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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Just 15 minutes at our website can save you $650 or more on your car insurance! Stop by today and save! How is it going everybody? I want to start with some great news this week before we get to the crazy shit. I’m of course talking about the Final Four. Did your bracket get busted early like mine did? Yeah I think we all did. You know what? But one of the more interesting story lines to come out of the Final Four this year is Loyola-Chicago. Did anyone have them making it as far as they did? I know I didn’t! I mean talk about a Cinderella run! The reason I’m bringing this up is because I want to talk about the chaplain of Loyola Chicago’s basketball team – Sister Jean. Who is 98 years old. I mean wow, that is definitely something. And Sister Jean has been called the team’s good luck charm. And here’s how awesome Sister Jean is. So Loyola has done that thing called “merchandising” and has immortalized the 98 year old nun in the form of bobbleheads, t-shirts and other crap. But you know what? Being the good nun that she is, Sister Jean decided that she doesn’t want a dime from it. I mean come on, how can you *NOT* root for Loyola Chicago at this point? I know that we will be. And especially since next week’s Top 10 will take place after the championship has been crowned. Oh and here’s my favorite part of the whole Sister Jean story – someone asked her what she gave up for Lent. And her answer? Losing! That alone wins this year’s NCAA tournament! I love Sister Jean so much! So we will definitely keep an eye on this story! OK enough of the intro – we got a lot of idiocy to get to this week! But first Bill Maher is back and he explains exactly the problem with conservatives talking trash about Hollywood and celebrities:

Taking the number one slot this week is that when a major protest happens, we have to cover it, and we’ll be showing you some of the best signs and some of the crazier news that came out of Saturday’s “March For Our Lives” protest. In the second slot this week is of course Donald J. Trump, and yes, we have to cover the Stormy Daniels interview. Get your barf bags ready. Taking the third slot – is another edition of “The Trumper Games” and this week – another tribute has been eliminated and replaced with someone much scarier! So taking the fourth slot this week is the NRA and they were trying to do some serious damage control in the wake of Saturday’s rally and well, failed big time. Especially when Killer Mike of Run The Jewels got involved. In the number 5 slot this week is our weekly sermon of all the wacky things the Christian right is up to in “Holy Shit”, and this week, our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive into the world of Christian cinema. And yes, it’s more than just that Mercy Me flick. Taking the sixth slot we have a new edition of our ongoing series “Top 10 Investigates” and this time we’re going to say goodbye to the biggest toy store there is – or was – Toys R Us. So why are they going under? We shall investigate! At number 7, Alex Jones (7) has what may be one of his most batshit theories to date, and that’s saying a lot! Taking the 8th slot this week is the comeback of the 90’s classic TV show Roseanne (8). Did you know that her character came out as a full blown conspiracy theory Trump supporter? Yeah that happened. Don’t call it a comeback! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “People Are Dumb” because, well, people are dumb. And finally this week we’re live from the beautiful T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas with Week 2 of Round 1 of our Stupidest State tournament of champions! This time around, Kansas is going for broke against West Virginia, while Indiana plays the Jesus card against Alabama in a Family Values face off, who will emerge the winner? And ending the show, we’ve got one of the great 90s bands that is back with a new lineup and a new album – I’m of course talking about San Diego’s legendary Stone Temple Pilots! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]March For Our Lives Recap
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This week thousands of people took to the streets to demand a change in our nation’s lax gun laws. And just like the previous marches, it is our mission here at the Top 10 to give you our personal take on it. There are multiple ways you could go with this. I could just sit here and post some of the funny and clever signs that people made – and there were some great ones! Or I could show you some of the ways conservatives reacted. Or I could do all of the above! So of course the right wing was up to their usual nonsense of calling out George Soros and comparing people like David Hogg to Adolf Hitler. Sigh, these morons are why we can’t have nice things!

Right-wing activists and media figures went all-out in their attacks on the March for Our Lives gun reform rallies on Saturday, including attacking the rallies’ funding and organization, blaming “political correctness” and comparing Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school shooting survivor David Hogg to Adolf Hitler.

Hundreds of thousands of people gathered in Washington, D.C., and in cities across the country to call for stricter gun laws and call out politicians who have received funding and support from the National Rifle Association. Polling shows that most Americans support the march’s calls for gun reform.

Predictably, right-wing pundits went after billionaire George Soros—conservative activists’ favorite bogeyman—in an effort to minimize the legitimacy of the protests. Breitbart radio host Joel Pollak said it was “no surprise” that the march was a “Soros production.” The site’s sports editor Dylan Gwinn said that “we all know that these kids are being coached.”

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones said that teenager-led March for Our Lives marches were “scripted and funded by the Democrats” and said that the “welfare queens” attending the rallies “all look mentally ill.” Infowars editor-at-large Paul Joseph Watson wrote that the “real agenda” behind the March for Our Lives rallies was “the end of the Second Amendment, by force if necessary.”

Feeding into the claims that the march had been orchestrated by liberal mega-donors, Pro-Trump media troll Jack Posobiec live-streamed video of the buses that some activists had used to travel to D.C., reporting on the shocking detail that organizers had coordinated with security staff to park the buses in a secure area. He encouraged viewers to call the companies that owned the buses to find out who had hired them.

Seriously, you guys are fighting HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. Let that sink in – these kids are barely old enough to vote and they have to deal with you douchebags? Fuck off! So now we’re going to show you some of the best signs from the rally. And here we go!

So then there’s more. Because of course there is. And leave it to Fox to stoop to the new low of Fox turning this into an attack on the 2nd amendment.

The night before the March for Our Lives, Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson argued that we shouldn’t be listening to the logic of teenage gun control activists who organized the march. Then he vocalized the exact anxiety of gun rights groups:

Journalists agree with Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg, so they’ve slapped them on the cover of Time magazine and declared that they’re heroes and you’re not allowed to disagree with them.

Carlson articulated exactly why Fox News was on its heels. The network has generally been critical of this gun control debate and the teenage activists behind it. But it couldn’t ignore the massive amount of attention this march was getting, nor could it outright loudly disagree with their message while hundreds of thousands of people marched on Washington.

So there was a tightrope Fox News had to walk while covering this march. And it did so by finding ways to reframe the images of these huge and passionate crowds.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Seriously, fuck off, gun rights groups! I mean why do we even need gun rights groups? Guns have more rights than people do! I mean these kids are definitely better than you assholes!

Hundreds of thousands descended on Washington, D.C., on Saturday, in what is said to be the largest protest against gun violence in U.S. history.

Many of the students who took part in the March for Our Lives, in D.C. and around the country, said they were there to march for the ones who couldn’t.

“I’m here because I want things to change,” Brooke Harrison, a 14-year-old freshman at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, told ABC News’ “Nightline” at the march. “Three people in my class died, and 17 people in my school died. And I’m here to march for all of them.”


I can’t post all the top moments here because there are too many of them. But I’ll leave with this.

Parkland activists said they know their predominantly white faces help them get more attention.
"My school is about 25% black, but the way we're covered doesn't reflect that," Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student David Hogg said the night before.
Several of the young speakers used their time to share the stage with people of color Saturday to remind people that gun violence affects all races.
"We recognize that Parkland received more attention because of its affluence," Jaclyn Corin, a survivor of the Parkland shooting, said in her speech. "But we share this stage today and forever with those communities who have always stared down the barrel of a gun."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Sigh… I don’t want to talk about this next story. It is making me want to throw up even just thinking about it, and quite frankly, I’m probably going to need to take a break so I can go take a cold shower after talking about this. So… the Stormy Daniels interview happened on 60 Minutes. And if you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty spectacular. Unfortunately my producer is telling me that we can’t find a clip of the full interview due to copyright violations. But we’ll give you a breakdown of the interview and the right wing’s predictable reaction to it. Starting with:

Daniels was never paid by the media for her Trump affair story
Daniels, whose legal name is Stephanie Clifford, told Cooper she was never paid the $15,000 the publication offered her to publish the story.

More details on the alleged threat
Daniels' attorney has repeatedly said she was threatened, but the details of the alleged threat have never been made public until now.
Daniels said Trump's personal attorney Michael Cohen threatened to sue shortly after the interview she did with the magazine. A few weeks later, she says, a man approached her in Las Vegas.


Gossip website sparked new interest in alleged affair
Before In Touch published its story, a gossip website got wind of Daniels' alleged tryst and published a few details. Four years later, when Trump ran for president, Daniels said she was contacted by various media outlets to tell her story.
"Suddenly, people are reaching out to me again, offering me money. Large amounts of money. Was I tempted? Yes -- I struggle with it. And then I get the call: 'I think I have the best deal for you,'" she recalled her attorney at the time saying.

Must come clean… dirt’s not coming off! So in case you’re wondering – yes a sitting president threatened the woman he was paying to have an affair with. Let’s let that sink in for a minute. I mean how much worse could this get?

Melania Trump has weighed in 60 Minutes‘ explosive interview with Stormy Daniels.

The first lady’s spokeswoman called the interview with Anderson Cooper “salacious gossip,” adding: “I’d like to remind people there’s a minor child who’s name should be kept out of news stories when at all possible.”

Twenty-two million viewers tuned in to 60 Minutes Sunday to hear Stormy Daniels’ story. It was the longtime newsmagazine’s biggest audience since a 2008 interview with President Obama and his wife, Michelle.

Following the interview, President Trump tweeted Monday morning that there was “so much fake news” circulating about him.

“Never been more voluminous or more inaccurate,” he tweeted Monday. “But through it all, our country is doing great!

Hey this is between you assholes, don’t go and drag America into this! And I mean it! Don’t make me turn this show around! And speaking of things that don’t belong, why did anyone ask Stock Market Bro Jim Cramer his opinion on anything?

The stock market was rising sharply early Monday in part because the Stormy Daniels interview on "60 Minutes" did not deliver a "knockout blow" to Donald Trump's presidency, according to CNBC's Jim Cramer.

Cramer said speculation that Daniels could show evidence about her alleged affair with Trump knocked a couple hundred points on the Dow Jones industrial average late Friday afternoon, two days before the interviewed aired.

"They didn't have a tape," Cramer said Monday on "Squawk on the Street." "When you saw no tape, what you did was this morning say, 'OK, let's go buying opportunity.'" He added the CBS interview with Daniels was probably not "as imperative on the stock market as people might have felt."

Last week, Daniels' attorney hinted that he may have a disc containing evidence about the alleged affair. During an interview Monday with NBC's "TODAY" show, her attorney, Michael Avenatti, said he is "not playing games" and will provide more information on his client's alleged affair with the president.

Yeah so that interview was so insane that the opinions of minor celebrities actually make the news because the actual story is too disturbing to report! I mean I may have to picture my parents having sex just to get that image out of my head! Yeah let that sink in! And then of course Trump got spanked with a cover of a magazine with his picture on it. He’s gone full narcissist! And you never go full narcissist!

Nobody was ever spanked with a more appropriate object than the one Stormy Daniels recalls employing on Donald Trump.

“He’s like, ‘have you seen my new magazine?’ Daniels recounted to Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes of her encounter with Trump in 2006.

Some have suggested that the magazine was Forbes. But the timeline doesn't add up. The spanking took place in July 2006 and the Forbes magazine with Trump on the cover came out in September 2006, with a dateline of October 2006.

The only new magazine that Trump would have called his own at that time was the premiere issue of TRUMP magazine. It had just been produced under a licensing agreement with Trump in the way of other properties to which he lent his name and spoke of as if they were his, in this instance all the more so because he was a major shareholder in the publishing company.

He was, of course, on the cover.

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games
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[br] B

It’s time for another edition of:

Happy Trumper Games! Yes it’s time for the latest edition of the Trumper Games, my pretties! Mmmmmm…. Yes… Mmmmmm… yes… damn it Charlie, why must you bring me the cheap champagne again, I want the good stuff, damn it! So to give you an update on the games – last week, President Trump managed to eliminate not one but two tributes from the games. And the rules state that any tribute can be eliminated at any time for any reason. Just like last week – Tribute Tillerson was eliminated while he was on the toilet! So who was eliminated this week? It was a tribute from District 1 and guy who has a discount used furniture store named after him – H.R. McMaster!

President Trump has replaced Army Lt. Gen. H. R. McMaster with the ultra-hawk John Bolton as his national security adviser, effective April 9.

Although Mr. Bolton has held several senior positions in the State Department, he is presently a Fox News commentator and a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. If General McMaster, with his military background, pragmatic leanings and truth-to-power credentials, couldn’t forge a systematic policymaking apparatus, Mr. Bolton isn’t likely to be able to either. To the extent that there is less discord between Mr. Trump and his national security adviser, it will only be because they share a strategic mind-set and are both intent on realizing it. This is a terrifying prospect.

General McMaster, a war hero and a true soldier-scholar, seemed to have the goods for shepherding Mr. Trump into a deliberative national security decision-making process that would curb his impetuousness and produce considered, coherent policy. His book “Dereliction of Duty” had famously challenged the conventional wisdom about decision-making during the Vietnam War by highlighting the politicization of military policy; observers assumed he would follow his own advice in the White House.

So, with that – the President eliminates another tribute! He eliminated a guy with actual military experience only to replace him with – a former tribute! Yes be sure to turn in next year when it’s the all star edition of the Trumper Games! Of course the wet dream of the Trump fanboy is to dismantle the United Nations and they might actually achieve that. And that’s scary.

President Trump’s selection of John Bolton to serve as his next national security adviser has generated alarm about what the move portends for U.S. foreign policy. The litany of concerns about Bolton includes his hawkish views on Iran and North Korea, his unshaken conviction that the Iraq War was good policy, evidence that he tried to intimidate intelligence analysts into agreeing with his conclusions, and reports that he harassed those who crossed him.

Bolton’s views on multilateral institutions and international law — and what he sees as their encroachments on national sovereignty — are at the heart of these concerns. Critics routinely reference his gibe that the U.N. headquarters building could lose 10 stories without any impact, as well as his contention that “there is no United Nations.”

But the image of Bolton, in part self-generated, as an inveterate unilateralist who has no use for the United Nations or multilateral cooperation requires some correction. Bolton’s record and worldview on that point are more complicated.

Oh but lighten up! I mean just because the President appointed a new tribute to lead us into a new era of death and destruction the likes of which have never been seen before , that doesn’t mean that we are going to war, does it?

2. But hawks may be less helpful for selling a new war.

A hawk like Bolton might have a more limited role in how others perceive a potential conflict. In research that will be published later this year, I used a survey experiment conducted on a sample of approximately 3,000 Americans to examine how different advisers’ statements about a hypothetical conflict affected public support for war and presidential approval.

I found that whether a hawkish adviser publicly supports or opposes a potential conflict affects both public support for war and public approval of the president. In general, if the president follows any adviser’s advice, approval goes up; if not, it goes down.

Oh that’s fierce!!! And damn it Charlie, my champagne doesn’t fill itself! So why is the appointment of John Bolton (R-Moustache) bad for this position? Well there’s many theories on that, my pretties! Most of which there’s some truth to but most of which, are, well, bullshit! We will keep an eye on the latest developments in the Trumper Games, but for now consider Tribute McMaster… eliminated!

In 2003, when George W. Bush was president, the White House undertook a new effort to get North Korea to give up its nuclear weapons program. It did so by working with four other countries—South Korea, China, Japan and Russia. These so-called six-party talks’ were a yearslong, often frustrating diplomatic effort, and in the middle of it, I sat down with a negotiator from one of the parties, a diplomat who had become one of my best sources in the region.

Normally, he was calm. But when I mentioned John Bolton, the former Bush administration official who had helped scuttle a previous nuclear agreement between the U.S. and Pyongyang, the diplomat’s equanimity evaporated. “John Bolton,” he spat, “is the reason North Korea has multiple nuclear weapons today.”

The diplomat was overstating his case. But the mere fact that he said it was revealing—especially now that President Donald Trump has appointed Bolton to be his national security adviser. The move, which becomes official in early April, will come roughly a month before one of the most audacious diplomatic gambits in American history: Trump’s agreement to meet with Kim Jong Un, the young leader of North Korea.

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[font size="8"]The NRA
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So you ever wonder how celebrities get their nicknames? Well this week one celebrity made it really obvious how he got his nickname. I’m of course talking about the rap group Run The Jewels. Which features two guys – El-P and Killer Mike. The latter is the subject of this next entry, and the backlash and blowback that he received from appearing on NRA TV has been well, the most insane thing that has happened in 2018. And it’s only March people!!!

One half of Run The Jewels, Killer Mike has taken to social media to clarify controversial points he made in an interview with the National Rifle Association of America.

The interview was released while marches against gun violence took place in US, and saw the rapper discuss his gun ownership stance while debating the marches and National Walkout Day.

“I told my kids on the school walkout, I love you, [but] if you walkout that school, walkout my house,” he said to NRATV.

“We are not a family that jumps on every single thing an ally of ours does because some stuff we just don’t agree with.”

Killer Mike also said he was “very pro-Second Amendment”.

“And before you say ‘What about the children,’ my daughter goes to Savannah State University. There was also a shooting on that campus. Talked to my wife and daughter after that, the decision was we’re gonna go to Savannah, she’s gonna get a gun and train more.”

Well at least we know how he earned the nickname Killer! But as you can imagine there’s more to this story as you can probably tell. I mean really when the whole country is marching against the NRA you don’t go on NRA TV!

But by Sunday evening, following an online outcry from fans and gun control advocates, Killer Mike issued an apology for his appearance on the show and said the NRA misused it "as a weapon" against Saturday's marches. Mike added that his appearance was intended to focus on gun ownership by black Americans. "I did an interview about black gun ownership in this era," Mike said in his statement. "That interview was used a week later to disparage a very noble campaign that I actually support ... I want to say first I'm sorry guys. I do support the March — and I support black people owning guns. It's possible to do both." The position isn't new for the rapper — a year ago, he appeared on the Tavis Smiley show to say the NRA has "had a value to me my entire life," and that he is a member of the organization. "I think that one million black men should go online and just get a year's membership, and see how you like it."

Killer Mike's partner in the duo Run The Jewels, El-P (otherwise known as Jaime Meline), initially commented on the NRA's stance against the marches, tweeting "they didn't want to be known, they wanted to be kids. And they've earned being heard in one of the hardest ways possible. No matter what you believe we all have to listen in a real way."

Oh come on Mike, did you really think you would be able to appear on NRA TV and *NOT* have them misquote you? I mean they could issue a new tape tomorrow and call it “Run The Jewels Live From Uranus!”. Thank you audience! Oh and don’t think they won’t disguise a poop joke in that title either, I mean they did support President Bone Spurs after all! Don’t worry Mike -we get it. We think people should have the right to protect themselves especially in this toxic political climate that we live in. At least they apologized for the interview, but Mike is not backing down on his stance. And you know what? We’re OK with that. NRA TV is really the evil ones here.

Run the Jewels member Killer Mike (AKA Michael Render) has apologized for giving an interview to the NRA in which he defended gun ownership and said he had discouraged his children from participating in school walkouts in protest against gun violence. The video interview ran online the same day as the nationwide March for Our Lives protest.

Killer Mike has now posted two new videos apologizing for the interview and its timing. “That interview was used a week later by NRATV to disparage a very noble campaign that I actually support,” he said. He apologized to the students who organized the rally. “I’m sorry that an interview I did about a minority – black people in this country – and gun rights was used as a weapon against you guys. That was unfair to you and it was wrong, and it disparaged some very noble work you’re doing.” He encouraged them to keep organizing: “Plot, plan, strategies, organize, and mobilize.”

Oh and by the way – if you think this was an isolated incident, Killer Mike wasn’t the only gun nut apologist shooting his mouth off this week. Yeah you can take that pun either way. Behind door #2 – a guy who actually was a victim of a mass shooting – Jesse Hughes of Eagles Of Death Metal!

Eagles of Death Metal frontman Jesse Hughes, who survived the 2015 Paris attacks, has lashed out at survivors of the Parkland, Florida, school massacre.

In a series of posts on Instagram, the singer labelled students who led the March for Our Lives protest on Saturday as "vile abusers of the dead".

Hughes also accused one of the students of "treason" and mocked their gun control campaign.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened, and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are also the most full of:

So this week rather than talk to you about the usual nonsense that the Christian right has been up to, my fair congregation, because we can only tell the same joke 1,000 times before it gets old, we are instead going to tell you about a world of entertainment that you will soon be seeing more of. And if you think the Mercy Me bio picture “I Can Only Imagine” or other flicks like “The Shack” are anomalies, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

As Hollywood struggles with sexual harassment scandals and box-office woes, it could do worse than turn to God. For while religious movies have traditionally been considered a niche phenomenon, that assessment may need to be revised.

Last weekend I Can Only Imagine, a Christian-themed independent biopic, beat a series of studio-backed films to win the number three spot behind Black Panther and Tomb Raider. And as Easter approaches, films with Christian messages are experiencing an upswing not seen since Mel Gibson’s 2004 crucifixion drama The Passion of Christ.

I Can Only Imagine stars Dennis Quaid and was produced and directed by brothers Jon and Andy Erwin, the duo behind other faith-based hits such as Woodlawn, the story of a spiritual awakening among an Alabama high-school football team, starring Jon Voight and Sean Astin, and October Baby, an anti-abortion drama.


That did not impress film executives. Jon Erwin says he was told there “was no audience for a Christian music movie ... But everybody I knew – in the Christian world that we live in – knew and loved the song, so we just believed that there was an audience for this movie and that they would show up”. I Can Only Imagine was ultimately picked up by Roadside Attractions, maker of Manchester By The Sea, and Lionsgate. The distributors agreed to promote it as a general audience production. With a $25m box-office take so far, it is also showing Hollywood that Christians can make consistent, repeat filmgoers. Audience polling found that 79% said they planned to pay to see the movie again.

Even our good LAWRD is down with YOLO! But really, what does it takes to please Hollywood executives? $25 million in 7 days is pretty damn good for an independent bio picture! Maybe that’s why Hollywood hates them! But apparently the faith based film industry is trying some new things to attract audiences! How about, I don’t know, making good movies? Remember Ben Hur in the 1960s? Try making movies like that!

Christians are an appealing market for Hollywood, which is looking for ways to expand the cinema audience as digital competition causes long-term declines in theatrical attendance. The movie business is routinely criticized for overlooking the values of religious Americans, and faith-based filmmaking was seen as a way to rebut that narrative and attract an audience that usually doesn't go to the movies.

Facing a wearied audience, some filmmakers are trying to adapt by expanding into more subgenres, including romances, sports dramas, comedies and documentaries.

"We're developing beyond just the genre of sermon-on-film," said Bill Reeves, head of Tennessee-based WTA Group, a marketing firm that specializes in faith-based media. "We're trying to answer the question of 'What else is out there?'"

Others are putting their faith in Bible-based stories with big-name stars. On March 23, Affirm Films will release "Paul, Apostle of Christ," which blends scripture and fiction to tell the story of the apostle's last days. The new movie features actor Jim Caviezel in his first biblical role since he played Jesus in "The Passion of the Christ."

That’s not exactly what we are looking for, oh LAWRD! But in the world of faith based movies, well, producers are looking for anything that channels our lord and savior, creator of all that is good and holy, for ways to attract an audience. Because GREED is a sin!!!!!! And it is one of the most egregious of SINS!!!! It even says so in the good book!

As the market for Christian movies becomes more crowded, studios must work harder to attract devout audiences.

