaking is coming into sharper focus.

In a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday, Trump outlined what he called his administration's "swift and strong action to secure the southern border." He said his administration would be "throwing" gang members, drug dealers and criminal aliens out of the country and "will not let them back in."

Until there are more details of the plan, much of which will require congressional approval, estimates are sketchy. But by any full accounting, the fiscal and economic costs would be huge.

Jesus, these people suck.

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on……………………. Wait for it………….. Something random in the news!

What are the best songs to make love to? Anything from Barry White works (if you can hold in the laughter). Marvin Gaye is a classic, and those who are more attuned to today’s music can get down to the Weeknd. Some people even dig Olivia Newton-John. But if you’re a Star Wars fan—and if you happen to be Australian— there’s only one band that’s going to put you in the mood.

And it’s the Star Wars Cantina band.

That, anyway, is the word from Spotify, which reported that Australians love banging to Frank Ocean, Trey Songz, and Kings of Leon. But also these dudes.


Spin it again! Bathrooms! Sigh… the bathroom police won. And they keep winning. Despite that we voted out original bathroom police founder Pat McCrory, North Carolina still can’t overturn the piece of shit legislation known as HB-2. Well now it’s gone national. This week Trump and wannabe slave holder Jeff Sessions voted to overturn Obama’s protection on transgender rights. Despite that the last person to be arrested for a bathroom crime is none other than Minnesota’s Larry “Wide Stance” Craig. You really can’t make this shit up. But I do love John Oliver. Let’s roll the tape first.

Last week, the Trump Administration rolled back federal guidelines that required schools to let transgender students use restrooms and dressing rooms that reflect their gender identity. The move was likely influenced by fears that allowing people of different sexes to use the same restroom could be unsafe for young women, but John Oliver of Last Week Tonight says that one of the few people who would do that is President Donald Trump himself.

Opposition to the guidelines -- which were introduced by former President Barack Obama -- often centres on the issue of safety. “Our daughters should never be forced to share private, intimate spaces with male classmates, even if those young men are struggling with these issues,” Vicki Wilson - a member of Students and Parents for Privacy - told reporters shortly before the guideline was rescinded. “It violates their right to privacy and harms their dignity.”

But Oliver argues that those fears are rooted in bigoted fear-mongering instead of fact.

But remember Jackie Evancho? The attractive, talented 16 year old singer who Donald Trump courted to sing the national anthem at his very poorly attended (False! Fake news! My inauguration was yuuuge! Bigly ratings!) inauguration? Well she is none too pleased with the trans ruling on bathrooms, because her sister is trans:

Jackie Evancho had long tried to stay out of politics. The 16-year-old classical crossover singer agreed to perform the national anthem at President Donald Trump’s inauguration in January, even as other musicians refused to participate, because she felt doing so was an honor and a duty to her country. She’s witnessed how politics can divide people. “I see that it causes a lot of conflict in the world and I really try my best to avoid conflict as much as possible,” she says. “Unless it affects my family, obviously.”

But now that the Trump administration has withdrawn federal guidance that enabled students to use the public school bathrooms matching their chosen gender identities, Jackie is speaking up. Her sister Juliet is transgender, and their family is involved in a lawsuit against Juliet’s school district over her right to use the women’s bathroom. Jackie has asked for a meeting with the president, and as of now it looks like that meeting could move forward.

But there is good news on this front, I don’t want you to think the Top 10 is all about negativity, no good sir / ma’am. NBA commissioner Adam Silver says that the NBA will monitor bathroom laws:

Another controversial "bathroom bill" could make waves again in the NBA.

While giving his annual state of the NBA address at All-Star Weekend in New Orleans, commissioner Adam Silver discussed the bill currently under consideration in Texas and placed any state considering legislation similar to North Carolina's bathroom law on "notice".

"I mean, I'm not ready to stand here today and say that that is the bright line test for whether or not we will play All-Star Games in Texas," Silver said, via ESPN. "[But] it's something we're, of course, going to monitor very closely. What we've stated is that our values, our league-wide values in terms of equality and inclusion are paramount to this league and all the members of the NBA family, and I think those jurisdictions that are considering legislation similar to HB2 are on notice that that is an important factor for us. Those values are an important factor for us in deciding where we take a special event like an All-Star Game."

And then there’s this:

Apple has criticized a decision by the Trump administration to withdraw protections for transgender students in public schools.

The tech leader said in a statement that it "believes everyone deserves a chance to thrive in an environment free from stigma and discrimination."

