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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
August 29, 2020

If Trump's Campaign Were A Curb Your Enthusiasm Episode:

This episode would be called "Stairs And Ramps".

Scene 1: Trump goes to rally, tries to climb up ramp, needs assistance.

Scene 2: He goes to get sympathy from Suzie and Jeff, but Suzie winds up yelling at him:

Scene 3: Trump attempts to explain himself

Scene 4: Gets advice from Leon:

Scene 5: Trump goes in front of live audience, attempts to get public sympathy

Scene 6: Jeff gets really pissed off and annoyed at him:

Scene 7: Suzie yells at him further and tells him how much she hates him:

Final Scene: Trump is walking down a ramp, stumbles


Cue credits:

April 29, 2020

Donald J. Trump - the sitcom president.

The 45th president of the United States, Donald Trump, is a sitcom character. That's all he is. He's no different than your average Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin. Let's extrapolate on this for a minute.

He's a large, overweight, semi-balding oafish doofus who lacks reading comprehension beyond a 4th grade level. He spends all day, every day in front of the TV. He wears the same suit every day and is always trying to cover up the fact that he has very little to no hair. He only occasionally emerges from his TV induced stupor to indulge in all of his favorite vices. Which happen to be tweeting, golfing, fast food, and the occasional MAGA rally. And when he does that, he's almost certainly guaranteed to embarrass himself - both publicly and personally. When he does that, he usually walks away and lets someone else fix it.

Now let's look at the family aspect of this dynamic. He has a hot trophy wife who hates his guts and is somehow still inexplicably married to him despite all of his failures. He has a hot daughter who gets away with everything. He also has the daughter who he treats like garbage (think Lisa or Meg). He has a son who is mysteriously neither seen nor heard, much like a graduate of the revered Milford Academy from Arrested Development. He has two other sons who constantly get in trouble and embarrass themselves in their own ways.

Need more proof that he's a sitcom character? Look at his friends, or the people who he considers friends. There's Sean Hannity, the angry asshole and yes man who will always convince the leader that his schemes are a good idea. Or Mike Pence, the guy who thinks the schemes are a bad idea but goes along with them anyway. And then there's Rudy Giuliani and Roger Stone, the creepy next door neighbors. And their scheming collaborators Julian Assange, Jeannie Pirro, Laura Ingraham, Sebastian Gorka, and Steve Bannon. Who are people who the wife tells you should never, under any circumstances listen to, but you do anyways. And every time you do, you always get into trouble.

Trump is the character who's never had a steady job in his whole life and is constantly looking for the next get rich quick scheme and the easy way out when said get rich quick scheme fails. All of his ventures have been fails. He's the kind of guy who would buy his own slaughterhouse because he wasn't getting quality meat products. Or would start his own airline because he had bad service on a flight. Or would start his own vodka brand to get his own high quality cocktails because, reasons. And when those things fail, he moves onto the next wacky adventure.

Which brings us to our latest episode. People are dying from his latest fuck up. And he's attempting to weasel his way out of this by offering another get rich quick scheme. But it's not working and this won't be resolved in half an hour. This is sweeps week where the simple half hour will turn into a two or three part episode. He's attempted to weasel his way out of this by hawking something dangerous and unproven, which has backfired in his face big time.

Trump thinks he can weasel his way out of this and we'll be back to normal by next week's wacky adventure. But he can't weasel his way out of this one by hawking dangerous cures. This is one colossal fuck up that will last the whole season or not. It's not going to end with a lecture on the evils of modern society and a kiss from mommy. It will probably result in the end of this series. Which can't come soon enough. And he definitely won't be going out on a high note. It won't end the way he thinks it's going to end.

Even in the Simpsons Movie, Homer realized how bad his fuck up was, and how it was eventually going to cost the lives of everyone he thought he cared about, and set out to right the wrong that he wrought on society. Trump on the other hand, doesn't have that kind of integrity. He's leaving us to our own devices and we will all suffer from it. But onto next week's episode!

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