“Because there have been so many movies made for this audience, they have become much more discerning,” said Howard Cohen, co-founder of Roadside Attractions, distributor of “I Can Only Imagine.”

“And they will choose the ones that not only have a strong Christian message but are bigger-feeling.”

“I Can Only Imagine,” released nationally on March 16, exceeded opening-weekend expectations at the box office, reaping $17.1 million in ticket sales ($14 million was projected).

Now if they could just get a book about a holy super hero published and create the multiverse surrounding it, they would be set! I mean after all the Holy Bible is the original shared universe! They had 12 different characters and each one had their own stories, then they had the Last Supper super finale! Come on movie producers, get on that! For it is not that easy, my fair congregation! But of course the revenues have surpassed expectations! Because of course they did! But now my fair congregation, here’s where the idea of the good Christian faith-based film can and will go wrong! It will make the wrong people famous! And blasphemy is a sin!!! One of the most egregious of sins!!!

Mark Taylor is a former firefighter who claims that while he was watching Fox News back in 2011, God personally told him that Donald Trump would become president of the United States. Taylor initially thought that meant that Trump would challenge President Obama when he ran for re-election in 2012, but when that didn’t happen, Taylor realized that was because it was God’s plan to keep Obama in office for a second term so that Americans could “build a righteous anger” necessary to elect Trump and thereby save the world.

When Trump was elected president in 2016, Taylor penned a book titled “The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story Of The Man Who Saw Tomorrow… And What He Says Is Coming Next” and quickly made a name for himself as a modem-day prophet and radical conspiracy theorist.

In the last year, Taylor has claimed that God told him that Trump will replace five members of the Supreme Court, three of whom will be removed from the bench after being indicted for corruption, and that two of the five currently living former presidents will die as punishment for criticizing Trump, while the other three will be imprisoned and possibly executed for treason.

Taylor, who claims that Trump will release the cures for cancer and Alzheimer’s disease during his second term in office and asserted that God made journalist Megyn Kelly ill as a “warning shot” to all those who would dare to criticize Trump, believes that thousands of elite satanic pedophiles have been secretly arrested and that we will soon start seeing them prosecuted via military tribunals that will “make Nuremberg look like a cakewalk.” Taylor actually predicted that we’d see mass arrests in February, but the fact that that obviously didn’t happen doesn’t seem to have harmed his standing as a “prophet” in any way.

Yes because even JAYSUS doesn’t know what to say regarding how stupid Brother Mark is!!! I hope that is the take away you get from today’s sermon – Mark Taylor is insane! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: The Greatest Toy Store There Was
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is:

We now need some proper music to get us in the mood for this report:

If you were a child of the late 80s and early 90s, that jingle is forever burned into your brain. You most likely loved going into a Toys R Us store. Or as the great comedy writer Dave Barry once referred to them as “Gee, Toys Sure R Expensive!”. But this week with the announcement that the chain is closing and liquidating most, if not all, of its’ stores , we want to ask: why? Why is this beloved chain going under? Well, just like Disneyland – the answer is unparalleled corporate greed.

Toys R Us, the toy superstore that became a dream factory for kids nationwide, said in a U.S. Bankruptcy Court filing Thursday that it must liquidate, a move that would close 735 stores, leave 33,000 people without jobs and wrap up a 70-year run for a once-beloved holiday shopping spot.

The chain, whose chipper mascot Geoffrey the giraffe beckoned families to stores, said poor holiday sales caused its final demise. Online sales had undercut the popularity of its stores, and rampant discounting from the likes of Walmart and Target shaved away profits.

Saddled with enormous debt and piling up losses, the chain said it had no choice but to shut down. "The stark reality is that the (chain is) projected to run out of cash in the U.S. in May," it said in its bankruptcy filing.

No not quite yet. Especially when you consider that the closure of one of the biggest toy store chains in history could have a colossal ripple effect throughout the entire industry. Once heavy hitters such as Crayola:

Children’s arts products maker Crayola LLC has accused Toys ‘R’ Us Inc of coloring outside the lines in its dealings with its suppliers, saying the bankrupt toy-store chain kept ordering merchandise despite knowing it would not avoid liquidation.

Crayola, a subsidiary of Hallmark Cards, objected in court papers filed on Friday to aspects of the Toys ‘R’ Us plan for winding down and argued they would shield the retailer from any liability from misconduct.


Or how about venerable toy companies Hasbro and Mattel – makers of Barbie, how are they going to fare with this news?

The U.S. toy industry was taken by surprise when the country’s largest independent toy seller, Toys "R" Us filed for bankruptcy in September last year. The company recently confirmed that it is liquidating its entire U.S. operations (735 Toys "R" Us and Babies "R" Us stores). Liquidation sales started on Mar 23.

Toys "R" Us failed to keep up with fast changing customer preferences and shift of demand toward alternative entertainment modes like video games, MP3 players, tablets, smartphones and other electronic devices.

It simply could not compete on price and shopping convenience with giants like Amazon and Walmart. To make matters worse, the company was burdened with a $5 billion debt load, much of which originated from its 2005 deal to go private. All these developments gradually pushed it toward bankruptcy.

Here’s where we would slow down that clip if we could. It’s as if corporate greed is throwing our favorite toys out the window. So what happens when a store files for liquidation? What happens?

The sales are starting at Toys "R" Us.

The liquidation sales started Friday, and the company said it will offer shoppers "deep discounts and promotions."

The iconic toy giant announced last week that it will shut or sell all of its 735 US stores after a 70-year run.

Here's everything deal-seeking shoppers need to know:

How long do I have to use my Toys "R" Us gift card?

Stores will honor gift cards through April 21.

If you have an Endless Earnings e-gift card, you also have through April 21 to use it.

Customers can not return a gift card for cash.

What happens to my rewards?

You can no longer use your loyalty rewards coupons toward purchases. You might still see these points accrue in your account, but you won't be able to redeem them.

So with those pressing questions out of the way – are there any toy stores left in America? Yes, there is one and its’ business is actually booming.

When Toys R’ Us announced plans to close all 735 of its U.S. stores this month, it wasn’t exactly a surprise.

The gravitational pull of online shopping has decimated many iconic brick and mortar brands, and toy stores are no exception. Amazon’s toy sales grew about 12% last year, according to market research firm One Click Retail, while declining foot traffic has threatened to topple every time-honored kids company from American Girl to the once-invincible Lego.

In an era of smartphone shopping and same-day delivery, one decades-old toy chain has managed to weather the storm. And it’s a peculiar one.

In February, Build-A-Bear announced its fourth straight year of profitability. As retail giants like Claire’s, The Limited, and Payless shutter stores by the hundreds, the company has expanded its physical footprint by 12% over the last five years. And while Toys R’ Us closed its doors with $5 billion in debt, Build-A-Bear is debt-free. So what does Build-A-Bear have that Toys R’ Us doesn’t?

So one retail chain is thriving while a major one is suffering. You might be asking “where did all their money go?”. Well let’s investigate further.

A bankruptcy judge has granted struggling retailer Toys R Us permission to pay millions of dollars in bonuses to executives after the company argued it was necessary to motivate its top brass during the critical holiday shopping season.

Judge Keith Phillips ruled the company can dole out $14 million in incentives to its top 17 executives. A caveat: fiscal year earnings must first reach $550 million. Executives could receive even more if earnings reach $641 million, but the company's lawyer Joshua Sussberg said that target would be "incredibly hard to achieve," reports Reuters.

In September, Toys R Us — the largest toy retailer in the United States — filed for bankruptcy. But it stressed at the time that its approximately 1,600 stores worldwide would remain open and operate as usual. In a statement, CEO Dave Brandon said, "our objective is to work with our debtholders and other creditors to restructure the $5 billion of long-term debt on our balance sheet."

So there you have it. The company is in dire financial straits but it can still afford to pay its’ executives huge salaries and bonuses. Just like the hundreds of other failed retail chains that have come before it. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Sigh. Our good buddy Alex Jones just can’t seem to know when to shut up. I mean did you know that we’re in a war right now? And did you know that the powers that be have a list? You know – kind of like a really fucked up Santa Claus – they know who’s naughty and nice but that doesn’t matter – a whole lot of us are going to get nuked! And if you ever dare turn on Infowars, you know that Alex cranked the crazy up way past 11 this week:

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist behind the Infowars outlet, warned listeners that global elites are evacuating to remote locations because of an impending “world war” and “world depression” that will kill most people.

On today’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones cited reports that members of Washington institutions like the CIA have supposedly taken an interest in a network of doomsday shelters in West Virginia. Jones said he had spoken with someone who worked for Hollywood director James Cameron who told him that Cameron had said that billionaires are planning to evacuate to New Zealand.

“People that aren’t billionaires, they’re moving to Montana and Wyoming. I know a bunch of prominent Texas families that are evacuating Texas. Just evacuating, and they just say, ‘Word is, can’t save the country,’” Jones said.

“So, remember this, leftists—all of you crazy people that want to burn it all down, and you Antifa meth heads and all of you—if Trump can’t stabilize the country, and if we don’t make alliances and peace deals, and the world economy keeps going in this direction with population and all the crises and all the countries that have bio-weapons, there’s going to be a big world war and there’s going to be worldwide depression,” Jones said. “And a lot of you aren’t going to make it out of it.”


Yeah probably! I think I saw the Antifa Meth Heads at the Troubadour last week, not the best band in the world, I would say. And you think our resident pastor is crazy? Well wait until you get a load of Infowars’ resident pastor Rodney Howard Brown!

Pastor Rodney Howard-Browne, who placed hands on President Trump in prayer last year, joined Alex Jones on Infowars yesterday and urged Christians to “get radical” because only “divine intervention” can save America from the evil globalists Jones and Browne believe are working to destroy the world.

Yesterday, Browne joined Jones to promote his new book, “The Killing of Uncle Sam,” and discuss what he believed to be current threats against Christians and against President Trump. Jones said that one threat churches and religious groups have faced is social media censorship, claiming that social media companies have been removing posts because they featured references to Jesus and other biblical figures.

“The body of Christ has to stand up. First, we have to pray. Last night, we had a three-hour prayer meeting at the church praying exactly over these things and really asking God for divine intervention. And the church has to get radical. The people of God have to get radical,” Browne said.

Browne then alluded to the recent string of bombings killing people in Austin, Texas, and suggested that the bombings were being used by anarchist terrorists who are attempting to bring “everything under control.”

Yes, yes it does! And what is Alex Jones’ obsession with overweight gay women? I don’t want to say he has a fetish or anything, but yeah, he probably does have a fetish!

Gavin McInnes, a CRTV host that also leads a bizarre boys club, told Infowars host Alex Jones that their children will not have to deal with “annoying, childless, lesbian feminists because they’re all going to be gone.”

McInnes joined Jones on Infowars today to explain why he believes far-right activists like himself have a superior ideology to modern liberalism. Part of that superiority, he argued, includes the fact that McInnes and others who occupy the same space in the far-right, constantly urge their audiences to start families and have children.

“Their stupid idea is not to breed and not to have families. Our stupid idea is to breed like rats. And they are going to be extinct. Our children are not going to have to deal with these annoying, childless, lesbian feminists because they’re all going to be gone. They’re the dodo birds of Western civilization,” McInnes said.

Jones took a moment to clarify that he and his wife have “nothing against lesbians,” before making clear exactly what he had against lesbians by asking McInnes: “Why are lesbians so uptight?”

Why are lesbians so uptight? To use an old Seinfeld quote – they probably look at guys like you and go “that’s why I’m not heterosexual!”. And to add to his already bizarre theory on globalism, Alex offered this:

During today’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones claimed that “the globalists that had sold this country out and thought they were God are flipping out right now” in reaction to how much Trump has supposedly been improving industries in the United States. He complained that the media was “bitching and complaining” that Trump would destroy the economy, despite the fact that “we didn’t have anything left” and that industry is “all pouring back in now” to the country.

“Doesn’t mean they’re not going to strike back, doesn’t mean it might not be too late, but they were involved in deindustrialization, post-industrial era Agenda 21, Agenda 2030—it’s a plan. It’s public. Trump has read it,” Jones said, referring to United Nations plans regarding global sustainable development practices that have inspired many right-wing conspiracy theories. “Trump knew all of this before I was ever on air.”

Jones went on to claim that Trump’s relationship with Roy Cohn, a shady lawyer who played an instrumental role with former Sen.Joe McCarthy ginning up public hysteria during the Red Scare in the 1950s, was proof that Trump was “the opposite of a Russian agent.”

Jones screamed: “What does that tell you? The globalists are crapping themselves. He’s the opposite of a Russian agent. That’s why they’re so scared. Everything he does is for the country. Everything he does is the classic default of what you do.”

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[font size="8"]Rosanne Premiere

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I was originally going to talk about gun nut apologists and their reaction to the March, but I didn’t like the entry so we’re going to do this instead! You know what people? Don’t call it a comeback! Thank you sound effects guy! So we’re going to talk about the premiere of the TV show Roseanne. And it sparked quite a bit of controversy for one reason alone. That is – Roseanne’s character is a bonafied Trump supporter of the Infowars conspiracy theory variety! Or as they called him on the show – “he who shall not be named!”.

Roseanne Conner is back in primetime, and that thing you’ve been hearing so much about — that choice she made in the last presidential election — has been confirmed and explained.

Roseanne did indeed cast her vote for Donald Trump, or rather, He Who Must Not Be Named, because no one actually says his name throughout the episode. Ditto She Who Must Not Be Named, the pantsuited opponent whom Roseanne assumes sister Jackie voted for, which led to a year-long rift during which the siblings and best friends haven’t spoken to each other.

This part of the Roseanne revival already had some fans vowing not to tune in. How could that liberal, underdog-championing, working-class heroine Roseanne Conner have changed so dramatically that she would turn her back on all she claimed to believe in, all she claimed to be about, to vote … another way? When she and Jackie finally agree to a détente to talk about their beef, Roseanne explains her choice in a way that almost certainly won’t change anyone’s mind, but nevertheless lays down a point: You can choose to get past it, or at least to keep talking, no matter how much you continue to disagree.

That is a good point! So Roseanne is a Trump supporter. And you know in this climate of “Hollywood doesn’t understand our views” well conservatives might want to reconsider that talking point. And as we saw from that Bill Maher clip in the beginning – the people really taking it out on Hollywood are Hollywood rejects! But both sides weren’t left out of the picture.

Roseanne returned to primetime after a 21 year hiatus and immediately tackled the topic of political divisiveness that many American families can relate to. While the show never mentioned specific names, it is implied that Roseanne and Dan are proud Donald Trump supporters. While Roseanne's sister Jackie is anti-Trump.

The premiere episode was centered around Roseanne and Jackie being at odds with each other, in fact they've barely spoken since the 2016 election. But since they are family, they make an attempt to be civil to each other.

The two sister threw barbs at each other. Jackie brought Russian flavored dressing to a family dinner. Roseanne responded by asking Jackie if she'd like to take a knee during grace.

While the two sisters never saw eye-to-eye on each other's political beliefs, they overlooked them for the sake of family. Jackie said, " "I guess I didn't mean to imply that you're some right-wing jackass. I should have tried to understand why you voted the crazy way that you did." Roseanne responded, "And I should have understood that, you know, you want the government to give everybody free health care 'cause you're a good-hearted person who can't do simple math."

Wait, so… how does doing basic math have anything to do with government sponsored health care? I mean who is that joke targeting? You know – for when you thought Fraser was too intellectual! So what does Roseanne’s ex, Tom Arnold, think of the show?

When THR asked me to review the new Roseanne reboot, I promised objectivity. But, of course, I'd been the audience warm-up guy for the Roseanne pilot in 1988 and worked my way up on the show from writer to producer. In fact, by the time Roseanne fired me in 1994 — destroying the trophy case in my office, canceling my credit cards and promising I'd never work in show business again — I'd been executive producing and playing Arnie for a few years. So you can see why these delightful memories would make it hard not to be prejudiced.

The world is different now than when Roseanne and I went to Bill Clinton’s inauguration in 1992, and a lot has changed since the show went off the air in 1997. When I read on Twitter that there was going to be a Roseanne reboot, I was happy for Roseanne and the other actors, but I also knew the new show's success would rest on one thing: Who will Roseanne Conner be in 2018? Because today's Roseanne Barr is more polarizing than ever. No longer a feminist-pacifist voice for the working folks, she's now a far-right Trump-loving troll who's gone hard against liberals and Hillary supporters and even #MeToo women. That is not the Roseanne Barr I knew, but that's OK so long as that's not the Roseanne Conner she brings back to TV.

OK so of course like most things happening in 2018, here’s where it gets weird. Of course you know that Roseanne is a crazy Trump loving fiend who regularly spouts Infowars talking points and QAnon conspiracy theories. And when she gets called out on it guess what? Denial!

Barr being a big Trump supporter, Kimmel reminded her she used to support Hillary Clinton, but became “down on her” and even accused her of being a murderer on Twitter, “didn’t you?”

“I did not!” Barr screeched. “I deleted it!”

But she acknowledged, “I had some disagreement with her foreign policy.”

Because “she had one,” Goodman snarked, largely staying out of the melee.

Barr asked, like she meant it to sting, if Kimmel had supported Clinton during the election.

“Never mind her!” Kimmel shot back, having none of that. “How about the Capt. Whacko we’ve got running the country here?!”

Barr insisted she has not changed over the year, but “you all moved — you all went so f*ckin far out you lost everyone.”

Really Roseanne? Jimmy lost everyone? Is that why he’s one of the highest rated hosts in late night television? But of course the divide has even perplexed her original fans of the show! Because why wouldn’t it?

Tonight is the big night America has been waiting for! After 21 years, Roseanne is returning to the small screen — and in a way, we can all thank President Donald Trump for the reboot.

Roseanne Barr has been a fixture in pop culture for decades, but has largely stayed out of the spotlight since Roseanne ended its nine-season run in in 1997. That all changed during the 2016 presidential election, when Barr came out in support of presidential candidate Donald Trump.

“I think we would be so lucky if Trump won,” she told the Hollywood Reporter several months before the election. “Because then it wouldn’t be Hillary.”

Since those initial viral comments, Barr has gone on to praise and defend Trump continuously, including this week, while promoting the upcoming Roseanne premiere with John Goodman on Jimmy Kimmel Live. After arguing with Kimmel about the president’s controversial administration, Barr said, “No matter who we voted for, we don’t want to see our president fail.”

Considering Barr’s personal political beliefs, there was little surprise when news broke that some of the iconic Conner family on the show will be portrayed as Trump supporters. “It’s just realistic,” the 65-year-old actress said during the Television Critics Association press tour in January. “It was working-class people who elected Trump.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Oh you know what time it is? It’s time for this!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. It’s been a while since we have done one of these. I want to start with this story out of Seattle, Washington featuring two jaw-droppingly stupid criminals who attempted to walk out of a Costco and, well… let’s just say bad things happen.

SEATTLE (KGO) -- Thieves with armloads of stolen laptops and vacuum cleaners literally walked straight into the arms of police.

It happened at a Costco in Seattle last week and it was caught on video.

Officers responded to reports of shoplifting in progress. They arrested a woman who was sitting in a car pulled up to the store's emergency fire doors.

Police say it was the getaway car.

Officers were waiting when a man and a woman loaded down with stolen property kicked the doors open. The suspects tried to make a run for it but police nabbed them.

How about this – what happens when you try to teach a lesson to someone? Here’s one woman from Montana (surprisingly not Florida) who attempted to teach a lesson that backfired big time! Where is J Walter Weatherman from Arrested Development when you need him?

A woman drank a half bottle of whiskey, drove her car through a medical marijuana provider storefront and broke additional windows with a sledgehammer because she was upset the business was closed, prosecutors say.

Lisa Christine Walter, 37, appeared in Yellowstone County Justice Court on Monday on a felony criminal mischief charge and aggravated driving under the influence second offense, a misdemeanor. Justice of the Peace David Carter set bond at $10,000.

Police were called to Grow World, at 3130 King Ave. W., on Friday at 9 a.m., according to charges. There they found Walter drinking from a measuring glass, with her blue Honda Civic driven partially through the front doors of the business.

All 10 of the front windows to the business had been broken, police said. There was a baseball bat sticking out of the rear passenger side window, a sledge hammer sitting on the front seat and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the rear of the car.


Next up we go to where else but Florida? Yes, the Sunshine State always knows how to bring the crazy extra hard. And this is a classic Florida Man story too – I mean you can diagram the first sentence of this story and you still won’t be able to fully comprehend it.

Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.
Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit.

The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume.

The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said.


Yes seriously – WTF. This almost kind of sounds like the plot from Hot Fuzz when they tried to destroy the guy’s house with bacon and beans. Only there wasn’t a bull costume involved. Next up – how about some hardcore pornography for your daily commute? Yes this actually happened in the Philippines this week.

The mayor of the major financial hub in the Philippines said on Wednesday she was investigating after a pornographic video appeared briefly on a prominent billboard, startling motorists on one of the bustling city’s major roadways.

The video appeared for about half a minute on an electronic billboard at a busy intersection on the main road through Makati City, the central business district of the sprawling capital, Manila, on Tuesday afternoon.

Makati Mayor Abigail Binay immediately ordered the billboard shut down after the clip of a couple having sex was shown, but pictures and videos of it captured by motorists on their mobile phones were shared widely on social media.

The billboard will remain closed pending the results of an investigation, Binay said. That investigation will include whether the billboard’s owner, Philippine company Globaltronics, or its employees were responsible, a statement from her office said.

Yeah seriously – does anyone need that much porno? Yeah probably! So for this next story – if you’re at a school, and a guy comes in with a gun and starts shooting, how do you protect yourself? Here’s one suggestion and it’s about as stupid as you can get!

One schools superintendent has a novel way to keep his students safe from school shooters: arming them with rocks.

David Helsel, superintendent of a school district in northeast Pennsylvania, explained his plan to a legislative education committee last week, drawing a flurry of local media coverage.

“Every classroom has been equipped with a five-gallon bucket of river stone,” Helsel explained about his Blue Mountain School District in Schuylkill County, northeast of Harrisburg, in a video broadcast by ABC affiliate 16 WNEP. “If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full of students armed with rocks, and they will be stoned.”

Helsel’s comments come amid a new chapter in the public debate about mass shootings after a man killed 17 people at a high school in Parkland, Fla. Despite polls showing that large numbers of Americans support stricter gun-control measures, Congress has not produced any significant legislation, and schools and other officials have looked to other solutions. President Trump floated an NRA-backed idea of arming teachers.

OK so enlighten me, sir, how is this going to stop someone with a gun exactly? I mean did you go to the Betsy DeVos school of protecting yourself from a bear attack? And then finally for People Are Dumb – we’ve got a Top 10 update for you! Yes, an update! Remember our old buddy from Bakersfield who was trying to launch himself in a homemade rocket to prove the earth was flat? Well, he did it!

He finally went up — just like the self-taught rocket scientist always pledged he would.

He came back down in one piece, too — a little dinged up and his steam-powered vessel a little cracked up.

Still, mission accomplished for a guy more daredevil than engineer, who drew more comparisons to the cartoon character Wile E. Coyote from his critics than he did to iconic stunt man Evel Knievel.

“Mad” Mike Hughes, the rocket man who believes the Earth is flat, propelled himself about 1,875 feet into the air Saturday before a hard landing in the Mojave Desert. He told The Associated Press that outside of an aching back he’s fine after the launch near Amboy, California.