"We support efforts toward greater acceptance, not less, and we strongly believe that transgender students should be treated as equals," the statement continued. "We disagree with any effort to limit or rescind their rights and protections."

The Obama-era protections rolled back by Trump on Wednesday allowed transgender students to use bathrooms and facilities that correspond with their gender identity. The Trump administration said the rules should instead be decided at the state level. .

And if you’re wondering where the sex offenders have been, they’ve been kind of silent lately. But there was this:

A drunken scooter rider in Key West chased two gay men and forced one off his bike while shouting politically-charged hate speech at them.

Kevin Seymour, 38, and Kevin Paul Taylor, 49, said they were biking home from dinner late Wednesday night when a tourist in a scooter called them faggots and “a slew of other anti-gay remarks,” according to the police report. The scooter knocked Seymour’s bike, throwing him to the ground.

“We were victims of a hate crime last night biking home from dinner. He kept stopping in front of us and swerving into us. Finally Kevin got ahead of him and the guy charges him with his scooter and runs into him and knocks him off his bike. Kevin is okay,” Taylor wrote on his Facebook page, according to FL Keys News.

[font size="8"]George Costanza Vs. H.R. McMaster[/font]

Spin it to win it! That was a nice spin there. And it lands on… go directly to jail??? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Wait, I’ve got that get out of jail free card! Yes! Spin it again! And it lands on… REMIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now spin it again! And it lands on… a new item on the wheel – Twitter beefs! We need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that?

Specifically one from comedy legend and the guy who is arguably the greatest character in TV sitcom history – Jason Alexander, AKA George Costanza. And on the other end? Michael Flynn’s replacement for Trump’s National Security advisor and name sake for a British fish & chips restaurant, H.R. McMaster. Come to H.R. McMaster’s, we have great fish & chips! So specifically here’s what started the whole thing.

8. In Tom Clancy's book "Armored Cav," McMaster said he met Kathleen in 1983 while he played rugby for the Army team.

9. He was a national security affairs fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University from 2002 to 2003.

10. In a 2013 talk, McMaster referenced TV's "Seinfeld" when explaining how to fight a ground war. "The word 'decisive' can be problematic," McMaster said. "You don't want it construed as the old rapid decisive operations, you know, which I liken to the George Costanza on 'Seinfeld' — 'Leave on an up note.' You know what I mean. Just go in, do a lot of damage and leave. What have you really achieved if you do that?"

Wait… go back! He advocates fighting a fucking war, the same way this happened!

Ya think he might have misread the context of that episode? All right, that’s it for me! You’ve been great! Goodnight everybody! So how did Jason Alexander himself respond after he found this out?

The 'Seinfeld' star's comment did not go over well with Trump supporters.

President Donald Trump recently named Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster to be his latest national security adviser, and for a bit of fun, CNN's Jake Tapper shared a clip from a few years ago in which the general made a Seinfeld reference while taking about military strategy.

McMaster, during the first annual Future of War Conference in 2015, compared Rapid Decisive Operations to George Costanza leaving a room after a comedic high note, a classic joke from the 1998 episode, "The Burning."

A fan pointed the reference out through Twitter to Jason Alexander, who wasn't too impressed to see his iconic TV character quoted in such fashion.

"Yes, I"m so proud....dear God ," Alexander responded.


And here’s one of my favorite parts of this whole thing. It didn’t only just start between Jason Alexander and HR McMaster. Twitter users, like they do, had to weigh their own opinions on the subject.

"Yes, I"m so proud....dear God ," Alexander responded.

Needless to say, that did not go over well with some Trump supporters who began trolling the actor for speaking his mind.

Alexander fired right back, telling some of his critics he would not "shut his mouth" simply because he is an entertainer.

"And lastly, my comment intended no disrespect to Gen. McMaster, who seems a fine man. Just the weirdness of any leader quoting 'George,'" Alexander wrote.

See all of Alexander's back and forth and the classic joke below:

Wait wait wait. Let’s extrapolate this for a minute. So the people who want to run Ted Nugent and Kid Rock for senate in Michigan are telling Jason Alexander that celebrities should stay out of politics? Yeah that’s an epic fail. Hey, Hr. McMaster, here’s how you go out on a fucking high note:

[font size="8"]The Trump Effect[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Clip without context!