Yes! We got him!!!!!! We got him everybody! Mad Mike finally launched himself in a rocket! And it didn’t prove shit! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Round 1 Week 2

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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! I hope you all filled out your brackets! This We have not one, but two exciting matchups this week! Last week – Kentucky utterly routed Iowa by a whopping 25 points to advance to the Elite 8 while the Montana and Arizona game came to a head with Montana hitting a thrilling last second buzzer beater and winning over Arizona. Both teams advance to the next round. This week – it’s family values and extreme corporate greed as Kansas looks to defend their conference title against red hot West Virginia, while the red hot Hoosiers of Indiana take on conference favorite Alabama in a battle for who’s the bigger worshippers of Jesus! Roll Tide! Get out your brackets so you can follow along!

[font size="6"]Match 1: Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference: West Virginia Vs Kansas[/font]

[font size="4"]Kansas[/font]

Kansas is the reigning king of the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. They are the home of agriculture, Koch Industries, and some of the biggest colleges in the country including Kansas State – home of the possible world champion Jayhawks, and Witchita State University. Kansas is also the home of the road side attraction including things like the World’s Largest Ball Of Twine. And now that Chris Christie has been dethroned from New Jersey, Kansas is the home of the world’s worst governor – Sam Brownback – who has been known to say batshit crazy things like this.

A new report from the Kansas Center for Economic Growth concludes former Gov. Sam Brownback’s supply-side tax reductions induced years of financial crisis, rather than the “rural recession” Brownback blamed.

Now, one year after a partial reversal of the massive 2012 tax cuts, lawmakers face the difficult election-year prospect of paying for another increase in school funding. Goossen, a senior fellow with KCEG and the budget director for three governors before Brownback, said it is important to be honest and clear about the cause of the state’s budget problems.

The KCEG report to be released Monday says the global decline in commodities prices only accounts for a small portion of the overall economy in Kansas and wasn’t significant enough to derail budgets in neighboring states. Also, the agricultural and energy downturn happened after Kansas budgets became unstable.

Yeah, Gov. Brownback, you suck! And you should feel bad! And then Kansas is also the home of an amusement park called Schlitterbahn that has been at the subject of what happens when the republicans deregulate everything. And the answer to that is more deregulations!

Jeff Henry, the co-owner of Schlitterbahn, was arrested on Monday in Cameron County, Texas, on charges related to the 2016 death of a 10-year-old boy on a water slide in Kansas.

Officials in Cameron County, the southernmost county in Texas, said Henry was arrested on a Kansas warrant.

"He was arrested by U.S. Marshals out of Brownsville," Texas, said Capt. Javier Reyna of the Cameron County Sheriff's Office.

Schlitterbahn has a water park in South Padre Island, which is in the county where Henry was arrested. The U.S. Marshals Service is a federal law enforcement agency responsible for transporting prisoners across state line

[font size="4"]West Virginia[/font]

West Virginia is a state that we have not yet covered in the Stupidest State contest. West Virginia is home to a large portion of this country’s coal mining operations. And it’s the state where you’re more likely to get black lung than just about anything. It’s the home to universities like the University of West Virginia which is always a final four favorite. And in case you’re wondering just how greedy things get in West Virginia here’s a couple of examples.

The City of Beckley is one step closer to purchasing Black Knight Country Club from Gov. Jim Justice in a $3 million deal, following the regular meeting Tuesday of Beckley Common Council, Mayor Rob Rappold reports.

Council approved the first reading of an ordinance to authorize the "acquisition, planning, establishment, equipping and costruction of new recreation facilities (BKCC)" by the Beckley Building Commission and authorized the commission to lease BKCC to the city.

Two more readings are required before Council approves the ordinance.

"The Beckley Building Commission will be the lessor on BKCC, and the city will be the lessee," Rappold explained the process of Beckley's acquisition of BKCC, a private country club with an 89-year history in Beckley. "The Building Commission makes the purchase and then leases BKCC to the city, for the amount of the loan on a monthly basis."

Read more: http://www.register-herald.com/news/council-moves-one-step-closer-to-country-club-deal/article_52df5746-7a09-503f-94b6-821fb0d82dc5.html

And then of course if you’ve been following the news you know that West Virginia has been the center of a massive teacher’s strike that has just crippled the state. And it’s all thanks to reckless conservative policies! Yay!

Thousands of striking West Virginia teachers and school employees are gathering at the state capitol in Charleston today to press their demands for livable wages and the right to high-quality health care. The strike by more than 33,000 teachers and support staff has entered its eighth day and a new and decisive stage.

The mass protests today take place as 1,400 Frontier Communications workers have gone on strike across West Virginia and in parts of Virginia. The workers, who are members of the Communications Workers of America (CWA), have been working without a contract since August 5 of last year, and are fighting job cuts and efforts to destroy their health care coverage.

On Saturday night, the Republican-controlled state Senate carried out a calculated provocation against the striking teachers, voting to reduce the pay offer to teachers and school employees from five percent to four percent. Senate President Mitch Carmichael and the powerful energy, chemical and other corporate interests that stand behind him have thrown down the gauntlet to teachers and public employees.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Wow, another great game with some close calls, but in the end the coal miners in West Virginia trounced Kansas by 15. Final score: 86 – 71. West Virginia’s first time in the tournament and they did not disappoint! The conference champs go home defeated!

[font size="6"]Match 2: Family Values Conference: Indiana Vs. Alabama[/font]

[font size="4"]Indiana[/font]

Indiana is a state that we have not yet covered in this matchup. The Hoosier State is the home of such world class universities as the University Of Indiana – home of the Hoosiers, as made famous in the movie “Hoosiers”. It’s also the home of the Fighting Irish - Notre Dame University, and Purdue University. It’s also the home of world class sports teams including the Indianapolis Colts and the Indiana Pacers. But what else is Indiana the home of? Well it could the home of guns in churches! Yes – two things the Family Values crowd loves!

Currently, Hoosiers can legally carry guns on church property, so long as that property doesn't also house a school. The Indiana Senate Judiciary Committee took a step toward changing that Wednesday, moving forward a bill that would allow guns on all church property — school or not.

"This allows a house of worship to be able to protect their congregation on their property," said the bill's sponsor, Indianapolis Republican Jack Sandlin. "It does not put guns in the hands of teachers. It does not prohibit houses of worship from establishing policies to prohibit the bringing of firearms onto their property."

The bill passed along party lines, with five Republicans sending Senate Bill 33 to the floor and two Democrats voting against it.

Democrats weren't the only opposition in the room.

Read more: https://www.indystar.com/story/news/education/2018/01/31/bill-allow-guns-church-school-property-advances/1080628001/

Indiana is also the home of our current Vice President Mike Pence. And Pence is famously known for being anti-gay. And well here’s what happens when he’s out of his element:

Last year, the Irish prime minister was welcomed by the U.S. president and vice president with open arms — and with open coverage by reporters — ahead of the annual St. Patrick's Day festivities.

But this year, Vice President Mike Pence's breakfast with new Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar will be closed to the media — at the request of the vice president. In a departure from the recent past, reporters were told Friday's event to be attended by Pence and Varadkar will be private and the media won't be invited.

Pence also had a St. Patrick's Day breakfast in March 2017 with Enda Kenny, the Irish prime minister at the time. The difference this year could possibly be Varadkar's visibility as an openly gay man as well as Pence's long record of opposing issues important to the gay and lesbian community.

People are speculating whether issues such as gay and lesbian rights and Pence's stance on gay-conversion therapy might be discussed at their meeting. For instance, the Human Rights Campaign, an LGBTQ civil rights advocacy group, sent a tweet questioning the motive for banning the media from the Pence-Varadkar event.

Read more: https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2018/03/15/mike-pence-faces-backlash-banning-media-meeting-gay-irish-prime-minister/428821002/


[font size="4"]Alabama[/font]

Ah the reigning champions of this conference. There ain’t no messing with Alabama when it comes to the subject of Family Values hypocrisy. I mean after all this is the state that, when we last saw them, they had tried to elect Roy Moore, a champion and NFFSA MVP, to the senate. Only… he lost! Yes, cue the Nelson laugh! Roy Moore lost in one gigantic clusterfuck of an election to Doug Jones, and that state is still reeling from that election. But Roy Moore isn’t the only Family Values hypocrite in the state!

Alabama lawmakers need to protect "our ladies" and to do that, they should not arm teachers because most are women, argued State Rep. Harry Shiver, R-Stockton, this morning.

Most women, and women teachers in particular, "are scared of guns," and should not be expected to carry them in classrooms, he said.

Shiver, in comments to AL.com, echoed the statements he made during this morning's Public Safety Committee hearing in which he said he wanted to protect women teachers.

"I'm not saying all (women), but in most schools, women are (the majority) of the teachers," Shiver told AL.com. "Some of them just don't want to (be trained to possess firearms). If they want to, then that's good. But most of them don't want to learn how to shoot like that and carry a gun."

Read more: http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2018/03/women_scare_of_guns.html#incart_river_index

Wait wait wait wait wait…. OK in one breath you morons say you should “arm the teachers” because reasons, and now you’re saying we shouldn’t arm teachers, because, sexism. Wow, the hypocrisy reeks here! Sexism is definitely rampant in Alabama. And then there’s this guy!

An aide to ex-Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore who qualified Monday with the state GOP for a congressional seat based in Montgomery and the Wiregrass region said he is running on "safety, prosperity and morality," adding that the district doesn't need a "career politician" - a swipe at his primary Republican rival, incumbent Rep. Martha Roby.

Rich Hobson, who managed Moore's special election campaign for U.S. Senate, said in Hoover that Washington is still plagued by special interests, "remnants of the Obama administration" and "weak-kneed Republicans ... who make up the swamp."

"The problems of last year, unfortunately, they still remain," Hobson said. "I want to make sure that we preserve a safe, a prosperous and a moral America for our children and grandchildren."

The race between Roby, Hobson and state Rep. Barry Moore is arguably the most hotly contested House races in Alabama. Meanwhile, national Democrats also have their eyes on capturing the seat.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Sorry Indiana, you may have gay wedding cakes, but no one out crazies the champs in Alabama in this conference! They may have looked tired due to fatigue from the Roy Moore trial but they own this conference in the NFFSA! Final score – Alabama wins it by 12 – 101 – 89.

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week it’s Round 1 Week 3 and we’re going to be live at the Gila River Arena in Phoenix, Arizona, and this time around the casino moguls in Nevada are going to go for broke against the capitalists in Wisconsin, while Florida will bring their big guns to the dance against Louisiana!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Stone Temple Pilots[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is making their late night debut here, they have a new album that just came out last week with a new lead singer and it is great! Playing their new song called “Roll Me Under”, give it up for the legendary Stone Temple Pilots!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-10: The Trumper Games: You're Fired! Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-10: The Trumper Games: You're Fired! Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Who wants a billion dollars? Because that’s the award our show is giving to someone who fills out a perfect bracket. Wait what? My producer Carlos is telling me that there are no perfect brackets anymore. I mean come on, who didn’t have Virginia picked to go all the way? Damn you UMBC!!! Thank you sound effects guy! Just kidding, that was the upset of the century and I watched every second of that game. And no we don’t have a billion dollars to give away. We barely have a hundred. Come on, when you have a budget of zero then sacrifices have to be made, people! Do we have time for the thing? OK good. Hey people – enough of the fan theories! So of course Marvel drops the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War this weekend. Which – by the way – it looks fucking amazing. I mean come on, who doesn’t want to see that Spiderman and Dr. Strange scene? Or that scene with Thor surrounded by lightning? Or Iron Man and Peter Quill in the same room? But really – we don’t need your 40 minute analysis of a 2 minute trailer! OK? Seriously, don’t you people have better and more constructive things to do? Well besides watch us, I mean! And I mean this really happens every single time a blockbuster movie comes out. The trailer is 2 fucking minutes! And just watching the trailer on Youtube, you soon thereafter get bombarded with hundreds of videos of people mindlessly delving into every minute detail of the trailer. It’s madness. It needs to end now! What? I mean just because we see toddler Groot doesn’t mean we need a play by play analysis of it like it’s the final play of the Super Bowl! Stop it people, just stop it! And no I don’t need your prediction videos about what you think is going to happen in Avengers: Infinity War. And I’m a huge fan of the Marvel Universe. Can’t we just sit back, watch movies and enjoy them anymore? why does everything have to have a playbook analysis? I mean it’s just madness. OK enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he takes a long look at the history of our current Vice President Mike Pence:

Ed. Note – We are *NOT* going to cover the Austin bombings. It’s a horrifying story and making fun of it would again violate policy that we don’t make fun of events like this. That would be beneath us.

Taking the first slot this week – is of course our president Donald J. Trump (1) who occupies only a single slot this week. He’s named the latest tributes in this year’s exciting edition of The Trumper Games – Rex Tillerson and Andrew McCabe! Taking the second slot this week is a pro Trump research group called Cambridge Analytica (2), and whew, if you think there’s collusion going on, these guys are taking it to a whole new level! In the third slot this week is the real president of the United States – Vladimir Putin (3), who handily won reelection this week which means 6 more years of sheer terror! But would you be surprised he rigged his own election? We’re not! In the 4th slot this week is West Virginia coal mining CEO Don Blankenship (4) who launched a bid for senate. Yes, these assholes just wont go away! Taking the 5th slot, we’ve got the return of “How Is This Still A Thing” and this time around we’re going to talk about a pair of incidents and ask “Swatting: How Is This Still A Thing”?At number 6 is our weekly sermon on all the wacky things the Christian right is up to this week in “Holy Shit” (6), and this time around, our resident pastor is going to go looking for demons. Because they exist, apparently. In the number 7 slot, we’ve got an all new installment of our ongoing series “Top 10 Investigates” (7) and this time we’re going to ask “WTF is going on with Stan Lee?”. Yes, the Marvel legend is in some deep trouble and we’ll tell you all about it. At number 8 is the Alt Right – we’re going to tell you about their plans to launch their own conference along with Richard Spencer’s terrible no good very bad day. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is a new round of “I Need A Drink” and this time we’re going to get drunk and enjoy a burger prepared by Pasadena’s own Flippy The Robot (9). And finally it’s the long-awaited tip off of our Stupidest State Contest! This week it’s Round 1 Week 1 which will see Iowa battle Kentucky for the king of the Batshit Conference, while Montana will be bringing their big guns against Arizona in an old west duel to the death! Plus we’ll have a live performance from the legendary Arcade Fire! Wait, they were just on Saturday Night Live! What are they doing on our crappy show? Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Ah it’s time for the latest round of the Trumper Games! Wait, give me a second.

Welcome to the latest round of the Trumper Games! Mmmm… yes…. Mmm… yes! Hey Charlie! Why must you give me the cheap champagne? I want the good shit! Much better! So we have the latest two tributes who are descending upon the capital have been eliminated! And we will tell you all about it because it’s insane. This week – not one, but two tributes – one hailing from District 5 South, the other hailing from District 7 – Tribute Tillerson and Tribute McCabe. This isn’t a mere edition of the Trumper Games, this is the Trumper Games: You’re Fired! So who is behind door number one?

This week, amid more than a year of a record-setting number of firings and resignations for the Trump administration, one of the biggest names yet was given his dismissal. Namely, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, whose firing was publicly announced on Tuesday. But on Friday, in a meeting with reporters, White House chief of staff John Kelly reportedly revealed how Tillerson was fired, and the details are about as awkward as it gets.

The meeting Kelly participated in was reportedly off-the-record, which means those reporters who were actually invited were bound not to publicly divulge or detail its contents. Since then, however, multiple outlets (including The Daily Beast and Axios) that weren't in on the meeting have reported on what Kelly said, citing sources familiar with the contents of the call. Since these outlets were not invited to the meeting, they are therefore not bound by it being off-the-record.

As such, The Daily Beast reported on Friday that Kelly discussed what Tillerson was up to when he got the news he'd been fired, and from the sounds of things it was pretty unceremonious. Specifically, Kelly reportedly said Tillerson was sitting on a toilet when he got the call, suffering from an upset stomach while abroad in Africa on official business.

Mmmmmmmmmm… yes! Mmmmmmmmmmmm…. Yes! My pretties, the latest tribute – who was from District 5 South, was eliminated while he was on the toilet! Because in the Trumper Games, anyone can be fired at any time for any reason. Doesn't matter if you're taking a shit or you're getting shit on by a porn star. Hey everyone has something. And this might be the most President Trump thing that has happened since President Trump took office! By the way we have to show the brilliant Saturday Night Live intro from this week which featured John Goodman as the now former Secretary Of State:

That line from John Goodman was brilliant! “One minute you’re the head of a $50 billion corporation, the next you get fired by a guy who used to sell steaks in the mail!”. So who is the latest tribute to take his place in the Trumper Games?

Of all of CIA Director Mike Pompeo’s qualifications to serve as secretary of the State Department, one of the most meaningful in terms of his relationship with the career foreign service may, improbably, be his service as a U.S. Army officer.

From my own 32 years as an American diplomat, including a stint as deputy executive secretary on the seventh floor of the State Department, I observed that Secretaries George Shultz and Jim Baker, both Marine Corps officers, had a genuine appreciation for the work of the officers who staff the bureaus, just as they had for their troops in combat.

As a graduate of West Point and having served as a U.S. Army officer, Pompeo will have a similar in-bred instinct to reach far down into the bureaucratic structure and make every part of the State Department feel that they are, once again, considered a valued part of his team implementing our country’s foreign policy.

As the secretary of the State Department involves deputy assistant secretaries, country directors, desk officers and foreign affairs specialists in formulating policy options and providing in-depth background information to him, morale will soar.

Well, considering that Trump and his Infowars cabal broke American diplomacy it’s going to take a hell of a lot to fix it, Mikey! But Tillerson wasn’t the only tribute eliminated this week! Who is the latest to go in this week’s Trumper Games?

It's hard to say exactly why former top FBI official Andrew McCabe was fired Friday night, hours before he was set to retire with full benefits. The top line from the man who fired him, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, is that McCabe authorized the FBI to talk to the media about a Hillary Clinton-related criminal inquiry, then “lacked candor” when internal investigators asked him about it.

That's all we know for now. The details aren't public because the Justice Department hasn't yet released a report from its own internal watchdog.

The lack of transparency on McCabe's firing leaves room for both sides to say this is really about Russia.

McCabe has said his firing is the latest salvo in an “ongoing war” on the FBI and the special counsel investigating Trump-Russia connections. President Trump immediately pivoted from McCabe's firing over how he handled an aspect of a Clinton investigation to attacking the entire FBI for its ongoing investigation of him.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes. So my pretties FBI investigator Andrew McCabe, was the latest tribute to be eliminated from the games! And the president has spoken! Yes, our dear leader aired his grievances with this particular tribute from his favorite means of communication – the tweet!


To which the president followed it up with:


But it’s not over! We will keep you posted on the latest tributes and developments happening in the Trumper Games! So why was Tribute McCabe eliminated from his competition in the games? There are many theories on that!

While it might be too early to label fired former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe a victim, there is without question one victim in this story: the American people, who have been left to form opinions without benefit of the facts.

With all eyes on the Justice Department’s Office of Inspector General and its forthcoming report on the conduct of FBI officials during the 2016 investigation into Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server, Justice leadership chose to act on a subset of the IG’s findings and fire McCabe without providing underlying details.

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[font size="8"]Cambridge Analytica
[br] [/font]

So the guy who currently calls himself the president of the United States – Donald J. Trump, will repeatedly remind you that this is a witch hunt, and that there’s “no collusion!”. And of course Trump doesn't know anything. In fact he is the man who knew too little, and he knows so little that he's forced to just come up with bullshit excuses. Like he did on Monday:


The only real conflict of interest sir, is your office. Thank you! Because this week, Facebook let go of a long time collaborator called Cambridge Analytica. You might not know the name but after this week, it should be forever engrained in your brains:

A former Cambridge Analytica employee accused the data analytics firm of mishandling the personal information of more than 50 million Facebook users in an effort to help Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign.

Christopher Wylie, who helped found Cambridge and worked there until late 2014, told ABC News the company would use the information, including Facebook users’ hometowns, friends and “likes” to influence the behavior of potential voters.

“Cambridge Analytica will try to pick at whatever mental weakness or vulnerability that we think you have and try to warp your perception of what’s real around you,” Wylie told ABC News in the interview. “If you are looking to create an information weapon, the battle space you operate in is social media. That is where the fight happens.”

That is a good point, sir! But there’s far more to this evil act from Facebook and Cambridge Analytica that could possibly do some long term serious damage. Oh and guess who CA’s chief financial backer was? Yup!:

A powerful but previously obscure online data mining firm bankrolled by Albuquerque native Robert Mercer has been thrust into the media glare following revelations that it harvested Facebook user information to help propel Donald Trump into the White House in 2016.

Robert Mercer, a Sandia High School and UNM graduate turned New York hedge fund titan, reportedly plowed $15 million into Cambridge Analytica, which helped both the Trump campaign in the U.S. and the Brexit movement in the United Kingdom. The Journal profiled Mercer and his Albuquerque connections in November.

According to Forbes magazine, Mercer donated $24.6 million to the Republican Party in 2016. He has reportedly invested $10 million into Breitbart, the conservative news site. Financial journals place his net worth at from $900 million to more than a $1 billion.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Well if this is true then Robert Mercer not only violated Facebook’s terms of use, he may have committed some light treason on top of that! But how deep does this thing go? It turns out that Brexit may have been compromised as well!

THE HEAD OF the British parliament’s media committee has accused Facebook of misleading lawmakers by downplaying the risk of users’ data being shared without their consent.

Conservative legislator Damian Collins said he would ask Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg or another executive to appear before his committee, which is investigating disinformation and fake news.

Collins said Facebook has “consistently understated” the risk of data leaks and given misleading answers to the committee.

“Someone has to take responsibility for this,” he said. “It’s time for Mark Zuckerberg to stop hiding behind his Facebook page.”

So Robert Mercer and Facebook may have… just may have committed some light treason. Actually, it may be full bore treason. Oh by the way conservatives – there is no social media conspiracy surrounding conservatives getting shit canned from Facebook and Twitter. You’re getting canned because you’re hateful dicks! Stop being hateful dicks and we’ll stop reporting you! This is getting scarier and scarier and it looks like a whole bunch of people are going to go down for this. Not in that way, sir! Of course they’re going to deny it, because, why not?

Cambridge Analytica, a data analytics firm used by the Donald Trump campaign during the 2016 elections, insisted on Saturday that it did not misuse or hold data obtained from Facebook FB users, despite having been sanctioned by the platform for doing so.

On Friday, Facebook announced that it had suspended Cambridge Analytica , suggesting the firm had not been honest about deleting user data sent to it by the makers of a popular psychology test app.

That particular app, called "thisisyourdigitallife," was itself banned by Facebook back in 2015. However, the social network has accused Cambridge Analytica of holding that data, despite assurances to the contrary.

"Several days ago, we received reports that, contrary to the certifications we were given, not all data was deleted," Facebook said in a blog post . "We are moving aggressively to determine the accuracy of these claims. If true, this is another unacceptable violation of trust and the commitments they made."

Cambridge Analytica now finds itself in the middle of a political firestorm, amid a roiling debate over 'information warfare' that is being used to influence the electoral process. It stands accused of harvesting Facebook user data to profile voters that that were ultimately targeted by the Trump campaign, which spent over $6 million on information obtained by the firm.

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[font size="8"]Vladimir Putin
[br] [/font]

Meanwhile, in Russia… um, we should pay far more attention to what’s going on in that country than we are right now. Because it’s fucking insane. So the real president of the United States, Vladimir Putin, is the new leader of Russia. But of course like all things involving Putin, it’s not without some shady fucking activity surrounding it. And I mean would you be surprised that Trump called Putin after the election and the NSA, FBI, and CIA all explicitly warned him *NOT* to do so? I mean he's under investigation for Russian collusion!

President Trump did not follow specific warnings from his national security advisers Tuesday when he congratulated Russian President Vladi­mir Putin on his reelection — including a section in his briefing materials in all-capital letters stating “DO NOT CONGRATULATE,” according to officials familiar with the call.

Trump also chose not to heed talking points from aides instructing him to condemn the recent poisoning of a former Russian spy in Britain with a powerful nerve agent, a case that both the British and U.S. governments have blamed on Moscow.

The president’s conversation with Putin, which Trump described as a “very good call,” prompted fresh criticism of his muted tone toward one of the United States’ biggest geopolitical rivals amid the special counsel investigation into Russia’s election interference and the Trump campaign’s contacts with Russian officials.


Yeah so that happened. Trump is seriously that guy - if you tell him not to do something, he will do it. Don't push the button. Sure, he'll push that fucking button all right! So here’s how the whole Russian election went down.

(CNN)Sunday's landslide election that handed victory to Russian President Vladimir Putin was "overly controlled" and "lacked genuine competition," international election monitors said Monday.

Michael Georg Link, who led a team of observers from the Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe (OSCE), said election day was conducted professionally and in an orderly manner, but that the vote was held on "an uneven playing field."
He pointed to the extensive media coverage given to Putin on tightly controlled state-run television, the main source of political information in Russia.

"Where the legal framework restricts many fundamental freedoms and the outcome is not in doubt, elections almost lose their purpose," Link said Monday at a news conference in Moscow.


Oh sure who needs fair competition when Vlad has been known to literally murder it? If you’re running against Putin, you might want to have professional food and drink tasters, and maybe a professional car starter on hand 24/7. We’re just saying. You got to protect yourself. And come on in a very one sided election, do you really need exit polls?

Moscow (CNN)Vladimir Putin has extended his grip on Russia for another six years after an overwhelming victory in Sunday's presidential election, a result that was never in doubt.
With 99.8% of the votes counted, Putin won with 76.7%, according to Central Election Commission data. It means Putin will rule until 2024, when he will be 71 and obliged by law to step down.

Putin sailed to victory against the backdrop of wall-to-wall support from state media and with no serious challenger. His nearest rival, Communist Party candidate Pavel Grudinin, won 11.79%,while ultra-nationalist Vladimir Zhirinovsky took 5.7%. Former reality TV presenter Ksenia Sobchak was on 1.7%, while veteran liberal politician Grigory Yavlinsky received just over 1% of the vote.

His fiercest opponent, Alexei Navalny, was barred from the race.

And not only was it a win – it was a landslide victory and one of the widest margins in Russian election history. So, audience… HOW BIG WAS IT????

Vladimir Putin cruised to victory in Sunday’s presidential elections in a result that was never in question. His fourth term as president will extend until 2024, making him the first Kremlin leader to serve two decades in power since Josef Stalin.

With results still coming in, Putin looked set to exceed expectations by clinching more than 75% of the vote.

Turnout, which was seen as a measure of the Kremlin’s legitimacy in this uncompetitive campaign, was close to 60% as of 9pm GMT on Sunday evening after a long day of voting. The Kremlin had hoped to match the 65% who cast votes in 2012 and had initially sought 70% turnout.

“Thank you for your support,” Putin told crowds on Manezhnaya Square just under the Kremlin walls, wearing a black down jacket with a fur hood. “Everyone who voted today is part of our big, national team.”

Where fashion sits… putting on the Ritz!! Sorry, got carried away there for a minute. But even the most landslide margins don’t come without some landslide cheating! The Joker from the Dark Knight said it best – “madness is like gravity, all it needs is a little push!”. And that’s exactly what Putin has done!

Russian election observers denounced what they said were large-scale violations in the presidential vote that handed Vladimir Putin a crushing victory, including ballot-stuffing that was captured on state-controlled cameras.

Golos, an election-monitoring organization, said it registered more than 1,500 violations in regions across Russia. Several cases of people stuffing ballot boxes at polling stations, including near Moscow, were recorded on cameras set up by the authorities to ensure a transparent vote.

Opposition leader Alexey Navalny said data compiled by his observers at polling stations showed that the official turnout of 67.5 percent was inflated by 10 percentage points. Navalny was barred from contesting the election and had called for a boycott of Sunday’s vote in protest. There was “widespread fraud,” according to Open Russia, an opposition organization founded by former oil tycoon and Kremlin opponent Mikhail Khodorkovsky.

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[font size="8"]Don Blankenship
[br] [/font]

You know you can’t spell the word “conservative” without the word “con”. And nobody cons it up more than a conservative CEO. And more specifically – the CEO of a coal mining company. And even more specific than that – a recently indicted CEO of a coal mining company who served only a years’ time for the untimely deaths of 29 employees caused by a safety violation. Yeah, we’re looking at you, Don Blankenship. Don’t think you can’t get away with this one!

The West Virginia Senate race has an ex-con in the lead of the Republican primary and the GOP is fearing it might become another Roy Moore-level disaster for their party.

Coal baron Don Blankenship is freshly freed from one year in prison after a mining safety incident that killed 29 miners. The incident marked the deadliest coal mining incident in 40 years, and Blankenship was found partially responsible. He became the first ever high-ranking executive who was convicted of a workplace safety violation.

When Blankenship was freed, he filed to run for the U.S. Senate for the Republican Party. As one of the wealthiest and most influential men in Appalachia, according to the New York Times, Blankenship has dumped $450,000 of his fortune into television ads blasting the field of his fellow Republicans. As a result, Politico revealed, he’s shot up in the polls.

Now, the GOP is starting to worry. In a race against conservative Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV), Blankenship has to go as far right as the likes of Moore or Pennsylvania congressional candidate Rick Saccone. At the same time, having an ex-con whose lax safety in coal mines killed so many West Virginians isn’t a good look for the Republican Party.

Maybe this is how you drain the swamp – appoint the most disgusting, boorish candidates possible to the ticket, and then they get replaced with someone much better! So you might be thinking why appoint one of the ugliest people possible to run for senate? Well…

On a cold, rainy night in West Virginia coal country this winter, Don Blankenship glares out at a half-empty conference room at the Big Sandy Superstore Arena in Huntington. For almost an hour, the ex-coal executive and ex-con reads off a teleprompter, doing his best impression of a political candidate. For a big man, Blankenship has a surprisingly soft voice. His message is anything but. He talks of his years of union-busting, the twin evils of illegal immigration and opioid addiction—blaming the first for causing the second—and the folly of environmental regulation.

Throughout, he never strays far from the true target of his ire: Democratic Senator Joe Manchin. Blankenship blames Manchin not only for much of what’s wrong with West Virginia, but also for helping put him behind bars.

So just how evil is Don Blankenship? Well, he’s so evil that the GOP is fearing that they’ll have another Roy Moore style scandal brewing in West Virginia. Hey, we can only hope!

National Republicans — on the heels of the Roy Moore and Rick Saccone debacles — worry they’re staring down their latest potential midterm election fiasco: coal baron and recent federal prisoner Don Blankenship.

With Blankenship skyrocketing in the West Virginia Republican Senate primary and blanketing the airwaves with ads assailing his fractured field of rivals as career politicians, senior party officials are wrestling with how, or even whether, to intervene. Many of them are convinced that Blankenship, who served a one-year sentence after the deadly 2010 explosion at his Upper Big Branch Mine, would be a surefire loser against Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin — and potentially become a national stain for the party.

The discussions have intensified over the past few weeks. During separate meetings with the National Republican Senatorial Committee, aides to Blankenship’s two primary opponents, Rep. Evan Jenkins and state Attorney General Patrick Morrisey, pointed to Blankenship’s traction and questioned what could be done to stop him. The Senate GOP campaign arm, which heard out the appeals, recently commissioned a survey to gauge the coal king’s electoral strength and determine his staying power in the race.

Oh come on! Blankenship is too evil for even evil Spongebob! And you don’t want to double cross evil Spongebob! You will not like evil Spongebob! But at least the protestors will hopefully shut him down!

When Don Blankenship came to the WVU Mountainlair, so did protesters.

Minutes after Blankenship, a Republican U.S. Senate candidate and the former CEO of Massey Energy, began talking during a town hall on Thursday, a protester left her seat to place roses on Blankenship's podium.

“These are for Richard K. Lane,” said the protester, who then walked out of the room.

Around 20 others followed her lead, shouting the names of victims of the 2010 Upper Big Branch Mine disaster.

Several protesters screamed profanities. One tore the Don Blankenship sign off the podium and left with it.

The protesters gathered outside the closed door and began singing as Blankenship continued to speak.

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[font size="8"]Swatting: How Is This Still A Thing?
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Time Once Again To Ask:

This week: Swatting. How is this still a thing? The practice of swatting was popularized in the late 2000s by bored teenagers who had an internet connection and way too much time on their hands. But its’ origins may date back to the 1970s, when prank calling people was still a thing. But this week there have been an alarming and exponential increase in the use of the tactics of swatting.

A call of shots fired that sent scores of heavily armed officers to a Northwestern University graduate dorm Wednesday afternoon was apparently a case of “swatting,” a false emergency designed to draw a large police response.

A caller reached the Evanston police from somewhere near Rockford around 2:15 p.m. and said he had shot his girlfriend at Engelhart Hall, just west of the main campus at Emerson Street and Maple Avenue.

Alerts were issued and teams of police were dispatched, but officers found the woman — a Northwestern student — unharmed with “no evidence of a victim, scene or gunman,” said Evanston police Cmdr. Ryan Glew, a spokesman for the department.

“That residence has been vacant since before Thanksgiving,” Glew said of the dorm room at Engelhart. “We’re preparing to call it a swatting incident. ... She was not in any danger.”

Yes, holy shit indeed. So what started out as an innocent prank call led to the swat team descending upon an entire building full of panicked people and shots being fired. Isn’t living in 2018 America fucking great? But if you think this was an isolated incident, think again!

A bogus 911 call that prompted a large law enforcement response in San Marcos and was determined to be a case of "swatting" was traced back to Michigan, the San Diego Sheriff's Department (SDSO) said Thursday.

At least a dozen deputies descended on the San Elijo neighborhood of San Marcos at about 2 p.m. Wednesday after a 911 caller reported that a man had shot his girlfriend and wanted to shoot himself.

Deputies found the person reported as the shooter, who was "shocked" to see law enforcement at his door, SDSO Lt. Eddie Brock said.

It was determined no shots had been fired and no crime had been committed.

Wait, wait, wait, wait… how can police not do some background checks on prank calls? This is absolutely absurd. Swatting is a huge waste of resources just for stirring up stupid shit. And there was yet *ANOTHER* incident in Maryland this week. This is getting ridiculous.

WHEATON, Md. - Police say they found a home in Montgomery County unoccupied after a report of a possible hostage situation was received and are now investigating to see if the incident was a 'swatting' hoax.

The call for a possible barricade and hostage situation was received Thursday morning. Officers say the incident was reported around 10:30 a.m. to a house on Ferrara Drive in Wheaton.

Police originally said the incident was reported as a domestic incident with a possible hostage. Dozens of officers and emergency crews responded to the area of Ferrara Drive and Indigo Road Staging areas were set up and several roads int he area were closed.

Yes, Swatting is just like that clip from Seinfeld – only no book theft was involved. And in case you’re wondering how much the average Swatting call costs, well, the numbers are staggering. People, seriously, don’t swat. It costs us and it costs you.

The third, much more difficult problem, is the relative ease with which individuals can operate relatively anonymously on the internet, using free VoIP numbers, encrypted communications, proxy servers that obscure internet protocol addresses, and similar technologies.

As Finley demonstrated, it’s not impossible to hunt down suspects who use these technologies – it’s just extremely time-consuming and resource-intensive. Finley estimates he spent more than a thousand hours tracking down those two teenagers, neither of whom will spend much time behind bars, yet this is a crime that can cost police departments as much as $100,000 per incident and could result in fatalities. It’s a crime they’re far more motivated to solve than, say, threats issued via Twitter.

Despite all this, there are some who argue that the ability to remain anonymous on the internet is essential, and a sign of a healthy government. “The ability to speak anonymously enables people to express minority opinions,”said Greg Norcie, staff technologist for the Center for Democracy & Technology. “We’re not going to have a situation where we always solve every crime. If you create a situation where society is without crime and risk, it ends up being very totalitarian.”

That’s right – each crank call to a police department can cost upwards of $100,000 or more. Yes, the same number as on chocolate candy bars is how much it costs you to make a SWAT call. And like this incident in California proves – it can also have serious consequences and get you in serious trouble with the law!

It appears Andrew Finch's "swatting" death began with an online session of "Call of Duty: WWII." It's a violent video game designed to emulate combat as seen from a soldier's point of view.
But no one is supposed to die. Not in real life.
On Wednesday, Los Angeles prosecutors filed a warrant aimed at sending Tyler Barriss, 25, the California man suspected of swatting Finch, to Sedgwick County, Kansas, to face a felony false alarm charge.

Swatting is the act of making a false police report -- usually of an urgent or violent crime -- to lure law enforcement or SWAT teams to a location.

Yes, as the old saying goes – don’t get mad, get even. Think of swatting like playing a game of Russian roulette – shoot once fine. Shoot twice, boom. But one thing that the increased use of swatting is showing is that it’s exposing just how violent police can be:

Even taking the police narrative as fact in all of these stories, the outcomes emphasize the need for police officers — particularly those who respond to volatile situations — to be trained in de-escalation, to be screened for hotheads and to be trained to tame their own fear and anxiety. Because sometimes a rifle really is just a pellet gun. Sometimes a hostage situation is a prank. Sometimes a dispatcher gets it wrong. And sometimes a man “reaching for his waistband” is just trying to pull up his pants.

But these stories also show that what the police claim to have seen isn’t what happened. Here at The Watch, we’ve catalogued a litany of cases in which police claimed to have seen unarmed men reaching for their waistbands. No doubt some of them were, so that they could pull up their pants. Even if all of these suspects really did reach for their waistbands, the fact that so many were unarmed would seem to demand that police be trained to understand that reaching for one’s waistband does not necessarily mean one is reaching for a gun and that such an act, in and of itself, doesn’t merit lethal force. It would seem to demand that the courts emphasize this point as well.


So there you have it. There’s high cost, it could get you killed or arrested, and increasingly hostile police mean that anything can happen. That’s enough to make you ask – Swatting:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and is our weekly duty to tell you why the holiest among us are the most full of:

How great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up for them! Now you may be seated, my fair congregation! So… the Good LAWRD has brought us together once again! I will begin this week by asking the same question I have asked the last few weeks. And in this time of healing after a national tragedy who do you turn to for guidance? Well, you definitely don’t turn to this guy!

Radical right-wing pastor Kevin Swanson was not impressed with yesterday’s nationwide walkout in which thousands of students left school to protest gun violence in the wake of the mass shooting last month at a Florida high school, saying that the fact that the movement is being led by young people is a sign that America is under the judgment of God.

On his “Generations” radio program today, Swanson read a passage from Isaiah in which God threatened to punish Judah by warning that “I will give children to be their princes and babes shall rule over them.”

“This is the curse that God places upon nations,” Swanson said. “The people will be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbor. The child will be insolent toward the elder and the base towards the honorable. As for my people, children are their oppressors and women shall rule over them. Oh my people, those who lead you cause you to err and destroy the way of your paths.”

“In other words, the young folks have all this revolutionary zeal but no real wisdom to govern what they are doing,” he said. “This is the result of the breaking of the commandment of God. Things are not going well with us in the land, we are not seeing things going well for tens of millions, if not hundreds of millions of people across the country largely because the massive violation of the Fifth Commandment: Honor your father and your mother.”

Excuse me a minute, my fair congregation! OK, I am back. But seriously now the Christian right has gone off the hook batshit crazy! Because, as we say, my fair congregation, that the holiest among us are also the most full of holy shit! Especially this guy – Mike Shoesmith, who claims that our dearly departed Brother Stephen Hawking, was kept alive by – wait for it – demons! YES DEMONS WALK AMONG US!!!!

On his radio program last week, Donald Trump-loving pastor, conspiracy theorist and birther Carl Gallups interviewed Mike Shoesmith, the executive editor of PNN News, who claimed that famed physicist Stephen Hawking was able to live for decades with ALS because he was being kept alive by demons.

Shoesmith, who normally appears on Gallups’ program to complain about women, insisted that it was no coincidence that Hawking died just weeks after Billy Graham passed away, explaining that Graham’s ministry “really kicked off” in 1942, which prompted the devil to use Hawking, who was born in 1942, to counter Graham’s preaching.

“[Graham] is a hundred percent devoted,” Shoesmith said. “The Lord sees his heart, gives him a tremendous ministry, and who do you think is sitting in the background going, ‘I have to do something about this, this guy is sold out, I have to do something’? Who do you think is sitting in the background doing that? The devil, right?”

“So, in 1942, that is when Billy Graham’s ministry really takes off, and who do you think was born in 1942?” he continued. “Stephen Hawking. Stephen Hawking comes from a long line of atheists—his father and all these people—so I believe the devil said, ‘OK, this guy was just born and I’m going to use this guy. This guy is already primed to accept my message that there is no God. He is already primed for it, he is going to be awash, immersed in atheism all his years as a child, I’m going to take over this guy’s life.'”

Pfff… that dang science! Who needs it??? Because there are DEMONS WALKING AMONG US!!! They must be vanquished by the good lord JAYSUS!!! For after all he is the creator of all things good and holy, can I get an amen??? But demons exist within our own administration! Because apparently our GAWD has taken the form of president Donald J. Trump and is casting demons out!!

Self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor made another appearance on Greg Hunter’s “USAWatchdog” program over the weekend, where he explained that all of the turnover within the Trump administration is simply God removing people from office because they are not on board with His plan to use President Trump to save America.

“As far as the White House is concerned, these people that are getting cut,” Taylor said. “God is separating the wheat from the chaff right now. If you are not on board with God’s vision—and people can blame this on Donald Trump all they want to, but Donald Trump was put in there to institute God’s vision, so you are either on board with God’s vision or you’re gone. It’s as simple as that.”

“We had the biggest victory November 8 that we have ever had in this country,” he said later. “That was Donald Trump becoming president, setting the New World Order way back—I think it’s longer than a 25 or 30 year period because when they start arresting these people, there is no telling how long it is going to devastate the New World Order.”

Yes, and we cast you out as well!!! But fear not – Brother Franklin has a solution! If you fear that demons exist, simply become a republican president of the United States! Because you will be cleansed of your sins!!!

Far-right pastor Franklin Graham claims that Trump has yet ‘to sin’ once since becoming President.

Far-right pastor Franklin Graham claims that Trump has yet ‘to sin’ once since becoming President. According to the Washington Post, Trump lied a reported 2,140 time during his first year in office. Last time we checked, lying is a sin.

Now Brother Franklin, tell me, how does getting spanked with a copy of a magazine picturing thyself not qualify as a sin? Because it certainly is a sin in our book! I can even point you the right chapter and verse where it even says so! But fear not, my fair congregation! For the evil forces of bad nature are descending upon Washington, and only one person can save them!!!

Last night, right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope in which he prayed for President Trump and against Democratic efforts to gain control of Congress in the 2018 elections.

“Those in our own nation that are arming themselves to destroy the will of Your people, the will of a justly elected person,” Wallnau prayed, “Lord, we overturn the Ides of March, the conspiracies and the councils of death and destruction that would try to take this man out of office.”

Wallnau warned that if “the midterm elections prove that the fury and froth and madness stirred up by propaganda by the left” is effective enough to shift control of Congress, then this nation will never have peace or unity because “there is a corrupt root so strongly embedded” in the Democrats.

“I’m telling you now,” Wallnau declared, “the spirit of darkness wants to neutralize this presidency in September [sic] of 2018, but we decree and declare that there is a turning over of the tables for the sake of Jacob my servant, Israel my chosen, for that reason this man was given a title a honor as president. Though he did not know God fully when he started, he knows that there is a God of Israel right now. Father, we pray, though you have been a God who hides himself, that you will now reveal your arm and foil even the false signs of false prognosticators, counselors, coordinators and schemers working within the political apparatus, the media apparatus, the television, the entertainment, the grassroots organizing, even to dry up the resources of those who are using their wealth as a mechanism to choke the future of the United States.”

Yes, because even JAYSUS doesn’t know what to say, Brother Lance! But the take away I hope you get from today’s sermon is that even though there may be demons everywhere, just remember that we need to stop the demons and god haters!!

On his television program today, End Times prepper pastor Jim Bakker warned that liberals in America hate God so much that they are working to remove all the crosses from Arlington National Cemetery.

“Don’t touch God’s anointed,” Bakker said. “You are going to see some things happen, you are going to say, ‘My God, my God, why are people falling over dead?’ Because they have touched God’s anointed.”

Bakker fumed that people are “are so sick in America that they don’t respect anything” and have even “blasphemed Billy Graham’s memory.”

“They don’t respect God,” he said. “You know what they are talking about they’re going to do now? They’re going to remove all the crosses at the great cemetery in Washington.”

Yes, even JAYSUS is speechless on this one! There you have it folks, demons do walk among us and they take the form of the most godly among us! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Our Stan Lee Cameo
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Presenting the finest in arm-chair based investigative journalism. It’s now time for:

Stan Lee. He’s the man, the myth, the legend behind some of the world’s biggest comic book properties and the creator of Marvel Comics. He’s the Hugh Hefner of the comic book world. And his name is synonymous with a celebrity movie cameo. In fact a Google search for “Stan Lee cameos” yields hundreds of sites dedicated to the man’s cameos in his own movies. But recently audit reports came back from Stan The Man’s estate. And well it’s not pretty.

Considering the fact Stan Lee helped create pretty much every single one of the world's most popular superheroes and has an executive producer credit on almost every Marvel movie, you wouldn't think that money would be an issue for him. However, a new report from The Daily Beast reveals that his finances are in a state of disarray because people around Lee are taking advantage of the elderly creator of beloved characters like Spider-Man, the X-Men, The Avengers, and The Incredible Hulk.

One anonymous source describes the situation as "a real f***ing mess" and notes that over the past few months, Lee has lost $1.4 million due to technical issues with a wire transfer, while $300,000 was removed from one of Lee's bank accounts with an allegedly unauthorized cheque made out to Hands of Respect, a company owned by his daughter JC's former business partner, Jerry Olivarez.

That was founded by Lee and Olivarez but the former claims to have not seen any profits from the company despite the fact that a promise was made that it would generate a lot of money. Is Olivarez a con-man? Who knows but sources tell the site that a lot of people are now in Stan and his daughter's life, taking advantage of them in a big to make money off the vulnerable comic book creator.

"[JC’s] she’s never met a con man she doesn’t like, you know?" notes the so-called family insider. "Stan is not a whole lot better. Maybe their contemporaries and friends are all dead, and now they just have a bunch of hangers-on and sketchy-ass people hanging around. I have the feeling that he has been taken by everyone in the world."