I have to say I’m with the witches on this one! Spin it again! Donald Trump. So there was a lot of the Trump effect at work last week. And in case you’re still wondering what that is, it’s all the racism, sexism, homophobia, racism, bigotry, and misogyny that has been the direct result of having Trump in office. And sadly it’s not going away any time soon. It’s been getting violent and crazy and if you encounter any of these people I suggest you run to the nearest authorities because shit like this happens:

A top U.S. art school is investigating an act of anti-Semitism on campus that may make some stomachs turn.

A swastika drawn in human waste was recently discovered in a gender-neutral bathroom in a dormitory at the Rhode Island School of Design.

“This level of disrespect and vitriol is completely unacceptable and RISD Public Safety is investigating this isolated incident as both an act of vandalism and potentially a crime of hate,” Jaime Marland, director of RISD public relations, said in a statement to The Huffington Post.

OK there’s so much wrong with that story. I mean drawing a swastika is bad enough. But if your medium is human feces, what message does that send? It doesn’t say “I’m a raging racist”, it says “I like to play with shit!”. And if you send that message, someone should take you away for a nice little chat. Thank you! But we’re not done yet. There was also this incident:


Adam Purinton, 51, was taken into custody at a bar in an Applebee's in Clinton, Missouri, after telling an employee he had just shot 'Middle Eastern' men and needed a place to hide.
He was arrested about five hours after police say he opened fire at Austin's Bar and Grill in Olathe, Kansas.
The deadly confrontation began unfolding inside the lounge at around 7.15pm on Wednesday and later spilled out into the parking lot.
Police say Purinton shot and killed Srinivas Kuchibhotla, an engineer at Garmin, wounded his colleague Alok Madasani.
He then fired at a third man, identified as Ian Grillot, who had tried to intervene.
At least one witness said Purtinton yelled 'get out of my country' and claimed he heard him screaming racial slurs before opening fire, according to Kansas City Star.
The 51-year-old veteran apparently thought Kuchibhotla and Madasani were Middle Eastern, although in reality both men were of Indian decent.
Kuchibhotla died at an area hospital and Alok Madasani and Ian Grillot were hospitalized, the latter suffering from wounds to his hand and shoulder.

Jesus. I mean… Trump has blood on his hands now. But you know in a world where “alternate facts” are a thing, is it really surprising that Trump hasn’t denounced any of these acts of terror committed by his fans? Seriously?

And no mention of angry white-bred terrorism from the White House. They’ll acknowledge fake terror attacks are happening, but not real ones.

Jewish community centers in at least 11 states received bomb threats on Monday, echoing similar waves of threats on Jan. 9 and Jan. 18.

The threats came after hundreds of headstones were overturned at a Jewish cemetery in Philadelphia over the weekend. According to a report by WPVI, more than 500 headstones were damaged in what police called an act of vandalism, though they did not attribute a specific cause.

And we can't even tell fucking jokes anymore! Trump fans are the snowflakes they accuse us liberals of being on a daily basis. I mean shit this happened at a comedy club in Hermosa Beach this week!

Not everyone was a fan of John Caparulo's jokes.

A woman in the front row of the comedian's show yelled out several profanities and threw her glass at Caparulo after he made an anti-Trump joke.

Caparulo was performing at The Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, Calif. and he made a phallic joke about the Washington Monument and Trump.

It did not sit well with a few of his audience members.

In a video obtained by TMZ, two women in the crowd went off on the comedian yelling, "F--k you" several times. As they got up to leave, one of them threw her glass at close-range directly at the comedian.

And then it’s come to this – a Phoenix teacher resigns after Tweeting her lust for genocide to Ann Coulter:

A Scottsdale teacher has resigned after she reportedly tweeted out an allegedly offensive message about immigrants.

Bonnie Verne was a third-grade teacher at Pardes Jewish Day School.

The school sent a message Tuesday saying:

"PJDS informed the school community that teacher Bonnie Verne resigned due to comments she recently made on her personal Twitter account."

[font size="8"]Stupidest State Round 5: #1 Florida Vs. #2 Maine[/font]

Spin that shit one last time this week! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Stupidest State Contest! Hit it!

16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week, it was a battle to see who would be crowned the reigning Kings Of Guano, and they’re touring at a city near you! I kid, I kid. But we’re returning to the Batshit Conference this week. Why? Because the all time division champion, Florida, is poised to take on the second hottest newcomer in the Layover League, Maine. Because while Florida’s best player “Florida Man” is internationally renowned for bringing the crazy extra hard, Maine while scenically one of the most beautiful states in the country, has a star player of their own who was extremely hot last year! So let’s get out our brackets, shall we? Oh, and I should note that due to a last second technicality there’s been a change in the Gun Nut Conference – Mississippi tested positive for steroids and next week will instead be represented by South Carolina! Also there’s been a shake up in the Family Values Conference – Oklahoma’s star player got injured and they fired their coach, and so the state will instead be replaced by Tennessee.