So this is actually a pretty scary financial situation regarding Stan The Man. And it’s not looking like it’s going to get any better. So here’s more about this situation.

You’d imagine that—as one of the most important people in comics history, who always happens to have executive produced and had cameos in all of Marvel’s films—Stan Lee wouldn’t exactly have to worry about money. But according to a report from The Daily Beast, Lee’s finances are in a state of disarray thanks to people in his orbit who’ve been taking advantage of him in order to get to his wealth.

Described by one anonymous source as “a real fucking mess,” Lee’s current situation is a complicated one. Over the course of the past few months, Lee lost $1.4 million due to a technical issue with a wire transfer and $300,000 was removed one of Lee’s bank accounts with an allegedly unauthorized check made out to Hands of Respect, an organization that he’s no longer a part of. Hands of Respect was a charity of sorts founded by Lee and Jerry Olivarez, his daughter JC’s former business partner.

Though Hands of Respect was a for-profit company that prominently featured Lee’s involvement in promotional materials, the Lee family claims that they’ve yet to see any profits and are currently looking into auditing the business. Speaking about the partnership, JC cast it in a negative light:

Yes, Stan Lee might actually have to take a job as a UPS driver looking for guys with names like Tony Stank. But his dire financial situation may leave a ripple effect on the entire comic book industry. Yes, be afraid. Be very afraid.

I have received similar concern from high levels at Marvel Comics, including from those who don’t like Anderson, but do appreciate what Max has done for Stan, keeping him active and alive, as both a manager and a close friend to the man.

While I understand that there was friction between Stan Lee, JC Lee, Max Anderson and other business partners, the loss of Stan’s wife Joanne Lee seems to have brought things to a head.

The Daily Mail has exclusively run a number of reports alleging that Stan Lee abused and harassed nursing and healthcare individuals, and Max Anderson was first intimated and then named as being involved with these incidents, even being the instigator. And of a further incident at Stan’s home.

They also brought up charges from Anderson’s past on domestic abuse involving his wife in 2002 and his son in 2010, the first of which he spent time in jail for and the second of which, he was on probation. I understand that Stan was aware of these convictions.

Yes, maybe Stan should call on the Hulk to smash this into oblivion. Because he’s in a deep state of financial burden and it doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon. Especially when you factor that he’s been taken for quite a large sum of money.

Two San Bernardino men have been arrested and charged with felonies for the alleged theft of a trove of Marvel Comics collectibles valued at $1.4 million.

Some of the items recovered include movie props such as “Captain America” shields, the arm and hand of Nebula from “Guardians of the Galaxy,” an Einherjar shield from “Thor,” an “Iron Man” mask, and a set of X-23 claws from “Logan.” Signed artwork by retired Marvel publisher Stan Lee and a special edition “Spider-Man” electric guitar were also recovered.

The investigation by the San Bernardino County sheriff’s Rancho Cucamonga station began Feb. 22 when the unidentified collector received word that several of his Marvel items were appearing for sale on the internet, leading him to discover his storage facility had been burglarized.

One of the alleged suspects was identified from information he had provided interested buyers, a release from the Sheriff’s Department said.

Detectives developed leads and Ian Florez, 35, of San Bernardino was arrested Feb. 24 on a warrant. Court records show a not guilty plea on charges of grand theft and burglary. He’s currently free on bond.

Yes, that is a good question, Cap. What are you going to do to make things right? Well, this is a very sticky situation that needs to be resolved with Stan Lee. And we will keep an eye on this situation as it develops. That concludes this week. Good day.

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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If you’ve played the amazing game Super Mario Odyssey, you will probably know where I’m going with this next entry. So if Donald Trump is Bowser, the Alt Right are like Bowser’s minions in the game – known as the Broodals. The same assholes (Cernovich, Posobiec, Loomer, Lahren, Spencer, Alex Jones) show up to ruin every party, their abilities get crazier and crazier, but you have to fight them. And the fights get more intense every time. And when you kick them down, they get right back up again. So case in point – when you fight them out of CPAC, what do they do? Start their own conference!

Ali Akbar, a political operative in the self-described “New Right” movement, formally announced yesterday that a “team of 25 professionals” are working to create a right-wing political conference meant to be an alternative to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which has served as the primary gathering of the conservative movement for decades.

Akbar, with the help of a signal boost from pro-Trump pundit and activist Jack Posobiec, announced yesterday that the “American Priority” conference will take place in Washington, D.C. in early September. Akbar is organizing the conference with Alex Phillips, a conservative donor who owns a small telecom company in Virginia. Posobiec told Right Wing Watch that he helped announce the event, but otherwise is not formally involved in organizing it.

The group has also hired Lisa DePasquale, who directed CPAC while working for the American Conservative Union from 2006 to 2011, to help host the conference.

So now things are getting interesting! Yes – we have an entirely new conference to ignore! I mean “alt right”, “new right”, “alt lite”, who gives a shit what they’re called this week? We should just start calling them what they really are – Nazis! And by the way doesn’t “alt lite” sound like it should be some sort of new diet soda? Try new Alt Lite today! Now with 50% more cucks! And speaking of that, last week, after the epic fail at Michigan State University (and no, I’m not counting their epic loss to Syracuse last week), Richard Spencer decided to call it quits.

Instead, it turned into a disaster, as restaurants and clubs booted Spencer and his followers seeking to hold a meeting/party and more people were arrested outside of his speech than heard it inside.

Spencer spoke at the agricultural pavilion on the East Lansing, Michigan campus on Monday. But, only about a dozen people turned out to hear the speech as more than 200 students, professors, antifa activists and anarchists protested outside on a cold, windy overcast day.

And, while the dozen made it in after getting a police escort through a gauntlet of taunts and cheers to “Nazis Go Home!” 24 people, including Gregory Conte, a Spencer ally and operations director for the National Policy Institute, were arrested.

Well it wont be springtime for Hitler at Richard Spencer’s house. Thank you! And then would you be surprised that the head of an alt whatever organization was arrested for assault on his wife? This story has everything!

Matthew Heimbach, the leader of the Traditionalist Worker Party, is free on bond after being charged with battery in southern Indiana after a bizarre sequence of events involving Heimbach having an affair with his chief spokesman’s wife.

Police in Paoli, Indiana, said Heimbach attacked his wife and TWP spokesman Matt Parrott early Tuesday morning after the two confronted him about the affair with Parrott’s wife.

After the arrest, Parrott announced he was walking away from the group.

“I’m done. I’m out,” Parrott told the Southern Poverty Law Center on Tuesday. “SPLC has won. Matt Parrott is out of the game. Y’all have a nice life.”

Sounds about right! But in case you’re wondering who’s really the charge – who’s really the captain steering this janky ship right now – it’s the alt right! It’s almost as if we’re living in the Matrix!

Condemning neo-Nazis and white nationalists seems like a goal many politicians can get behind (with the possible exception of President Donald Trump).

But, a group of Republican lawmakers in Tennessee opted to let a resolution opposing the racists die in a subcommittee rather than let it go forward.

House Joint Resolution 583 failed to get a second in the House State Government Subcommittee because no one would second a motion to take up the issue.

The resolution condemned bigotry by white nationalists and neo-Nazis. It also stated that Tennessee “and its people will not tolerate discrimination or hate in any form or manifestation.”

Law enforcement agencies would have also been urged to treat such groups as terrorist organizations and investigate criminal elements of the groups in the same way terrorists are handled.

And here's where the Alt Right blurs the line between a full cult and just a group with a batshit crazy message. Mike Cernovich claims that he believes in something called "the Gorilla Mindset" and even he's not sure what that means. I mean really he sounds like the Grandmaster from Thor: Ragnarok!

Mike Cernovich, a pro-Trump social media personality and self-declared leader of a movement he calls the “New Right,” claimed that nobody knows his true political beliefs and that the only thing he believes in is the “Gorilla Mindset,” the mentality behind his his self-help book and lifestyle brand.


“Don’t you dare say I endorse Louis Farrakhan. Don’t you dare say that when I throw out an idea that people are talking about, that that’s my view. You don’t know what I believe. Nobody knows what I believe. I’ve told people that the only thing that I believe is ‘Gorilla Mindset,’” Cernovich said, referring to his brand of self-help books and nutritional supplements. “I’ve told people that.”

He continued, “People go, ‘What’s your political things, what’s your politics?’ I go, ‘Look, I’m just a vessel for what people are saying. I’m just a talk show host.’ This is what I grew up watching and it was a beautiful time. Geraldo Rivera, you would just bring in people and say, ‘OK, here’s a bunch of crazy people. Here’s what the crazy people are saying.’ The world was a better place. The world was a better place when you could just say, ‘Here’s what all the lunatics are saying. Here’s what’s going on.’”

Cernovich said that this “mindset” is his top priority, and that politics naturally “flow from that.”

“I believe in the power—liberal, conservative, Christian, Jew, Catholic, Muslim, atheist, agnostic—I believe in the power to change your life and I believe that if you adopt a positive mindset that politics is going to flow from that,” Cernovich said.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink

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It’s now time for:


And man I need a drink. I feel like every time Trump fires someone we should all collectively take a shot of something, that way we will get blackout drunk and when we come to, this nightmare of an administration will be over! So tell me, bartender, what goes well with a cheeseburger prepared by a robot? A fuzzy navel? Eh, I’ll just have a large IPA thanks! Ah that’s more like it. So we’re going just slightly north of my hometown to Pasadena for this story. Yes, there is a robot that flips burgers, and yes, it outlasted the employees. But this story is stranger than you would think!

A year after announcing a partnership with Caliburger, Miso Robotics’ resident chef has finally graduated Hamburger University. The AI-enabled line cook starts today, joining the human crew at the fast casual restaurant’s Pasadena location during the lunch shift.

The deal has been in the works for some time, with plans to bring the robot to 50 of the chain’s international locations. Back in September, around the same time Miso CEO Dave Zito was on-stage at Disrupt SF, Flippy was being demoed at the Pasadena restaurant — the robotics’ company’s home turf. Today, however, the first real world implementation of the technology.

The initial appeal of the system is pretty clear for a restaurant like Caliburger, which will no doubt drum up some publicity for its early adoption of robotic kitchen equipment. But along with the other investors that have helped Miso raise a total of $14 million in disclosed funding, there’s hope for long-term benefits in an industry where turnover is a big obstacle in keeping a kitchen up and running.

So Flippy is the… mmm… that’s a good beer right there, but Flippy is the product of mass market research and $14 million of innovation engineering. That’s about the best I can sound like a marketer because otherwise I have no idea what I am talking about! What? I’ve never designed a robot before! Let’s explore further.

"Flippy" the robot has learned the hard way that your co-workers can make or break you.

The burger-flipping robotic fry cook has been temporarily "retired." Why? Because the robot's human colleagues couldn't keep up with it.

Built by Miso Robotics, Flippy, described on the company's website as "the world's first autonomous robotic kitchen assistant," was touted as a high-tech helper for fast-food restaurant kitchens in a statement announcing its unveiling in 2017. Equipped with a spatula-tipped arm, Flippy was built to operate alongside human workers and to increase efficiency in cooking and grill maintenance.

But poor Flippy faced unexpected challenges in meeting the demands of hungry restaurant patrons, and was relieved of his responsibilities after only two days on the job. [The 6 Strangest Robots Ever Created]

But it wasn't Flippy's fault. Rather, the robot's human co-workers weren't able to assemble the burgers as quickly as Flippy could grill the patties, USA Today reported.

Aw, you can’t fire Flippy! He’s Flippy… he’s a robot! So in case you’re wondering about how Flippy works there’s a lot of interesting stuff here for you people who like to figure that sort of thing out.

Next time you swing by a fast food joint for a burger, don’t be surprised if you see a one-armed robot at work in the kitchen. That’s probably just Flippy the burger-flipping robot doing its job.

Flippy is an autonomous assistant designed to work alongside humans in restaurant kitchens. Created by Miso Robots of Pasadena, California, Flippy recently completed its first shift at a fast food restaurant there — and one day could be put to work in kitchens across the country.

In Pasadena, Flippy is working the lunchtime shift at a CaliBurger restaurant, part of a restaurant chain that also has outlets in Canada, Mexico, and China. But human burger-flippers needn’t flip out about losing their jobs to Flippy; humans are still needed to place the raw patties on the grill and perform other burger-cooking tasks.

I really would like to see a robot that can high five itself! Excuse me a minute, I need some more Jack Daniels. Ah, that’s the stuff! So for those of you who are afraid that automation is really what’s going to take your jobs, take comfort in knowing that Flippy won’t be the beginning of the end!

Flippy, the burger-flipping robot has been fired from his job, just one day after starting. Flippy was ‘hired’ by Pasadena Caliburger, with the KPI of cooking 150 burgers an hour.

Unfortunately, the task proved too much for the robot who appears to have given up. At the time of hiring, the CEO of Cali Group the company that runs the burger chain was reported as saying, "The key to success in the restaurant industry is consistency. So anytime you go to a CaliBurger anywhere you know that the patty will be cooked exactly the same.”
Flippy will make a comeback

But it doesn't seem to have worked out. Flippy was developed by Miso Robotics and is actually like a giant robot arm rather than a cute humanoid burger maker.

Flippy used thermal imaging, 3D, and camera vision to sense when to flip the burgers - and when to remove. "It detects the temperature of the patty, the size of the patty and the temperature of the grill surface," explained David Zito, co-founder and chief executive officer of Miso Robotics.

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Round 1 Week 1
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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome to Round 1 Week 1 of our Stupidest State contest! We are live in our hometown of Anaheim, California at the Honda Center. We have not one, but two exciting matchups for you. Game 1 will see the team that had the best record in the regular season – Iowa, against long time conference favorite Kentucky! Meanwhile, game #2 will be a big one as Arizona and Montana are going to bring out their big guns in an old west duel to the death in a rematch of last year’s conference championship! And just like the NCAA – the winner will move on. The loser will go home. So let’s get out our brackets!

[font size="6"]Game 1: Batshit Conference – Iowa Vs. Kentucky [/font]

[font size="4"]Kentucky[/font]

Well come on, “United We Stand”, a common phrase for the gun nuts, is in the state flag! That’s the Blue Grass state everybody. It’s the one state in the union that was the first to vote for @realDonaldTrump. Of course we know that this state is the home of our most batshit crazy senators – Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. It’s also the home of ultra far right fundie nutbag governor Matt Bevin. And it’s the state that gave us religious right celebrity Kim Davis. It’s the home of the University Of Kentucky and their mutli champion basketball team the UK Wildcats. It’s also the home of the Louisville Cardinals who were at the center of one of the dumbest school scandals of all time. But what else is Kentucky the home of? It’s the home of a possible child bride law!

Just when you think the Republican Party can sink no lower, just when you assume the party that supported a child molester for Senate in Alabama and elected an admitted sexual predator to the White House they discover a whole new, hitherto unimagined, degree of depravity.

The Courier-Journal reports that Republicans in the Kentucky Senate have voted down a measure to raise the minimum age for marriage to eighteen. The GOP decided it was more important to ensure parents can easily marry off their children than it was to prevent child marriages.

The bill the Republicans rejected was called the “Child Bride Bill,” which perfectly puts into perspective how vile the opposition to it was. Supporters of the blocked legislation said that most underage marriages involved an older man and a teenage girl who most likely has been sexually exploited. It’s sadly not surprising that the party of Trump — a man accused of raping a 13-year-old girl — would support such a despicable move.

That’s suddenly that much creepier. We have to keep these things short for time since there’s two matches per round this week. What else is Kentucky the home of? You think their national level politicians are bad, wait until you see what their state level ones are doing!

FRANKFORT, Ky. – One premise behind a bill pending in the Kentucky House that would roll back long-established unemployment benefits is that limiting benefits will motivate laid-off workers to try harder to find a job.

Instead of getting unemployment checks for the current maximum of 26 weeks, they would only be able to get them for a number of weeks tied to the state unemployment rate. Right now, that means they'd get 14 weeks.

“We’ve got a segment of folks that use their unemployment instead of getting out there and looking for employment," said Rep. Jim DeCesare, a Rockfield Republican and sponsor of the bill. He said Kentucky ranks second among states in the length of time its people remain on unemployment benefits.

[font size="4"]Iowa[/font]

So Iowa is a state that we haven’t covered here in the Stupidest State contest. Iowa is the home of farming country but it also is the home of two of the world’s major universities – Iowa University and Iowa State University. You might remember Iowa as the school that got their asses handed to them in the 2016 Rose Bowl when they took on Stanford. The Hawkeye State is also the home of lots of great sports, food, and concerts in the states’ two main major cities – Cedar Rapids (as seen in the Ed Helms movie Cedar Rapids) and the capital Des Moines. What else is Iowa the home of? Well, again, some batshit insane legislatures! I give you Bill Dix!

The consequences of now-former Senate Majority Leader Bill Dix’s relationship with a lobbyist did not end with just with his abrupt resignation. Ripple effects from the scandal that shook the Statehouse continue to be felt in the Capitol and beyond. Here’s what’s happening:

Top Senate Aide Steps Down

Ed Failor, the senior aide to former Senator Dix, announced late Tuesday afternoon that he was resigning from his position. He explained that he wanted the new Republican leader (who will be selected today) to be able to put together his own team in the office. Some members of the Republican caucus were reportedly frustrated with Failor for what they saw as his poor handling of the Kirsten Anderson sexual harassment issue, though it does sound like Failor’s decision on Tuesday was his own.

And then Iowa is also the home of a guy named Mark Chelgren. We’ve talked about this douche on the Top 10 before but we’ll leave you with one of his greatest hits.

Iowa’s public universities would need to consider political party affiliation when hiring new faculty members, under a bill proposed by a Republican state senator.

State senator Mark Chelgren said the measure was an attempt to counter the liberal slant at the state’s three public universities.

“My goal isn’t to eliminate speech on the other side of the equation, but we have to have balanced speech,” said Chelgren, from Ottumwa.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we may have our first upset of the tournament – Kentucky came out strong here and went on a 15 – 1 run against Iowa! And… they won! Kentucky is celebrating on the court, they knocked off the heavily favored Iowa by a score of 89 – 67! Wow, what a finish! Kentucky routes the division champs and they will move on!

[font size="6"]Game 2: Gun Nut Conference – Montana Vs Arizona [/font]

[font size="4"]Montana[/font]

So when we last left off Montana was in the middle of that insane special election where Greg Gianforte body slammed and threatened to murder a reporter – and doubled down on his threat – and he still got elected! That will show you how violent the state of Montana is. And of course the topic here is guns. I mean we are in Montana, after all! They have the highest concentration of gun manufacturers and racist hate groups in the entire country. There’s really not a lot to do in Montana but hate and shoot the biggest guns known to man. Here’s how reckless the ven diagram of both groups are:

Threats against schools: A Darby senior was in court this week after telling fellow students he was "going to shoot up the school." MacLean William Kayser, 18, told classmates that those wearing yellow shirts to school the following day would be "a target'' but those in red shirts would be safe. He then pointed at various students, saying “you’re a red shirt” or “you’re a yellow shirt,” according to an affidavit of probable cause filed Tuesday in Ravalli County Justice Court.

On Thursday, Missoula's Big Sky High School was on lock-in after graffiti was found in a girls' bathroom that said "Don't be at Big Sky at 1:20." The school allowed parents to pick up teir kids.

On Wednesday, Darby Superintendent Loyd Rennaker confirmed another social media threat toward the school. Extra law enforcement officers were at the school Wednesday, including four Ravalli County Sheriff's Department officers and Darby Police.

In Philipsburg, a student was arrested and charged with a felony. Granite County Sheriff Scott Dunkerson said the student made threats against schools in the town.

In Missoula, Big Sky High School dealt with reports that a student made a verbal threat toward the school. The school's "threat assessment team" found there to be a "low threat" to the school, and the student is back in classes.

That’s right – the gun nuts in Montana are so insane that they literally threatened multiple schools that participated in last week’s walk out. You can’t get much more evil than that folks! And in case you’re wondering how much Montana loves its’ guns, well, once again state laws are more insane than national laws!

Since the shooting and killing of 17 people at a high school in Parkland, Florida, on Feb. 14, the Montana chapter of Moms Demand Action For Gun Sense has been busy.

The group, which formed shortly after the 2012 school shooting in Sandy Hook, where 27 were killed, has seen a huge increase in people liking their Facebook page, commenting on posts and sending messages asking how to get involved. A first meeting of the group's Bozeman chapter last week had 80 people, said Kiely Lammers, the Billings chapter leader who is involved in the statewide organization.

A national movement, led by a strong-voiced and even stronger-willed group of high school students, is bringing a dialogue on changing gun laws to states like Montana. Over the past week and a half here, high school and college student groups have rapidly formed and added to the chorus of groups like Moms Demand Action, which has been involved in statewide legislative efforts for several years.


[font size="4"]Arizona[/font]

We are back in Arizona everybody! Yes the state that gave us batshit crazy governor Jan Brewer, the Minutemen Militia, and Sheriff Joe Arpaio once again shows no signs of slowing down when it comes to producing some of the country’s craziest gun laws. Arizona is one of the most heavily red states that somehow managed to go for Obama mainly because the GOP had no other candidate. But in 2018 Arizona, Infowars conspiracy theories and Trump propaganda reign supreme! In fact you know that law that Trump is proposing to arm teachers in the event of a mass shooting? Who needs it? Arizona had that law on the books already!

PHOENIX — The White House earlier this week proposed providing "rigorous firearm training" to qualified school personnel, furthering the polarizing national debate over whether teachers should be allowed to carry guns in school.

In Florida, site of last month's massacre that left 17 dead, Gov. Rick Scott signed into law a set of new gun restrictions that allow some teachers and staff to carry guns on school campuses.

But Arizona may be ahead of this curve. Here teachers already can carry guns in school — with permission — according to the state's top education administrator.

And I mean come on – Arizona republicans have even lost the youth vote! I mean when you’ve lost them, you’ve hit rock bottom! And when you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go from here but up, is there? Oh and Mr. Martinez, sir, we say “good luck with that!”.

On Wednesday, however, the 16-year-old announced to a crowd of reporters, activists, and lawmakers that he'd be stepping down until the Republican Party takes action to prevent gun violence.

"For those of you who will attack me because of this decision, let me remind you that I am not against the Second Amendment," he said. "I am not against people owning guns. But I am against students being gunned down because we don't like to get together, work across the lines, and figure out these issues like human beings."

Martinez, who attends Dobson High in Mesa, has been active in politics for several years. He volunteered for Ted Cruz's presidential campaign, and helped out with Kelli Ward's last Senate run. Arriving at the state Capitol on Wednesday, however, he was disappointed to find out that Republican legislators weren't interested in listening to teenagers who'd come to talk about gun control.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Oh this was a close match. It was back and forth the entire game with Arizona shouting that their guns are bigger than Montana’s. The score is 65 – 65 going into the last 10 seconds… Montana for the win!!! And it’s in!!!! Montana wins against heavily favored Arizona! They are celebrating on the court, and they will move onto the next round! Oh man what a game!