[font size="6"]Round 5: Batshit Conference: #1 Florida Vs. #2 Maine[/font]

[font size="4"]Florida[/font]

Next up in our Stupidest State contest is the Sunshine State. America’s wang. Florida. It’s the home to some of the most batshit headlines in news to the point where “Florida Man” is a national sensation and an internet meme. Florida Man also has his own Reddit subforum and Twitter account. This state has tons of sports teams and universities including the biggest names in the NCAA tournament - University of Miami Hurricanes, University Of Florida Gators, FSU, FIU, FAU, and UCF. Which begs the question – if Florida has so many smart people, why are they so batshit crazy? It’s also home to world class sports teams including the Orlando Magic, Miami Heat, Tampa Bay Rays, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Miami Marlins, and the Jacksonville Jaguars. Florida is also the home to Universal Studios and to Disney World and Epcot Center. But what else is Florida the home of? Nuclear waste! And lots of it!

If Florida Power and Light (FPL) has its way, they will be storing radioactive carcinogens below Florida’s Biscayne Aquifer. The Biscayne Aquifer is the primary source of drinking water for millions of people in South Florida.

A 2015 study by the U.S. Geological Survey of seismic reflection stated there are faults along the aquifer that “…could provide high permeability passageways for groundwater movement.” In other words, there’s a real possibility of radioactive materials leaking into the Biscayne Aquifer if this practice were to be implemented. If a leak occurs, it will be impossible to clean up.

Unfortunately the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission dismissed a legal challenge to FPL nuclear waste storage plans -- on a filing technicality.

You might want to sign and share this petition


Perhaps the availability of nuclear waste so easily is why Florida Man, Florida Woman, and Florida Children are as batshit crazy as they are? And not only is Florida home to lots of nuclear waste, it’s also home to some of the more ridiculous gun laws in the country!

A measure that would reduce the penalty for people who briefly display a firearm in public and make it a non-criminal offense has been filed in the House.

The proposal (HB 779), filed Friday by Rep. Neil Combee, R-Polk City, is identical to a bill (SB 646) filed by Senate Judiciary Chairman Greg Steube, R-Sarasota. Steube recently turned an omnibus gun measure (SB 140) into a series of bills.

Combee said his proposal would apply to people with concealed-weapons licenses. The proposal would change what is currently a second-degree misdemeanor charge — carrying a fine up to $500 and 60 days in jail — into a $25 noncriminal violation that can be paid to a county clerk of the court.

The proposal also would allow members of the state Cabinet — the attorney general, chief financial officer and agriculture commissioner — to carry concealed weapons when unaccompanied by full-time Florida Department of Law Enforcement security.

more: http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/florida/fl-nsf-gun-bills-20170213-story.html

By the way – Florida’s politicians are just as evil and batshit crazy as the people who inhabit this state. I mean when the entire world is pissed off at Donald Trump, how do you handle it?

A Florida GOP official blatantly lied to voters on Saturday, then referred to them as "children" at a town hall for a Republican congressman in Florida.

Bill Akins, secretary of the county Republican Party, falsely claimed that the Affordable Care Act includes a provision requiring elderly people to go before "death panels." This death panel claim was PolitiFact's "Lie of the Year" in 2009.

When the crowd spontaneously fact-checked Akins by erupting in boos and shouts, he disrespectfully referred to them as "children"

The incident took place during a town hall hosted by GOP Congressman Gus Bilirakis in Port Richey, Florida. It was the latest in a series of protests at town hall events hosted by Republican representatives, mostly in response to their planned repeal of the ACA.

Read more: http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/johnwright/gop_congressman_lies_to_constituents_calls_them_children_as_town_hall_protests_continued

Florida is also the home of George Zimmerman, who we previously covered in multiple Idiots editions but this is my favorite story involving Zimmerman.

MIAMI — Bidding in an online auction for the pistol former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman used to kill Trayvon Martin appeared to have been hijacked by fake accounts posting astronomically high bids.

At one point early Friday, the bidding surpassed $65 million with the leading bidder using the screen name "Racist McShootFace." The site later showed that account had been deleted.

Other screen names of bidders on the site included "Donald Trump," ''shaniqua bonifa" and "Tamir Rice," the name of a black 12-year-old who was shot and killed by Cleveland police in 2014 while playing with a pellet gun.

The website for United Gun Group began hosting the auction Thursday after another website, GunBroker.com, took down the auction saying it wanted "no part in the listing on our website or in any of the publicity it is receiving."


Wait, so you’re telling me Weedlord Bonerhitler and Racist McShootface are made up names meant to troll the auction? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you! But here’s why Florida always ranks so highly in this tournament year after year. And why Florida is constantly ranked as the craziest state in America. I give you their star player Florida Man. If you see the words “Florida Man” or “Florida Woman” in any given headline, drop what you’re doing, grab a bucket of popcorn and some beer (or your beverage of choice) and sit back and enjoy the show. Because there will be some serious crazy following those words – things that will give you a 9 out of 10 on your WTF-O-Meter. Florida Man is an internet celebrity. If Florida Man were a real person, he’d be a bigger celebrity than Justin Beiber, and probably just as crazy! If not crazier. So with that in mind, we’re going to pull some actual Florida Man headlines verbatim. I mean really I could do an entire Top 10 devoted just to Florida Man.

And here’s just headlines from Florida Man this week! This fucking week!

Florida man to cops: Jumping out window 'worth a shot'

A man with multiple open warrants tried to flee South Daytona police by jumping out a second-floor window, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

And this is probably the most batshit crazy Florida Man story I’ve seen yet – and that’s saying a lot! And yes this is the same story that was covered on John Oliver last week:

In mid-February, a probation officer contacted the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, according to an affidavit filed in U.S. District Court.

The officer said that a person who was on probation had been asked to do something by Mark Charles Barnett, a registered sex offender who was on probation for a number of offenses.

Specifically, the court documents state, Barnett had asked the other probationer to “place bombs in ten buildings.”

A. Lee Bentley III, the U.S. attorney for the Middle District of Florida, announced Thursday that Barnett, 48, had been charged with possession of a firearm (destructive device) affecting commerce by a previously convicted felon. Barnett, of Ocala, Fla., faces a maximum of 10 years in federal prison if convicted, according to a news release.

And Florida Man has already been busy launching his 2020 campaign!

A man in Florida held a confirmed campaign rally on Saturday, apparently kicking off his 2020 presidential bid a few years too early. While many say it was actually sitting president, Donald Trump, who actually held a campaign rally, it couldn’t have been him, could it? The most powerful man in the world would not spread false information about a terror attack in a different country that did not really happen, would he? After all, POTUS has access to incredible intelligence, and he’d know better than to make stuff up.

Unfortunately, this is the real world. The American president said that something happened in Sweden on Friday night, which wasn’t actually true.

Florida Man, keep doing what you’re doing!

[font size="4"]Maine[/font]

Next up in our Stupidest State contest is Maine. The Pine Tree State is the northern most state in the continental United States. It’s the home of the lobster roll – hot and buttered or cold with mayo? Either way the sandwich is one of the best you can get. It’s the home of such scenic towns as Bangor, Freeport (which served as the setting for the long lived TV comedy / drama Dark Shadows), Bar Harbor, and Arcadia. As well as some of the most beautiful national monuments in the entire country like Casco Bay and Acadia National Park. But’s also home to the most batshit fucking crazy governor in the entire country – a guy by the name of Paul LePage. Who has been known to do things like this.

Republican leaders in Augusta, including Gov. Paul LePage, are calling for Democratic state Rep. Ryan Tipping of Orono to step down as co-chairman of the Taxation Committee, citing his connection to a referendum campaign committee. Tipping rejects the criticism as politically motivated, and is refusing to step down.

Last year Tipping was paid about $9,000 by Citizens Who Support Maine’s Public Schools to work on the campaign to pass Question 2. That was the citizen initiative that placed a 3 percent surtax on income over $200,000 in order to increase school funding.

In a news release, the state Republican Party charged that Tipping has a conflict of interest in continuing as co-chair of the Taxation Committee, which is considering legislation to repeal the tax hike. LePage, appearing on Bangor radio station WVOM, went further and called for Tipping to resign from the committee.

“You are turning your back on the constituents you are supposed to serve and you know, like everybody else, he has constituents that are struggling on fixed incomes and here he is enriching himself from the teacher’s union. Shame on him,” he says.