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

For Round 1 Week 2 – we’re live at the beautiful T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas, and it’s Kansas going for broke against the coal mining CEOs in West Virginia, while Indiana and Alabama square away in a Family Values face off!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Arcade Fire[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, if you don’t have their new album “Everything Now” by now, you are no friend of this show. Playing their song “Put Your Money On Me”, give it up for Arcade Fire!!!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-9: Give My Regards To Mr. Magoo Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-9: Give My Regards To Mr. Magoo Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Wu Tang Clan aint nothing to fuck with! Wu Tang Clan aint nothing to fuck with! Wu Tang Clan aint nothing to fuck with! Wu Tang Clan aint nothing to fuck with! Whew!!!!! You know how it’s going to be a good day when you start off the day with that little spring in your step? Because no matter how bad your day gets, just remember – anything bad that happens to Pharma Douche Martin Shkreli is definitely something that makes the day that much better! So we have discussed this story so much on the Top 10 since it began because I love this story. So you know that Martin Shkreli is the only owner of the Wu Tang Clan’s single-printed album “Once Upon A Time In Shaolin”, right? And remember when the Wu Tang Clan wrote into the contract that they could pull off a heist and steal the album at any time? Well, it looks like Once Upon A Time In Shaolin might be the subject of a government civil asset forfeiture. In fact Shkreli bragged about how he wanted to destroy the only copy of the album at one point. And then he made that promise to release the album if Trump became president? And then he got duped by the Wu Tang Clan who revealed that he might have purchased a fraudulent copy of the album? Well now he must forfeit the album as part of a $7.4 million payback. Which officially brings closure to this insane story. Although part of me really wants to see if the Wu Tang Clan pulls off a heist to retrieve it back from Shkreli. You still got time guys before the album becomes the property of the US government! OK enough of the intro – we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he exposes the insanity behind the NRA’s NRATV channel:

So where do we start this week? Well, first off returning to the number one spot this week is Donald J. Trump (1)! And he hit a milestone last week – he hit 100 days spent on the golf course! Trump golfs while America burns. In the second slot this week is also Donald Trump (2), who had one of his worst weeks ever this week. Turns out he’s running the worst White House in history! In the number 3 seed this week is the real president of the United States – Vladimir Putin (3), and it turns out that he has a powerful new weapon that could kill a whole lot of us. Taking the fourth slot this week is United Airlines (4). And just when you think you’ve seen the depths of corporate greed and evil, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Speaking of income inequality, taking the fifth slot this week is a new installment of our ongoing series “Top 10 Investigates” (5) and this time we’re going to discuss an income inequality crisis brewing at Disneyland. It’s much scarier than you would think! Taking the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly sermon on the things the Christian right is up to in “Holy Shit” (6), and among other wackiness, Pastor Initech is going to show you a church where you can literally marry your gun. At number 7 is our old buddy Alex Jones who was hopping mad this week after advertisers started pulling from his Youtube channel, while he held a march in Austin, Texas and well, it was a spectacular fail. In the number 8 slot, is Donald Trump’s HUD secretary and brainless brain surgeon Ben Carson – who revealed that governmenting is hard, after getting heat for spending $31K on his office space. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and this time we’re going to discuss booze news, particularly whiskey brand Johnny Walker and their new women-oriented marketing campaign. And finally it’s the return of the National For Fuck’s Sake Association and the long-awaited return of our Stupidest State contest! We have a lot of newcomers this year and some exciting changeups. This week it’s our Selection Sunday and just like March Madness we’ll name the states that will get to participate in the tournament! And we’ll close out this week with a live performance from Weird Al Yankovic! Yes, the almighty parodist has graced us with his presence! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So this week our president Donald J. Trump hit a new milestone. And he is going to keep it 100 by spending so much time golfing! I mean remember when he said that he was going to be “working so hard that he wouldn’t have any time for golf”? Well, guess where he was this week? That’s right – he was at his old favorite hangout place – Mar-A-Shithole. Only this time it’s different because of this venerable milestone. Well, two milestones actually. We don't usually talk poll numbers on this program but this one I absolutely love.

President Donald Trump’s new campaign manager has his work cut out for him.

A week after naming Brad Parscale to run his reelection effort, Trump is 8 points behind a generic Democratic candidate, 44 percent to 36 percent, according to a new POLITICO/Morning Consult poll. Nearly one in five voters, 19 percent, are undecided.

Other indicators also suggest Trump is in perilous shape at this early stage. The president’s approval rating in the new poll is 43 percent, down from 46 percent last week. And Democrats’ lead on the generic congressional ballot is up to 7 points, 44 percent to 37 percent.


That's right - Trump is so toxic that the democrats right now could literally run *THAT GUY* and win! But here's the other milestone I wanted to talk about. Trump is keeping it 100! He went and celebrated his 100th day at the golf course.

Almost fourteen months into his presidency, Donald Trump has reached a dubious milestone that none before him have achieved: He’s spent his 100th day at a golf club bearing his own name.

Considering he’s only been in office for 408 days, that means he’s spent almost 25 percent of his time at a Trump-branded golf club, including during the funerals of Parkland victims, while millions of Americans remained without water and power in Puerto Rico, and for an entire week after Christmas.

The landmark was reached on Saturday at Trump’s club in Palm Beach County, Florida. CNN reports that this is one of the four Trump courses that the president has visited since he took his oath, in addition to Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter, Florida; Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia; and Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey.

Trump was extremely critical of President Obama’s golfing habits. Before he got into office, Trump infamously said that he wouldn’t have time to play golf if he was president. But since his inauguration, he has spent a staggering amount of time at his golf properties — and he is showing no signs of stopping any time soon. Around Christmas time, Trump spent nine out of 10 days playing golf. In January, he spent Martin Luther King, Jr. Day on the golf course.


Remember – his words, not mine! So with that in mind let’s take a look at some of Trump’s greatest golf hits. Not even a few weeks ago, remember when Hawaii had that insane nuclear missile scare? Guess where Trump was!

Critics are blasting President Donald Trump for continuing to golf Saturday while frantic Hawaii residents rushed for cover after a false cell phone alarm about an incoming ballistic missile.

The president was on the course at his Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida, after the alert was issued at 1:09 p.m. EST, according to press pool reports. His motorcade didn’t leave the club for Mar-a-Lago until 1:38 p.m.

Although Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency quickly tweeted that the initial warning was an error, it took 38 minutes before a second mobile alert declared the first a false alarm. Officials said the wrong button had been pushed.

Yeah remember that guy? I remember when presidents used to hide the fact that they’re completely full of shit! Now it’s out in the open! See, we know Trump is full of shit! And his supporters are apparently proud of this fact! You know where he was during the Florida shooting? Guess where!

CNN’s Anderson Cooper and other critics are taking Donald Trump to task after the president visited Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida, for several hours on Monday while funerals for some victims of the Parkland school massacre were taking place less than an hour’s drive away.

“The president tweeted and played golf today, a day that saw two families bury their children,” Cooper said on Monday, referring to two of the victims of the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, which killed 17 people. “He did not mention them in his tweets.”

In addition to hitting the putting green, Trump spent the President’s Day holiday weekend angrily tweeting about Oprah Winfrey, former President Obama and the Russia investigation. In one tweet, he attributed the FBI’s admitted failure to follow up on a report about the school shooter to spending too much time on the Russia investigation.

And on Trump’s Keep It 100 milestone – let’s remember that he’s not just a guy who’s addicted to golfing, he’s terrible at it!

LPGA legend Suzann Pettersen is fond of the sitting U.S. president. But she's not so sure about his handicap.

In an interview with Norwegian newspaper Verdens Gang, Pettersen detailed the many sides to her relationship with President Trump, whom she has known on and off the golf course for over a decade.

"He cheats like hell," the 15-time LPGA Tour winner said. "So I don't quite know how he is in business. They say that if you cheat at golf, you cheat at business." Pettersen also said the president must pay his caddies well, as drives that are headed for the woods always ends up back in the fairway. She also mentioned his fondness for gimmes.

The merits of President Trump's 3 handicap have come under scrutiny since he took office. Sen. Lindsey Graham told GOLF.com's Michael Bamberger about a round of 73 Trump shot in "wet, windy conditions," and aspiring pro Taylor Funk recently reported that Trump had shot 36 on the front nine during their round together. But Pettersen said in the interview that she hasn't seen that side of his game.

Yup – Trump is a real life Goldfinger! And in case it couldn’t be anymore obvious that Trump is the Country Club President, well, Trump may have violated the law this week. He obeys the best laws, folks!

The Trump Organization could be in hot legal water after ordering markers for its golf courses that feature the presidential seal, ProPublica reported Monday.

President Donald Trump's namesake company ordered the new tee markers, complete with the presidential seal, in recent weeks. Federal law forbids the seal be used for anything other than official government business.

Eagle Sign and Design, which has offices in Indiana and Kentucky, told ProPublica that it received an order for dozens of 12-inch replicas of the presidential seal to be placed next to tee boxes at Trump courses.

"We made the design, and the client confirmed the design," Joseph E. Bates, who owns the company, told ProPublica, declining to name the client.

ProPublica reviewed an order form that said the customer was "Trump International." At the same time, the company's Facebook page showed the markers in an album titled "Trump International Golf Course."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Trump has been having his worst week ever. And the hits keep on coming. But before we get into the colossal fuck up of Jared and Ivanka, well, I have to talk about this story. And I couldn’t love this story any more. So Trump blew up at Jeff Sessions this week. And it’s not too far for Trump to go off the deep end, that’s been happening since day one. But Trump compared Jeff Sessions to a beloved cartoon character. Let’s show that.

The correct answer: Mr. Magoo, the much-loved old-school cartoon character (in the words of animators Bill Hurtz, Peter Burness, and authors Marty Gitlin and Joe Wos, respectively). After a long hiatus, on Wednesday night Magoo made a surprise return to pop culture, his name bouncing around cable news and trending on Twitter — all thanks to White House intrigue.

As The Washington Post reported, President Trump’s relationship with Attorney General Jeff Sessions has reached a new low. Trump has reportedly taken to calling Sessions “Mr. Magoo” at the White House. Coming from a president known for throwing derisive nicknames at enemies and allies, the dig could be a comment on anything from Sessions’s mental prowess to his age to physical appearance. Only Trump knows.

But there is another high-profile, tremendous, bigly important executive branch figure who may be a more apt comparison with Magoo.

The central gag of the Magoo cartoons was his stubborn refusal to acknowledge his terrible eyesight. That arrogance is what propels the character into his madcap adventures. The cartoons, however, were actually barbed social satire lobbed from Magoo’s creators, a freewheeling band of animators who broke away from Walt Disney after World War II and created shorts mixing modern art and radical politics. The original Magoo — rich, resentful of the youth, pro-business and functionally blind — was a riff on the myopic conservatism of 1950s America, a culture gripped by the anti-Communist crusade of Republican Sen. Joseph McCarthy (Wis.).

Well, Mr. Trump, give my regards to Mr. Magoo. And Jeff Sessions does look like Mr. Magoo, doesn’t he? I mean come on remember when an article like this would be front page news? “President Refers To Attorney General As Cartoon Character” would be front page news in any other administration. Now it’s like on the fourth page. So here’s the latest guy to jump ship from the HMS Trumptanic:

Washington (CNN)In a defiant pair of CNN interviews, former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg said Monday he refuses to comply with a grand jury subpoena in the Russia investigation.
"Screw that," Nunberg told CNN's Gloria Borger. "Why do I have to go? Why? For what?"

And in a separate interview with CNN's Jake Tapper, Nunberg said he blamed the investigation's existence on President Donald Trump's firing of James Comey as FBI director -- including an interview where Trump said he was thinking about the Russia investigation when he fired Comey and the fact that he held a meeting with top Russian officials in the Oval Office.
"Donald Trump caused this because he's an idiot," Nunberg said.

Yes… abandon ship!!! We may have to do a deep dive on this guy in the next edition, because he crazy, I mean, seriously crazy. And that’s not before all the madness that Jared and Ivanka got themselves into this week. Yup – Jared is pretty much a goner.

Chief of staff John Kelly is reportedly frustrated with White House advisers Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump and has questioned what the couple does during the day, The Associated Press reported Monday.

Sources told the AP that Kelly is angry with the pair, claiming that they are responsible for President Trump changing his mind on policies at the last minute.

He also questions what the couple does all day and is upset by their “freelancing,” according to the AP.

The report comes after Kelly limited Kushner's access to sensitive information following a review of White House staffers' security clearances.

Kushner and Ivanka Trump reportedly viewed Kelly’s work on the clearances as a direct attack on them, according to the AP.

Well, to be fair, he went to Jared. Thank you! I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress. I mean really, how incompetent can this administration get? Even Ivanka – Trump’s own daughter – yes the girl he would bone if it were socially acceptable – is on thin ice.

WASHINGTON — They spent their first year in Washington as an untouchable White House power couple, commanding expansive portfolios, outlasting rivals and enjoying unmatched access to the president. But Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump have undergone a swift and stunning reckoning of late, their powers restricted, their enemies emboldened and their future in the West Wing uncertain.

Kushner, long the second-most powerful man in the West Wing, is under siege. President Donald Trump's son-in-law has lost influential White House allies. He remains under the shadow of the Russia probe and has seen his business dealings come under renewed scrutiny. He has been stripped of his top security clearance, raising questions how he can successfully advance his ambitious agenda — including achieving Mideast peace, a goal that has eluded presidents for generations.

Kushner's most powerful patron, the president himself, has wavered recently on whether his daughter and son-in-law belong in the White House anymore.

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[font size="8"]Vladimir Putin
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It’s beginning to feel more and more like we’re in a James Bond movie – and right now we’re at the scene where the evil plot has been unveiled to the world. While rigging elections around the world, stroking the egos and fears of white nationalists through the use of fake news and racist memes, and plotting "accidents" (read: murders) against those who don't follow his dangerous agenda 100%, it turns out that Vladimir Putin has been developing a new kind of nuke we haven't seen before and has it aimed right at us! Vladdy is that James Bond villain and he’s just unveiled his evil plan. While Trump is pointing fingers at his favorite punching bag “Rocket Man”, aka Kim Jong Un, it turns out that Vladimir Putin’s got something much scarier in store for us!

During Vladimir Putin's annual speech on Thursday, the Russian president played videos that unveiled brand-new nuclear weapons with startling capabilities.

Putin announced an "unstoppable" nuclear-powered "global cruise missile" that has "practically unlimited" range, then showed an animation of the device bobbing and weaving around the globe. He also played a computer animation of a high-speed, nuke-armed submarine drone blowing up ships and coastal targets.

"Russia remained and remains the largest nuclear power. Do not forget, no one really wanted to talk to us. Nobody listened to us," Putin told a crowd in Moscow, according to a translation by Sputnik, a Russian-government-controlled news agency. "Listen now."

David Wright, a physicist and missile expert at the Union of Concerned Scientists, told Business Insider that the idea of an "unstoppable" cruise missile going around the world without being detected is "fiction," since it'd heat up to an extreme degree. (CNN also reported that all tests of the cruise missile ended in crashes.)

Yeah we're probably all gonna die. And if that's called "Satan 2" it really makes you wonder what happened to Satan 1 doesn't it? And to use the catchphrase from “Game Of Thrones” – winter is coming! Well, in this case, nuclear winter is coming!

'Putin started his activity as president at the moment when the USA left the ABM Treaty, it's one of the major decisions of Bush's administration. There is a feeling that Putin had been looking for a reply to it from the very beginning, and not just for one-two years, not just for one term. It seems he couldn't give a decent reply for a long time. It's the main goal he set for himself. In general, if Russia's safety isn't provided, they won't need to speak about any sovereignty as well as of the very fact of the existence of Russia. In this respect, it's more than an address. It's a statement of his historical mission,'' the expert is convinced.

Mezhuyev thinks that the address makes a strong impression, in the main. In his opinion, the first part of Putin's speech dedicated to social issues was no less important because military power makes sense in the interests of peaceful existence of Russians.
Source : https://realnoevremya.com/articles/2241-experts-about-vladimir-putins-address-to-federal-assembly

So while Kim Jong Un is the Oddjob to Putin’s Goldfinger, it turns out that Vlad has the power to kill a whole lot of us! That’s not a good thing, sir. So you might be asking why this? Why is Putin touting that he has the power to kill us all? Well there’s a lot of different answers one could get.

Russian president Vladimir Putin’s surprise dissertation on Russia’s new strategic weaponry, attached to Thursday’s state of the nation address, mixed some well-known technological advances with a few genuine revelations. But the technical specifics are perhaps less important than the message Putin sent to the US: The cost of a conventional war remains far too high.

Putin’s big point was that Russian nukes have myriad ways to penetrate US missile shields, and will have many more before too long. The nuclear-capable hardware the Russian leader advertised with computer-generated videos can be ranged from the well-known and combat-ready to the iffy.

The RS-28 Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile probably has the ability to bypass existing US anti-missile defence systems—if only because they aren’t dense enough. The Avangard hypersonic boost glide vehicle, known to experts as Object 4202, is designed to avoid shields by flying in the upper reaches of earth’s atmosphere at a supersonic speed. It can fly at Mach 20, “moving toward the target like a meteorite, a burning ball, a ball of fire,” Putin marvelled. Both are ready or near ready to deploy.

Yup – welcome to nuclear war 2.0, only this might be for real this time! But don’t go saying goodbye to your loved ones just yet. Before you go, at least you can get your picture taken with a 40 foot Vlad cut out and an AR-15! It’s white nationalist selfie day in Russia!

The upcoming elections in Russia might be as one-sided as an Olympic race between dopers and non-dopers, but that doesn’t mean Russians aren’t still seeing lots of PR for their current (and future) President.

The latest unusual Putin promotion comes in the form of a giant augmented reality hologram, visible in the city of Tyumen to those who download a special app on their smartphone.

This means those visiting the Olympic Training Center in Tyumen are able to catch a quick selfie with the former KGB officer, whose 3D hologram is dressed in judo getup. Putin, of course, takes pride in his physical fitness, and has even published a book on judo called—perhaps surprisingly—Judo with Vladimir Putin.

The hologram, which in some images appears as tall as 40 feet, has caused a buzz on social media, though some have reportedly been less than impressed with the stunt.

Most bookmakers and political commentators think it virtually impossible that Putin could lose the upcoming election, with one betting agency offering odds as short as -50000.00 for a Putin win.

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[font size="8"]United Airlines
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Another side effect of the Trump tax breaks is that it has given mega corporations free reign to do some of the most evil shit to their employees imaginable. United Airlines is one such evil entity that attempted to do this and well, it was a colossal failure. Look, we get it – we travel. Everyone travels. And for people who work for the airlines, who have to put up with our shit, we salute you. And in this day and age of extreme and increasing income inequality… just… how… who… what… where… I can’t even… WTF!!!

United Airlines President Scott Kirby sent shock waves through the employee ranks at the Chicago-based airline today.

Kirby issued an employee memo in which he announced that the Chicago-based airline is dropping the quarterly performance bonuses the carrier had been giving out to all employees qualified to receive them.

Kirby said in the memo, obtained by the Chicago Business Journal, that the bonus payouts are being replaced with a new program called "core4 Score Rewards," which Kirby said would include quarterly prizes like cash ranging from $2,000 to $40,000, luxury cars, vacation packages, and a grand of prize of $100,000 awarded to one eligible employee per quarter.

Kirby went on to say that each quarter that United reaches at least one of the performance goals outlined in the memo, there will be a drawing for the prizes listed in the memo.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You know what this reminds me of? This reminds me of Christmas Vacation where Clark goes apeshit after his boss replaces his bonus check with a subscription to the Jelly Of The Month club. Only this is much worse. Can you imagine being the person who wins that $100,000 and everyone else hates you for it? Yeah I wouldn’t want to be that person either! But wait there’s more! Apparently they got enrolled in a “rewards program”.

United Airlines (UAL) on Monday said it was "pressing the pause button" on a lottery-like program that was set to replace its quarterly bonus program, a move that angered many employees.

"Our intention was to introduce a better, more exciting program, but we misjudged how these changes would be received by many of you," President Scott Kirby said in a message to employees.

"So, we are pressing the pause button on these changes to review your feedback and consider the right way to move ahead," the message continued. "We will be reaching out to work groups across the company, and the changes we make will better reflect your feedback."

The conflict began out in the open last week, after the Chicago Business Journal reported that United was eliminating the performance bonuses eligible employees had been receiving each quarter and replacing them with a program called core4 Score Rewards.

And that is your friendly, relatable corporate asshole! Yeah we make jokes about marketing all the time on this program but replacing bonuses with a reward program for free gift cards that nobody wants is a stunning level of evil. At least they’ve heard your complaints. In fact the idea was so unpopular that navel lint has a higher approval rating!

The system would have replaced quarterly, performance-based bonuses and rewards for perfect attendance with a lottery-based system, where eligible employees would be entered into a drawing for a variety of prizes if the company hit one of its performance goals during a calendar quarter. It was unpopular among employees, who thought it had the potential to divide them instead of encouraging them to work toward a common goal.

"This is insulting and a poor idea, to put it mildly," one United pilot reportedly wrote on an internal employee website reviewed by Inc.

United introduced the new system on Friday in an email from president Scott Kirby to company employees. On Monday, Kirby said the company is "pressing the pause button" on the new bonus system in response to employee "feedback and concerns" in a follow-up email to employees the company provided to Business Insider.

Yes it’s the gift that keeps on giving all year around! If there’s one thing we’ve learned it’s that there’s no low corporations when it comes to how they treat their employees, and this could be one of the absolute lowest. But some good news though is at least they’re reconsidering the whole ordeal.

United Continental Holdings Inc. retreated from a plan to replace modest employee bonus payments with a chance for a lucky few to win luxury cars and six-figure cash prizes, following a backlash from the airline’s unions.

The company is “pressing the pause button” on any changes to the bonuses, President Scott Kirby said Monday in a message to employees, just three days after announcing the new approach. He pledged to solicit feedback from employee groups after staunch opposition to his plan to replace steady payouts with high-stakes drawings for prizes including $100,000 and Mercedes-Benz C-Class sedans.

“Our intention was to introduce a better, more exciting program, but we misjudged how these changes would be received by many of you,” Kirby wrote.

The dust-up over the bonus lottery showed that United is struggling to overcome a legacy of poor labor relations since its 2010 merger with Continental Airlines. Employees began expressing outrage on worker forums and complaining to union representatives shortly after the changes were announced March 2.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: The Unhappiest Place On Earth
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is: Top 10 Investigates.

Orange County, California is facing an unparalleled crisis not seen in its’ history before. You can see it when you get off Highway 55 or Highway 57 going toward Angels Stadium. Orange County is home to one of the world’s highest concentrations of homeless people. You might know these clusters as “tent cities”. While the mayor of Anaheim is figuring out what to do, we are going to take a look at one of the underlying root causes of the problem. The so-called “happiest place on earth”. Disneyland. Disneyland sees some 20 million+ visitors per year. But how happy are the people who are working for them?

Disneyland is famously promoted as the "happiest place on earth." But for many of the theme park's 30,000 employees, it isn't the happiest place to work. That's what we discovered after spending a year talking with Disneyland workers and conducting a survey of about 5,000 "cast members," as the company refers to its employees.

Since 2000, Disneyland's attendance (more than 27 million in 2016), daily ticket prices ($117 most days of the year for anyone over the age of 10) and revenues (more than $3 billion) have increased, but during that period, its employees' pay has dropped 15% in real dollars.