Read more: http://mainepublic.org/post/lepage-calls-democratic-state-lawmaker-resign

But Lepage didn’t just stop there. Oh no, he doubled down on the batshit! In case you’re wondering what dire straights Maine is in financially, I don’t want to say it’s entirely LePage’s fault, um, yeah, it absolutely is fucking LePage’s fault. Because this happens:

PORTLAND — Tight budgets often mean teachers turn to alternative sources to get the educational materials their students need.

With crowdfunding websites showing they work well for all sorts of efforts, teachers in the Portland schools have increasingly been turning to an organization called Donors Choose to supplement their classroom offerings.

In the past eight years Sylvie Montello, partnership developer at Lyseth Elementary School, said various teachers in the district have received hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of support from Donors Choose.

“This site has been a blessing for teachers since school budgets are so tight,” Montello said. “They are able to request and get materials that make a positive impact on their students” and they likely wouldn’t be able to access otherwise.

Read more: http://www.theforecaster.net/portland-teachers-turn-to-crowdfunding-for-classroom-materials/

And this is where a huge rally for Trump was held in the normally liberal Portland. But the nice thing? Some Trump supporters held a rally that attracted, um, 10 people. Maybe 8. I’m not sure we count the guy with the camera as a supporter or not.

Trump’s Muslim/Immigration ban has sparked protests across the country and worldwide. The Washington Post reports that legal action against Trump has gained momentum. The move to nullify it has the backing from former national security officials, Silicon Valley tech companies, over 280 law professors, as well as a host of civil liberties and other organizations.

Not to be outdone, a pro-Trump rally took place in Portland, Maine on Saturday, drawing media coverage, though not for reasons the participants anticipated.

Footage of the rally to support Trump’s ban is making news for becoming one of the most pitiful turnouts for any Trump rally, with a count of eight people total. The event at Monument Square was organized by a man named William Hall.


D’oh! But getting back to LePage – how crazy is LePage? Well the Huffington Post compiled a list of LePage’s greatest hits. Probably my favorite is where he compared the IRS to the Gestapo:

Soon after taking office in 2011, LePage told the civil rights group the NAACP to “kiss my butt” after they were upset the governor wasn’t going to attend their Martin Luther King Birthday events in the state.


In 2013, LePage went after Assistant Senate Majority Leader Troy Jackson (D), saying he had a “black heart“ and “no brains.” The governor was upset at the legislator for saying he wasn’t willing to negotiate with Democrats on the budget.


In 2011, early in his tenure as governor, LePage quietly ordered the Maine Department of Labor to remove a mural depicting the state’s labor history. He argued that it was biased against businesses and employers.


LePage sent law enforcement to enforce a quarantine at the home of Kaci Hickox in 2014. The nurse had returned home to Maine from treating Ebola patients in West Africa. There was no evidence that Hickox had contracted the Ebola virus, and ultimately, she never did. But that didn’t stop the governor from forcing her into quarantine.

Yeah. LePage, keep doing what you’re doing.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Florida utterly destroys Maine! Final score 91 – 47. How was Florida able to score that high? Maine had LePage and no offense. Florida Man managed to tweak out and freak out and score a whopping 60 points - all by himself, I might add! - to carry the team past Maine. Sorry Maine, you tried, but there really is no stopping the almighty Florida Man! Next week, we’re heading back to the Family Values Conference – where reigning champion North Carolina will take on tournament newcomer Tennessee.

[font size="8"]And now this:[/font]
[font size="8"]Dropkick Murphys[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the show, playing their new song “Blood” from their album “11 Short Stories Of Pain And Glory”, please welcome the Dropkick Murphys!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!
March 1, 2017

Woman throws glass at comedian John Caparulo over anti-Trump joke

Not everyone was a fan of John Caparulo's jokes.

A woman in the front row of the comedian's show yelled out several profanities and threw her glass at Caparulo after he made an anti-Trump joke.

Caparulo was performing at The Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, Calif. and he made a phallic joke about the Washington Monument and Trump.

It did not sit well with a few of his audience members.

In a video obtained by TMZ, two women in the crowd went off on the comedian yelling, "F--k you" several times. As they got up to leave, one of them threw her glass at close-range directly at the comedian.

Stay classy Trump fans!
March 1, 2017

LMAO at Andy Richter!


Oh and by the way Hannity - Trump *IS* an out of touch Hollywood elitist! You can't get much more of an elitist than he is!

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