Our survey of food service workers, hair stylists, costumers, candy makers, security guards, custodians, hotel workers, retail workers, ticket takers, musicians, puppeteers, singers and dancers affiliated with 10 different unions revealed that 85% of Disneyland employees are paid less than $15 an hour. Even among full-time employees who have worked at Disneyland for more than 15 years, 54% are paid less than $15 an hour and 13% are paid less than $11 an hour.

Workers at the Anaheim resort are paid so little that more than 1 in 10 report being homeless at some point in the last two years, two-thirds say they don't have enough food to eat three meals a day and three-quarters say they can't afford basic expenses every month.

Yes, holy shit indeed. And how alarming is this news coming out of the so-called happiest place on earth? Well, it’s reaching new levels of insanity.

Only weeks after Walt Disney Co. reported better-than-expected profit, a survey at the company’s Anaheim theme parks found that 73 percent of employees questioned don’t earn enough to pay for such expenses as rent, food and gas.

The online survey, funded by labor groups pushing for higher wages for workers at Disneyland and California Adventure Park, also said that 11 percent of resort employees have been homeless or have not had a place of their own in the last two years.

“Disneyland employees report high instances of homelessness, food insecurity, ever-shifting work schedules, extra-long commutes, and low wages,” the study said.

Disney called the survey inaccurate, noting that it was only offered to union workers at the resort and claiming there were no controls preventing disgruntled employees from answering multiple times.

Of course Disney would call the survey “inaccurate”. It’s inaccurate. Or as our current president would call it simply “fake news”. After all, there’s precious corporate profits to be had! In fact Disney employees are paid so little that these are the kind of drastic measures they have to undertake.

“The Walt Disney Company promotes Disneyland Resort as the ‘happiest place on earth,’” the report asserts. “But for many of the approximately 30,000 people who work there, it is not the happiest place to work. Despite steep increases in the cost of housing and other necessities, Disneyland workers have suffered steady pay cuts and are struggling to make ends meet.”

Disney spokeswoman Suzi Brown declined to respond to the allegations of particular hardships detailed by the union members or to the report’s data on falling wages for both full-time and part-time employees.

She said, however, the average annual wage paid to full-time, hourly employees in 2017 was approximately $37,000. This includes union and non-union employees and the tips that some workers earn.

At the same time, she charged, “This inaccurate and unscientific survey was paid for by politically motivated labor unions and its results are deliberately distorted and do not reflect how the overwhelming majority of our 30,000 cast members feel about the company.

Yes, the CEOs get the trident, we get the fork. Makes a whole lot of sense. But in fact Disney employees are so worried about facing the growing threat of homelessness that these are the kinds of things that they must resort to.

Billie Taylor is in her fifth year working at Disneyland in California as a front-of-house employee at a restaurant called the Smokejumpers Grill. Warm and vivacious, she says she loves interacting with guests from around the world. “This is one of the best things that happened to me,” she said. “I was born to do this.”

She’s not as sunny when she talks about her life outside of work.

Earning $11.50 an hour, Taylor cannot afford anywhere to live in Orange County, where Disneyland is located, and is sleeping on friends’ couches. For a long time, Taylor thought she was the only person who struggled with homelessness and poverty on Disney wages, but a new study indicates otherwise.

Almost three-quarters of the 5,000 respondents to the survey, which was commissioned by 11 union organizations, said they do not earn enough money to cover basic expenses every month. And more than one in 10 reported having experienced homelessness in the past two years.

Yes, GTFO. GTFO indeed. This is absolute insanity. But we haven’t even got to the real shocker of this whole piece yet. Remember Trump’s plan to give out $1,000 bonuses to employees? Well this might shock you that they’re not paying. Well, we’re not shocked here anyway.

Unions representing about 35,000 Disney World workers say Disney is refusing to pay their members $1,000 tax cut bonuses.

Disney announced the $1,000 bonuses last month for 125,000 U.S. employees. The company said at that time that the bonuses would go to full and part-time employees, including those represented by unions “currently working under existing union contracts.”

But the union members at Disney World are in the midst of contract negotiations. They say rank-and-file workers in December voted 93% against Disney’s most recent offer of a 50-cent-an-hour raise over the next two years, coupled with a $200 signing bonus. Most unionized Disney World employees make less than $11 an hour, according to the union.

But that’s not the only thing hindering Disneyland employees. This might be one of the most egregious displays of corporate greed yet. But when you think of corporate greed, you think of extreme CEO salaries, and Disney’s boss might be one of the worst yet.

Robert Iger, the chief executive of Walt Disney Co., saw his total compensation decline 17% in the recently concluded fiscal year to $36.3 million, according to the company's latest proxy statement filed Friday to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

The drop from last year's $43.9 million was due in part to a smaller cash bonus to Iger that Disney said was the result of an "absence of growth" in the fiscal year.

Yes, more money more money more money. But only a paltry $36 million might be too little for a CEO when you consider this. In fact the ceremony was so controversial that students at a nearby school decided to get the fuck out as fast as possible – and that is saying something!

School officials in a rural area in the Pocono Mountains, in northeastern Pennsylvania, reportedly told elementary school parents that their children will be relocated for the day Wednesday to accommodate a nearby church planning a special wedding-like ceremony involving AR-15 semiautomatic rifles - similar to the weapons used in a Florida high school massacre exactly two weeks earlier.

The Wallenpaupack Area School District sent a letter to parents whose children attend the Wallenpaupack South Elementary School informing them that students will spend the day on a different school campus, reported WFMZ-TV news, which serves eastern Pennsylvania. The move was a safety precaution, WFMZ reported, although the church has told attendees - who church officials say are coming from around the world for the service - not to load the weapons.

The World Peace and Unification Sanctuary, also known as the Sanctuary Church, is led by the son of the late Rev. Sun Myung Moon, a self-professed messiah from Korea who became a symbol of the 1970s cult wars by holding mass weddings for couples who often were strangers. Moon, who founded the Unification Church, became a player in a segment of the American conservative world through business interests including the Washington Times, and his son Hyung Jin Moon has woven gun rights into the religious community he leads in Pennsylvania, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups and calls Hyung Jin Moon an "anti-LGBT cult leader."

But then you have this – and this might be one of the scariest facts about income inequality that you would ever want to know.

If that plan goes through and the company reaches its other major goals, Chief Executive Robert Iger will see his pay quadruple to $162.5 million a year. That would make his annual compensation equal to the total pay of 9,284 Disneyland workers.

There you have it – the CEO of Disney could be making as much as 10,000 Disney workers. There’s one root cause of the pay gap. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! Time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are also the most full of:

Now in a time of tragedy and national crisis, I ask you, my fair congregation, what can one do to turn to their loved ones for comfort? Some turn to thine food, others turn to their own vices, none of which the lord JAYSUS would approve of! But would one turn to thy vice for… something other than comfort? Thank you sir!

NEWFOUNDLAND, Pa. — Crown-wearing worshippers clutching AR-15 rifles drank holy wine and exchanged or renewed wedding vows in a commitment ceremony at a Pennsylvania church on Wednesday, prompting a nearby school to cancel classes.

With state police and a smattering of protesters standing watch outside the church, brides clad in white and grooms in dark suits brought dozens of unloaded AR-15s into World Peace and Unification Sanctuary for a religious event that doubled as an advertisement for the Second Amendment.

The church, which has a worldwide following, believes the AR-15 symbolizes the “rod of iron” in the book of Revelation, and encouraged couples to bring the weapons. An AR-15 was used in the Florida high school massacre on Feb. 14.

The Rev. Sean Moon, who leads the church, prayed for “a kingdom of peace police and peace militia where the citizens, through the right given to them by almighty God to keep and bear arms, will be able to protect one another and protect human flourishing.”

And I thought they were against marrying inanimate objects! But there is more method to the gun nutter’s madness. This ceremony was so scary that it was frightening nearby school children. You know – kind of like a moment in a comedy movie.

NEWFOUNDLAND, Pa. — An Eastern Pennsylvania school district says it’s canceling classes at an elementary school because a church down the street is hosting a ceremony featuring AR-15 rifles.

World Peace and Unification Sanctuary in Newfoundland, a suburb of Scranton, is encouraging couples to bring their AR-15 rifles to a “commitment ceremony” on Wednesday. The church believes the AR-15 symbolizes the “rod of iron” in the biblical book of Revelation.

The superintendent of the Wallenpaupack Area School District says “there is no direct threat.” But he wrote in a letter to parents that given concerns about parking, traffic and the “nature of the event,” students will be bused to schools about 15 miles away.

The church is a breakaway faction of the Unification Church, which has distanced itself from the event and says its ceremonies and theology do not involve weapons.

Yes – holy shit indeed good sir! For marrying inanimate objects is a SIN!!!! It is one of the most egregious of sins and it says so in the Good Book for I have read it cover to cover! Getting back to other religious wackiness, apparently those who support Trump “taketh thy Bible seriously”! Really?

Conservative radio host Dennis Prager told the National Religious Broadcasters Convention yesterday that President Trump has the support of “religious Jews” and “orthodox” Christians because those people “take the Bible seriously” and know that the important question to ask about a politician is not whether he is a “good” person but whether he is “good for America.”

Prager, who during the 2016 campaign compared the choice of Trump over Hillary Clinton to choosing to ally with Stalin rather than Hitler, told the audience about a recent column in which he had written that criticisms from evangelicals about evangelical support for Trump “are not biblical, moral or wise.”

“There is a reason that most religious Jews, that is, Orthodox Jews, and most orthodox–small-o–Christians support the president,” Prager told the convention. “It is not because they are fans of his tweets or his past behavior or the sexual conduct that he is charged with. It is because they take the Bible seriously. That’s the irony. The more religious the Christian, the more wisdom he gets and the more orthodox the Jew, the more wisdom he gets from the Bible.”

Prager told the story of how God raised up King David, who “makes Donald Trump look like Mother Teresa.”

No you don’t. I know this, Brother Denis, because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND ONE OF THE MOST EGREGIOUS OF SINS!!! And only your repentance can be saved by the LAWRD and reading the Good Book, it even says so. Unlike many of you hypocrites, I can name the passage where it even says so that lying is a sin, and I suggest you read it too! But woe beith the most persecuted of Christians for they believe some crazy shit!

Mike Cernovich, a self-described “New Right” pundit who gained notoriety for peddling a variety of conspiracy theories such as “Pizzagate,” warned Christians that the effort by social media websites to crack down on conspiracy theories and extremist rhetoric was not actually aimed at people like himself, but rather at people who declare their Christian faith.

In a live stream video aired this afternoon, Cernovich brought up reports that Facebook had threatened to suspend a Christian satire site after fact-checking nonprofit Snopes flagged its article claiming that CNN purchased an industrial washing machine to “spin” the news. Facebook apologized for the error, but Cernovich used the event to tell listeners that social media companies want to “destroy” Christian ways of life.

“Don’t defend me. I don’t need you to defend me. Here’s what I need you to say: ‘Facebook and Snopes, they hate Christians. If you let them get rid of Cernovich, we are next.’ And that’s the truth. It’s proven now,” Cernovich said. “So rather than let people drag you into the weeds about Cernovich and this and that, just say, ‘They are only going after Cernovich because the real target is Christians like us.’”

Yes, I can’t believe someone could be that stupid! Oh wait, yes I can. These are the same people who gave us Pizzagate and Seth Rich – both inherent LIES!!!! And we all know what the Good Book sayeth about lying! But apparently those who opposeth Trump will not see the light of Heaven, and we all know that is a flat out lie!!

Paul McGuire and Troy Anderson, authors of the book, “Trumpocalypse: The End-Times President, a Battle Against the Globalist Elite, and the Countdown to Armageddon,” appeared on the podcast hosted by radical right-wing commentator and crackpot conspiracy theorist Sheila Zilinsky yesterday, where McGuire warned that Christians who don’t support President Trump will not get into heaven due to their cowardice.

“We strongly believe that God has a plan for America in the Last Days,” McGuire said. “We believe that Trump won miraculously. He took on the invisible government that controls America and they didn’t expect it and he won. And ever since he won, and even before he won, he has been attacked 24/7 like no other president in American history, basically he has been attacked like no other world leader in human history.”

McGuire said that it is “obvious to people that are in the highest levels of witchcraft or Luciferianism and the deep state [and] it’s obvious to the occult globalist elite” that Trump represents a dire “threat to their plan for a global government and a global economy and a new world order,” which is why “all hell is targeted against him.”

“I’m kind of perplexed how Christians can’t get it,” he added. “If everyone who, in many cases, openly hate the Gospel, openly hate Christ, if they’re all in alliance to tear down a man … [who is] a spiritual threat to the Kingdom of Darkness, what’s the problem with God’s people in not recognizing that God is using Donald Trump?”

If your GAWD is using Trump now to do “his work”, I would certainly hate to see what the devil’s work would look like! Thank you! That is it for this week, I hope this sermon has been enlightening for you, this has been:

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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So this has been a rough week for the GOP. The NRA had its’ worst week ever. Trump had his worst week ever. And now Alex Jones might be having his worst week ever. Alex and his cronies Cernovich and Posobiec might be getting nuttier and nuttier. Of course they project their nuttiness on us because that’s what good conspiracy theorists do! So Alex made some insane claims that Infowars has caught “over 30 pedophiles”. Here we go again with their pedophilia obsession!

In a desperate fundraising pitch, Infowars host Alex Jones claimed that the forces behind YouTube’s recent efforts to remove conspiracy theories and extremist content from its website had targeted Infowars because Jones had taken down “over 30” pedophiles.

Today, the Infowars staff launched a 34-hour special edition fundraising broadcast in reaction to the fact that their daily broadcast is one community guideline strike away from being banned from YouTube. Infowars Washington bureau chief Jerome Corsi, who has spent the last couple of months of his life trying to decode cryptic messages he believes a Trump administration official is posting to an 8Chan forum board and accusing people of being pedophiles, just had his account terminated this afternoon.

Jones said that he has never borrowed money to spend on Infowars, but that today he would “call some of the folks that have offered a lot of money” and tell them that “this is about all of us” and that he needed “a lot of money.”

He said he would tell those donors, “I need you to understand. Unless you want to evacuate the U.S., I need everything you can give us. You can come and see what we’re doing with the money. I want to get aggressive.”

Quick! To the pedo mobile!

I can’t make that joke enough! Because it’s really getting harder and harder to take these clowns seriously with their pedophilia obsession. As I’ve said it’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a satanic pedophile. So Alex now is taking things grassroots! Because if there’s one thing the “globalist elite” are afraid of, it’s a little grassroots action!

Alex Jones, the lead host of the conspiracy theory outlet Infowars, announced Friday that he had tapped self-declared “New Right” leader Mike Cernovich to organize a grassroots protest against Google and other social media companies at this year’s South by Southwest conference in Jones’ home city of Austin.

Infowars and Google have continued to publicly duel over YouTube’s community guidelines and what right-wing media personalities claim is inconsistent enforcement of those guidelines by site moderators. Jones spent nearly all of last week criticizing YouTube for placing community guideline strikes on his videos accusing the Parkland high school shooting survivors calling for tougher gun laws of being “crisis actors,” which placed his channel one strike away from a permanent suspension. Jones argued that Infowars should get to keep its access to the millions of viewers it has gathered on YouTube. At one point while defending his account, Jones made the bizarre claim that he has successfully taken out “over 30” pedophiles.


This time around, Jones and Cernovich say they’re keeping plans for a protest against Google at South by Southwest under wraps. Jones said Cernovich “wants to coordinate this behind the scenes so that they don’t know when we’re coming, when you’re coming.”

“Watch this channel when the South by Southwest is going on for what we are going to do. It’s going to be legal and lawful, but they are so scared of us physically showing up because they only want cyber control,” Jones said. “They’re totally afraid of grassroots.”

Damn straight! And this isn’t the nuttiest thing that the Infowars cabal has done this week. So Alex Jones is desperate and he’s hanging onto that desperation especially after the advertisers decided to jump ship.

A new group of companies suspended some of their YouTube advertising after finding out that ads were appearing over conspiracy theory videos peddled by radio show host Alex Jones on various InfoWars-related YouTube channels. According to a CNN report, companies including Nike, Expedia, Paramount Network, Wix, ClassPass, the Mormon Church, and the NRA have suspended ads on InfoWars channels after being made aware by CNN that their ads were running over conspiracy theory videos. Many of the companies involved claim that they had no idea their ads were running over InfoWars content, and many say they used YouTube's advertiser tools in the hope of keeping their ads off such content.

YouTube launched its relatively new advertiser tools nearly a year ago after the first big ad-pocalypse took the online video website by storm. In a situation much like this, companies began pulling advertisements from YouTube after finding out they were appearing over extremist videos. YouTube's tools are designed to give advertisers more control over the types of content over which they want their ads to run, filtering out potentially inappropriate content and content that doesn't align with a company's values.

CNN's report claims that Nike and other companies opted in to a "sensitive subject exclusion" filter, which presumably disallows ads over content that falls into these categories: "Tragedy and Conflict;" "Sensitive Social Issues;" "Sexually Suggestive Content;" "Sensational & Shocking;" and "Profanity & Rough Language."

Yeah probably. So Infowars is on thin ice and it might fall through if Alex, Mike, and Jack, AKA the Douchebag Pep Boys, cause one more slip up. And given their craziness, they just might! Even the people who Alex has fired are starting to fight back! We all know Alex is a dick, but I didn’t imagine this!

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has discriminated against his staff, laughed along with racist and anti-Semitic slurs against former employees and even groped one female worker, bombshell documents allege.

The controversial Infowars owner joked with staff who called Rob Jacobson 'The Jewish Individual', 'The Resident Jew' and shouted 'Yacobson' across the office, it's claimed.

Jones allegedly continually bullied, ridiculed and humiliated Jacobson - who worked for Jones' company Infowars for 13 years - before firing him last May.

Jacobson is in the process of suing Jones for discrimination, harassment and unfair dismissal and his lawyers have submitted a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

A second former employee has claimed she suffered 'harassment and discrimination' at the hands of Jones and other senior managers at Infowars based on her race.

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[font size="8"]Ben Carson
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So just as we are about to get into our Stupidest State contest, a little reminder that one of the conferences in the NFFSA is the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference – and there is some extreme government misspending and most of it is coming from the Trump administration. I mean what happens when you need some furniture and you need to go shopping at Government Ikea?

Let's say you're a Trump administration official with old dining room furniture in your Washington, D.C. executive suite. What do you do?

In the case of Ben Carson, the presidential cabinet secretary who heads the Department of Housing and Urban Development, his staff declared the circa 1967 dining set was beyond repair and spent $31,561 on a custom hardwood table, chairs, and a hutch to replace it.

A federal law limits spending for redecorating or refurbishing to $5,000 unless Congress approves more. However, whistleblower complaints filed by Helen Foster, a high-ranking HUD civil servant, allege that a top official repeatedly told Foster to "find money," for the purchase.”

Foster's complaints charge that Carson's wife, Candy, wanted to help redecorate the office suite. Foster was demoted in reprisal after she raised questions about the work and other HUD spending, the complaints allege.

Dude, he could seriously purchase that same set of furniture from Ikea for $500. Of course shopping at Ikea you’ll most likely wind up fighting with the person you came with, eat Swedish meatballs, and then leave in a much angrier mood than when you came in. I just wanted an upright trophy cabinet!!! Why do you have to go there!!! But really? Furniture prices is what we’re dealing with here?

Washington (CNN)Senior White House aides are furious about a series of negative stories about frivolous spending at the Department of Housing and Urban Development and have taken a more hands-on role in trying to stem the tide of negative news, sources with knowledge of the situation tell CNN.

The decision to assert more control comes a day after reports that the former chief administrative officer at HUD filed a complaint saying she demoted after refusing to spend more than was legally allowed to redecorate Secretary Ben Carson's new office.
The former staffer, Helen Foster, said she was told to "find money" beyond the legal $5,000 limit for redecorating. In one instance, she says a supervisor said that "$5,000 will not even buy a decent chair."

HUD also spent $31,000 last year to replace a dining room set in Carson's office, according to federal records and a whistleblower. A department official said that the dining set in the secretary's dining room at HUD headquarters was replaced because it was in a state of disrepair.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Well it could be worse – we could have an inexperienced dolt as the head of a government agency he is grossly unqualified for!

WASHINGTON — Before Ben Carson accepted President Trump’s offer to become secretary of housing and urban development, a friend implored him to turn down the job to preserve the reputation he had earned as a brilliant neurosurgeon and lost, in part, as a politician.

The confidant, Logan Delany Jr., who was the treasurer of Mr. Carson’s 2016 presidential campaign, described HUD as a “swamp” of “corruption.” He predicted in an email that Mr. Carson’s “lack of a background in housing” would make him prey to the department’s career staff and political appointees, as well as predatory lobbyists.

To drive home the point, Mr. Delany appended a link to an obituary of Samuel R. Pierce Jr., the Reagan-era HUD secretary whose reputation as a trailblazing black corporate lawyer was tarnished by accusations that he steered contracts to Republican cronies.

Mr. Delany’s most dire prediction has not materialized. But many of the other problems outlined in the memo have come to pass during Mr. Carson’s first year running a sprawling $47 billion-a-year community development bureaucracy that provides rental subsidies for about five million families and oversees people living in 1.2 million units of public housing. And Mr. Carson’s own lapses in judgment — combined with the questionable behavior of his family and his reluctance to aggressively engage Mr. Trump — have left him at the margins of the cabinet.

Uh……….. governmenting is hard people!!! At least that’s the take away we’re getting from the Trump administration! I mean they can’t even go to Ikea and buy a chair for $200? Don’t get me started there, I know!!!! Argh, fuck Ikea!!!! Why must you drag me into fights with my lady??? But in case you’re wondering the kind of swag $31,000 can buy, check this shit out!

Pictures of the insanely expensive, mahogany furniture that has Department of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson in hot water have emerged online, as CNN gave taxpayers the chance to see how well their $31,000 furnishes an office.

The custom table and pedestals racked up $4,000, the sideboard cost $13,579, the breakfront was priced at roughly $7,000, and the 10 chairs put an over $10,000 dent in the department’s wallet. All of the furniture, which can be seen below, was purchased for use in Carson’s office space and will arrive in May 2018:

When speaking to CNN, Evelyn Sebree — the owner of HUD’s Maryland furniture store of choice, Sebree and Associates — described the buyers by saying they wanted a “really large table.”

“They said they were looking for dining furniture for the secretary’s office because a new secretary was coming in and the current furniture was old and it was raggedy,” said Sebree — who continued by denying any personal connection to Carson. “I have never met them. Never ever ever.”


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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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It’s time for:


And man I need a drink this week – there’s been lots and lots of insanity. So tell me bartender, what’s a drink that goes well with a women-oriented booze marketing campaign? Jane Walker? Sure, I’ll try some, and give me one of those giant ice cubes in the center. Hmm… that’s good shit. So Johnny Walker is trying some new tactics and going after a new demographic.

Johnnie Walker Black Label just got a little bit more feminine.

The whisky maker is putting a woman in its logo for the first time ever — a new Jane Walker edition that will be on sale for a limited time. The image of a top-hatted and tuxedo man is transformed into a shapely, long-haired woman in the same dashing outfit.

The special-edition whisky will be sold starting in March to coincide with Women's History Month and International Women's Day celebrations, according to the company. The suggested retail price is $34 for a 750-milliliter bottle.

The temporary change to the "striding man" logo is an attempt to market the drink to women.

Well, I will have to admit that Jane Walker is pretty hot! But there’s other great news in the world of alcohol, especially if you live in Indiana! You will be able to drink booze for the first time on Sunday – as it was originally intended!

John Trelo remembers how big a drag buying booze in Indiana was on a Sunday before he moved to Florida 30 years ago.

It was the same deal each time: You'd have to get up and be out the door well before noon to make the haul down Ridge Road just over the border to Santori's in Lansing, Ill. There, three or four cashiers would be ready to take the money of resigned Indiana people who just wanted a beer with their potato chips during the game.

Sunday at noon, that dark era ended for Hoosiers. After decades of back-and-forth among legislators and lobbyists, Senate Bill 1 and House Bill 1051 repealed on Wednesday the state's Prohibition-era ban on Sunday alcohol sales — save for cold beer — at liquor, grocery, drug and convenience stores.

Many liquor stores threw open their doors to customers for the first time since the 1920s, and customers like Trelo, in town to visit his parents in Highland, rejoiced. He carried his six-pack of Estrela Jalisco beer to the counter of Premier Liqours II in Highland with a sense of bemusement.

"Thirty years ago, it was the same," Trelo, of Ft. Lauderdale, said. "Sunday sales) are good for the state. It'll keep the money here."

Amen to that sir! Have a beer on a Sunday now just like the good lord intended. I mean how else are you supposed to enjoy Colts games? Hey o! And come on, what isn’t a good time for a drink? We do encourage that sort of thing here! And sir, do you think you could invest in our show?

Good week? Have a drink. Bad week? Have a drink.

That’s a rough summation of the thinking of Dan Ahrens, manager of AdvisorShares’ Vice ETF (ACT), which launched in December and focuses on alcohol, tobacco and cannabis-related companies.

“People are going to drink no matter what’s going on in the economy,” Ahrens said in a recent interview with Barron’s Next, and “no matter what’s going on in the market.”

The fund holds a range of alcohol stocks, including Constellation Brands (STZ), its second-biggest holding at about 6.1% as of Feb. 23, and Barron’s Next 50 stock Boston Beer (SAM), which made up roughly 4.4%. (More on the latter company below.)

• Right now, he believes the best opportunities are in smaller companies such as MGP Ingredients (MGPI), a distiller whose products are branded by other companies and that recently made up 5.5% of the fund’s holdings, and Craft Brew Alliance (BREW), a beer and cider company that was at 2.8%.

Yes, doing a lot of that definitely helps this guy! Now changing subjects again… man I’m getting drunk up in this piece! Whew! But there is some good news – tequila has some health benefits. So go ahead, have a shot of your favorite! Going back to Johnny Walker for a minute, I would prefer some from Jose Cuervo’s aunt Rosa Cuervo!

Tequila has received a bad reputation as a liquid hangover because regulations allow liquors made with only 51 percent agave to be called tequila.

Let’s first address the obvious: Tequila is not a “health” food. Drinking a frozen margarita is far from the nutritional equivalent of a banana-turmeric chai smoothie, but in relation to other liquors, tequila has some unique, beneficial attributes. To capture these benefits, only purchase tequila that is made from 100 percent agave. Under Mexican law, tequila may only be made from the blue Weber agave plant from the Tequila region of Jalisco. In the U.S., however, tequila has received a bad reputation as a liquid hangover because regulations allow liquors made with only 51 percent agave to be called tequila.

It’s a Low-Calorie Alcohol

Though the liquid calories in many types of liquor are detrimental to weight-loss diets, tequila is different. Tequila is made up of agavins, a certain type of indigestible sugars that move through the body unused. The more complex molecular structure of agavins prevents them from spiking blood sugar. These molecules have also been found to simulate metabolism and to help burn fat.

Click here to see how tequila can help you lose weight.

It's a Probiotic

Put down that bottle of kombucha and break out the shot glasses. The agave that tequila is derived from contains fructans, a short-chain polymer that supplies probiotics — beneficial bacteria found in the intestines. Thus, drinking a small amount of tequila may benefit digestive health, but be careful not to overdo it; too much tequila has the opposite effect on the body.

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Selection Sunday
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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Ladies and gentlemen it’s time to commence the 2nd annual Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State Contest! And we have a lot of newcomers and old favorites this time around. And we’re going to change up the format a bit to please our overlords in the National For Fuck’s Sake Association. As you all know the winner will get the coveted DeLay trophy – named after former Texas coach Tom DeLay who took the team to an unprecedented 6 titles during the George Bush years:

[font size="6"]Statement From The Commissioner [/font]

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! As the commissioner of the NFFSA, it is my honor and privilege to be the host of this year’s Stupidest State tournament! Let the games commence! All four conferences are here and ready to tangle. We have all four corners of conservatism represented – god, guns, greed, and overall batshit insanity! So this time around we’re going to do things a bit differently. Since our season ends on May 23rd, we need to speed things up a bit from last time. The league, as usual is split into two factions – the Layover League and the Flyover League. And each league will crown its’ champion before they face off in the final round. The rules before state that each conference will get four teams, which will be ranked #1 - #4. And just like how March Madness kicks off every year with a “Selection Sunday”, this year we shall kick things off with the same! The tournament will start on Wednesday, March 21st – which is around the same time March Madness starts. The rules this time around – the first round will feature two matches, while the second round will consist of one match each. Both rounds of the Final Four will take place in the same week, and then the championship. Since we do encourage gambling here, we will be providing you with betting odds this time around! And here we go!

[font size="6"]The Batshit Conference [/font]

Since 1890, the Batshit Conference is the largest conference in the NFFSA and it consists of 16 teams producing the finest guano that the country has to offer. They are the craziest of the crazy. The cream of the crop. The states that elect the worst politicians imaginable, who cook up the craziest laws known to man. The Batshit Conference caters to excellence in crazy lawmaking, and residents as equally crazy as the people who they elect. Places ruled by rural communities where there’s nothing to do but hardcore drugs, and with hardcore drugs comes hardcore craziness!

1. Iowa – the state that defined “Flyover country”. Iowa just barely missed the tournament last year due to some injuries. But this year they recruited lots of hot young talent and they are poised to go very far. Some say they could win the whole thing. Their policies have been called some of the country’s worst. The elected an actual racist and America’s worst Congressman – Steve King. They are also the home of Charles Grassley. They continually favor big business over the worker. They continue to fight for big farms over the smaller ones. They continually suppress education. Will they win? We shall see!
Smoking Gun: Iowa has Steve King and Charles Grassley. and a state rep who wanted to dismantle colleges for being too liberal.
Betting Prediction: Iowa didn’t win that number one seed for nothing – they had the best record in the whole league during the regular season - they will be shocking and surprising you with how good their team is! 2:1.

2. Kentucky – The Bluegrass State is one of the hottest teams in the league. The state that was the first that voted for @realDonladTrump, also gave us Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul, Matt Bevin, and NFFSA Rookie Of The Year Kim Davis has shown absolutely no signs of slowing down when it comes to flinging some fresh batshit. They got a massive upgrade this year and they take the number 2 seed in the Batshit Conference. When you combine out of control college freshmen, some of the most insane politicians, and hardcore religious insanity, you get one of the best programs in the Batshit tournament, and they had the second best record during the regular season.
Smoking Gun: Kim Davis is about to lose her job to a guy she once denied a marriage license to.
Betting Prediction: Kentucky can go head to head against any team they face, and they were ridiculously strong last year. They handily beat Pennsylvania for a seat in the tournament. They are looking to go far. 5:1.

3. Virginia – Another newcomer to the tournament. The Commonwealth State - adjacent to our nation’s capital has been a hot bed of white supremacy, redneck policies, and gun nut culture – creating a toxic mix that is sure to please longtime fans and newcomers to the Batshit Conference. Another first timer who if they can keep healthy, will promise to go very far in this tournament.
Smoking Gun: Racists and white supremacists united in last year's ugly Charlottesville debacle, and they're already planning another one!
Betting Prediction: They have the drive and ambition to go very far but injuries plagued them during the regular season. 20:1.

4. Texas – Last year’s champion promises to repeat this year. They are tanned, rested, ready, and looking to do some damage as they climb their way to the top while producing some fresh guano not seen since the early days of the tournament. While a shell of their former selves as they produced that string of greatness during the Bush years, Texas squeezed out a win last year and they’re looking to repeat. Their coach has stated that they will be healthy, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing.
Smoking Gun: Lt. Governor Dan Patrick has been called one of the craziest politicians in America - and not just by us!
Betting Prediction: Texas isn’t the odds on favorite it was last year. If they do win the conference and advance to the Final Four, it’s going to be a very long uphill battle for them. 10:1.

[font size="6"]The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference [/font]

Excessive greed here is the name of the game in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. This is the second largest conference in the NFFSA consisting of 13 states. While the rule of the game here is “never underestimate the other guy’s greed”, these guys are doing just that! Six houses? Why not? The other guy has 8! 40 cars? The other guy has 50! You have a 500 foot yacht? The other guy has a 600 foot yacht! You got Aerosmith to play a private concert for your wife's birthday party? They got Kanye West to play theirs! You have a Rembrandt? The other guy has a Picasso! And you never mix the two, that’s just bad feng shui. Since 1952, nearly all of the teams here are sponsored by Koch Industries. And coincidentally nearly all of them subscribe to Fox Business Channel where they always take the CEO’s side. While you’re watching your bank account grow by peanuts, these guys have taken the whole damn peanut farm! They’re Scrooge McDuck, Ritchie Rich, Carter Pewterschmitt, and Mr. Burns rolled into one.

1. Kansas – The reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference is the home to one of the country’s worst governors – Sam Brownback. It’s also home to some of the country’s worst education policies and the home of the Westboro Baptist Church. It’s also a Flyover League favorite. They’re the home of Koch Industries and the Heritage Foundation – who some might be calling “economic terrorists”. Who needs Al Qaeda when these guys can do more damage?
Smoking Gun: The Heritage Foundation has their own lobby that talks directly to Trump from within the White House.
Betting prediction: Kansas looks poised to repeat as conference champions, but it could actually be a toss up this year since the competition in this league is one of the most competitive. 10:1.

2. West Virginia – Coal mining country is always a hotbed for conservative insanity. Especially in an era where anti-environment coal industry CEOs are touting “clean coal” as if it’s a thing that it exists. It doesn’t. As this has been evidenced by the batshit crazy CEOs who run America’s coal mining operations and their never ending love for anti-worker conservative policies. And this is the first time they have appeared in this tournament – they recruited a lot of hot young talent, and they promise that they will go all the way!
Smoking Gun: Massey Energy CEO Bob Massey attempted to sue John Oliver for defamation and lost! Can't wait to hear Oliver's rebuttal!
Betting Prediction: Strong favorite to finish far, could be a huge upset if they knock off a favorite to win the first round. 5:1.

3. Wisconsin – Wisconsin is getting a huge upgrade this year. Yes, the home of Miller Brewing, the Milwaukee Brewers, the Green Bay Packers, and governor Scott Walker - the state that gave us House Speaker and Bro Magazine’s Bro Of The Year Paul Ryan is poised to have nearly all of its’ seats up for grabs in this year’s tournament which means that it literally could be anyone’s game and we will see the greed and big money fly during this election year of ours. They can go very far in this tournament.
Smoking Gun: Wisconsin is so hurting to rebuild their economy that they're courting Foxconn to build a factory there, and we all know how Foxconn is a snake oil salesman.
Betting Prediction: Wisconsin bowed out in the first round last year and that made them angry to the point where they completely overhauled their team. 2:1.

4. Nevada – Nevada just barely missed the tournament due to injuries last year but this year they are coming back strong. And come on, how can you have a discussion on greed without having a discussion on gambling? Because the two often go hand in hand. And our president is also associated with the gambling industry. Can the gaming industry go far in this tournament? Only time will tell. The odds have them pegged as the biggest underdogs in this tournament, and we all love a good underdog story!
Smoking Gun: Casino owner Steve Wynn, who wants to be Donald Trump's BFF, got busted for a sexual harassment and employee abuse scandal bigger than Harvey Weinstein's.
Betting Prediction: This is a strong conference, and the gambling industry is about as corrupt as you can expect, and they spent like ballers during the off season last year. 10:1.

[font size="6"]The Family Values Conference [/font]

What do you get when you mix toxic religious values with anti-progressive family legislation? You get the Family Values Conference! The Family Values Conference is the smallest conference in the league consisting of 9 (NEIN!!) teams, but they have the richest history. Family values hypocrisy is something that’s as old as the United States itself. While you’re on your 5th divorce and wondering which of your ex wives gets your alimony check this week, that poor gay or lesbian couple who lives next door is only wondering what life would be like when they get married, while transgendered people are denied bathroom privileges. Meanwhile corrupt pastors get away with the kinkiest sex imaginable and soliciting prostitutes.The Family Values Conference: Priding themselves on religious hypocrisy since 1789!

1. Indiana – This is Indiana’s first return to the tournament in many years. Last time they got trounced by Alabama who went on to win their first title. And Indiana is back and they’re looking for revenge. The Hoosier State is responsible for one of the single dumbest controversies in the country – gay wedding cakes, and with that controversy reaching SCOTUS, expect the insanity to fly like a triple double!
Smoking Gun: Mike Pence is from Indiana. 'Nuff said.
Betting Prediction: Indiana is a hot young team and they’ve recruited a lot of young talent, and they have a very talented staff. Expect them to go far. 2:1.

2. Alabama – Last year’s conference champion and the reigning king of the Family Values Conference suffered a bit of a setback and almost didn’t make the tournament this year but they are rested and they are ready. Of course we saw a lot of Alabama last year with the insanity surrounding Roy Moore’s campaign which saw him defeated by Doug Jones. But they also have another evil that they refuse to let go of – gay conversion therapy!
Smoking Gun: Trump called the guy who convicted KKK members "soft on crime". Just to you know, stroke the racists.
Betting prediction: Last year’s insane campaign of Roy Moore left them exhausted and they just barely made the tournament. If they do get out of the first round it will be interesting to watch. 20:1.

3. Utah – The Mormons are making their first ever appearance in our Stupidest State tournament, and they have the guts to go very far. It’s one of the hardest states to get liquor in but is the home of some of the best skiing in the country. Of course it’s outer beauty hides its’ inner ugly – the Mormon church is the dominant religion in the state and has produced some of the country’s most insane family values laws.
Smoking Gun: The Mormon Church says that it's taken "baby steps" to tread the waters toward gender equality.
Betting Prediction: Utah’s first time in the tournament means that they will be fighting for supremacy in this division but if they can make it they will be Final Four contenders! 10:1.

4. Missouri - Another conference change, Missouri used to be the home of the gun nuts with the Furgeson police shooting and the riots that have taken place there. But there's an even darker, seedier underbelly to the Show Me State - they are one of the worst "family values" states in the entire country! Missouri beat Ohio in a one game playoff and just barely made the tournament, but they are looking to do some damage!
Smoking Gun: Missouri's controversial child bride laws have made the state the go-to destination for under 15 weddings!
Betting Prediction: Missouri is a wild card in this horse race but since the conference change, they are looking to do some serious damage here. Expect them to go far. 2:1.

[font size="6"]The Gun Nut Conference [/font]

Shoot first and ask questions later. That’s the name of the game in this conference. It’s also the most effective means of communication in these states.It’s the conference where you too can take your AK-47 out on a dinner date to Chipotle, and nobody will seem to care. In fact they too might have their own AK. It’s the conference where the only thing that matters is your precious firearm. Hardcore racism and extreme gun nuttery usually go hand in hand in this conference. We’re not saying all gun nuts are hardcore racists, but all hardcore racists are gun nuts. It’s the conference where debating between concealed carry and open carry can be considered a contact sport. And you can ask your fellow gun lovers “Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?”. And getting shot means it’s usually God’s will.

1. Florida – Florida earns the number 1 seed in this conference. You might be asking “wait – wasn’t Florida a member of the Batshit Conference?”. Well I answer you – yes – but Florida was tired of losing and it has some of this country’s worst gun laws. It was also home to the Parkland School Shooting, and a legislature that almost literally threw these kids under the bus. They have the potential to make the final four this year.
Smoking Gun: After the Parkland shooting, the Florida House GOP voted to declare porn a health hazard, but did not even consider a ban on assault rifles.
Betting Prediction: After Florida Man’s humiliating stunt cost them the tournament last year, they’re angry and looking for redemption. But a repeat of last year wouldn’t be out of the question. 10:1.

2. Louisiana – The Bayou State is one of the worst states to live in if you don’t want to be associated with gun nuts. It’s the home of New Orleans, and if the creepy mascots of their NBA team the New Orleans Pelicans are any indication of what kind of people they elect, keep in mind that this is the state that gave us Bobby Jindal. They have the wit and gun nut insanity to outlast the tournament.
Smoking Gun: Louisiana has the highest concentration of school related threats in the country - so they have a lot of smoking guns!
Betting Prediction: Another tournament first timer, Loosiana has recruited a lot of hot young talent and their gun laws are often referred to as the country’s worst. Expect them to go far. 5:1

3. Montana – Last year’s #1 seat and Flyover League champion Montana is poised to make a huge splash in this year’s tournament. They went from underdogs to juggernauts in the league with a toxic mix of wannabe cowboys, white supremacist militia hate groups, and doomsday preppers. As we learned last year – Montana has the nation’s highest concentration of racist hate groups (after all, they are the home of Richard Spencer) as well as the highest concentration of gun manufacturers. And yes, Frank Zappa might be moving to Montana to start a dental floss farm, but if you live in fear of getting shot, this state might not be the state for you.
Smoking Gun: Montana's *SOLE* representative is journalist body slamming tough guy wannabe douchebag Greg Gianforte, if that's any indication of how violent they are.
Betting Prediction: Montana’s strong finish as league champions last year left them exhausted, but they could see a return to the top if healthy enough. 5:1.

4. Arizona – Last year’s conference champion got an extra upgrade when they kicked Sheriff Joe to the curb. But now he’s back and running for Senate! Yes, these guys never seem to go away but with the news of one of the worst sheriffs in the country and a guy who will look the other way if you take your AK on a dinner date is running for senate! Expect that the batshit and the bullets will fly as they work their way up to a comeback as conference champions!
Smoking Gun: Arizona has the highest concentration of freeway shootings in the country, and the guy who sold the Vegas shooter ammo bought his weapons in Arizona.
Betting Prediction: Arizona lost in a shoot out to Montana last year, but they went back to the drawing board and got a lot of hot young talent. Expect them to go far. 2:1.

[font size="6"]The Bracket [/font]

Here’s the bracket:

And here’s the schedule.

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

For the first round of the tournament – it’s a battle for the batshit as #1 Iowa takes on #2 Kentucky, while in the Flyover League, it’s a duel to the death as #3 Montana takes on #4 Arizona in a rematch of last year’s conference championship.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Weird Al Yankovic[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, the world’s greatest song parodist and satirist has graced us with his presence! His latest album is called “Mandatory Fun”. You can see him this summer everywhere on the “Ridiculously Self Indulgent, Ill-Advised Vanity Tour”. Playing his song called “First World Problems”, give it up for Weird Al Yankovic!

We are off next week, we’ll be back on Wednesday, March 21st with a brand new edition and the tip off of Stupidest State 2018!

See you in two weeks!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, CA
Special Thanks To: Flappers Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Stupidest State Tournament Selection Sunday Hosting: Microsoft Theater, Los Angeles, CA
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Weird Al Appears Courtesy Of: Island Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

A Complete Timeline Of Martin Shkreli's Feud With The Wu Tang Clan

A Brooklyn federal judge ordered pharmaceutical executive Martin Shkreli on Monday (Mar. 5) to give up $7.36 million worth of assets after getting convicted of securities fraud. The sentence comes just a few months after his arrest.

The “Pharma-bro” became famous—or infamous for that matter—when his firm Turing Pharmaceuticals of New York skyrocketed the price of AIDs-fighting Daraprim from $13.50 per pill to $750.

Potentially the most devastating of these assets Shkreli will forfeit is the sole copy of Wu Tang Clan’s Once Upon a Time in Shaolin album he bought for $2 million in 2015. After the purchase, he became hated among Wu Tang fans, teasing the release of the album. Plenty of drama occurred from the purchase to the forfeiture, and reading about it would take ages. Billboard has you covered. Here’s a timeline of Shkreli’s ownership of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.


November 2016 – Shkreli promises to release the album if Donald Trump becomes President

The day after Trump was elected, the executive released a series of videos, featuring him with parts of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin playing in the background. According to Pitchfork, Shkreli decided to negotiate with Wu Tang Clan on releasing the rest of the album, since he didn’t expect the Republican candidate to actually win.


September 1, 2017 – The pharmaceutical wanted to sell the album

After taunting fans for nearly two years with teases and snippets of the unreleased record, Shkreli listed the project on eBay. In the description for the listing, he mentions Wu Tang member Ghostface Killah, who was seen on TMZ calling Shkreli a “s—thead” for raising the price of Daraprim. "I decided to purchase this album as a gift to the Wu-Tang Clan for their tremendous musical output. Instead I received scorn from at least one of their (least-intelligent) members, and the world at large failed to see my purpose of putting a serious value behind music,” he wrote. He also noted that half the proceeds would go to medical research.


September 15, 2017 – Wu Tang Clan associates reveal Once Upon a Time in Shaolin might not be an actual Clan album

Business publication Bloomberg spoke to several of the group’s affiliates, particularly Killa Sin. According to Sin, the record was originally meant for Moroccan producer Cilvaringz. “The way he presented it was it was going to be basically his album, and he wanted me to do some work for him.” Member U-God’s manager Domingo Neris agreed, saying, “It’s not an authorized Wu-Tang Clan album.


March 5, 2018 – It’s official, Shkreli must forfeit the record

The order by U.S. District Judge Kiyo Matsumoto comes just four days before the pharmaceutical will receive his sentence. In a letter he wrote to the judge, Shkreli showed a different, softer side of himself after having an attitude during the trial. “I was wrong. I was a fool. I should have known better.”

What a douche. Wu Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with!

Disneyland's CEO Makes As Much As His Entire Park's Combined Payroll

Disneyland is famously promoted as the "happiest place on earth." But for many of the theme park's 30,000 employees, it isn't the happiest place to work. That's what we discovered after spending a year talking with Disneyland workers and conducting a survey of about 5,000 "cast members," as the company refers to its employees.

Since 2000, Disneyland's attendance (more than 27 million in 2016), daily ticket prices ($117 most days of the year for anyone over the age of 10) and revenues (more than $3 billion) have increased, but during that period, its employees' pay has dropped 15% in real dollars.

Our survey of food service workers, hair stylists, costumers, candy makers, security guards, custodians, hotel workers, retail workers, ticket takers, musicians, puppeteers, singers and dancers affiliated with 10 different unions revealed that 85% of Disneyland employees are paid less than $15 an hour. Even among full-time employees who have worked at Disneyland for more than 15 years, 54% are paid less than $15 an hour and 13% are paid less than $11 an hour.

Workers at the Anaheim resort are paid so little that more than 1 in 10 report being homeless at some point in the last two years, two-thirds say they don't have enough food to eat three meals a day and three-quarters say they can't afford basic expenses every month.


If that plan goes through and the company reaches its other major goals, Chief Executive Robert Iger will see his pay quadruple to $162.5 million a year. That would make his annual compensation equal to the total pay of 9,284 Disneyland workers.

Holy fuck this is insane. This has got to change. One guy isn't worth what 9,000 employees are worth.
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